When Li Shanqing had just started high school, advertisements for a nutritional supplement could be seen everywhere at bus stops and under pedestrian overpasses in Bingang. This supplement sold very well, with ads claiming that white-collar workers under the high pressure of city life could boost their immunity, lower cortisol levels, and eliminate worries by taking one pill daily.
One of the ad slogans was: If you’re heartbroken, don’t go to a karaoke bar to sing all night; take one pill and forget your ex-boyfriend.
Li Shanqing always thought only fools would believe such claims until one day Mary bought and took them. At the time, Mary was heartbroken and had been listless for a long time.
Li Shanqing advised her not to take them, but Mary said wistfully, “You’ll understand when you grow up.” After finishing a bottle of these antidepressant supplements with no improvement—and given their high cost—she finally gave up.
Li Shanqing said, “I don’t want to understand,” and from then on viewed love as a dangerous beast. He believed it was not only unnecessary for life but could also make a person unrecognizable.
If even one’s heart no longer belonged to oneself, what meaning would life have? He vowed that one day he would eradicate the adverse effects of hormones from human nature.
Li Shanqing already had enough troubles, all rooted in his health. He rarely spent time feeling sad because the moments of comfort in his life were so scarce that there was no room to spare for mental anguish. Every second had to be used to its fullest potential.
Only during moments of physical pain, when his quality of life was extremely low, would he allow his attention to wander and give rise to some negative emotions.
So, in the half-minute he stood stunned after hearing Zhuang Xu say over the phone that he hadn’t passed the volunteer review, Li Shanqing later felt it was a tremendous waste.
It was not only a waste of time but also a waste of his emotions, as he had made meaningless concessions during their earlier argument to avoid angering Zhuang Xu.
Others aside, with Zhuang Xu, every effort Li Shanqing made was in hopes of receiving something in return. After all, others weren’t as cold to him as Zhuang Xu was.
He had invested so much energy in Zhuang Xu, enduring Zhuang Xu’s half-year of indifferent responses, sending countless unanswered texts, facing repeated sensitive suspicions and dislike, being dragged around, and nearly getting hit by a car. In the end, it was all for nothing. He neither received special care from Zhuang Xu, different from how he treated others, nor secured the chance to be an implant volunteer. It was an utter failure, no different from a joke, and truly hard to accept.
Of course, Li Shanqing didn’t lose his temper immediately. He wasn’t someone who gave up easily. Calming down, he decided to get to the bottom of it and try again, asking, “Why didn’t I pass?”
Zhuang Xu’s voice was low and devoid of emotion, delivering the news in a businesslike tone: “After preliminary calculations by medical experts, the success rate is less than fifty percent, with a high rejection rate. They determined your condition isn’t suitable for implantation. You can consider surgery again when the next generation of low-rejection products is available.”
“How accurate can calculations be without live sampling? How long will I have to wait for the next-generation product?” Li Shanqing pressed immediately. “And fifty percent—I’m willing to try. Worst case, we keep monitoring, and if there’s rejection, take it out right away. As long as I don’t die, it’s fine.”
“It won’t make much difference,” Zhuang Xu rebuffed without mercy. “The clinical operations department has given their final answer. You shouldn’t cling to this matter anymore.”
Li Shanqing found Zhuang Xu’s attitude intolerable. “You make it sound so simple.”
“I don’t think it’s simple.”
“Then when did you find out?”
“Last night.”
Li Shanqing was utterly speechless. Silence fell between them, and Li Shanqing heard someone call Zhuang Xu on the other end, saying, “Brother Zhuang Xu.” It was Zhou Silan’s voice.
Zhou Silan said, “Why are you out here alone? Want to come inside and watch a movie with us?”
Li Shanqing almost laughed and asked, “Wow, out having fun? No wonder you don’t have time for me. Maybe my issue isn’t that important to you. You knew last night but dragged it out until now, only telling me to shut me up because I said something you didn’t like.”
As he spoke, he felt an itch on his left arm. He switched the phone to his left hand and scratched with his right, but it didn’t help. His fingertips brushed against his skin, feeling patches of raised bumps, and he suddenly realized his acute urticaria had flared up again.
Then, not just his arm but his chest and stomach began to itch and ache simultaneously. There wasn’t a single spot on his body that didn’t hurt, and his head and neck felt as if pricked by needles.
“I’m not watching. You guys go ahead,” Zhuang Xu said to Zhou Silan on the other end, his voice farther from the phone, sounding distant.
Zhou Silan replied, “Okay, take care,” and seemed to leave.
“I didn’t say it to shut you up,” Zhuang Xu said after a two-second pause, softening his tone. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
It was rare for him to show a kinder attitude, as if he finally understood sympathy. But Li Shanqing would rather he spoke harshly if it meant getting on the implant list.
“You’re still young. Focus on improving your health first,” Zhuang Xu said, sounding like an old man on the street. To him, this might count as comfort, but Li Shanqing only wanted him to stop talking.
“If my health were good, why would I need an implant?” He was exasperated to the extreme, unable to resist scratching his body again. After a few scratches, he lifted his shirt to check and confirmed the flare-up, calling Zhuang Xu out. “You just don’t want to bother with me, do you? As expected of the great CEO, so principled. Weiyuan Biotech is on track to become a super unicorn!”
“No matter how much I bother, the mature implantation method only has a fifty percent success rate. Can that be improved immediately? Severe rejection reactions aren’t a joke,” Zhuang Xu said. “Li Shanqing, don’t be unreasonable.”
Li Shanqing had no response and hung up. Years of anticipation were sentenced to death in that moment. He suspected that if he hadn’t known Zhuang Xu and had applied directly to Weiyuan Biotech’s volunteer program, his chances of passing might have been higher.
He couldn’t think for long before his skin felt like it was pressed against a scalding iron, the pain so intense he wanted to vomit. His parents were away on a business trip, and Mary was already asleep.
Li Shanqing didn’t notify anyone and called the hospital’s consultant, Alice, directly, asking which doctor was on duty, requesting an ambulance, and begging her not to tell his parents.
On the way to the hospital, Li Shanqing’s vision was a kaleidoscope of colors, as if he were seeing paradise. He briefly passed out and woke up in a VIP2 hospital bed, already changed into a hospital gown with an IV drip attached. An unfamiliar caregiver sat in a chair nearby.
Seeing Li Shanqing awake, the caregiver fetched the doctor. The doctor explained his condition and asked if he had been emotionally agitated. Li Shanqing denied it. They chatted briefly, and the doctor told him to rest well before leaving.
The caregiver placed Li Shanqing’s phone by the bed and was about to sleep on the companion bed, but Li Shanqing didn’t like having someone in the room while he slept, so he politely sent him away: “I’m much better now. I’ll press the call button if I need anything.”
The room quieted down. Li Shanqing picked up his phone and saw Zhuang Xu had called twice, either to continue their argument or to lecture him on ethics and morals.
Whatever the reason, Li Shanqing wasn’t interested.
His earlier fainting hadn’t diminished his anger. He feared that calling back would lead to another fight, worsening his condition due to emotional agitation. He turned on the bedside lamp and drafted a message to Mary, explaining he felt unwell suddenly at night, didn’t want to wake her, and came to the hospital himself. He urged her not to worry when she saw the message in the morning and to visit after breakfast.
After sending it, Zhuang Xu called again. Li Shanqing declined the call, and Zhuang Xu sent a message: “I’m downstairs at your place. Is your home on the top floor? Which unit?”
Li Shanqing was startled and called back immediately. “Don’t mess around. I’m not home.”
“Where are you?” Zhuang Xu asked simply.
It was as if he was so angry he showed up to fight. Li Shanqing thought Zhuang Xu might not be entirely sane, so eager to argue. Naturally, Li Shanqing wouldn’t tell the truth and said, “I’m at my classmate’s place. He’s comforting me.”
Zhuang Xu was silent for a few seconds before asking, “Is that so?”
“Yeah,” Li Shanqing lied without hesitation. “After all, my classmate isn’t like you, a cold-blooded animal who lets people die.”
Getting angry again, he added, “We’re going to sleep. We have class tomorrow. Bye.”
After hanging up, Li Shanqing lay in the hospital bed, both furious and aggrieved, his eyes reddening unusually. He cursed Zhuang Xu’s coldness in his heart and closed his eyes.
Half-asleep, a nurse came to remove his IV needle. The action, which most people barely notice, pained Li Shanqing enough to wake him. He curled up, whispering a soft “Thank you.”
After the nurse left, he tried to turn over but pressed on the tape on his hand, whimpering in pain. At that moment, the ward door was pushed open, and the last person Li Shanqing wanted to see walked in.
At first, it was just a tall, blurry figure. As it approached, Li Shanqing saw the hem of his suit, impeccably dressed as always, looking impressive.
Li Shanqing didn’t want to talk and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. Soon, he heard Zhuang Xu’s voice ask, “Where’s your classmate?”
Starting with such a remark made Li Shanqing angrier. He turned over, facing away from Zhuang Xu.
Zhuang Xu seemed helpless, saying softly, “How long are you going to stay angry?”
“If there’s nothing else, leave,” Li Shanqing couldn’t help but speak. “Civilized people visit patients in the morning.”
Zhuang Xu was quiet for a moment, ignoring the jab. “When did you come to the hospital? You didn’t mention anything during the day.”
“Are you a doctor? Why so many questions?” Li Shanqing snapped, adjusting the bed to raise the head slightly before turning to face Zhuang Xu.
Zhuang Xu wasn’t angry like Li Shanqing. His expression was calm, his eyes lowered, looking at him like an unreasonable child. “Can you stop making a fuss?”
Li Shanqing was momentarily stunned, his heart cooling, his temper subsiding. He suddenly realized it was normal for Zhuang Xu not to care whether he got the implant opportunity.
After all, besides his parents, how many adults would truly care about a troublesome teenager who wasn’t even a friend?
Zhuang Xu had always been cold to Li Shanqing, rarely showing kindness. If not for Li Shanqing’s persistence, they wouldn’t have any contact. Besides, Li Shanqing disliked Zhuang Xu’s silent, emotionless personality the most.
His earlier scheming was just playful boredom. He and Zhuang Xu were fundamentally incompatible, and Zhuang Xu would never be in his will. Li Shanqing decided this at that moment.
“Li Shanqing?” Zhuang Xu leaned slightly, waving a hand in front of his eyes, then hypocritically adjusted the cotton cardigan the caregiver had draped over Li Shanqing’s hospital gown, as if playing nanny could bridge their gap.
Li Shanqing looked down. Zhuang Xu’s fingers were strong, with prominent knuckles. From the sleeve of his white shirt peeked half of a somewhat old mechanical watch.
Perhaps with the stereotype that patients get cold easily, Zhuang Xu, after adjusting the cardigan, tried to button the top near the collar. Li Shanqing grabbed his hand, annoyed and gripping harder than intended. “Don’t. It’s itchy, that’s why it’s unbuttoned.”
Zhuang Xu paused, said, “Okay,” and let go, asking, “Where are your parents?”
“On a business trip,” Li Shanqing said. “Don’t tell them.”
“And Mary?” Zhuang Xu asked.
“Asleep. I didn’t want to wake her.”
Zhuang Xu, eyes lowered, pulled the blanket that had slipped off the bed back up, saying, “I’ll stay with you tonight.”
“No need. There’s a caregiver,” Li Shanqing refused. “I don’t like anyone in the room when I sleep, except my parents.”
Zhuang Xu didn’t look at Li Shanqing. The shadow of his eyelashes fell on his face, still that young, healthy, and indifferent expression. Seeing him so calm, Li Shanqing’s anger faded, replaced by a touch of sadness as the hope he’d grasped slipped away.
Reason returning, he also realized it was best not to burn bridges with Zhuang Xu, as he might still need to wait for Weiyuan Biotech’s second-generation implant. He said, “Fine, let’s not fight. Thanks for visiting. I rarely get visitors.”
Zhuang Xu shook his head, and Li Shanqing couldn’t help complaining, “Zhuang Xu, you don’t know how much I want to be healthy.”
Despite his frustration, he didn’t hate Zhuang Xu. Zhuang Xu was both intelligent and capable, one of the few people Li Shanqing could admire in nearly every aspect.
Hearing this, Zhuang Xu looked at him briefly, then raised a hand and lightly touched Li Shanqing’s hair. Honestly, Li Shanqing found it odd but didn’t say much. Growing up cute, he was used to people patting his head.
After lowering his hand, Zhuang Xu seemed slightly awkward and said, “When you’re in college and your health improves, after SyncPulse is launched with more clinical data, you can get tested again.”
Li Shanqing nodded eagerly and urged Zhuang Xu to leave.
After Zhuang Xu left the ward, Li Shanqing lowered the bed flat and lay down, suddenly thinking of Zhuang Xu’s assumption that he’d attend Bingang University.
—Since Zhuang Xu couldn’t give him what he wanted, there was no need to explain which university he’d choose.
Li Shanqing wouldn’t change his life plans for anyone.
Rather than stay in this dreary, rainy place waiting for an unattainable opportunity, he’d seek answers himself, chasing a more comfortable life within his limited time.
