#050
By the end of January, regular admission results began coming out one by one. Seungwoo, who was eating lunch, excitedly shared Jukyung’s college admission results with bright eyes.
Taehyun was excited, saying that if even that hyung was going to a top 3 university, couldn’t he do it too, and Minho smacked Taehyun on the head, telling him to be more humble.
Yechan desperately tried to calm his increasingly impatient heart. And finally, the day of Korea University’s regular admission announcement approached.
“Hey…… Do you know what I just heard?”
Right after dinner, Taehyun had rushed to the faculty office, saying he was dying to know how many students would get into Korea University this year. He only returned before evening self-study began.
“This doesn’t make sense.”
Taehyun, with a dazed expression, suddenly banged on his desk. Yechan thought that sound was like his own heartbeat.
Taehyun, who had been banging on his desk, stared at Yechan with his mouth hanging open blankly. Seeing him seemingly contemplating whether to speak or not, Yechan asked.
“What is it?”
“Ah, I don’t know. The rumor will spread quickly anyway.”
Taehyun, who had been gauging Yechan’s reaction, finally opened his mouth as Yechan’s expression grew increasingly fierce.
“Lee Jiwoon hyung got a perfect score on the Suneung. This year’s Suneung was fucking difficult. But he just got into Korea University Business.”
Ha. Yechan let out a hollow laugh. This made it certain. Unlike himself, Jiwoon hadn’t struggled at all.
At the same time, he remembered Jiwoon calling “Yechan-ah” and studying beside him. Good for him. The words mixed with mockery slipped out.
His emotions ran wild. He was happy to finally have a clue, but also furious. Even Yechan himself couldn’t figure out his own feelings.
“I got goosebumps.”
At Minho’s words, Taehyun nodded vigorously and said.
“Me too, I got fucking goosebumps. Hey, does this make sense? I mean, wasn’t Jiwoon hyung definitely fooling around until the hundred-day mark?”
“The faculty office must be in chaos. But why wasn’t there any talk until now?”
“It’s like fucking spy-level secrecy. Either that hyung miscalculated his preliminary score, or the score he told the school was different. But as soon as the school administration opened the score report envelope, that hyung’s parents intercepted it in the middle? And that hyung went abroad. So nobody knew until now! Really fucking creepy.”
“Intercepted the score report? Is that possible?”
“I don’t know. But with that hyung’s family background, it seems possible? Anyway, the teachers also found out today by talking to Jiwoon hyung’s parents about the regular admission results. That hyung’s homeroom teacher is fucking excited right now. His voice is so loud.”
“Teachers get bonuses when students get into Korea University. And since it’s a perfect score, wouldn’t he get even more?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. They’ll probably have a company dinner today.”
Listening to Taehyun and Minho’s conversation, Yechan clenched and unclenched his fists. Still, this gave him direction. Now there was only one thing he had to do.
Yechan opened his book and picked up his pen. There wasn’t even a second to waste.
* * *
On graduation day, Jiwoon ultimately didn’t come. After staying in the auditorium for a long time even after the graduation ceremony ended, Yechan turned his steps away.
Me: Congratulations on graduation. I’ll do well on the Suneung. Stay healthy, hyung.
Another unread message piled up.
Unless there were special circumstances, Yechan’s school maintained the same class from second year to third year. Third year, Class 4. As soon as Yechan became a third-year, the first thing he did was carry his desk to Class 2 and replace it with the desk Jiwoon had used.
Lee Jiwoon. Running his finger over the nameplate on the desk that still hadn’t been removed, Yechan attached the nameplate given by the new homeroom teacher below Jiwoon’s.
Actually, he didn’t want to see Jiwoon’s name. But he couldn’t bear to cover Jiwoon’s name with his own.
Recently, Yechan hardly spoke at all. As time passed, Taehyun and Minho gradually became quieter too. The classroom focused on achieving their goals was quiet and fierce.
Time moved too slowly. The distance between Jiwoon, who had left school, and himself, who lived only for the Suneung, was steadily widening even now.
He couldn’t bear that gap nonchalantly. Yechan was anxious. He was impatient. As a third-year, Yechan’s lips never stopped bleeding.
He hated Jiwoon for leaving only him behind. He hated him so much. And at the same time, he missed Jiwoon. He wanted to see Jiwoon so badly.
So Yechan studied like an even more insane person. He had to meet Jiwoon. Every time he looked away from his books, Jiwoon in his school uniform was in the classroom, in the hallway, at the school store, on the playground.
On days when he couldn’t bear it, he comforted his body while thinking of Jiwoon. Yechan-ah, Yechan-ah. Each time, Jiwoon’s voice calling him rang clearly in Yechan’s ears.
Thanks to this, Yechan could only reach climax while crying his heart out. After relieving himself like that, he had to tremble with sticky self-hatred and longing and cry for a long time again.
Yechan woke up with memories and fell asleep with longing. He loved Jiwoon while simultaneously hating him.
However, the end of all thoughts, worries, and emotions always reached one conclusion.
Seo Yechan wanted Lee Jiwoon.
On the day of the Suneung, a white watch was on Yechan’s wrist.
* * *
After arriving in England, Jiwoon was truly busy. Although he had parachuted in, the intern position at his father’s company wasn’t an easy spot.
Of course, it wasn’t even a formal internship but closer to a part-time position. There was an excessive amount of work pouring in without any time to adjust.
But Jiwoon thought it was rather fortunate. The busier he was now, the better.
He repeated a life of working intensely for a while, then having dinner with his parents, exercising, and falling asleep exhausted.
On weekends, he toured various places in London. Though the weather was depressing, after wandering the streets with earphones in, his body quickly fell into sleep. Sleep kept pouring over him.
The Christmas that approached like that had only a meal with his parents scheduled. It was a ceremonial occasion without even a slice of cake.
Jiwoon watched movies and read books by the fireplace. Despite taking quite long naps during the day, Jiwoon fell deeply into nighttime sleep.
Time flew by quickly. Around the time he was getting used to company work, it became Jiwoon’s birthday. Having lost track of dates, Jiwoon realized it was his birthday from his parents’ congratulations.
His father gave him a Korean stock account with a considerable amount of money that kept growing, and his mother gave him a luxury SUV that would be shipped to their Korean home in a few months. After saying thank you, Jiwoon fell asleep again as soon as he returned home after the meal.
And discovering the message notification the next day, Jiwoon put a cigarette in his mouth for the first time. The message he couldn’t open was buried in time as it was.
February came and university admission results were announced. Since it was a result he had already expected from when his Suneung scores came out, there was no particular emotion. His mom and dad continued the praise and congratulations they had heard several times.
Eventually, Jiwoon finished applying for Marine Corps enlistment and wrapped up his intern life. His father still had an attitude of not understanding, but such things didn’t matter at all.
One day, another message notification piled up. Quietly deleting the notification, Jiwoon fell fast asleep again. The day to return to Korea was approaching.
After returning to Korea, Jiwoon didn’t inform anyone of his return. He got his driver’s license and finished enlistment preparations like physical examinations and interviews. Then he ate and exercised.
After quietly watching movies, taking naps, reading books and falling asleep, it was already the next day. Days when he didn’t say even a single word increased.
April came like that, and Jiwoon enlisted in the Marine Corps.
Living within set rules was more comfortable than he thought. Of course, training was tough and difficult, but that was rather fortunate.
Thanks to that, there was no time to think about other things. Time flowed steadily.
About half a year later, Jukyung, Kyungjun, and Choi Min came to visit once. The three said they came to see him since Jiwoon was the only one among them going to the military, teased him, chatted excitedly, and left.
Jiwoon told them as they left that he would kill them if they came to visit one more time. After that, he could spend a quiet military life.
Jiwoon was surprisingly suited to military life. He seriously considered the path of becoming a soldier.
Then, thinking that if he was going to become a soldier, shouldn’t he have gone to the military academy, he soon brushed off the worry. Like that, Jiwoon devoted himself to the set daily routine.
Time passed neither quickly nor slowly. During that time, Yechan existed only in deep sleep and Jiwoon’s dreams.
So even after discharge, Jiwoon slept whenever he had time. Yechan in his dreams was happy. Because of that, Jiwoon in his dreams was happy too.
Except for exercise, meals, and things to pass time appropriately when sleep wouldn’t come, Jiwoon’s days were filled with sleep. It was a kind of defense mechanism. Thinking of Seo Yechan while sober was self-harm for Lee Jiwoon.
* * *
A weekday, the day after March 1st Independence Movement Day. Sunlight occasionally shone through the cloudy sky.
Before he knew it, it was the first day of university. The campus was bustling with the excitement and energy of new students.
Congratulations on your admission. A huge banner was firmly fixed above the main gate of Korea University.
Thinking that his hair had grown quite long so he wouldn’t have to give off the buzz-cut returning student vibe, Jiwoon parked his SUV in the parking lot. As usual, his parents were in England, so Jiwoon didn’t need to attend the entrance ceremony.
He found the smoking area, smoked a cigarette, and headed to the lecture hall. Today Jiwoon was wearing a light blue hoodie, loose-fit jeans, and a white padded jacket.
An ivory-colored backpack swayed on one of Jiwoon’s shoulders. His gait was casual, but his bulging cheek from the candy he was sucking and his strangely bumpy small face caught people’s attention.
The lecture hall for his first major class was packed with people. Jiwoon, who casually entered through the visible door, sat in an empty front seat without even glancing at the crowd of people.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
