#036
As they left the building, humid heat rushed at them. Jiwoon, who frowned, removed Jukyung’s arm.
“Ah, I need an armrest.”
Jukyung kept clinging. Jiwoon sharply smacked Jukyung’s hand that had somehow gotten onto his shoulder.
“Don’t do it.”
“Ah!”
Only when they almost reached the store did Jukyung’s arm fall away. Yechan was watching Jiwoon and Jukyung from the store entrance.
“Hyung.”
Yechan, who had approached with big steps, held out an ice cream to Jiwoon. Jiwoon unwrapped the ice cream that had no moisture on it, as if it had just been bought.
“What about mine?”
“There isn’t one.”
“That’s too much.”
Jukyung tried to put his arm around Jiwoon’s neck again. Jiwoon bent his waist to avoid the arm and said to Yechan.
“Yechan. I can’t study together on Saturday.”
“Do you have something to do?”
“Yeah, Jiwoon, Jiwoon promised to go on a date with me.”
Jukyung answered instead of Jiwoon to Yechan’s question. Jiwoon put the ice cream in his mouth.
The excessively sweet soda flavor spread coldly in his mouth. I’ll live a bit. It’s fucking hot.
Jiwoon, who confirmed that Yechan had nothing in his hands, soon held out the ice cream he was eating. Yechan, who took it as if it were natural, took a big bite of the ice cream.
“I get that you two are close, but I want to eat ice cream too. Jiwoon, Jiwoon.”
“Stop talking nonsense and buy one yourself.”
Jukyung grumbled that his mouth was also a mouth as he trudged toward the store.
He’s seemed to have excessive skinship from before. Yechan’s eyes looking at Jukyung subtly narrowed. Light and spontaneous, Jiwoon and Jukyung seemed to match yet didn’t match.
Isn’t he the type hyung would find annoying given his personality? Yechan, who had thought this far, asked Jiwoon.
“Are you close with that hyung?”
“No.”
Hearing that, Yechan suddenly became curious about what Jiwoon’s standard for being close was.
“Then are you close with me?”
At Yechan’s question, Jiwoon stared at Yechan. Yechan unconsciously swallowed his saliva. For some reason, it seemed like he’d be hurt if a negative word came from Jiwoon’s mouth.
It was when Yechan, thinking he had asked unnecessarily, was about to laugh it off. Jiwoon answered.
“Yeah. We’re fucking close.”
At Jiwoon’s answer, Yechan couldn’t help but smile brightly. Jiwoon, who had finished the ice cream, looked at Yechan while pursing his lips round and pulling out the stick. He hated sticky things.
At that sight, Yechan bit the inside of his mouth. Jiwoon’s lips, redder than usual from the cold ice cream, looked strangely alluring.
Yechan raised his wrist to check his watch.
“Hyung. Please help me with something for a moment.”
“With what?”
Instead of answering, Yechan grabbed and pulled Jiwoon’s hand. Jukyung, who had entered the store, was still in the middle of choosing ice cream.
“What are you going to do?”
Yechan led Jiwoon to the annex building where there were no people. He entered the teachers’ restroom on the first floor without hesitation, locked the door, and pushed Jiwoon into the corner stall.
Jiwoon, who had been looking puzzled the whole time, finally smiled as if finding it absurd.
“Yechan is being naughty.”
Yechan smiled silently and firmly locked the stall door. And as soon as the door was locked, Jiwoon embraced Yechan’s waist.
Yechan trembled at the waist and leaned his forehead against Jiwoon’s shoulder.
“Seo Yechan is going to explode at this rate.”
“I won’t buy you ice cream anymore.”
“Ah, so that was it?”
Yechan, who had been rubbing his cheek against Jiwoon, soon came to swallow his lips.
And how much time had passed like that? The warning bell rang. Jiwoon’s smiling face as he gently kissed and separated their lips was languid.
Yechan opened the locked door. The two quickly washed their hands and ran toward the classroom.
“Buy me ice cream again next time.”
“Ah… hyung!”
Jiwoon, who had teased Yechan, smiled satisfyingly. The midsummer sunlight blazed down on the two who had just released their heat.
* * *
It was the day he had arranged to meet Yoon Jukyung. Jiwoon wore a black t-shirt with gray training shorts, put on sandals, and wore a black ball cap.
When he went to the restaurant they had agreed on, Jukyung, wearing a bright blue t-shirt, waved his hand. At Jukyung’s energetic appearance, Jiwoon greeted him roughly and sat down.
“Eel is the way to go in summer.”
Jukyung chewed a bite of Japanese-style eel rice bowl. The sweet eel melted softly in his mouth. It was different from the hamo they had eaten in Yeosu.
Jiwoon stirred his rice bowl silently and asked.
“How did you know?”
“Hmm… you know Jukyung has sharp instincts.”
“Was it that obvious?”
“A little? Jiwoon, Jiwoon doesn’t usually take care of people. But he was going around you so much. So I did watch closely.”
“What about the other guys?”
“They don’t know. Those guys are hopeless when it comes to that stuff. Jukyung will definitely keep his mouth shut too. Don’t worry.”
“Okay.”
“But putting Jiwoon, Jiwoon aside. What about him? Does he like Jiwoon, Jiwoon too?”
“No.”
“He seemed to care though.”
“No.”
“Huh? Isn’t he just unaware? He seemed to completely hate it whenever I clung to Jiwoon, Jiwoon.”
Jiwoon took a sip of cider. Jiwoon didn’t agree with Jukyung’s words.
Yechan probably just didn’t like that someone he played with was being touched by someone else. So that was more like the common competitive spirit among men rather than liking someone.
When Jiwoon remained silent, Jukyung continued.
“Well, he’s not exactly in the unaware category either. How about confessing?”
Unaware. Yechan was kind. But that was all – there was no way Yechan had the same feelings as him.
Suddenly, he remembered Yechan saying that even if he got a girlfriend, he wanted to go to movies and cafes with him.
It’s hard to find someone as comfortable to talk to as hyung. Yechan’s expression when he said that was endlessly ordinary. Even the kindness he had shown in Yeosu was ultimately just cleaning up the trouble he had caused.
Yechan was similar to Jiwoon. So Jiwoon could tell.
He was a useful person to Yechan. A person with utility. That was all.
Jiwoon took a big spoonful of eel rice bowl and put it in his mouth. Jiwoon, who had been staring at Jukyung’s eyes sparkling with curiosity for a moment, answered.
“I have no intention of confessing. He’d never date me.”
“Why?”
“He says he wants to stay close friends even if I get a girlfriend.”
“Ah…”
At this point, Jiwoon was pitiful. Jukyung recalled Yechan’s face and drank cider to ease his stuffed feeling.
“You really think there’s no possibility he’d accept?”
“He’s not gay.”
“Are you gay, Jiwoon, Jiwoon?”
“Who knows.”
“What about Jukyung?”
“Fuck off.”
“That’s too much.”
At the firm answer, Jukyung pouted and sipped his cider. Yechan was annoying.
Well. Thinking about the incident with Choi Yeon, it seemed like Yechan was currently living while excluding the very possibility that he could date a man.
That handsome head would be full of only things about himself… like studying, the future, and some human relationships.
The Seo Yechan that Jukyung saw was the type of human who was deluded into thinking he could control 100% of his life. So he was the type who wouldn’t even glance at things he didn’t know.
Then drowning to death without even knowing he was getting wet. Seeing Jukyung’s eyes deepen, Jiwoon spat out.
“Anyway, don’t do useless things.”
“Jukyung was helping though.”
“I’m not grateful at all. I’ll handle it myself.”
Jukyung looked at Jiwoon quietly. Jiwoon was controlling his own life well enough while very cleanly acknowledging uncontrollable love – emotions that society pointed fingers at, even unrequited love – and pushing forward in his own way.
It was something Jukyung couldn’t do even if he died and came back to life. Jukyung, who had briefly imagined himself falling into such a situation, sighed. Ah, Jiwoon.
“Got it. It was fun but it’s a shame. So what will you do when Suneung is over?”
“Who knows. What should I do.”
Jiwoon realized it was time to seriously consider the future he had only vaguely thought about. When Suneung ended and he went to college, Yechan would be a senior in high school.
If that happened, Jiwoon wouldn’t be able to be with Yechan like now unless he made special efforts. Jiwoon, who imagined meeting Yechan when he was in college and Yechan was a high school senior, sighed at his sinking heart.
It really was pouring water into a broken pot. The longer he met with Yechan, the more he would obviously continue to wear away. Jiwoon, who imagined that pot breaking, put down his chopsticks.
Unrequited love really was fucking awful. Even the fact that he couldn’t easily make a decision despite the answer being clear was like that.
“I’m thinking about it.”
“Tell me anytime if it’s hard. I’m unconditionally on Jiwoon, Jiwoon’s side. I hate seeing you suffer.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll keep your center, right?”
“Wasn’t I keeping it?”
“No. You were keeping it well.”
Very well. Jukyung recalled Jiwoon’s attitude when dealing with Yechan who had come back from hanging out with girls. It was different from usual, but he hadn’t been greatly shaken or angry.
And even the behavior of continuously drinking beverages as if swallowing his anger alone. Jukyung, who recalled that, said once more.
“If it’s hard, you must tell me.”
“Got it.”
The meal with Jukyung wasn’t long. Jukyung said his older brother and sister were making a fuss because there wasn’t much time left until Suneung, and left to get tutoring right after eating. Jiwoon, who saw off Jukyung, also immediately headed home.
“Phew…”
As soon as Jiwoon got home, he buried his head in the bed. His face as he brought out the worries he had postponed was bleak.
Should he prepare to break himself? Jiwoon gauged the approaching end.
He still couldn’t make a decision. Jiwoon, who had been continuing his thoughts, reminded himself that he was facing Suneung first. Only then could he set an appropriate countdown called Suneung.
It was the time limit for how long he could spend with Yechan like now.
* * *
When school started, Yechan’s schedule was filled with regular classes that were even denser than during summer vacation.
Of course, third-years were an exception. All subjects unrelated to Suneung, including arts and physical education classes, were all filled with self-study.
It was when Jiwoon, who had spent a day no different from usual, was about to leave school after meeting Yechan at the entrance. Murmuring sounds could be heard from in front of the school gate. Students gathered and dispersed repeatedly.
“Seo Yechan!”
Suddenly, a clear voice pierced through the night air and echoed across the playground. A girl with long straight hair stood in another school’s uniform without being intimidated at all.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
