Chapter 21
The weekday schedule was similar. Groups took turns filming profiles, individual interviews, PR shoots, and taking dance and vocal lessons. After dinner was free time. On weekdays, they mostly went around in groups, so there were few opportunities to meet other group members.
Instead, they were scheduled to perform missions all day on weekends, so there might not be enough time to practice separately. At this news, all the trainees devoted themselves to practice until evening.
“There will be individual PR filming. Trainees with special props, please prepare them in advance.”
At the staff’s shout, some trainees waddled around wearing dinosaur costumes, while others changed into taekwondo uniforms. Some were in the middle of dance practice, and occasionally some were seen gathering props.
Undeniable tension showed on everyone’s faces. It was inevitable – PR was guaranteed to air. Even if it got edited for going over time, it would definitely be broadcast for about a minute.
In the unusually chaotic atmosphere, only Jaekyung sat motionless as if he belonged to a different world. As if he had nothing to prepare, Jaekyung remained still in his training clothes. He neither changed clothes nor warmed up his voice to practice.
That was because Jaekyung hadn’t prepared anything special for his PR time. He planned to make the one minute of broadcast time appear bland. Jaekyung leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes.
‘What should I do?’
While others had long decided what to show and were in the middle of practice, Jaekyung was carefree. It wasn’t like he was the only one who had been a trainee for a long time, but still, he had devoted half his life to singing and dancing. Now that he didn’t want to do that anymore, he planned to choose something comfortable.
‘Just a decent ballad would be better. Preferably something unknown.’
Idol songs were a PASS. Especially idol songs with strongly formed fandoms were declined. Popular ballads were also out. There was no need to draw people’s ears with familiar melodies. While eliminating songs one by one like this, someone approached Jaekyung.
“Looking comfortable?”
Invisible thorns pricked his skin at the cheerfully delivered greeting. Jaekyung slowly lifted his eyelids. He cast his gaze forward but knew who was sitting next to him.
“Jeon Sanguk.”
“It’s been hard to run into you since we’re in different groups.”
Jeon Sanguk, who had sat next to Jaekyung, stretched and spoke. To others, it would look like they were having a friendly conversation. Jaekyung kept his mouth shut to avoid showing his unpleasant emotions.
“Jaekyung, are you still uncomfortable with me?”
“There’s no way I’d be comfortable.”
He was the very culprit who had gotten him kicked out of the agency.
“Well, you got caught fooling around and got kicked out, so you’d be uncomfortable seeing me.”
“Watch your mouth.”
Jaekyung looked at Jeon Sanguk for the first time. Jeon Sanguk, with his neatly swept hair and makeup done, was wearing a fishy smile. He shrugged.
“I didn’t say anything wrong, did I? With that innocent-looking face, seducing kids and playing around with them before dumping them is Seo Jaekyung’s hobby, isn’t it?”
“Nothing but bullshit comes out when you open your mouth.”
Jaekyung clenched his fist tightly as if he wanted to punch Jeon Sanguk in the face. He wanted to leave this place immediately, but knowing that Jeon Sanguk had come with a purpose, he didn’t get up.
“Wouldn’t it be better if you only played with girls? Anyway, that perverted taste of yours is fucking disgusting.”
Jeon Sanguk had come with his claws fully sharpened. Not content with cornering Jaekyung, he brought up what happened back then.
“That bastard who got kicked out with you back then, the kid who got caught fooling around with you. Aren’t you curious about what happened to him?”
Jaekyung kept his mouth shut. An old memory of being wrongly misunderstood came to mind. He had helped a trainee who was being bullied by Jeon Sanguk, but ended up being misunderstood and kicked out along with that child.
When Jeon Sanguk rolled his eyes up, his pupils almost disappeared, leaving only the whites.
“He came back. Asking to be accepted.”
Jeon Sanguk stretched while checking the red light of the camera turning toward him, muttering with a fresh smile.
“He said it was all because you seduced him.”
Jaekyung’s face turned pale.
“Be careful. You… if you do that kind of thing again this time, you’ll be in big trouble.”
Though he spoke as if giving advice, it definitely wasn’t meant well.
“What would you do if you got kicked out here too? Right?”
“…What do you want to say?”
“Take it easy. Don’t act up saying you want to debut here, just keep your head down appropriately. You can even prostrate yourself as a stepping stone for me to climb up.”
Jaekyung tried to suppress the boiling anger inside… then stopped. Thinking about it, there was no reason for him to endure. He had just avoided being around Jeon Sanguk because it made him feel dirty, but that wasn’t necessary.
“Are you saying this because you think you’ll climb up if I prostrate myself?”
“…What?”
“Are you asking if you’ll make it even if I enthusiastically push you?”
Jaekyung stared at Jeon Sanguk with a face devoid of any emotion. At that wordless silence, Jeon Sanguk’s face gradually reddened.
“What did you just say? Then you think I can’t do it?”
“Yeah, do well. I’ll prostrate myself, so make sure to step on me and climb up. Make sure.”
Earlier, Jeon Sanguk had smiled while being conscious of the camera. This time, Jaekyung smiled brightly at Jeon Sanguk. It was a smile as if he truly wished for Jeon Sanguk’s success. Between Jaekyung’s crescent-shaped eye smile, his sincerity toward Jeon Sanguk was contained.
What’s with that fake smile that you smile so awkwardly?
Jeon Sanguk’s pupils awkwardly checked the camera and tried to smile along with Jaekyung, but it didn’t work well. In the end, he failed at managing his expression.
“Do well.”
Jeon Sanguk issued a warning. Jaekyung watched the back of Jeon Sanguk as he left with a deep frown. He had definitely said something to him, but his insides didn’t feel refreshed.
* * *
The PR filming was conducted in a large conference room that had been remodeled. Setting aside the blue makeshift background that blocked the back, the trainees’ belongings piled up on both sides made it look like a warehouse at first glance.
Jaekyung walked down the narrow path and stood facing where the staff and cameras had gathered. Next to the staff crouching in the front row, he could see an electronic clock taking up space for two people.
He thought it was brought in to emphasize that each person was given one minute. PD Choi, sitting in the center, raised his hand as if to signal the start.
The one minute quickly dropped to 59 seconds, and he could see time flowing by the second. Even though it was close to a full minute, just the fact that it had dropped to seconds seemed to bring a sense of pressure.
However, Jaekyung calmly bowed his head and greeted first, as if he didn’t care how much time passed.
“Hello. I’ll begin.”
During the brief moment while Jaekyung regulated his breathing, the staff couldn’t shake the feeling that something was strange. However, it was only a fleeting moment, so they couldn’t figure out what they had missed.
“MR…”
At the same time someone thought of the strange cause, Jaekyung began singing.
“Tomorrow I’ll forget…”
He noticed the staff’s expressions change at the first verse, but Jaekyung didn’t stop singing. Without any MR backing track, only Jaekyung’s voice served as the sole instrument. While the staff focused on Jaekyung’s song, Jaekyung surveyed his past reflected in the camera.
The kicked-out trainee that Jeon Sanguk had mentioned. A song that trainee used to sing often came to mind and kept circling in his head.
‘Wearing lipstick thickly.’
It fit him perfectly right now. Nothing was eternal.
The pure heart of a child who wanted to receive his mother’s love was washed away by the sweat shed in the practice room, and the wounds hidden in the glamour only slowly festered without healing.
Both during his trainee days and when he was active as an idol, every day was a nightmare and hell for Jaekyung. Why couldn’t Jaekyung escape from that hell? It would end if he died. After all, life was as short as a morning glory.
Having returned to the past, other people didn’t even know about his ill fate with Jaekyung, but Jeon Sanguk knew. He picked at and tore open Jaekyung’s wounded insides.
‘Absolutely… I won’t.’
He would absolutely not become an idol. After this moment passed, after leaving the dormitory, he would forget everything and start anew. He would study to his heart’s content like he had always wanted to, and though he couldn’t go to university right away, if he worked for about a year and saved money, he could go to university the following year.
Picking up textbooks again after a long time, if he had forgotten everything, he would have to work even harder. While singing, Jaekyung dreamed of his new future on one hand, and hazy expectations filled his eyes. Unlike the wistful lyrics, his expression began to anticipate something.
‘He’s good.’
‘A 19-year-old is singing this.’
‘This is a place for picking idols, but why does it feel like a trot plaza?’
‘What is that emotion?’
The staff listening to his song showed their individual reactions one by one. Singing trot wasn’t surprising since another trainee had already done it before. The song selection was also familiar to everyone.
However, while the earlier trainee had the technique of bending the lyrics skillfully to sing tastefully, trainee Seo Jaekyung’s song was just calm. He didn’t show forced trot-like composition nor did he put in excessive emotion. He just carried the melody with the lyrics, but strangely it caught the eye and made them lean in to listen.
Unlike the song about forgetting a loved one, his expression held some kind of expectation. He looked hazy as if dreaming of new love. The production team forgot they were currently filming and listened intently to the song that wrapped around their ears. However, that moment didn’t last long.
“Thank you.”
Looking down to confirm that the electronic clock’s numbers had changed to 55, Jaekyung abruptly stopped singing. As the time for him to greet and leave on his own was completed within exactly one minute, the production team was more flustered instead. PD Choi urgently opened his mouth toward Jaekyung.
“Wait, you’re leaving right away?”
Even though it was a 1-minute PR, they could edit within that time, but when Jaekyung matched it exactly and left without regret, the PD ended up reaching out his hand to stop Jaekyung. But when Jaekyung left without hearing PD Choi’s call, the space in front of the camera became vacant. PD Choi sighed with regret.
“He should have sung more.”
His muttering flowed into the microphone.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
