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And as scheduled, today was the day of the debut commemorative hi-touch event. Bunhong, who had taken a moment before going to his schedule, reviewed the internet broadcast he had done yesterday.
Especially when watching the part he did alone, it was so embarrassing that he seemed to have pressed the button to stop the video several times while watching. He did watch it to the end though.
‘……Saying that listening to songs makes your heart feel at peace. I even said something like that.’
When he was actually broadcasting, he hadn’t thought about anything, but checking it later, it seemed he had spoken honestly as if talking to a friend.
Bunhong had worn masks in most relationships so far. He had rarely shown his true self. The him that others knew had to always be a happy person.
Suppressing emotions bound him like a habit, sometimes like an obsession. To what extent? Even when listening to music in front of others, he consciously only played bright songs.
For such a Bunhong to be able to honestly share his playlist in front of an unspecified number of people yesterday, he thought it might have been because of the gift from his unchanging first fan.
The letter that said he was a fan and hoped good things would always fill his life. Thanks to that, he had learned. That he too was someone who could be loved this much by someone.
If that was really true, Bunhong wanted to try believing it once.
* * *
The hi-touch event was briefly conducted guerrilla-style in the basement of a building in Yeouido. As soon as BLACK’s members arrived at the location, they washed their hands and applied hand cream. It felt good to smell the fragrant scent rising from their wrists.
They had briefly stopped by a salon for nail care today, so Bunhong thought the preparations for meeting fans were complete.
The problem was his heart pounding inconsiderately in the midst of all this.
‘Still, I should show a professional side.’
If he stood close and his heartbeat sounded too loud to the other person, that would be embarrassing in its own way, so he just unraveled threads of pointless imagination to somehow lower his nervousness.
In the meantime, he could see people starting to gather one by one at the previously quiet location. Even though it was still earlier than the time announced on the online community, quite a number of people seemed to have already gathered.
All the members moved in unison according to the staff’s guidance.
“Singers, please wait over here.”
The name tags placed on the table were ‘Han Chayeon’, ‘Lucy’, ‘Jeong Ido’, ‘Duho’, and ‘Kim Bunhong’. After checking that, they sat in chairs in the predetermined order.
Bunhong, who sat at the very end, gulped nervously.
‘Of all things, I’m the very last.’
Then all of BLACK’s members greeted the people together out loud.
“Burn it up, hello. We’re the rookie group BLACK that debuted this time. Please take good care of us.”
The meaning of the English greeting was decided by the company before debut. It meant a state where everything was burned away leaving only ashes, and they said it was an attempt to express the meaning of the group name, black.
Bunhong thought while slightly shaking his head after finishing the greeting, feeling a bit embarrassed by the earlier-than-expected reveal, but fortunately most of the people gathered there showed favorable reactions to them.
“If you touch too severely, you’ll be stopped immediately, so please be careful!”
With the sound of applause and the security guard’s warning as he looked around, the hi-touch event began like that.
Meeting each person one by one, maybe because it was a hi-touch event, Bunhong thought the meetings passed by so briefly that it felt quite hectic.
‘It’s a bit disappointing……’
Someone carefully spoke to him.
“Bunhong. I missed you!”
Among people who all seemed to be meeting for the first time, only one person seemed somehow familiar, so Bunhong narrowed his eyes. Who was it? After briefly pondering, he clapped his hands and shouted.
“……Ah!”
It was the fancam photographer who had filmed him during his debut stage. Bunhong smiled and continued speaking.
“I really wanted to tell you thank you, and we’re meeting here. Nice to see you!”
Then, as if she noticed, she asked in bewilderment.
“Wow. Bunhong saw it too?”
“Yes. I watched the fancam. You filmed me so beautifully.”
“Yeah. But Bunhong is prettier in person.”
It was simply amazing to Bunhong that he already had a fan who filmed him with personal equipment. Before his regression, anonymity had always been only a fearful existence to him. Due to his terrible skills compared to the other BLACK members and stage fright that prevented him from even looking at cameras properly, the cold indifference that had followed him since debut,
Only after the discord rumors with member Lee Hanbit broke out did everyone pay attention to him. Only then did he receive attention for the first time in his life. Spotlight. Followed by a flood of malicious comments.
They drove Bunhong into an abyss and enjoyed pointing fingers and watching.
He thought it was perhaps a natural result. No matter who he asked, there were no particular objections. It was that much of a deserved punishment.
Kim Bunhong was a criminal. He was a villain who sowed discord among members of the same team, a traitor who toyed with fans who believed in him, and ultimately unforgivable trash to the public.
‘A devil. That’s a label that suits me perfectly.’
Throwing stones at a bad person was such a natural principle. He too, if he hadn’t been Kim Bunhong himself, would have hated that kid just like everyone else.
It was the same now. Since his regression, he could imitate anything quite plausibly, so outwardly he might look like sweet gangjeong, but he knew himself that the inside was empty.
‘If they looked into my inner self like this, they’d all shudder and run away. Who would stay by my side?’
Like this, while Bunhong was grateful to the fancam photographer who had diligently filmed him, on the other hand, he couldn’t shake off his uneasy feelings. Since she originally seemed to be a fan of senior singer OORA, he felt sorry as if he had unintentionally stolen her.
At the same time, he was also afraid.
‘If she finds out later that she was deceived by me, if she realizes that I’m actually nothing and not special, she’ll definitely hate me as much as she expected, right?’
Still,
Still.
Please, at least right now, in this moment, he wanted to be loved.
Bunhong, who had lowered his head, took the fancam photographer’s hand and muttered softly.
“Please don’t hate me even later. I’ll work hard. I’ll make an effort……”
He knew he wasn’t qualified. That having such earnestness that didn’t fit his station was selfish in itself. Bunhong also knew the facts, but still, he longed for light. Even more so because he had lived in darkness for too long.
He didn’t want to go down from this stage where he was still imitating the protagonist as a stand-in.
‘Can’t I be a little more greedy? At the end of this, whatever awaits, I’ll sweetly accept any punishment.’
Until this play ended, he hoped everyone would stay and be an audience watching him. That was Kim Bunhong’s only wish.
Then the fancam photographer, who had been making an expression of not understanding throughout his words, stared at him intently and hurriedly grasped both of Bunhong’s hands.
“……Who would hate Bunhong?”
“……”
Many thoughts flashed through his mind for a moment, but Bunhong decided not to say anything.
“Noona already got rid of all the things bothering our Bunhong. So don’t worry.”
Since she sighed deeply as if she was truly upset while saying that, he could feel relieved and at ease.
“Really, to that extent?”
When he asked that, she nodded vigorously and then shouted that she would wait for the next stage and moved away. Looking at her retreating figure, Bunhong slowly blinked to hide his overwhelming emotions and then smiled brightly.
At that moment, the emotion he felt was simply that he didn’t want to die again. If he died again now, he would surely fall to hell as punishment for deceiving everyone.
After the hi-touch event ended, each member was given a short time to share their thoughts. After the previous members spoke, it was finally Kim Bunhong’s turn. Bunhong, who received the microphone from Duho, looked around at the fans and smiled brightly with sincerity. Widely, showing his teeth. And then he realized. I was someone who could smile like this too.
Soon he opened his mouth with a trembling voice.
“……I think I’m happy.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
