Chapter 18
It was said as if questioning, but his expression showed he seemed to know that was actually the correct answer.
‘Because of the camera?’
Was he avoiding cameras like himself?
“Jungwoo has camera stage fright. You haven’t seen Jungwoo smile until now, have you?”
“Ah…”
Jaekyung nodded as if understanding, though he wasn’t convinced. The Lee Jungwoo he knew was someone who could put on a painted smile well in front of cameras even when he didn’t want to. Moreover, since he had applied for this audition program because he wanted to debut, he should have been smiling even more brightly.
But… so what if that was the case.
“Yes.”
Instead of digging deeper, Jaekyung brushed it off lightly. He didn’t care whether Jungwoo had camera stage fright or if it was made up. Just as Lee Jungwoo was staring at him intently and about to say something, the door opened and cameras entered.
“Hello.”
It was a dance trainer with long hair tied back in a ponytail. His energetic greeting drew the trainees who had been practicing separately into one place. After the trainer briefly introduced himself, he looked around at the trainees.
“Why is the lighting so good here that your faces are all glowing?”
Light laughter from the trainees followed the casual compliment. After lightening the mood, the trainer began the lesson in earnest.
“Before we start, shall we talk about the song first?”
Among the trainees who hadn’t expected the dance trainer to say this first, some accepted it matter-of-factly. Understanding what kind of song it was wasn’t only important for vocal lessons. Since the dance lines change according to the song’s character, it was better to recognize this beforehand and learn the movements. Of course, only a few including Jaekyung understood this.
“What’s the concept of this song?”
When Yoon Hajun raised his hand, the trainer gave him the opportunity to speak.
“It’s a lively and refreshing song. Like a boy trying to get the attention of a girl he likes.”
“Not bad. The composer also said he imagined people wearing school uniforms when he first made it.”
Yoon Hajun cheekily made a V sign.
“You should dance actively rather than powerfully.”
During the brief introduction that followed, Jaekyung was swept up in a strange feeling and brushed his arm. He didn’t know why, but an uneasy energy kept tugging at the back of his neck.
“I saw you practicing earlier, is that right?”
“Yes.”
“It was worth distributing the video in advance. Then who wants to come out and try it as a representative?”
As soon as the trainer finished speaking, the gazes of Yoon Hajun, Lee Jungwoo, and Lee Sowoon all focused on one person.
“A lot of eyes are going to one person? What happened while I was away?”
“We thought he danced well.”
When Yoon Hajun explained the reason for looking at Jaekyung, the trainer showed curiosity as if he wanted to see. Jaekyung, who realized the source of his anxiety, closed his eyes instead of sighing. He wished the whole world would be covered in darkness like this, but reality was that he was destined to go forward and dance.
“Trainee Seo Jaekyung. Come out and dance.”
Jaekyung struggled to suppress his crumbling expression and stepped forward. What should I do? I’m being filmed openly by cameras, what should I do? Jaekyung racked his brain for how to get out of this situation where he had monopolized everything by himself. If he backed out here, it would be too obvious, but he couldn’t not perform either.
Everyone was looking at Jaekyung. Caught in their gazes filled with jealousy, envy, and skeptical looks that seemed to say ‘let’s see you try,’ Jaekyung held back his desire to run away. To the trainees who needed to be shown on camera even once more, he had become nothing but a competitor who stole that opportunity.
‘It’s not like I wanted to dance.’
Jaekyung felt wronged since he hadn’t said he would dance. But he couldn’t say ‘my goal is to be eliminated in the first round,’ so there was only one answer. Since he had already sung on stage anyway, there was no reason he couldn’t dance. At the trainer’s signal, someone played the music and the trainees sat in a circle. The cameras that had been filming from all directions turned to one place, creating a stage for Jaekyung.
‘Still, I should defend myself as much as possible.’
Jaekyung thought of a way to dance from beginning to end without earning the trainer’s recognition.
He wasn’t sure if this would work, but thinking it was worth trying, Jaekyung pressed his lips tightly shut. Raising and lowering his arms while riding the wave. During the point choreography, he lightly lifted his body while changing steps and stretched his arms out fully.
“Oh… hm?”
The trainer let out an exclamation seeing him dance well, then hesitated. The other trainees similarly admired Jaekyung’s dance like the trainer, then felt something strange and their eyes widened. And someone’s lips trembled at Jaekyung’s dance, then soon.
“Puhahahaha.”
They collapsed holding their stomach. Jaekyung hid his complicated feelings and earnestly imitated Lee Jungwoo’s expression.
When he danced with a fierce frown just like Lee Jungwoo had done, various reactions came back. Yoon Hajun immediately clutched his stomach and fell over, Lee Sowoon’s eyes went wide like a rabbit’s. Seeing that even Lee Jungwoo looked surprised with only one eyebrow raised askew, Jaekyung swallowed a sigh.
‘What am I supposed to do when you suddenly made me do it.’
That’s why they told me to dance. Jaekyung pretended not to know anything and stayed still, making the trainer wear an ambiguous expression. He avoided the gaze that seemed to ask if he had forgotten what kind of song they had just talked about and looked at an innocent wall instead.
‘I couldn’t think of anything else anyway. Let’s not regret it any more.’
Apart from his bitter feelings, Jaekyung comforted himself that he had shown quite good quick thinking.
“Is, is that your best?”
Jaekyung nodded heavily as if ashamed. Then he went among the other trainees who were gathered watching. It bothered him that it happened to be between Yoon Hajun and Lee Jungwoo, but there was no other choice.
“Really…”
Yoon Hajun gave Jaekyung a thumbs up with his face still showing traces of laughter. Jaekyung sent him a bewildered look. He looked at him as if wondering why he was sparkling his eyes and smiling so widely that all his teeth showed.
‘Why is he acting like this.’
When they were actually in a group together, he only gave fake smiles and that was it. Jaekyung turned his head away because he didn’t want to see Yoon Hajun’s smile. For Yoon Hajun, it might be the not-too-distant future, but for Jaekyung, it was an unforgettable previous life. Instead of taking care of his members as a leader, he acted like oil and water with them, yet now he was smiling so brightly… it was disgusting to see.
Jaekyung pouted his lips and looked at the trainer.
“Hey.”
Yoon Hajun covered his mouth and cleared his throat as if trying to shake off his remaining laughter. However, it soon became clear he wasn’t trying to cover a cough but rather sneakily leaned his body to whisper without the trainer knowing.
“You did that on purpose earlier, right?”
“What?”
Jaekyung answered curtly while looking at the trainer just as before.
“Imitating Jungwoo.”
“…”
Jaekyung pressed his lips shut, then spoke nonchalantly.
“It’s camera stage fright.”
The other person with camera stage fright nearby flinched. Yoon Hajun looked at Jaekyung with narrowed eyes, then chuckled.
“You used your head well.”
* * *
“Stage fright, what nonsense.”
Jaekyung grumbled. Can’t dance because of cameras? He had let it slide earlier because he wasn’t interested, but he learned during the lesson that Lee Jungwoo could act shamelessly even in front of cameras.
– Your expressions are good, your posture is good, and you put strength into each movement well. It’s good.
When the trainer even clapped while praising Lee Jungwoo’s choreography, Jaekyung didn’t know how many times he bit his lips trying to keep his expression from crumbling. Since everyone’s choreography learning ability was different, the lesson ended only after going through everything in detail from the beginning, and Jaekyung was on his way down to the cafeteria for lunch.
“Um… would you like to eat together?”
Just as he was coming down the last stair, he heard the sound of someone urgently running up beside him, and it turned out to be Lee Sowoon. Jaekyung thought it was ridiculous that after running up to him like that, what he had to say was such a trivial suggestion to eat together.
“I’m grateful that you helped with the dance, so I’ll buy you coffee after we eat.”
“…Didn’t you say you were seventeen?”
“Yes.”
“What money does a student have to buy me something. I’ll…”
Jaekyung shook his head and put his hand in his pocket. Thinking what would be difficult about buying one coffee, he was rummaging through his pocket when reality hit him and he hesitated.
‘There probably isn’t another fool like me.’
He didn’t usually spend money anyway, but the 25-year-old Jaekyung wasn’t at the level where he couldn’t buy coffee because he had no money. However, his 19-year-old self lived on minimal money, literally a life where he was fortunate if he didn’t starve. Unless something special happened, he would skip meals other than what he ate at school, so what coffee was he going to buy for Lee Sowoon. It had been a month since he became 19, but it was pathetic that he sometimes acted like he was 25.
“…I don’t drink coffee.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Let’s go eat.”
Jaekyung went down the stairs ahead of Lee Sowoon, feeling awkward. Heading to the cafeteria, Jaekyung was troubled and scratched his hair. He had only thought about surviving here for a month but hadn’t planned how he would live afterwards.
‘I should have looked for a part-time job first.’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
