54
Today I called only Cedric over separately.
I had something to say to him.
‘Phew.’
I had done a lot of thinking and contemplating during this time. How I should define my relationship with him going forward, what choice would be best to make.
What was clear was that I was only afraid of this change in our relationship—it wasn’t disgusting or uncomfortable. I didn’t have much resistance to the idea of doing… those kinds of things with Cedric either.
So after going in circles with this conflict, I reached one simple conclusion.
Since we couldn’t remain friends anyway, if I had to choose between cutting him off or accepting him…
‘I’d rather give it a try.’
Of course, the fear still existed.
Even if not now, if the day came when our relationship gradually became uncomfortable… if that happened, I really didn’t think I’d have the confidence to face Cedric ever again.
Still…
It couldn’t have been easy for him to express his feelings to me either.
Since Cedric had clearly conveyed his feelings first, I didn’t want to avoid it anymore and wanted to face it seriously.
I wanted to at least try making that effort.
“Cedy.”
I looked at Cedric, who was sitting across from me.
His seemingly calm gaze was fixed on me.
“…What I’m about to say.”
“……”
“I’m not saying this to give you false hope.”
I deliberately spoke more firmly.
“Don’t hope that I’ll come to like you.”
“……”
“I’m not confident I can have the same feelings as you yet.”
That’s when Cedric quietly lowered his eyes.
“Still…”
“……”
“Still, I want to seriously consider your feelings.”
“……”
“…Yeah. I think I can do that.”
“……”
“I don’t dislike you as a person either. I just don’t have any certainty about this relationship, and I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll be able to build a good new relationship with you…”
So… so.
I had practiced saying this to him dozens of times in my mind today, but when I actually brought it up, it ended up being incoherent rambling.
‘Ugh.’
My face had been burning hot since earlier, like it might explode.
My voice was also trembling like a goat’s, which was embarrassing.
“So… will you give me time until I make a decision about my feelings? Of, of course, it might not be a positive answer. That’s why I’m telling you not to get your hopes up.”
“……”
“But this isn’t just something I’m saying to avoid the situation either. I… I’ll really think about it seriously and try to accept you.”
I finally finished what I wanted to say.
Just as I was letting out a sigh of relief…
Suddenly, Cedric stood up without a word, approached me, and pulled me into his arms.
“Wh-what! Hey!”
“……”
“…Cedy?”
I struggled in confusion for a moment, then gradually calmed down. Cedric was holding me without moving at all. Now I could hear sniffling sounds buried in my shoulder.
“…Why are you so cruel?”
“……”
“Always giving me pain, then medicine, then pain.”
“……”
“Then pain again.”
“…You only gave pain three times, so you’re nitpicking.”
“If you know that, then be nicer to me.”
Hmph.
I hesitantly raised my arms and embraced his broad back in return. Then Cedric hugged me even tighter.
It was just enough pressure to not suffocate me. His embrace was very firm and warm, making me feel cozy.
“Cedy. You know.”
“Yeah.”
“Did… did my words feel like torture by hope?”
Had my sincerity been properly conveyed?
How had he taken my words?
I couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking from Cedric’s actions alone, so I was worried. While I was nervous, Cedric rubbed his forehead against my shoulder and murmured.
“I’m just happy… it feels like I’m dreaming.”
“……”
“For me, even you giving me this opening is huge. I had hoped you’d give me a chance to break through, even just once.”
“……”
“Even if you end up not being able to accept me, that’s okay. My feelings won’t change anyway, so if you’d just let me stay by your side when that time comes. That would be enough for me.”
“…Well, let’s think about that when the time comes.”
Right now I need to focus on making the effort.
I patted Cedric’s back. Then the crying buried around my shoulder stopped, and laughter emerged instead.
“I won’t pressure you. If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell me anytime.”
“Mm-hmm. I will.”
Cedric finally pulled his body away.
His eyes, which I faced up close, were wet with moisture, but even that seemed beautiful, like looking at jewels sparkling with water.
“Can I hold your hand?”
“Th-that much is fine…”
Cedric’s hand carefully took mine.
“What about kissing the back of your hand?”
“…That’s okay.”
His smooth lips without a single rough spot touched the back of my hand. As he rubbed his cheek against it affectionately and kissed it, my heart felt like it might jump right out of my chest.
The impression was quite different from when I didn’t know his feelings versus after knowing them.
“Eddie, then…”
Soon his raised blue eyes held me completely.
“Can I kiss your lips?”
Suddenly something inside me went pop and burst.
“No! You’re already trying to move things along!”
We haven’t even confirmed we’re dating yet!
I stiffened and jumped up from my seat. My head went white and my face heated up so much it felt like it might explode.
“Actually, we’ve already moved things along as much as we could…”
“Ack! Enough, you go home now.”
“Why are you sending me away already? I’m disappointed.”
Cedric drooped his eyebrows pitifully. So of course my heart softened again. Even though the Lowell and Soliwen territories are close, it’s true that he would have worked hard to come here.
“You can’t go out anyway and you’ll be bored.”
“……”
“I want to stay with you just a little longer… do you not want that?”
…It’s not that I don’t want it.
When I glanced at him, Cedric smiled brightly. That face looked so bright that I couldn’t take my eyes off it for a moment.
“Eddie. Want to take a walk in the garden with me?”
So I had no choice but to give in to his coaxing.
“…Fine.”
“Let’s go.”
“Yeah.”
When I left the salon first, Cedric followed behind me. After telling the head butler that I was going for a walk with Cedric today and leaving the mansion, a fresh breeze brushed against my cheeks.
…Last time we came out for a walk together, we just argued and parted ways.
‘That won’t happen today.’
Anyway, the immediate rift in my heart had been resolved.
I secretly watched Cedric, who looked to be in a good mood, then quietly moistened my lips. Walking together like this made my heart feel light and not bad at all, so my walking pace naturally slowed.
Then Cedric’s fingers caught on my fingertips.
“Can I hold your hand while we walk?”
He seemed to be asking because there might be watching eyes around. I thought for a moment, then silently took Cedric’s hand. Cedric firmly intertwined our fingers as if he’d been waiting.
“Ahem. This is kind of embarrassing.”
“You don’t dislike it though, right?”
“…Yeah.”
Cedric, who smiled happily, gently led me along.
“……”
The blowing wind was refreshing and pleasant.
After a while, when we arrived at the garden, I could see the well-maintained flower beds. The flowers blooming in those beds seemed particularly vibrant today.
“Wow. They’re pretty.”
Things I usually wasn’t very interested in caught my eye.
I crouched down in front of the flower bed to look at the flowers up close. Cedric, who had approached next to me, lowered himself into the same position and looked around.
“This one’s name was… Bendela, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s a Bendela rose.”
I carefully picked one.
Had flower fragrances always been this nice?
“Cedy, do you like flowers?”
“I don’t particularly like or dislike them.”
“Hmm.”
I tucked the picked flower stem behind Cedric’s ear. When he smiled, he became a handsome man with a flower. Maybe it’s because he has good features—anything looks good on him.
“Then… what are your preferences?”
“What kind of preferences? Object preferences or people preferences?”
“…People preferences.”
I’ve always been curious about this, and I’m finally asking.
Thump thump. It was time for my curiosity to be satisfied.
“My preferences, well…”
Cedric looked me over intently, then suddenly reached out his hand. His long fingers brushed through my hair.
“First, I’d like someone with blonde hair.”
“……”
“I like eyes that hold a green tint.”
“……”
“Beta or omega secondary gender is fine, but it doesn’t really matter. Someone a bit shorter than me, who’s oblivious but still kind…”
“That’s enough. I think I’ve heard enough now.”
My face is getting really hot today.
Since I know that this guy likes me, I thought there would be some common denominators among my characteristic features that match his preferences, but…
‘Is he deliberately trying to flirt with me?’
Hmm. I’m convinced this is reasonable suspicion.
Whether he noticed my inner thoughts or not, Cedric, who had been smiling smoothly with the corners of his lips raised, poked my cheek.
“My preference is you, Eddie.”
“……”
“And it’s never changed once.”
“…Even an unbridled horse would probably be less than you.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
I never complimented you.
I rolled my eyes, but my heart was strangely elated.
That day we… chatted about trivial things until the sun dimly set, and occasionally held hands. I enjoyed meaninglessly poking Cedric’s cheek or savoring the touch of stroking his cheek.
And some time later, Cedric sent something to the Lowell mansion—specifically, to me.
It was a bouquet of Maynerib roses.
Flowers with pale pink petals layered delicately and precisely. Those petals were soft and thick like velvet, and the subtle sweet fragrance rising from them lifted one’s mood.
And the flower language was…
‘My beloved person.’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
Aw the babies are so cute together 😊