- Between Us (2)
They just needed to be together.
Na Jihan thought it wasn’t such a grand wish. It was something they’d done their whole lives, and Yoon Seowoo felt the same way.
Their feelings, and their relationship, weren’t seasonal. Nothing could comfort Na Jihan more than that fact.
It had definitely been that way.
“……What did you say?”
“Jihan, is this the first time you’re hearing about this too?”
Yoon Seowoo had become a trainee at UJ Entertainment.
It was like a bolt from the blue. Why UJ of all places? No matter how generously you looked at it, it was a small, new agency. What reason did Seowoo have to take risks with a company that had just entered the market without a single representative group?
“Didn’t they say the public audition results come at different times for each person? Since we haven’t even heard that he failed, it seemed like Seowoo’s results were taking a while……”
“Exactly. There’s no way Yoon Seowoo would fail.”
A remarkably pretty face, a clean and refreshing voice, and even a gentle and polite demeanor.
There was no way Midnight wouldn’t covet such talent. Knowing that was why Na Jihan had followed him to the public audition. Even getting nervous, which was unlike him.
“He’s been busy lately and barely comes home. Jihan, you should look after him more. After all, a friend is better than an aunt.”
“I will.”
Perhaps because that conversation had filled him with anxiety, Na Jihan, who had been barely taking a few spoonfuls, got up from his seat early.
“What are you thinking, Yoon Seowoo……”
He wanted to become an idol. He wanted to stand on stage beside you, looking at the bright stars on earth shining together. He wanted to run fiercely together for that one moment he longed for.
In life’s most brilliant moment that they would welcome together, he wanted to carve both their names side by side.
*’The brightest and always there, so no matter where you get lost, it will tell you the direction.’*
You’re that kind of existence to me, so when you become invisible, everything instantly becomes overwhelming. Those moments I was so looking forward to just feel boring and empty.
Na Jihan placed his hand on his chest and slightly frowned. Every time he thought of Yoon Seowoo, every time the anxiety that he was growing distant came, he couldn’t understand the reason for this suffocating feeling.
* * *
He had kissed Yoon Seowoo.
How had things escalated to that situation? Looking back now, it was hard to deny that it had been quite, no, extremely absurd logic.
To make excuses, it was because his insides were twisted. It was also an extension of questioning why he was looking elsewhere.
He didn’t want him to be curious about other people. He wanted him to acknowledge that he alone was better than dating or marriage or anything like that.
It was childish jealousy and ridiculous petulance. Knowing this, he still pressed their lips together.
The reddish lips were warm and soft. Slipping inside through the slightly parted opening, the smooth and soft mucous membrane tickled his tongue tip.
When he came to his senses, he was completely absorbed. Maybe even that wasn’t really coming to his senses. Before he knew it, he was straddling the body that had fallen backward and sunk deep into the bed, and even seeing that scene with narrowed eyes, he had no intention of moving away or stopping.
When he tilted his head and deeply interlocked their lips, even while struggling from lack of breath, the sight of him accepting and swallowing what he gave was purely delightful. Not just his lips, but his cheeks, ears, and nape turned bright red, radiating warm body heat. It felt like wherever he touched his skin, he could feel the throbbing pulse along his fingertips.
Don’t feel wronged, Seowoo. Na Jihan secretly whispered while gently biting the plump, swollen lower lip.
Since I’m receiving your first in exchange for giving you mine, it’s fair, isn’t it? At least I’m not trash who would just take the tears from your eyes and run away.
*’If it’s okay to do it with me, then there’s no need for it to be someone else, right?’*
So do it with me.
*’I’ll be yours for a lifetime, but love is just seasonal.’*
I’ll promise you the longest time possible. I won’t die before you, I won’t hate you, I won’t leave your side, and if you want, I can give you kisses like this ten times, a hundred times.
*’Now that I’ve tried it, my curiosity is satisfied.’*
But Yoon Seowoo didn’t look very happy.
*’So I don’t think I need to do it a second time. That’s fortunate, right?’*
He didn’t know at the time. He just felt puzzled watching that troubled back that seemed somewhat angry and disappointed.
He had definitely seemed to like it, so why was it that he had to read subtle pain in those eyes?
It wasn’t long after that he learned the reason.
*’It’s not friendship for me.’*
*’……’*
*’Na Jihan. I like you.’*
With that single sentence dropped so casually, he felt something crumble away. It felt like the round shell he’d spent his lifetime carefully crafting was cracking apart.
The moment he faced the reality that they couldn’t be just casual friends, surprisingly, Na Jihan felt a subtle pain. It was as if a corner of his heart had been pierced by a fragment of what had just shattered.
You like me?
Why on earth? He couldn’t understand. They didn’t need to be love. There was no need for it to be love. Rather, it was a relationship where love would be a loss. He knew better than anyone that love wasn’t always good in Yoon Seowoo’s life.
With a heart that had been hurt and cut countless times by seasonal love, it felt absurdly unfair to contain someone who would stay by your side indefinitely even without love.
But still.
*’I’ll stop.’*
*’You won’t like me anymore.’*
He couldn’t nod. Even with those words hanging on the tip of his tongue – “Go ahead, do that” – they just wouldn’t come out. Na Jihan frowned and kept his mouth firmly shut. He couldn’t understand Yoon Seowoo’s words, but what was even stranger was his own feelings.
Why don’t I want this?
He should have welcomed the declaration that if they couldn’t date right away, he would stop on his own. Even if their hearts did align, given their profession of living publicly exposed lives, Seowoo’s declaration was extremely rational and ideal.
But still, his insides twisted. An incomprehensible frustration seemed to swell up and threaten to burst through somewhere inside him, forcing its way out.
Sitting in the practice room under the excuse of needing to practice choreography, he thought for a long time. Holding that confession that seemed to have fallen overnight, this time tracing backward through the process that had led to those words.
Yoon Seowoo when their lips had just separated, his face bright red with an expression like he might cry.
Yoon Seowoo sleeping peacefully and comfortably in his arms. Yet still being unnecessarily shy, reluctantly stepping back one step at a time with eyes that said he didn’t want to, Yoon Seowoo who strangely bristled every time they did roleplay.
Yoon Seowoo who stubbornly insisted he couldn’t pretend to date him.
Yoon Seowoo who secretly went to UJ Entertainment’s audition, saying they couldn’t debut together.
Who grabbed his sleeve with a desperate face, asking him to stay by his side, saying that having only him was enough…….
“……Ha.”
Na Jihan threw his head back and let out a sigh.
He didn’t know since when. But holding one proposition in his hand, everything felt different.
“How did I not know this?”
Yoon Seowoo had always been saying the same thing consistently.
That he liked him. That this was a feeling beyond friendship. That just because he didn’t know, just because he kept it from him, didn’t mean it wasn’t real.
Remembering what he’d done because he didn’t know what was right in front of him, his nape felt like it was throbbing.
“Then Yoon Seowoo, you……”
When I, who knew nothing, said it was better to do it once with me to get rid of curiosity rather than with someone else, you must have wanted to cry receiving that kiss. You had no choice but to be angry when you heard me suggest we should just date.
You must have wanted to step back because you couldn’t just pretend to date someone you really liked, and wanted to run away early in case this heart was discovered while being so close.
But I, who didn’t understand any of that, just because I didn’t like the fact that you were slipping from my grasp.
Na Jihan let out a hollow laugh and muttered.
“Do you like me even though I’m such an oblivious bastard?”
If he heard this question, Yoon Seowoo would probably answer with that characteristically clear and gentle face of his.
That he still liked him. That he liked him because it was him.
That night, Na Jihan returned to the dorm and went up to the end room on the second floor. Only after carefully stroking Yoon Seowoo’s hair and forehead with his fingertips for a long while as he slept clutching his phone, could he return to his own room.
A small stone had dropped into the calm water with a plop, and ripples began to form.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
