Chapter 6. Jealousy (9)
“You’re hurt here!”
When he touched Eckart’s ice-cold cheek, he frowned briefly, then took off his wet outer garment and covered Ronen’s body with it. Then he lifted Ronen into his arms. Already held in his embrace, Ronen had to listen to Eckart’s somewhat belated apology.
“Excuse me.”
Then Eckart, who had quickly come outside, put Ronen on the horse and mounted it himself. Even when viewed from the window, it had been heavy rain, but experiencing it directly, the thickness and coldness were almost violent. Eckart firmly fastened the outer garment and spurred the horse.
The rainwater mercilessly soaked their bodies, instantly stealing their body heat, but Ronen simply leaned his body against his rapidly rising and falling chest. He had roughly deduced the situation from Eckart’s urgent movements, returning injured and acting as if being chased by someone.
Though Eckart was skilled at riding, complex emotions were rippling across his face as Ronen looked up at him from close range. He couldn’t examine it closely due to the rainwater falling around his eyes, but the blood flowing down his cheek also wouldn’t stop.
As the horse began to gallop, their entire bodies jolted. Eckart’s body, now completely pressed against him, was lukewarm. Even though they were in rain that seemed to wash everything away, his scent was stronger than usual. Relying completely on each other’s body heat, the horse carrying the two men left the village at high speed.
Only when night had deepened further and there were less than a few hours left until dawn did the horse gradually slow down. The place they arrived at after riding quite a distance was a monastery. Even in the darkness, Ronen looked around the familiar monastery with fresh eyes.
Since it was a quiet time when everyone would be asleep, the gate was locked. After helping Ronen dismount from the horse, Eckart tied the reins and then nimbly climbed over the wall. The sight of a believer—moreover, a knight belonging to the Papal Court—climbing over a monastery wall was so unexpected that Ronen couldn’t hide his bewildered expression even while shivering from the cold.
Eckart, who had somehow opened the gate from inside, led Ronen. Ronen, who had been about to follow him without thinking, suddenly stopped. Eckart’s puzzled gaze reached him.
“I can’t go in.”
“There’s no time.”
“Who are we running from? Officials? Or…… the Grand Duke?”
At Ronen’s question, Eckart’s face noticeably hardened. Ronen let out a bitter smile.
“Right. He found us in the end.”
“You’ll be safe here for a while.”
“But you’ll be in danger.”
There was no answer from Eckart. Ronen muttered in a self-deprecating voice as if he understood without needing to hear it.
“Right. I’m already in danger anyway.”
But there was still a chance. If he was imprisoned now, the Grand Duke wouldn’t chase after Eckart anymore. If he hid somewhere invisible like this again, the Grand Duke would surely pressure Eckart to find Ronen. He might even inform the Pope of this matter.
“……No, he definitely would.”
So he had to return before it was too late. He had to be imprisoned before being caught by the Grand Duke.
Ronen took off the outer garment draped over his shoulders and returned it to Eckart. The thin white cloth was too wet to serve its purpose and instead clung to his body, only making him terribly lewd. His hair, darkened with moisture, and his pale skin also inappropriately ignited lustful thoughts despite the situation. At the sight that simultaneously evoked both sympathy and sadism, Eckart frowned.
When even the outer garment that had been maintaining his body temperature disappeared, Ronen’s body trembled pitifully. Ronen wrapped one arm around his body and with the other hand pressed the clothes into Eckart’s hand, barely moving his pale lips.
“This is enough. Thanks to you, I had a good time for once, so you can let me go now.”
“I cannot do that.”
Eckart took the outer garment and approached to put it back on Ronen. Ronen hastily stepped back and reached out his hand.
“You don’t need to do such things because of me. Don’t commit sins too. You don’t need to…… go to hell too.”
At Ronen’s words, Eckart hesitated. As a devout knight, it was natural for him to fear God’s punishment more than anyone.
“Thank you for everything. Just praying for me was enough……”
Ronen, who had sincerely thanked him for the excessive sympathy and bowed, turned around. To catch a carriage, he had to go back down to the village.
It seemed too harsh to ask Eckart, who wanted to save him somehow, to take him to prison. The rain would have washed away all traces of the two, and since he didn’t know their destination, he couldn’t have followed quickly. If he headed to Duran quickly even now, he might be able to avoid the Grand Duke’s grasp.
Ronen walked with both arms wrapped around his body. The soggy mud touching his bare feet seemed to freeze his toes, but he didn’t stop. He forced his legs, which were becoming numb, to move while hunching his back as much as possible.
Though Ronen was trying to get as far away from that place as possible, he was caught before going far. Eckart, who had somehow followed him, turned Ronen’s body around.
“Stop now……”
Ronen, who was about to tell him to abandon him, couldn’t finish his words and froze. It was because Eckart’s face looking down at him was painfully contorted. His blue eyes were trembling finely like a sea caught in a storm. The rainwater flowing endlessly down his face looked like tears.
“……I can’t let you go.”
Even as he suffered, not knowing what to do himself, he put more strength into the hands gripping Ronen’s shoulders.
“The Grand Duke won’t stay still. He’ll report that you’re hiding me. If that happens, you’ll……”
“I know that too.”
His gaze looking down at him was earnest. Even though he clearly knew what would happen to him like this. He wouldn’t let Ronen go.
Ronen reached out his trembling hand. His cold fingers almost touched Eckart’s cheek. The sensation of occasionally touching and withdrawing was ticklish. Ronen traced the scar where something sharp had cut quite deeply and said with an effort to smile.
“You’ve done enough. I’m fine, so stop now.”
“I’m not fine.”
Eckart’s hand gripping Ronen’s shoulder, his pale blue eyes looking at him, trembled noticeably.
“I…… can’t do it.”
Eckart, who had lowered his head, continued with difficulty.
“From the moment I saw you, I was already a sinner. Because I coveted you countless times in dreams, in imagination. Not satisfied with that, I even felt you under the excuse of helping. Greedily…… faithful to my desire……”
Eckart, who was biting his lips hard as if it was difficult to continue speaking, forced out his voice with difficulty.
“I’m already a sinner, since I’ve already committed sins anyway, committing more doesn’t matter to me. Nothing is more frightening to me than losing you right now. Nothing is as important to me as you are. So please……”
It was the first greed he had ever harbored. It was the first brilliant desire to settle in a life that had nothing but God. Though it was an overwhelming fever, even that was welcome. Now that he knew it, now that he had tasted this terribly sweet and painful emotion, could he really return to how things were before?
He was afraid of the life he would live in pain after pushing Ronen to death with his own hands. Even if he forcibly scraped together the things inside him that had already collapsed and tried to piece them back together, he wouldn’t be able to regain their original form. He had no confidence at all in living the rest of his life embracing those things, submerged in guilt and longing.
Even if he fell to hell and paid for his sins for a long, long time, he wanted to choose the path of committing sins right now. If only he could be with Ronen that way, if only he could grasp this hand that he had regrettably missed once and rescue him from this living hell.
“……Even if this end is hell, I want to protect you.”
At Eckart’s earnest plea, Ronen clenched his fists. Something hot kept surging up. Because of Eckart going this far, he was unbearably happy and also sad. Ronen, who had barely held back his tears, raised his head and looked up at the sky.
Please let the rainwater hide this pitiful one. Let the thunder tearing through the sky cover even his voice. The falling rainwater wet his face instead of tears. A sigh rose like mist between his lips.
Soon Ronen grasped Eckart’s hand. Eckart looked at him with parched, dry eyes.
“……I understand.”
Eckart, who finally put the outer garment over Ronen’s shoulders with a relieved face, led him somewhere. Walking familiarly through the monastery, he stopped in front of a building and quietly knocked on the door. When he had knocked about three times, the door opened and a monk who hadn’t completely driven away his sleepiness appeared.
The monk recognized who the visitor was at this late hour and opened his eyes wide.
“……Eckart!”
“I’m sorry. I had some circumstances and had to come visit you despite the rudeness.”
At Eckart’s words, the monk seemed to notice Ronen standing behind him for the first time and made a bewildered expression. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but not for long.
“It’s been a long time. Oh my, greetings should come after drying your clothes first.”
The monk, who had been about to give Eckart a welcoming embrace, seemed to realize their soaked state and paused briefly, then readily let them into his room.
“Come in.”
When the two entered, he looked around and closed the door. The monastery night remained peaceful as if nothing had happened.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
