#103
Ha-min’s belongings were few, as he had only moved in a few days ago. His textbooks, a few clothes, chargers, and other necessities were neatly organized. Even though these were necessary items, Ha-min showed no intention of coming to retrieve them.
The reason was obvious. He probably couldn’t even think about coming to get his things, fearing he might run into Tae-rim here. Tae-rim, who knew Ha-min’s entire schedule by heart, was aware that all the textbooks laid out on the desk were important.
It meant that Ha-min found him that repulsive.
On that day when reason was lost, the moment Tae-rim saw the pain in that boy’s eyes as he begged him to stop, Tae-rim froze as if hit by cold water. Everything felt wrong, and all his actions up until then, as well as the boy’s actions, flashed before his eyes like a kaleidoscope. And Ha-min’s trembling hand in his, the gaze that looked at him, seemed like… a person falling apart. Glimpsing the fear and despair, Tae-rim finally realized what he had done.
Yet what made him feel like a complete bastard was the fact that he only just realized what Park Hee-gyeom had already known.
Amidst all this, he felt angry about that fact and was overwhelmed by a petty rage, making him feel vulgar. He had never thought of himself as a decent person, but he had never felt this ugly before.
Tae-rim aimlessly swept the desk once and then took out his phone to make a call. The ringing didn’t last long before the other person picked up.
“Oh, what is it?”
A casual voice mixed with loud background noise came through.
“Come by the house.”
It was his younger brother, Tae-in.
“House? Which house? Your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Why so suddenly? I’m busy right now—”
Tae-in was indeed having very busy days. After Tae-rim had set up a studio and practice room for him, he had started music in earnest. There was a world of difference between scribbling on his own and working in a fully equipped practice room. Moreover, the YouTube videos he started with his band members were getting better responses than expected, so he was quite excited.
“Just do me one errand.”
Tae-rim gathered some of Ha-min’s textbooks and clothes.
“Ah, what is it? Ask Ha-min to do it.”
“…”
“Oh… I guess it’s a bit awkward to ask your boyfriend to run errands, huh?”
Having heard that Tae-rim and Ha-min were living together, Tae-in seemed to think things were going well between them and teased Tae-rim with a chuckle.
“Come when you have time today.”
Tae-rim replied to Tae-in’s joke without a hint of amusement. Seeing no reaction from his brother, Tae-in clicked his tongue and responded casually.
“Alright. I’ll come in the evening then.”
“Okay.”
Tae-rim ended the call briefly and left the room, heading towards the dining table where he had placed the liquor bottle. Tae-rim, who had settled down at the table, drank shot after shot without any food. He felt that only by getting drunk would this slow time pass quickly. If time passed quickly, maybe by then he would have received a message from that boy. Then, he planned to have a proper conversation. Even if he had really forgotten about him, even if he was tired of him, he would beg to make things right if he had to.
**
Ding dong.
At the sound of the doorbell, Tae-rim slowly opened his eyes, which had been sprawled on the dining table. Seeing the darkened interior of the house, it seemed quite some time had passed. At the doorbell ringing again, Tae-rim finally remembered that he had called Tae-in and moved sluggishly towards the door. An empty bottle of high-proof whiskey was strewn on the table. Perhaps because he had been drinking mindlessly, his steps were uneven.
As soon as he opened the door with a click, Tae-in’s irritated voice rang out.
“Seriously, you call someone over and take this long to open the door—”
Tae-in entered with his guitar on his back, criticizing. Tae-rim rubbed his forehead with a frown, the words feeling like noise. He felt a headache coming on.
“You’re loud…”
As Tae-rim muttered his reply softly, Tae-in’s eyes twitched.
“What’s this, have you been drinking?”
Tae-in covered his nose at the strong smell of alcohol wafting from nearby.
“Why is the house so dark? Has Ha-min not come back yet?”
Sensing something odd about both Tae-rim and the gloomy atmosphere of the house, Tae-in asked about Ha-min’s whereabouts. Not having heard anything from either Ha-min or Tae-rim yet, Tae-in had just assumed things were going well between them. While Ha-min still thought Tae-rim didn’t like him, Tae-in, being Tae-rim’s blood relative, could see through it without even looking.
It was laughable to think that his brother didn’t like Ha-min when he had postponed his trip to America and even bought a house just to keep someone he supposedly didn’t like. Tae-in was also aware that their father was furious about his brother’s arbitrary action of delaying his American schedule. Seeing his brother settle down in Korea despite such issues made Tae-in feel like his brother was quite childish.
“Ha-min’s not here.”
Tae-rim answered slowly. His tone was languid from the alcohol.
“I guess he hasn’t come back yet. I was hoping to see his face since I’m here.”
Tae-in expressed his disappointment as he entered the house, but soon looked around and exclaimed in admiration.
“Wow, this place is really nice!”
Entering the living room, Tae-in stood in front of the window filled with a spectacular view, unable to close his gaping mouth. The high-end villa, famous for housing only celebrities, was indeed on another level.
“Looks like you put in a lot of effort since you’re living with Ha-min. It’s the first time I’ve seen you try so hard.”
Tae-in continued with genuine admiration, but Tae-rim gave no particular response. His brother’s expression didn’t look good, considering he had rushed to buy a house to live with Ha-min. Tae-in raised an eyebrow curiously but didn’t bother to ask and instead brought up the matter at hand.
“Anyway, what did you want me to do?”
Tae-rim placed a shopping bag on the sofa and put a cigarette in his mouth, lighting it. After leisurely exhaling a puff of smoke, he finally spoke.
“Take this to Ha-min.”
Huh? Tae-in curiously opened the shopping bag first. It contained a few textbooks and some clothes.
“Isn’t Ha-min living here?”
“He’s in a goshiwon now.”
“Suddenly? He told me just recently that he was living with you?”
“…Things just turned out this way.”
Tae-rim’s evasive response seemed deeply subdued. Sensing something was off, Tae-in pressed further.
“What’s going on? Did something happen between you two?”
Normally, he wouldn’t have cared a bit about someone else’s love life, but it was different when it involved his close friend Song Ha-min and his brother Lee Tae-rim. Personally, Tae-in was rooting for the two of them. Of course, it was for Ha-min’s sake, not because of his brother who was hardly a good match for anyone.
To Tae-in, Ha-min was his only friend from childhood, the one who taught him what human affection, friendship, and love meant when he was a childish brat who couldn’t become a proper person due to his illness. And then, using his illness as an excuse, he had pushed aside the friend he had claimed would be his eternal friend. He wasn’t blameless for Ha-min’s scars.
There was a mixture of guilt for pretending not to know all this time, but what right did he have to interfere whether his friend was gay or liked his brother? Tae-in had no reason or qualification to comment on Ha-min’s life.
So the only thing he could do was support his friend. Although it bothered him that the other party was his brother, he couldn’t easily tell Ha-min to give up on feelings he had harbored for years… feelings he had held for so long, without any expectations, for someone he might never have seen again in his lifetime.
“…You knew, didn’t you?”
Instead of answering, Tae-rim asked quietly. Tae-in’s brow furrowed as if to ask what he meant, but after a brief moment, a thought crossed his mind and he let out a short “Ah.”
“…”
“…”
“…Did you see?”
“…”
“I… only found out recently too.”
Tae-rim quietly smoked his cigarette. Tae-in rubbed the side of his nose, uncomfortable with the difficult topic.
When he first heard about it from Ha-min, Tae-in had cried bitterly. At first, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but as the conversation went on, he found himself crying from the miserable feeling. He only belatedly realized that he was crying more than Ha-min at some point. Song Ha-min had apologized to Tae-in for that.
That made Tae-in feel even more wretched. He was the one who should be sorry… Sorry for being a friend who knew nothing, for not noticing anything all this time, for not knowing how Ha-min had been living. He was sorry for everything, yet Ha-min was the one apologizing to him. He really was a stupidly kind guy.
Tae-in sighed with a rather downcast face and continued speaking.
“But why would Ha-min leave the house over that?”
“…”
“He told me he would tell you directly when he was mentally prepared…”
At that moment, Tae-in, who had been speaking, looked at Tae-rim again with a face that seemed to say “Oh no.”
“Don’t tell me…”
“I saw.”
“…”
“Forcibly.”
“…”
“I held onto him when he said no, forcibly.”
Tae-rim spoke as if exhaling cigarette smoke, confirming Tae-in’s suspicions.
Tae-in couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh. Although he thought Ha-min had hidden it well all this time, Tae-in could fully understand how Ha-min must have felt having been discovered by Tae-rim in this way. It was something he had struggled to tell even to Tae-in, his friend…
“…Couldn’t you have waited a bit?”
While not unable to understand Tae-rim, there wasn’t much Tae-in could say. This was completely between the two of them.
At Tae-in’s words, Tae-rim let out a weak laugh.
“Even if I had waited…”
“…”
“He probably wouldn’t have told me.”
“…”
“He wouldn’t have told me.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
