“Did something… hurt?”
The moment she asked that embarrassingly intimate question, last night came rushing back to him. Everything that had happened inside the cabin—the heat, the sensation, the sheer overwhelming intensity—looped through his mind in vivid detail. He’d already been replaying it nonstop since he woke, tracing every moment, imprinting it into his soul.
Holding his beloved Eid hadn’t been something he could’ve ever imagined or guessed at. There was no comparison, no fantasy that could have prepared him for how utterly euphoric it was. Honestly, there probably wasn’t even a word in existence that could fully describe it. That’s how overwhelming it had been. So joyful it ached. So intense it felt like he could die happy. As sensation after sensation melted through his body, Ressas finally understood why people longed for intimacy—why they ached for it.
Seiyad was too beautiful. Too lovely for words.
That body, molded in his master’s image, was flawless. Every part of him was beautiful, and his skin—his skin was sweet. Maybe it was because he loved sweets, but every time Ressas licked that pale, silky skin, a sugary flavor rose on his tongue. He was certain Seiyad’s blood would taste just as sweet.
Even when he licked his most private places, it was the same—sweet, addictive. If he could, Ressas wanted to spend day and night doing nothing else, licking and sucking every inch of Seiyad’s body. Burying his face in that trembling, clenching hole, devouring him like a madman—it was a kind of bliss he’d never known before.
And when his lover finally took him in, truly accepted him, he nearly lost his mind. He wanted to stay like that all day, rutting into him like an animal in heat. The sheer existence of that kind of pleasure—it was astounding. It sent thrills down his spine, sharp enough to be frightening. It felt so good, so impossibly good, that he couldn’t stop crying from joy.
…Damn it.
Just recalling a small piece of last night made his body react violently. Ressas bit the inside of his mouth until he tasted blood, forcing his arousal to scatter. If he got like this just from remembering, what would happen if Seiyad were actually beside him? If he stood next to him, saying something sweet with that soft smile? Ressas would lose all reason. He’d want to devour him right then and there.
That’s why, today, he had to bite the inside of his cheek or lip dozens of times to keep himself in check. If he’d had a normal body, his mouth would’ve been a shredded mess by now. Fortunately, his abilities remained intact—his wounds healed instantly, so Seiyad would never have to worry.
“There’s nothing painful to speak of, Cecilia. For me, it was… an unbelievably blissful experience. If anything, Eid had a harder time. I had no experience, so I hurt him…”
Ressas forced himself to stop spiraling in memory and finally answered her question. At his candid reply, Seiyad’s ears tinged faintly red. Cecilia, looking just as stunned as Ressas had moments ago, blinked wide-eyed, like she hadn’t fully understood what she’d just heard.
“I mean, I always heard that in relationships between men, one side has it rough, but… he seemed to be in more pain than I expected. I’m sorry. It’s because I didn’t know what I was doing.”
As he spoke, guilt started to well up inside him. Ressas looked up at Seiyad with a suddenly serious expression. Seiyad had been so reassuring afterward that he’d almost forgotten, but during the moment of first penetration, he’d struggled so hard to accept him. The memory of his strained, pained moans still echoed in Ressas’s mind, and it tore at his heart.
If only he’d been smaller. Maybe things would’ve gone easier. But no—despite having no experience himself, his body matched its size, and all he did was hurt Seiyad…
Sensing the shift in mood, Lyley carefully slid down from Ressas’s knee and stepped to Cecilia’s side. Cecilia, finally catching on to what had just been said, clamped both hands over her mouth.
“No way!”
Her shrill cry drew the attention of every knight enjoying the banquet. Not that their conversation had been especially discreet—but several had clearly been listening already. The moment she screamed, they all bowed their heads in shock. Kirill was among them. Only Vine and Mona, distracted by their ice wine, looked around in confusion.
“Cecilia, are you okay?”
Startled by her reaction, Ressas panicked. What the hell had he said to cause this kind of meltdown? His face was practically a portrait of anxiety. Seiyad, calm and collected, gently stepped in to soothe him.
“Your Highness, please don’t worry about Cecilia. I used to think the same way she did.”
“Oppa…! How could a Guide top a Tither?! Isn’t it usually the other way around? I learned that in relationships between men, the Tither’s supposed to be the one who…!”
Even as she spoke, she looked disbelieving, flicking her gaze between her brother and Seiyad in a daze before shaking her head and burying her face in her hands.
“Nope, nope. I don’t want to know any more than that…”
Whatever she’d imagined, it made her flinch. Her shoulders trembled as she muttered to herself. Seiyad, raising one eyebrow, leaned in and whispered quietly into her ear.
“Keep your voice down, Cecilia. His Highness is shy. All these stares must be overwhelming. And stop imagining nonsense. You should just eat.”
Only then did Cecilia realize how many people were watching. Her face flushed crimson, and she glanced around at the knights. All of them quickly looked away, pretending to be absorbed in their meals. Only then did she lift her hands to hide her embarrassment.
“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. I was so surprised, I forgot my manners and made a scene. But Oppa, then… your neck…”
Cecilia’s gaze changed slightly as she looked at Ressas again. Her eyes flicked between the deep, dark love bites decorating her brother’s pale neck and Ressas, then back again. After a moment of hesitation, she spoke.
“I just… never imagined His Highness would be the type to do something like that…”
“I’m so sorry, Cecilia…!”
“Just… don’t be too rough on my brother, okay? Promise me.”
“I will. I swear I’ll hold back…!”
Even with everything she’d said, it was clear that Cecilia couldn’t help but worry about her brother. Her voice softened as she gave a quiet plea, and Ressas, visibly remorseful, nodded in earnest agreement. Watching them in silence, Seiyad suddenly stepped in between the two.
“There’s no need to worry about that, Cecil. His Highness is already far too restrained for his own good. Let’s not complicate things with unnecessary concerns.”
“…What?”
“I only just figured out how to coax him out of his shell. The last thing I need is you standing in the way. I’m going to step outside with him for a bit to get some air. In the meantime, stay here and look after Prince Lyley.”
Seiyad ignored the strange expression that flickered across Cecilia’s face and gently tugged Ressas by the hand. Ressas rose obediently and followed, letting Seiyad lead him out of the dining hall and into the corridor. As soon as the two disappeared, the hall—momentarily subdued—returned to its usual lively clamor.
“I’m sorry about that. Cecilia’s still young… I think she was clinging to a fantasy.”
“I feel bad for shattering it.”
“Well, that’s part of growing up, isn’t it? You really don’t need to feel guilty. Honestly, it’s easier for everyone this way.”
Ressas didn’t quite understand what would be “easier,” but Seiyad’s word was law to him, so he simply nodded. Seiyad’s smile deepened slightly, clearly pleased by his quiet obedience.
“And you don’t need to feel bad about hurting me either. The pain was brief, and all that’s left now is the pleasure.”
“…That’s a relief.”
“So don’t hold back. You tend to keep too much bottled up, Your Highness. I understand you’ve made a habit of hiding how you really feel, but the people beside you… sometimes, that silence makes them uneasy.”
It didn’t feel like Seiyad was only talking about what had happened between them last night. Ressas looked at him quietly. Seiyad, who had been smiling softly, turned his head slightly to meet his gaze. His gray eyes—firm, masculine, and endlessly gentle—met Ressas’s with steady warmth.
And just like that, the tension inside him began to dissolve. He’d been about to apologize again—out of habit—but this time, he caught himself. This wasn’t a moment for apologies. Seiyad wasn’t scolding him. At last, the words Seiyad had told him time and again—don’t be so quick to apologize—echoed in his mind. Right now, Seiyad didn’t want his remorse.
“Was it nice seeing your knights again?”
His voice was quiet, composed. Ressas thought back to Seiyad’s earlier words and took a moment to answer with sincerity.
“Yes. It had been a while… and they’ve all suffered because of me.”
“You must care about them deeply.”
That question was harder to answer than it should’ve been. Or rather, the answer was clear, but admitting it aloud was difficult. Ressas still wasn’t sure if he was allowed to care for anyone.
“They’re… good people. Loyal. I know you don’t care about status, so I don’t have to explain this, but even though many of them are commoners, every one of them is highly capable.”
“I can see that. So—do you care about them?”
“I…”
“To me, it’s obvious. You worry about them. You carry guilt. You think about them all the time. You’ve always been a kind person, Your Highness—but this goes beyond kindness. That’s affection.”
Strangely, hearing Seiyad say it—hearing him affirm it—made it feel like it was finally okay to admit. For as long as he could remember, the people around Ressas had always been uncomfortable just meeting his gaze. Talking about others, expressing feelings—that had always felt like something out of reach for him. But now, for the first time…
“…They’re people I care about.”
He followed his heart, even if it still felt unfamiliar. He said the words cautiously, and when he did, Seiyad’s smile softened with something like pride.
“Then why, I wonder, are you so determined to hand them over to me?”
