Hands had moved first, but he had only intended to leave a light peck and pull away. That was the plan. But before he knew it, a palm had settled firmly against the back of his head, cutting off his escape route.
The moment he tried to retreat, the other closed the distance. Their lips, which had parted slightly, met again, and instinctively, Sa-yoon let his eyes drift shut.
“……?”
Something felt off. Even when he slightly parted his lips, Shin-jae did nothing more than rub against them, like a cat affectionately nuzzling. Even when he tilted his head a bit and opened his mouth wider, it was the same.
‘No way.’
A suspicion crept into his mind, making Sa-yoon squint one eye.
Looking like that, and this is his first kiss…? Kids these days are so fast—at least when it comes to kissing, but this… this is barely even a kiss. More like a peck.
Whether or not Sa-yoon’s mind was in turmoil, Shin-jae remained entirely focused on his lip-rubbing endeavor. When Sa-yoon cracked his eyes open slightly, he saw the way Shin-jae’s brows were drawn tightly together, as if he were performing some grave task.
Amused by the featherlight contact, Sa-yoon suddenly took Shin-jae’s lower lip between his own. As he lightly sucked on the flesh, the large body in front of him went utterly stiff.
So it is his first.
As if comforting him, Sa-yoon ran a few soothing strokes along Shin-jae’s arm. In response, Shin-jae tentatively nibbled at Sa-yoon’s upper lip, cautiously mimicking his movements. He was like a baby bird, learning to flap its wings for the first time.
“Pfft.”
In the end, Sa-yoon couldn’t hold back his laughter. As if protesting the interruption, Shin-jae bit down firmly—but considering how careful he was, it didn’t hurt at all.
Teasing, Sa-yoon coaxed his tongue out and traced Shin-jae’s lips. Every time he made a move, Shin-jae would startle slightly, making it painfully clear that he was kissing an absolute novice.
When his tongue parted Shin-jae’s lips, a rush of warmth greeted him. Shin-jae ran hot, even inside his mouth. Sa-yoon leisurely mapped out the straight row of teeth before pressing against the soft inner cheek, giving it a firm push.
Meanwhile, the one who was supposed to be hosting this particular encounter lay docilely against the car’s floor. Sa-yoon ran his tongue along the center of Shin-jae’s hesitant one, coaxing him further. It was akin to a ticklish caress, and as expected, the previously passive muscle quickly puffed up, growing firmer.
Pressing against the roof of Shin-jae’s mouth, Sa-yoon pulled his tongue back, inviting Shin-jae’s to follow. In an instant, their roles reversed—Shin-jae’s tongue slipped into Sa-yoon’s mouth, exploring tentatively.
Shin-jae was a fast learner. Once he realized that this was okay, his movements became more thorough, pressing and rubbing against every part of Sa-yoon’s mouth. The tip of his tongue, which had been prodding at Sa-yoon’s inner cheek, now moved toward the ridged roof of his mouth.
“Mm…”
A quiet sound slipped out the moment his sensitive spot was stimulated. That seemed to be the signal. Shin-jae’s movements turned bolder, and the inside of the car was soon filled with the wet, heated sounds of their kiss.
At some point, the hand cradling the back of his head had slid down to his nape. The other hand, now firmly wrapped around his waist, tightened, pressing into all the right spots. It had been far too long since he’d felt something like this.
“Haa… Hyung…”
His name, rasped out in a voice roughened with arousal, sent a sharp jolt straight down his spine. Sa-yoon felt the heat pooling low in his abdomen, and his expression turned slightly conflicted.
Would it be okay to take this further? Would that be rushing things? Should he be protecting him instead?
Sa-yoon had never been with someone younger before. He had no solid reference for what the appropriate pace should be. He couldn’t just spend the whole night sucking on his lips, so at some point, he’d have to call it and let him go.
Though Sa-yoon had been the one to initiate, somewhere between the back-and-forth of their tongues, he had been pushed back into the passenger seat. His waist was uncomfortably bent at an odd angle, so he started by turning his head away.
“Wait. Let’s just…”
At that moment, Sa-yoon’s gaze wavered.
“Are you crying?”
As if that single sentence had knocked something loose, a precariously perched tear slipped down Shin-jae’s cheek. Watching a face like that cry right in front of him, Sa-yoon was utterly thrown.
What the hell? Did he realize mid-kiss that this wasn’t for him? Or did he just find the whole thing disgusting? Was calling my name earlier not because he liked it, but because he wanted me to stop? Then again… why the hell does he still look so damn pretty while crying?
A million thoughts raced through his head.
“…It’s not that.”
Shin-jae lifted a hand to rub at his face and turned away. Sa-yoon’s heart dropped. His mind went blank.
“Shin-jae, look at me.”
The moment Sa-yoon cupped his cheek in his palm, the dam broke. Tears began to spill in earnest.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Did something upset you?”
Shin-jae shook his head. Sa-yoon couldn’t make sense of it. If the kiss had felt good, then why…?
“I liked it.”
Then why are you crying?
“I liked it… but hyung didn’t.”
What the hell kind of nonsense was that? Shin-jae bit his lip, misinterpreting Sa-yoon’s momentary pause. Then, carefully, he reached out and grasped the hem of Sa-yoon’s sleeve.
“I don’t mind. So if hyung is curious… you can try everything. And if, after that, you still don’t feel anything…”
So, in short—if he was unsure, he could just use physical contact to test whether there was any attraction? Did he get that right? A statement that, in one breath, carried the absolute certainty that Sa-yoon could never actually like him, while simultaneously turning him into complete trash. Sa-yoon’s expression turned ice-cold.
“If it’s just the mood leading us here, you don’t have to take responsibility.”
The mood? There wasn’t even any damn mood. Sa-yoon had just impulsively crashed their lips together.
“What made you think that?” His voice was edged. “You even know what comes after a kiss?”
“I’m not hyung’s type.”
At the sheer sorrow in his voice, Sa-yoon lost his resolve in an instant. It wasn’t like Shin-jae was wrong. He had mentioned multiple times, right in front of him, that his type was older men with the scent of winter.
Now, for the first time, he noticed Shin-jae’s neatly slicked-back hair. His mature clothing, too advanced for his age.
Realizing everything, Sa-yoon let out a dry chuckle. While he had been consumed with his own feelings, Shin-jae had been silently agonizing over all this. The thought made his chest tighten with guilt. As he tried to gather the pieces of his heart from the floor, an urge for a cigarette hit him.
“Shin-jae.”
But instead of reaching for a cigarette, Sa-yoon reached for Shin-jae’s hand, lacing their fingers together.
“I think I like you. No— I like you.”
“…Why?”
The tear-filled eyes that stared up at him were brimming with doubt. Something ached deep in his chest at the sight.
“I don’t know. At some point, I just started thinking about you all the time. Whether you were in front of me or not, you were always on my mind. Even now. Seeing you cry like this… it hurts.”
“…Liar.”
Sa-yoon gently ran his thumb over the trembling back of Shin-jae’s hand, not gripping too tightly, giving him space.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. But I think you’re right—I kept looking for reasons why this wouldn’t work.”
Even though I’ve been this affected by you all along. Ridiculous.
He gave their intertwined hands a slight shake, and suddenly, Shin-jae’s tears overflowed.
“Whoa—”
Sa-yoon had expected happiness, not for him to cry even harder. Panicking, he reached out with his free hand and cupped Shin-jae’s cheek again.
“You always just dismissed it… kept saying it was because of our age… wouldn’t accept me…”
He was speaking through swallowed sobs, making his words difficult to catch. But it was obvious now just how much turmoil Sa-yoon had put him through with his constant rejections.
“I’m sorry. I realized too late.”
Sa-yoon wiped away the tears trailing down Shin-jae’s damp cheeks. Instead of pulling away, Shin-jae tilted his head into the warmth of Sa-yoon’s palm.
“Hyung… I really like you. I love you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Watching him cry like this made Sa-yoon restless. If things were going to end up like this anyway, he should’ve realized sooner. What kind of “type” was so important that he’d been this blind?
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“I’ll do my best. I won’t disappoint you…”
It was meant to be comforting, but Shin-jae’s crying didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. At this rate, they’d be here all night. Sighing, Sa-yoon pulled him in again, pressing their lips together. Their second kiss tasted like tears.
Originally, the plan had been to console his newly acquired crybaby of a boyfriend and send him home.
“Hyung, just… a little more.”
“Wait, let me breathe first.”
At this point, he’d lost count of how many times they had kissed. At first, it had been to soothe him. Then, because he wanted to.
Sa-yoon glanced at the time and blinked.
Wait—was that clock right?
Three hours. They had been making out in the car for three whole hours?
“Shin-jae, maybe we should—”
Go home for today and see each other tomorrow. That was what Sa-yoon had intended to say. But he stopped.
“…Are you sending me home?”
His tears had long since dried, yet somehow, he still looked utterly pitiful. No—Sa-yoon knew exactly why. He was hopelessly smitten, that was why.
It was nearly impossible to turn down a younger boyfriend who was so blatantly reluctant to part ways. Especially when said boyfriend had just spent the night crying and was now gazing at him with red-rimmed eyes, full of longing.
“…One last kiss before you go?”
The words had barely left his mouth before their lips met again. After hours of doing this, Shin-jae’s tongue felt like an extension of his own.
“Hyung, I like this… I really like you.”
Wet sounds of their tongues entwining filled the space. As Sa-yoon kissed him back, he thought to himself—yeah, there was no way he was getting home early tonight.
The newly established couple continued their heated exchange for a while before pulling apart.
Shin-jae hadn’t even cried for that long, yet the delicate skin around his eyes looked irritated and raw. When Sa-yoon reached out, Shin-jae obediently shut his eyes.
He gently ran his fingers over the damp eyelids, only for Shin-jae to nuzzle into his palm, rubbing his cheek against it like a spoiled cat. It was almost ridiculous how much affection he was suddenly pouring out. How had he hidden this side of himself for so long?
And just how was he still so damn pretty? After all that crying, his eyes would probably be swollen soon. But even then, he’d probably still be cute.
The warmth against his hand made something greedy stir inside him.
They were both adults. They were dating now.
…So, there wasn’t any reason to hold back, was there?
“Hyung, I like you so much…”
Ah, fuck.
“…Pretty.”
It wasn’t until after the word had slipped out that Sa-yoon realized he had said it aloud. Shin-jae’s eyes went wide at the unexpected term of endearment.
“Hyung, are you… not going home tonight?”
Help I like it so much when MLS cry, it’s so cuteeee