- Between Us (6)
Liking you isn’t difficult.
Na Jihan found something unclear in this cleanly stated proposition.
Why? What’s the reason that liking you doesn’t feel difficult to me? Because I cherish you, and so I can do anything for someone like you?
That couldn’t be it. It was just as Yoon Seowoo had once told him. The feeling of liking someone couldn’t be controlled at will just by trying. That’s why Yoon Seowoo couldn’t give up those feelings and had been in one-sided love all this time.
From that perspective, there was no way he could suddenly start liking Yoon Seowoo just because he now realized those feelings.
Then it wasn’t something that had developed, but perhaps from the very beginning…….
“Ha.”
Wasn’t it too late, even for being late, to make excuses that he didn’t know because liking him was such a natural emotion?
It seemed like the things he had deliberately blocked with high walls and pretended not to know were all pouring out and revealing themselves. Witnessing the emotions rushing in all at once, his breath caught and his vision went dark.
“That’s right.”
You were right. Na Jihan muttered.
The feeling of liking someone didn’t work according to effort, and was really far from calmness. As if receiving punishment for being indifferent and composed all this time, his insides were completely chaotic. His heart beat so urgently that it seemed like it might run off somewhere.
Na Jihan moved his body more diligently than usual under the pretext of calming his troubled mind. After finishing training, he went in to wash and turned the faucet to the right, letting cold water hit him for a long while. Only then did it seem like he had managed to wash away some of the restlessness that had been pooling inside.
Shaking his wet hair with a towel and looking at his phone, he saw there was a text message. It was Yoon Seowoo’s reply to his question about the afternoon schedule.
[Vocal practice ran a bit long. It’ll probably take about another hour, so you can go ahead first.]
He was lucky. Judging by the time, it would be ending soon.
On his way down to pick up Yoon Seowoo. The thoughts he had been busily moving around and pretending not to know began to busily chase after Na Jihan again.
When he briefly talked with Joo Lee Seon in the morning, after hearing his vague complaints, he had asked if he wanted to do it now that he could give the other person what they wanted.
The answer came easily. He wanted to respond to that feeling of liking him. He wanted to say that he was gradually realizing things, even if clumsily. He had become able to grant that wish. No, he really wanted to grant it.
But…….
*’You won’t like me anymore.’*
What if that’s not your wish anymore? He couldn’t force his belated feelings onto someone who no longer wanted them.
Na Jihan, who had stopped walking for a moment, threw his head back and sighed.
“I think I’m really screwed.”
Of course, no matter how screwed up things got, he still had things to do, so he moved his legs diligently.
When he entered the vocal room, he could see Yoon Seowoo talking with the trainer, apparently in the middle of wrapping up. Hearing the sound of the door opening, Yoon Seowoo turned his head toward Na Jihan and greeted him with his eyes, mouthing words.
Just a moment.
Na Jihan quietly watched him turn his head and chatter about remaining matters. Even though he crossed his arms, leaned against the wall, and stared intently, his gaze didn’t return like before.
Even knowing he wasn’t someone who would make him wait long, he felt inexplicably anxious. The moment he saw him smiling gently while fiddling with the headphones around his neck, and especially the moment he realized it had been so long since he’d seen that smile, he felt even more so.
Petty emotions suddenly surged up. Why do you smile at others like that? When you don’t even like them.
The one you like is me.
……Yoon Seowoo, do you still like me?
Na Jihan, tapping the floor with his toes, kept talking to him in his mind.
Don’t give up on me. If it’s not an affection that disappears cleanly just by trying, don’t deliberately suffer and just leave it. You’re not good at that kind of thing anyway.
This might sound somewhat selfish to you who have been in one-sided love all this time, but…….
*’I want you to keep liking me.’*
I want to be special, I want to be unique.
I wanted to challenge the painful proposition that love would leave you or ruin you. It might sound arrogant, but I was confident I wouldn’t lose.
If I told you that fact. If I could properly sort out and organize my heart the way you want and put what you’ve been longing for into your hands.
Then, would I never have to see that pained expression you made when our lips parted?
“Na Jihan.”
Before he knew it, Yoon Seowoo had finished his conversation and approached right up close. A white hand suddenly came forward and gently pressed and smoothed Na Jihan’s brow.
“Why is your expression so serious? Do you have some worry?”
You’re my worry.
“Are you in a bad mood?”
The soft touch left his forehead. Somehow it felt regrettable.
“No.”
“Then are you in a good mood?”
“I’m good.”
“Then shall we go now?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ll head in now. Thank you for today as well.”
The hand that had been caressing between his eyebrows came down and took his hand. Na Jihan followed as if entranced by the action of leading him outside.
It was no different from usual behavior. They had held hands countless times like this, and there had been countless occasions when they had been stuck together in even more intimate ways.
But was it because his heart had changed? He didn’t have the confidence to be as composed as usual. The parts where he had brushed against were all ticklish.
Na Jihan secretly swallowed dry saliva and interlaced their joined hands. When he greedily intertwined their fingers and pressed their palms tightly together, Yoon Seowoo, who had flinched, soon gripped back firmly with strength in his hand. He could feel warmth rising in the hollow part at the center of his palm.
How had he not known until now? When he was sending signals with his whole body that he liked him. Even if it couldn’t be seen, even if it couldn’t be touched, even if it couldn’t be heard, it was so clear.
He wanted to look to the side. He was curious about what expression he might be making. Whether he was looking at him, and if so, what kind of face it was.
The reason he still didn’t look was because his cowardice about not being able to let his feelings be discovered was slightly bigger than his curiosity about wanting to see that expression.
Not yet. What Yoon Seowoo wanted wasn’t a suitable answer or compromised emotions.
Now it was Na Jihan’s turn to find the right answer.
“Should we eat dinner before going home?”
Yoon Seowoo, who was sitting in the passenger seat fastening his seatbelt, tilted his head.
“Dinner?”
“Haesol hyung said he’d be late today.”
“Ah, he went to a meeting about the studio rental?”
Na Jihan replied while starting the engine.
“He seems to want to see and confirm things in person. He said he’d be late.”
“……Right.”
Yoon Seowoo tapped his phone while checking accumulated messages. Nine times out of ten it would be the Arcus group chat, and it would be the conversation history of Joo Lee Seon and Hapil Jae, excluding Ahn Haesol who was busy with schedules and the two people here.
“Hapil says he wants chicken.”
“Tell him to order it. If not now, when else can he eat delivery food?”
Na Jihan continued in a voice tinged with laughter.
“Let’s eat something better than chicken.”
“Just you and me?”
“Yeah. A date between us.”
After a brief silence, Yoon Seowoo replied quietly.
“……What date.”
He said it on purpose. He wanted him to be conscious of the fact that it was just the two of them. Even knowing it was a loophole and a shallow trick, he wanted to attract attention by lurking around like that.
He needed time. He hoped he would be given a reprieve to define this heart that was just beginning to realize itself a bit more specifically.
Until then, I want you to like me. I want you to keep failing when you try to give up on your one-sided love.
So that I can diligently go to you and we can…….
“……We’re not even dating.”
“……”
“Don’t force it. There are no watching eyes or listening ears right now.”
Those words somehow twisted his insides.
It was sincere. He wasn’t trying to play along reluctantly. So it definitely wasn’t that he was saying something he didn’t mean.
“What if there were?”
Yoon Seowoo’s gaze, which had been looking out the window the whole time, turned toward the driver’s seat.
“Huh?”
“According to what you said, it would be fine if there were. Watching eyes and listening ears too.”
Come to think of it, that was the kind of relationship they had. A relationship where they showed off suitable friendship in front of others, and the subtle signals mixed in between. A relationship where acting unusually wouldn’t be a flaw, but rather would be welcomed.
Business Gay Performance.
What he had once accepted thinking it would be beneficial in various ways now felt like an unparalleled opportunity.
“Let’s go show them we’re dating.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
