Chapter 103
“Marry me.”
The moment those words left the Grand Duke’s mouth, Ruan had no choice but to squeeze his eyes shut.
‘Is this… even possible?’
For a situation so hopeful that he hadn’t dared to imagine it, as it would only make him feel miserable, to become reality. Is this possible?
Ruan recalled the events that had just transpired.
Until he left the building and found the knights who had come looking for him, and even when he saw the Grand Duke standing among the knights, looking at him while Ruan was still not mentally prepared to face him, Ruan hadn’t anticipated this situation at all.
It was just that the Grand Duke’s face, who had reportedly done things he would never have imagined doing normally in order to propose to someone, looked no different from usual. It pained Ruan that there was no difference between that face and the one that had shared intimacy with him.
Even when he approached the Grand Duke quickly, swallowing the emotions that welled up out of concern that something might have happened to him to bring the knights here. Even when he was suddenly grabbed and pulled along while trying to speak to the Grand Duke.
Even when they finally stopped, close enough for their chests to touch, and Ruan saw the Grand Duke’s face, eyes narrowed in satisfaction, unlike Ruan who was staring blankly, unable to comprehend the situation. Ruan was only suffering, his insides raw from his belated emotions.
Perhaps because he had realized his feelings for the Grand Duke, the straight line of his eyes had become languidly elongated, causing his thick black eyelashes to fall softly, and his firm cheeks were filled with a relaxed satisfaction. That appearance momentarily struck Ruan as incredibly handsome.
Because they had been living so close as to be mistaken for lovers, even the familiar close distance felt new, and as he became conscious of the Grand Duke, all the movements of the muscles exposed outside his clothes began to feel awkward. Even his quickened heartbeat, which he could feel, seemed like a rebuke to himself.
What was the point of feeling these emotions when it was already too late? Untimely emotions would only bring pain. And if this appearance were to cause another misunderstanding… It wouldn’t be respectful to the person the Grand Duke was proposing to either.
Reproaching himself thus, he thought he should distance himself from the Grand Duke.
But just as he was about to push the Grand Duke away, due to their close proximity, the Grand Duke’s voice came from above his head rather than from in front.
He said that Ruan was the most important piece forming his domain. That he needed Ruan. That Ruan was the being he trusted most, and that Ruan was his peace. That he wanted Ruan to be safe by his side.
In fact, even as he heard that the Grand Duke wished for Ruan not to be hurt even emotionally, Ruan’s heart only ached. They were all good words, all grateful words. Each one was more than he deserved. If he had heard them when he was worried about being pushed down in the Grand Duke’s priorities, he would have been incredibly moved. There were words he had always wanted to hear.
After all, Ruan had always wanted to be a place where the Grand Duke could rest his mind. He wanted to be a corner where that sensitive, easily stressed person living an excessively harsh life could find stability.
However, now… he found those words insufficient. Because now, even if Ruan were given that place, he would forever feel a lack. He would feel that way every time he sensed the presence of someone who occupied the place he had wanted to claim.
Even though it was obvious that this was the best Ruan could hear now that he could no longer hear the words he really wanted to hear, Ruan just felt sad. He wanted to stop listening to the Grand Duke’s voice, which was speaking as if making a declaration in a low voice, and just disappear. The longer the conversation went on, the more it felt like dense black ashes were piling up inside him.
By the time they reached the part about the Grand Duke being in heat and wanting to court Ruan, and wanting Ruan to court him back, Ruan couldn’t understand what the Grand Duke was saying to him anymore.
Looking at the black pupils wide open and containing him, Ruan had the thought he sometimes had when imagining the Grand Duke as a cat: he wanted to know what thoughts were forming in that head.
Ruan suddenly felt his heart flutter when he heard the words that followed.
“As part of my pack, and as my mate, stay by my side forever, until the end of my life. Promise me that no matter what happens, you’ll always return to me.”
Ruan looked up at the Grand Duke abruptly. The Grand Duke was looking at Ruan just as he had been before. As if he had been doing so all along, with his round pupils containing only Ruan.
At that sight, Ruan felt an entirely unexpected possibility blooming in his aching chest.
‘Could it… be?’
“I hear this is how humans express such feelings.”
Saying this, the Grand Duke searched his pockets and pulled out a small box. It was a box that could hardly contain anything but a ring.
‘No, that… is that possible?’
As the Grand Duke opened the lid using only the thumb of the hand holding the box, a dazzling ring appeared. It was a ring that seemed to proclaim its importance for an extremely significant occasion just by its appearance.
That’s why Ruan realized immediately. That was the ring. The ring Ruan had only heard rumors about, and thought would have been given to the Grand Duke’s lover.
Ruan stopped thinking. If he thought more, if he allowed himself to hope, he felt he would be irreparably hurt when that hope was extinguished.
Ruan looked at the Grand Duke. Where thought had ceased, only an emotion swollen to the point of aching remained.
The Grand Duke, who had been staring at Ruan looking back at him with trembling eyes, said it.
Would Ruan marry him?
Amidst the chaos of emotion swirling wildly from his chest to his head, which he had yet to rashly name, countless words rose to Ruan’s throat, only to sink back down.
What Ruan could barely manage to utter was just one word.
“Your Grace.”
The familiar form of address.
And only after uttering that familiar address did Ruan open his eyes. The Grand Duke before him was still looking at Ruan. Ruan looked at every corner of that face, as if examining a problem that needed to be verified.
And finally, he raised the question that had seemed too impossibly hopeful. It was a question that required courage to voice even in this moment, feeling like a stupid dream without any basis.
“Do you like me?”
He scrutinized the Grand Duke’s face, holding his breath. Having always strived to understand his emotions, Ruan could immediately read the Grand Duke’s reaction.
Puzzlement, and displeasure.
Ah, was it not the case after all? Was it a foolish presumption after all? Just as a corner of Ruan’s heart began to cool desolately, the Grand Duke opened his mouth.
“Have I courted you in a way that could cause misunderstanding again?”
The Grand Duke, who had always been unpredictable, once again said something incomprehensible.
But even so, the single word ‘courting’ landed heavily in Ruan’s chest, and he had to ask back in a dumbfounded voice.
“Pardon?”
The Grand Duke, looking genuinely frustrated at Ruan’s blank response, said:
“You misunderstand every time I court you. Even when I kiss you, you only talk nonsense about protecting me.”
Courting… kissing?
At that moment, Ruan’s mind recalled the Grand Duke’s kisses that had occurred multiple times. The ticklish skinship that Ruan had always dismissed as mere misunderstanding.
Could it be. Could it be that from then. In all those moments.
His heart began to beat rapidly. Ruan asked, suppressing the emotion that felt ready to burst:
“Was that… your courting?”
To the question asked in a trembling voice, the Grand Duke answered, openly expressing his dissatisfaction. It was the kind of dissatisfaction that would have had his tail whipping about furiously if he had one.
“Didn’t you say so? That it was a human expression of courtship.”
At this grumbling, disgruntled answer, the joy writhing in Ruan’s chest crushed the fear that had been keeping his mind rigid until now.
Ah. What is this.
‘This adorable creature.’
Enduring this violently adorable being, Ruan organized his thoughts.
So now… the famous subject of the Grand Duke’s proposal was actually Ruan Daen.
It was Ruan Daen who had made the Grand Duke, so ignorant of human affairs, buy a ring.
Those kisses until now… were they the Grand Duke’s way of courting, hoping that Ruan would understand his feelings?
In all those moments, all those moments.
Each and every one of those kisses was filled with such adorable intentions of courtship?
Only after gritting his molars for a moment to endure the intense joy could Ruan open his mouth.
“Your Grace.”
After taking a deep breath, Ruan looked up at the Grand Duke and said:
“Actually, there’s something I didn’t tell you back then.”
It was hard to continue speaking as the corners of his mouth kept rising.
“A kiss as a human expression of courtship doesn’t just mean the meeting of lips.”
At Ruan’s words, the Grand Duke asked curiously:
“Then what?”
“Shall I show you?”
Ruan said, placing his hand on the Grand Duke’s cheek.
“How a kiss is done as an expression of courtship.”
