Chapter 76
The two slowly separated after entwining their tongues and exchanging hot breaths. As the sensation of the lips moving away registered, Cha Yoon unconsciously reached out, but this time Seo-jung was a bit faster.
As Seo-jung moved his body to the side, avoiding Cha Yoon’s touch, Cha Yoon’s hand wandered through empty air. Contrary to his expectation, there was nothing tangible to grasp, just air without density. Only then did his long eyelashes flutter, revealing the eyes that had been hidden under his eyelids. They appeared hazy, as if intoxicated by something.
Cha Yoon fumbled with his gaze to look at Seo-jung. While Seo-jung’s expression was filled with complex emotions, Cha Yoon, still immersed in the afterglow of the kiss, couldn’t perceive such nuances.
Unable to think clearly, he just stared blankly at Seo-jung’s lips glistening in the light. That’s when Seo-jung brushed up his bangs and spoke.
“It’s time for you to leave now.”
“…What?”
“I said leave, I need to wash up.”
When Cha Yoon asked again as if he didn’t understand, Seo-jung gestured with his eyes towards the bathroom door behind Cha Yoon.
“Ah…”
Cha Yoon glanced back and nodded. Indeed, he couldn’t stay guarding the bathroom forever.
But contrary to his response, Cha Yoon’s body hardly moved. He licked his lips as if unsatisfied, tasting the remnants of Ki Seo-jung’s saliva still lingering there.
“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to leave?”
Seo-jung once again urged Cha Yoon, who was dawdling and clearly showing his reluctance to leave. Seeing Seo-jung act as if he was desperate to drive him away, Cha Yoon felt slightly offended. With a slight pout, Cha Yoon spoke in a sulky voice.
“…I was about to leave anyway.”
Cha Yoon turned the doorknob. With a click, the bathroom door unlocked. Before pulling the handle, he looked back once more to observe Seo-jung.
Although he didn’t say anything, Ki Seo-jung’s face seemed to have “What is it this time?” written all over it. Cha Yoon opened and closed his mouth but couldn’t say anything, just turned his head and pulled the bathroom door.
Soon, the door that had been locked all this time opened and closed. With just one person leaving, the bathroom suddenly became as quiet as a mouse. Seo-jung, taking his eyes off the bathroom door, leaned his hips against the sink and slowly lowered his head.
Cha Yoon, who had left the bathroom, strode with his long legs and sat on his bed. After staring blankly into space for a while, Cha Yoon slowly raised his hand.
His large hand went to his lips. He gently rubbed his slightly swollen lips with his fingertips, then shook his head.
Cha Yoon brushed back his hair, disheveled from the vigorous head shake. After repeating the process of inhaling and exhaling a few times, the haziness in his mind, which had been like a fog, gradually cleared.
As his thought process began to function again, one sentence kept repeating in his ears:
‘I kissed Ki Seo-jung.’
It wasn’t just a brief touch of lips. He had opened his mouth so familiarly, rubbing his tongue, trying to taste as much of Seo-jung’s saliva as possible.
After acknowledging what he had done, Cha Yoon naturally recalled the feeling of kissing Seo-jung.
The experience of kissing a man for the first time was completely different from what he had expected. Far from feeling disgusted or nauseous, he felt nothing out of the ordinary. No, saying it was just ordinary wasn’t enough. Cha Yoon felt an electric thrill and simultaneously a sense of relief, as if he had finally found his place.
A feeling where nothing else mattered, where nothing else was needed. These were sensations Cha Yoon had never experienced before in his life.
That’s why he had blurted out that crazy statement about only doing this with him from now on. As soon as their lips parted, an intense possessiveness washed over him, not wanting to share Ki Seo-jung with anyone else, and before he could even think, those absurd words had tumbled out.
Cha Yoon let out a bitter laugh. He couldn’t understand himself at all. Physical intimacy with men had always been just a dirty act to him. To feel relief and possessiveness after committing an act that shouldn’t have happened, that couldn’t happen – how could he feel such things?
Enjoying such acts was something only Ki Seo-jung or people like him would do…
As Cha Yoon followed this train of thought, his face suddenly hardened. He remembered the scene of Ki Seo-jung and Park Woo-jun that he had witnessed coming down the stairs. The two had looked like they were enjoying a secret kiss to anyone who saw them.
Would Park Woo-jun have felt the same? Would he have experienced the same feelings while pressing his lips against Ki Seo-jung’s and entwining their tongues? The thought of Park Woo-jun harboring possessive feelings towards Ki Seo-jung made him feel extremely unpleasant. Before he knew it, his fists had clenched with a burning hostility that made the back of his neck stiff.
Cha Yoon noticed his whitened knuckles. His eyes shook violently, as if losing their bearings. It was because he was once again facing the same possessiveness he had felt when kissing Ki Seo-jung.
To feel such emotions just by imagining others’ feelings towards Ki Seo-jung. It was a series of situations he simply couldn’t comprehend.
As he was at a loss with the deepening confusion, the background sound of running water stopped. Startled, Cha Yoon jerked his head up to look at the bathroom.
The cessation of water meant that Ki Seo-jung would soon come out. Realizing this, Cha Yoon abruptly stood up from the bed.
Far from being sorted out, his thoughts were even more tangled, leaving him feeling unsettled. He didn’t want to face Ki Seo-jung again with this state of mind. It was a complete contrast to his earlier reluctance to leave the bathroom.
Looking around restlessly, Cha Yoon eventually left the room. Once outside, he didn’t stop walking, as if that wasn’t enough. He finally came to a halt at the second-floor terrace.
Only after the door was fully locked did Cha Yoon catch his breath, as if finally relieved. After taking several slow, deep breaths, he finally slumped down into a chair.
“…This is driving me crazy.”
A sigh-like muttering escaped his lips. Shit, what am I doing? Coming all the way here to avoid Ki Seo-jung like a guilty person. Cha Yoon rubbed his face dryly, as if exasperated by his own ridiculous behavior.
His troubled expression quickly changed. It was because of the alarm sound signaling 10 o’clock. When he took out his phone, there was a notification from the My X app alerting him of the message sending time.
Cha Yoon typed “Ki Seo-jung” in the recipient’s name. But that was all.
“……”
Unlike usual, he couldn’t easily type out a message. Why did the message that he had been sending easily every day suddenly feel so difficult today? His fingertips hovered over the screen, unable to make contact. Cha Yoon stared at the blinking cursor for a long time, unable to do anything.
After a long deliberation, the composed message was sent. Cha Yoon put down his phone as if throwing it away and pressed his eyelids firmly.
Cha Yoon, who had been killing time sitting on the terrace, eventually opened his eyes. It was almost 11 PM. Although he had come out to avoid Ki Seo-jung, he couldn’t stay like this forever.
Cha Yoon finally got up from his seat. A few steps with his long legs quickly brought him to the door of the room.
He stared at the closed door, thinking. What should he say when he faces Ki Seo-jung? Should he act as if nothing happened? What state of mind had he been in when they were facing each other in the bathroom? The time in the bathroom, when he had been half out of his senses, felt strange now.
Uncharacteristically hesitant, Cha Yoon took a small breath and pulled the doorknob. The well-oiled door opened smoothly without a creak.
“……”
Cha Yoon’s shoulders slowly dropped as he surveyed the situation through the gap in the door. Despite his long deliberation, what greeted him was a dark room.
Cha Yoon moved quietly. As he fully entered the room, he saw Ki Seo-jung lying with his back turned. Although he had not wanted to face him, seeing him asleep like that somehow made him feel deflated. As he was ruffling the back of his hair in frustration…
Suddenly, vibration sounds rang out simultaneously.
One seemed to be from his own phone, the other from Ki Seo-jung’s. Cha Yoon picked up the phone he had been holding onto since the terrace.
He opened the app in response to the message to check the mailbox. The mailbox showed the number 0. As usual, it seemed nothing had arrived. Cha Yoon blinked slowly while looking at the screen, then raised his head.
“……”
Cha Yoon stood in place, taking in Seo-jung’s motionless shoulder for a long time before turning away. Soon, there was the sound of rustling fabric, and then everything became as quiet as a mouse.
