“Yes, yes, that’s a relief. Everything will be fine now. Yes. That’s how it should be.”
After stopping his nodding, Baek Moonjong lifted his full glass of alcohol and drank it in one go.
“Sweet. It’s sweet.”
With Dr. Baek’s satisfied face and words warming his heart, Geun-yeong looked at Nurse Bong who was continuously picking at the spicy stir-fried pork. I should offer some to Dr. Bong too, he thought. But there were only two glasses—one in front of him and one in front of Dr. Baek.
Sensing Geun-yeong’s gaze, Tae-gu spoke up.
“I can’t drink. Just one glass and my face burns up. Heart palpitations, headaches, nausea, vomiting—it’s no joke. Ugh, I really hate alcohol.”
I see.
Geun-yeong suddenly became curious about something else. Actually, he’d been wondering about it the whole time. Should I ask or not, should I look or not—while he was conflicted, Nurse Bong spoke first.
“Detective Kyung is a heavy drinker. He could probably win against alcohol poisoning itself. I bet the alcohol would get drunk before he would.”
Bong Tae-gu burst into laughter. He seemed to find his own joke hilarious.
Geun-yeong tried to laugh along with his barely movable eyes and mouth, but only managed to twitch his cheeks slightly. He wasn’t able to laugh properly because he felt like Nurse Bong had read his mind about wanting to ask about Detective Kyung’s drinking capacity, and also because he was fluttered by how cool a man who could “win against alcohol poisoning” sounded. That’s why he couldn’t laugh.
Geun-yeong sighed again. He needed to get over his feelings for Detective Kyung, but the more he thought about needing to get over him, the more attractive qualities he noticed. Actually, there was no need to notice them—from head to toe, Detective Kyung was nothing but attractive. No matter where you looked, he was just so cool. It had gotten to the point where even Detective Kyung’s hangnails looked attractive to him.
His stomach churned. It couldn’t be from the half glass of alcohol he’d drunk. He was certain. It was lovesickness.
“Being a good drinker is cool, isn’t it?”
Thanks to Bong Tae-gu’s comment that struck when he was off guard, Geun-yeong had to tense up. He wondered if Nurse Bong could actually read minds. Busy selecting a large piece of pork, Nurse Bong didn’t notice Geun-yeong’s tension and continued chattering while keeping his eyes on the pork.
“And the way he smokes is so sexy. Don’t you think? Plus, his job is being a detective who wears a leather jacket during stakeouts. Killer. But, Geun-yeong, don’t think things like that are cool. Living like that, he’ll end up in the afterlife before Dr. Baek, ah!”
A spoon flew mercilessly and hit Bong Tae-gu squarely on the forehead. He shouted with a voice noticeably lower and thicker than usual.
“You should lose that belly fat first! Otherwise, you’ll be in the afterlife before Detective Kyung, you brat!”
The anger that had clouded Baek Moonjong’s face disappeared like melting snow the moment he turned to Geun-yeong, whose eyes had widened like a rabbit’s at the clear ‘thwack’ sound. Baek Moonjong picked up the bottle again and held it out. Then, as if he’d never shouted at all, he spoke in a very gentle and caring tone.
“Let that guy just eat his pork belly. Let’s have another drink, just the two of us. The alcohol tastes really sweet today.”
Geun-yeong glanced at Nurse Bong’s forehead to make sure it was okay, then turned back and picked up his glass.
Seeing the unchanged complexion of the young man who had just downed half a glass in one go, Baek Moonjong—guessing he must be quite a drinker—filled his glass generously this time.
In reality, Geun-yeong had never had more than two drinks before, but he turned his head, tilted it back, and emptied another glass in one go. It wasn’t because he was afraid of being hit with a spoon. He wanted to accept anything Dr. Baek offered him. Even if it were poison, he would willingly take it. After emptying the glass, Geun-yeong quietly wiped his lips with the back of his hand and politely picked up the bottle with both hands.
“Hmm… this boy, I like him in many ways.”
One guy drinks straight liquor from a water glass, and another can’t drink at all. After seeing only people who don’t know moderation, Baek Moonjong was quite pleased to meet someone who properly and respectfully accepted a drink.
Baek Moonjong, who had emptied his glass before it was properly filled, put it down and picked up the bottle again, repeating how sweet it was while smiling so deeply that his already numerous wrinkles appeared even more numerous and deeper. He filled Geun-yeong’s glass.
Geun-yeong seriously tried to appreciate the taste of the alcohol to understand why Dr. Baek kept saying it was sweet, and drank whatever was poured. No matter how much he drank, it didn’t taste sweet, but he kept drinking. He was curious if people’s claims about forgetting sad things while drunk were true. If they were, he wanted to get drunk. So he kept drinking.
That’s how they emptied three bottles of soju. Since they shared it between the two of them, excluding Bong Tae-gu, they must have had about a bottle and a half each.
“Doctors… professors… prosecutors… judges… should all be wiped out… congressmen, the president… whatever… those who ask for favors, those who accept them, those who turn a blind eye… all, exactly! all bad guys… should all be wiped out… all… all……”
Baek Moonjong, who was already talkative, became even more so, while Geun-yeong, who was usually quiet, became even quieter as he got tipsy. Blinking his eyes, he silently listened to Baek Moonjong’s twisted words.
“Heal sick people… teach those who want to learn… lock up bad guys… confess if you like someone… live together if you love them… that’s how it should be… why can’t they do that… why can’t they do something so simple……”
Eventually, after repeating the same words and context multiple times, Baek Moonjong started looking around for a place to lie down. Seeing this, Geun-yeong said he would get a pillow and tried to stand up. Tae-gu grabbed the arm of the young man who was wobbling and staggering.
“Let’s just put him in the room. Once he’s like this, he won’t wake up until morning.”
After putting Geun-yeong back in his seat, Tae-gu went around the table and helped the half-lying man up, guiding him to the bedroom.
“If you love… if you love, you should… why can’t they do something so simple……”
The voice coming from the distance had deep inflections. He seemed to be speaking while lying in bed. And after a moment, it grew quiet. Then soon after, snoring could be heard.
When Bong Tae-gu returned to the living room, Geun-yeong, who was sitting with his knees up staring blankly at the nearly gone spicy pork, mumbled.
“That’s right… something so simple… something everyone else can do… why can’t I do it… why doesn’t it work out for me……”
“What doesn’t work out?”
Tae-gu seemed to know the answer but asked anyway. After all, although he knew, the boy had never actually confessed it.
“Just… everything… nothing works out… I want to study… I want to work… I want to… love… but……”
He’s drunk.
Tae-gu let out a snicker. With a pale face and half-closed eyes, he was saying he wanted to love. He was definitely drunk.
“If you want to do something, just do it. Why not?”
“It’s hard……”
“Is anything in this world easy? The world is hard from the moment we’re born. The saying ‘strength from mother’s milk’ didn’t come from nowhere.”
“I see… is it all hard for me because I couldn’t drink my mother’s milk……”
“Oh no. I’m sorry.”
Tae-gu pursed his lips like chicken gizzards and slapped them. Geun-yeong thought he looked like an actor in a drama and chuckled.
“It’s okay. It doesn’t bother me at all.”
It had been quite some time since being an orphan who didn’t know why or how he came into this world stopped bothering him. He didn’t have time to be upset about such things. Just trying to live, trying to survive somehow, he had no time to grieve over being born. As the smile that had briefly appeared thanks to Nurse Bong began to fade, he said:
“Almost every day… I had dreams… killing that man… killing that woman too… and me dying too, dreams like that……”
Tae-gu, who had stopped slapping his lips, joined Geun-yeong in looking at the spicy pork. He decided to listen to what the alcohol-emboldened boy wanted to say.
“In dreams, it was easy… but in reality… far from killing… I couldn’t even run away… couldn’t even refuse… even though I had no courage……”
That must have been the case. That’s why Tae-gu liked Geun-yeong. He liked the boy who, even in such a situation, had the will to live and tried hard to survive. That’s not lacking courage at all. It’s much more courageous and stronger than those who, despairing over their circumstances, lash out in all directions, live like trash, and end up hurting others and themselves.
“But you know… when I was told I didn’t have diabetes… at that moment, I almost really killed him… I could see scissors right in front of me… I felt like I could just reach out, grab them, and stab him… at that moment, it seemed possible……”
It wasn’t that he found the courage to stab, but rather that his courage to keep enduring and living in a world where that man existed had run out. That’s what Tae-gu thought.
“But I didn’t stab him… I wanted to live… if I killed that man, I would have to die too… but I couldn’t die… because of the person who told me to try living… I couldn’t die… I wanted to live……”
Tae-gu thought he knew who had told Geun-yeong to try living. So he didn’t ask. Filling in the gaps in the conversation himself, he kept looking at what Geun-yeong was looking at. He listened to what needed to be said.
“But you know… desperately holding on because I wanted to live somehow… and eventually surviving… looking back on that time……”
Tae-gu, who had been looking at the spicy pork with him until now, raised his head to look at Geun-yeong. He tried to read his expression by looking at his face. He wasn’t sure what the boy wanted to say, but the area around his eyes, which had been pale all along, was gradually turning red.
“…I regret it… I should have just killed him… I should have just died myself……”
It was an unexpected statement. Tae-gu’s lips, which had been tightly sealed, parted weakly. He was quite surprised, as he never thought Geun-yeong would say he regretted what happened back then.
Why? Why would he think that way? Was the lengthy trial process wearing him down? Was he tired of being misunderstood as a liar? Or was he missing his previous life? Why was this kid thinking such thoughts?
Geun-yeong shifted his gaze away from the stir-fried pork. He hunched over, burying his face in his knees.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
