40
“Eddie, is it true that you’re going to have an arranged meeting?”
Riette asked with her cute eyes wide open as if she’d heard something unbelievable. Cedric sat beside her, keeping silent.
I smiled awkwardly.
“Yeah. I’m going to try an arranged meeting once.”
“You’ve always been reluctant about arranged meetings until now.”
“I just, my thoughts changed a bit.”
“Mm… has the other party been decided?”
Riette glanced at Cedric briefly before asking me again. I answered by shaking my head.
I didn’t know anything – whether my arranged meeting partner had been decided, whether they hadn’t, or if they had been decided, who from which family it was.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t even attached conditions like traits, family status, or gender. I had just vaguely asked them to find me an arranged meeting partner.
…Actually, I was aware that escape psychology had played a strong role.
“I see. I hope it’s a good person.”
“Yeah. Sorry for not telling you in advance.”
“No, no. That can happen.”
Riette comforted me, saying not to worry because she wouldn’t be upset about not being told in advance.
My heavy heart, which felt like a weighty stone had been placed on it, lightened a bit at considerate and kind Riette’s reaction.
One thing that bothered me was, as expected, Cedric…
Cedric hadn’t opened his mouth once from the moment he entered the mansion until now. I couldn’t read any expression from his mysteriously stiff face, so I had no idea what he was thinking.
In the end, he didn’t say a single word until Riette, who had been chattering for a while, got up saying she should head back.
“Be careful going home.”
“Yeah. Let’s see each other again next time.”
Riette left the salon first after receiving my farewell. Edgar and Cedric followed behind, but Cedric suddenly stopped walking at the mansion entrance.
“Ret, you go back first.”
Edgar and Riette both looked back at Cedric at the same time. Cedric glanced at me and added.
“I have something to talk about with him separately.”
That glaring look was very cold, making me feel intimidated for no reason. I didn’t even do anything wrong. Why am I being so careful?
When I stood there just holding my brow due to feelings I couldn’t understand the cause of, I felt Riette observing our mood.
She quickly left through the door saying she understood and would go back first, leaving only the two of us in the mansion lobby.
“……”
“……”
I stood there awkwardly, just fidgeting with my fingers.
I don’t know what to say, so I can’t readily open my mouth. Since Cedric was also silent for a long time, the suffocating silence stretched endlessly. I wanted to escape from this maddeningly awkward atmosphere…
That’s when Cedric opened his mouth with a sigh.
“Why the sudden arranged meeting that doesn’t even suit you?”
“Ah, that’s…”
“Don’t tell me it’s because of me?”
“……”
“Did you go crazy wanting to date after fooling around with a friend?”
“What? That’s not it!”
I was startled by the explicit statement and refuted it. Since it was definitely a misunderstanding to ask if I developed romantic desires from doing sexual things, I felt wronged too.
While I was sharply looking around in case someone had overheard our conversation, Cedric looked down at me with an unchangingly stiff face.
“Then what is it?”
“I told you, just…”
“Just? Is that really an excuse you’re giving me to believe?”
“In the first place, what business is it of yours whether I have an arranged meeting or not?”
I grumbled while barely suppressing my voice from rising. Cedric lowered his eyelids and continued.
“Because you’re suddenly doing something you never did before.”
“So what business is that of yours?”
“…Even if it’s not my business, it’s something I can worry about.”
Worrying itself is like that. Riette was the same. If someone who never did such things suddenly says they’ll have an arranged meeting, you’d be curious if something happened, and you’d worry if there was external pressure.
But still.
“You’re being excessive about it.”
“……”
“Excessive, Cedy.”
When Cedric closed his mouth again, silence continued. I slowly added while firmly swallowing the heavy sigh trying to rise from deep in my chest.
“Let’s… pretend nothing happened between us.”
“……”
“You said you have someone you like too, so you don’t need to keep being bound by this kind of mistake. For that person’s sake too, you should treat what happened between us as if it never happened and move on.”
“……”
“Let’s forget. Let’s forget and shake it off. I’ll do the same.”
“……”
“We… finally became this close. I want you to remain a good friend.”
I couldn’t look directly at Cedric’s face, so I kept my gaze on the floor. Since no answer came back, it felt like I was talking to myself, but I hoped it was conveyed well.
Since I finished what I had to say, let me go up to my room first. That’s when I was quietly turning around. Suddenly Cedric let out what felt like a sharp sneer and spoke sarcastically.
“Who decided you’re going to forget?”
“…What?”
My ankle caught by that voice, I unconsciously turned my head. Cedric was… making an expression that was hard to describe in one word. Like he was disappointed, like he was hurt, like he was wounded.
“Eddie.”
He slowly parted his lips.
“You can’t make something that already happened into something that never happened.”
Something suddenly welled up inside me.
It’s not like I don’t know that.
“Then I’ll be the only one to forget, so you can remember it for the rest of your life!”
I ended up shouting.
I didn’t want to end it with an argument like this. I hate Cedric for constantly responding in ways that seem to go against me.
I grumbled and left the spot. My head was complicated and my heart was disturbed, so I needed some time to myself for now.
* * *
〈We… finally became this close. I want you to remain a good friend.〉
That was essentially a rejection of his feelings.
It also sounded like a warning to stop there.
Cedric became despondent.
It seemed like Edgar had noticed his romantic feelings, even if vaguely. Even so, Cedric could see that he was trying to pretend not to know and move on.
He had zero intuition. The fact that he could approach the correct answer to that extent was probably because Cedric himself hadn’t been able to hide his feelings completely and had been subtly showing signs. Recently, he had even deliberately revealed them more openly.
Then when had he started to notice?
He couldn’t know. What was certain was that Edgar was showing aversion to it.
He had given him hope… then snatched it all away. It felt like a sandcastle he had painstakingly built was collapsing in an instant.
Even if he wanted to push his emotions, he couldn’t because he was afraid it might flow into a similar situation as before his regression.
Fear came first because of the thought that maybe all of this was some arrangement to drag things into a similar situation as before his regression.
“…Ha.”
Cedric rubbed his face while suppressing painful emotions. What kind of vain dream had he been having until now?
When he saw Edgar responding pleasantly to his touch, it felt like they shared the same feelings in those moments, like he was being reciprocated, so was it wrong to have gained confidence?
〈Let’s… pretend nothing happened between us.〉
〈Let’s forget. Let’s forget and shake it off. I’ll do the same.〉
Not knowing that each of those words was tearing his heart apart… You were still cruel.
* * *
Since that day, Cedric hasn’t shown even his nose. This much is clear… obvious avoidance, not a mistake.
After what happened at the villa, I carefully brought out the part I had unconsciously avoided thinking about.
The person he kept saying he liked…
‘Could it have been me?’
Actually, does he like me? Such thoughts seem like I’m being conceited, so it’s a very cautious approach and could naturally be a huge misunderstanding…
If I assume it’s correct and think about it arbitrarily, I think I’d still find it hard to accept. It’s not that I dislike Cedric as a person, but…
‘I’m not confident.’
I have vague fears about a relationship I haven’t thought about… haven’t even tried to think about.
What if we actually date and then I feel like it absolutely won’t work? Can I really maintain the relationship well?
That kind of fear.
I didn’t find it disgusting to be touched by his hands, but peripheral sexual desire and emotional connection are different things.
While I might be able to forget and move past fooling around under the dominance of instinct for a moment, emotions are different. My identity that I’ve built up until now would have to change, and from the moment I choose, responsibility would follow.
Even so, I might not be able to accept his feelings in the end.
…We just became friends.
I’m scared that if I make a mistake, I might pointlessly lose one precious friend. It reminded me of the original story’s content, which was an unwelcome thought.
‘Haah.’
…Of course, this was all assuming that the person Cedric likes is me. Since he hasn’t clearly said it with his own mouth, it might not be true.
It would be more comfortable if it weren’t.
A few days later, I received news from my parents that an arranged meeting partner had been decided. They instilled expectations in me with words like ‘you can look forward to it.’ I tried to see a portrait, but they urged me to meet them first.
How amazing could this person be?
Since it came to this, I didn’t postpone the meeting with my arranged meeting partner until the end, and today is finally the day that person visits the mansion.
But…
“Hello, rabbit? It’s been a while.”
Castian’s cheeky face comes spinning in. Why… is that person coming out here, Mother? Father?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
