Chapter 117
The journey home had a completely different atmosphere from our trip there. Song Ji-hyeok stared straight ahead without saying a word, and I too remained quiet, lost in my thoughts.
Despite the gravity of the situation, I had made my decision quite quickly. By the time Song Ji-hyeok came to pick me up, I had already formulated my plan B in my head.
That resolve was further strengthened by Jung Seok-hoon. I had planned to ask Gi-jun whether re-awakening could only be attempted in specific environments, but unexpectedly, I received the answer to that question.
There was something else I belatedly realized. According to Jung Seok-hoon, this wasn’t simply a personal matter. Given the situation where S-class Awakeners were fewer compared to other countries, the Association would clearly try every means to re-awaken Dual Awakeners.
In other words, whether I wanted it or not, a situation would arise where I’d have to attempt re-awakening. If that was the case, it was reasonable for me to take the initiative and set favorable conditions. I planned to offer a substantial sum as a contract fee, so that even if something went wrong, my remaining family would be taken care of.
But…
I glanced sideways with just my eyes. Song Ji-hyeok still stubbornly remained silent without saying a word. Just looking at him now, it seemed he was determined to adamantly oppose my attempt at re-awakening.
A silent sigh escaped me. The atmosphere had been good when we went to Jung Seok-hoon’s house, but now the air felt so heavy it was suffocating.
The heavy atmosphere persisted even after we arrived home. Believing it’s better to face the storm head-on, I grabbed Song Ji-hyeok as he was heading to the dressing room after taking off his coat, knowing this was an issue we would have to discuss sooner or later.
“Let’s talk for a moment, Ji-hyeok.”
“Later.”
Song Ji-hyeok kept his back to me, refusing to meet my eyes. Suppressing another sigh, I continued calmly.
“You know time is limited. Or should I decide on my own?”
The hand I was holding hesitated for a moment, and then Song Ji-hyeok slowly turned to face me. With an unusually cold face and an even colder voice, he said:
“If it’s about re-awakening, I absolutely oppose it. Don’t get any foolish ideas, and pretend you never heard it.”
With our positions already clearly established, probing or beating around the bush would just waste time. I had anticipated this clash of opinions, so I spoke directly.
“You heard what Seok-hoon said. The Association will intervene as soon as they find out, and then there will only be one option.”
“No, that won’t happen. You’re my Pair Guide, do you think I’d just stand by and watch?”
If someone else had said this, I would have scoffed at their bravado, but with Song Ji-hyeok, it was different. The discrimination based on Awakener grades that permeated society was undeniable, and neither the guilds nor the Awakener Association were exceptions. To be frank, the Association was even more extreme in its reverence of high-grade Awakeners. S-class Awakeners served as symbolic figures who gave face to the Association’s executives by their very existence.
To that extent, it was entirely possible for Song Ji-hyeok to receive preferential treatment. The Association would not only not reprimand him but would go out of their way to accommodate requests that ordinary Awakeners couldn’t dream of, such as transferring guilds at will or requesting a specific Guide.
But even that has its limits. If they could gain another S-class Awakener by re-awakening me, they wouldn’t simply leave it be. Whether by proposing a fair deal or threatening with leverage, they would obviously try to re-awaken me by any means necessary.
In other words, even Song Ji-hyeok would have limitations in his involvement, and it would be fortunate if he didn’t get on the wrong side of higher-ups or get hurt in the process.
I calmly explained my predictions to Song Ji-hyeok. But he seemed unwilling to change his mind no matter what. No matter what I said, he just repeated like a parrot that it was “absolutely not allowed.”
The repeated arguments gradually tired me out. Though I understood why he was so adamantly opposed, as I said, this wasn’t an issue that would end just because I didn’t want it. Feeling the frustration of seemingly talking to a wall, I eventually raised my voice.
“You know there’s no choice!”
“…”
“Since it has to be done anyway, can’t you just support me and say you hope it goes well…”
My outburst was momentary, and I soon faltered in confusion. I saw Song Ji-hyeok’s eyes, which had been silently watching me, gradually turning red. Additionally, he was biting his lower lip so hard it lost color—anyone could see he was trying not to cry.
Surprised by this unprecedented sight, I forgot about our argument and became restless.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get angry, my emotions… oh!”
Finally, the tears that had been welling in his eyes spilled over. Seeing this, my heart felt like it dropped to my feet.
‘What should I do?’
This unexpected scene brought me beyond restlessness to a mild panic. Frantically looking around, I hurriedly wiped Song Ji-hyeok’s eyes with my sleeve.
“Why are you crying? Hmm?”
Seeing his long eyelashes wet made my heart ache even more. Grabbing my wrist, Song Ji-hyeok moved his lips pleadingly.
“Do you really have to do it? Even though I’m begging like this?”
“You know I have no choice. When dealing with the Association, I need to ensure conditions favorable to me…”
“That’s not what’s important!”
His increasingly agitated voice poured into my ears.
“What if you fail?”
“…!”
“If you can’t control the surge or fall into an uncontrollable state, and you don’t wake up and just… just end there?”
Only then did I realize why Song Ji-hyeok was being so stubborn.
The fate of an Awakener who falls into a comatose state after a surge is obvious. While I had mainly thought based on the over 80 percent success rate, excluding that aspect, Song Ji-hyeok seemed to be focusing on the probability of failure.
‘If you can’t overcome the surge state and get consumed, you die.’
If that fact was stuck in his mind, it wasn’t unreasonable for him to vehemently oppose it. If the situation were reversed and Song Ji-hyeok were in such a position, I too would have desperately tried to stop him. But as I said, because I had premised on ‘succeeding,’ I failed to understand Song Ji-hyeok’s feelings.
“When you collapsed in front of me, coughing up blood, I felt like my heart stopped. Seeing your pale face unconscious until we returned, I felt fear for the first time that ‘I might lose you.’ …I never want to experience that again.”
“Ji-hyeok…”
“If the Association tries to force you, I’ll stop them somehow. If you’re considering re-awakening for money, I’ll give you all the money in my account. So just continue as an ordinary Dual Awakener like now. Please?”
Without a mirror in front of me, I couldn’t see my expression, but I was surely making a strange face. I felt my heart swelling, felt like laughing, and also felt like crying at the same time. At both the starting point and destination of all these emotions was Song Ji-hyeok.
I suppressed my own reddening eyes and smiled as brightly as I could.
“Thank you, Ji-hyeok. All that time following you around and providing guiding was worth it.”
“…I’m not in the mood for jokes.”
“It’s not a joke. I’m being sincere.”
Then I did something I had only imagined doing until now—I ruffled Song Ji-hyeok’s hair. He hesitated for a moment, then slightly lowered his upper body, which made me smile again.
Though it may seem sudden, I truly realized how much our relationship had changed, knowingly and unknowingly. And that fact gave me another reason to strengthen my resolve.
“So you’re worried about me that much?”
“Yes.”
“You want to protect me and be my strength.”
“Yes.”
“I feel the same way, Ji-hyeok.”
“…!”
“If the probability of failure were over 80 percent, I would have been the first to run away without looking back. Because nothing is more precious than life, not money or honor.”
I could see Song Ji-hyeok’s eyes, which had just regained composure, wavering again. This time, I firmly held his hand and sent a faint flow of energy. Just as Song Ji-hyeok wanted me for myself and not as a Guide, this was an expression of my feelings, not guiding.
“But this time, I strongly feel that I can do it. And I must.”
There was not a hint of wavering in my voice. For reasons unknown and without evidence, I had a strong premonition that I would absolutely not fail.
“…What if you fail?”
I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘I would die.’ With his obvious anxiety, I wasn’t foolish enough to add fuel to the fire.
Soon, I smiled gently again and shared words that seemed playful but were sincere.
“Ji-hyeok.”
“…Yes.”
“Trust me just this once. I’ll succeed spectacularly, and when I open my eyes, yours will be the first name I call.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
