#61
Hyung finished as if commenting on how clear the weather was today, then looked at my bewildered face and burst into laughter. It seemed like I had just heard something strange, but since it was something hyung would never say, I lowered my gaze awkwardly.
Had my ears, which had resolved to find evidence that it would be okay to confess to hyung, heard what they wanted to hear? But my contemplation didn’t last long. That’s because Saheon hyung delivered a line that seemed like it could be from an old movie.
“Well… shall we kiss to pass the time?”
Suddenly, hyung felt like an old man. I tilted my forehead slightly towards hyung, still with a disgruntled expression. Soon after, warm lips pressed firmly against it.
I could feel hyung’s lips, pressed against my forehead, curving into a smile. Eventually, hyung started to playfully nibble on my forehead as if he was going to eat it.
With my gaze lowered to hyung’s Adam’s apple, I pulled my face away slightly. My forehead, where hyung’s warm breath had touched as he laughed, felt moist. Hyung approached as much as I had distanced myself and planted a loud kiss.
“Oh, you’re so cute.”
Hyung stroked my hair with a voice one might use for a baby and smiled, his eyes crinkling. My solar plexus felt tight and ticklish. Embarrassed, I avoided his gaze, but feeling like I should compliment him too, I belatedly added:
“Hyung is… pretty too.”
“Me too?”
As I watched hyung smile brightly, showing his teeth while letting out a low chuckle, I suddenly thought how handsome he was. Dazed by hyung’s face, I was able to urgently but naturally change the subject before the silence became too long.
“I don’t think I’ve seen those clothes before, where did you get them?”
“They’re from when I was in college. When I went home and looked, I found a few old clothes left.”
Saheon hyung answered while pulling up his black turtleneck to just below his chin. I thought he looked strangely young, and it seems that was because they were clothes from his college days.
I looked at hyung with fresh eyes. I was reminded of hyung during his college days. Thinking of hyung in his early twenties, looking even more youthful than now and with a fresh-faced quality, another memory followed like a tag.
When I was in elementary school, I threw tantrums every day, crying and making a fuss over my first separation from hyung. It was because I had never thought I would be separated from Saheon hyung even once.
Even when Chaehun hyung moved out to live on his own due to commuting issues, I had an absolute belief that Saheon hyung would never leave. To the young me who had that belief, it was like hearing the sky was falling.
Saheon hyung’s school was too far away to commute from home, and there was a rule that all students majoring in Aviation Operations at hyung’s school had to live in dormitories.
Every day, I begged my mother to let me talk to hyung on the phone, and after a short call, I would cry myself to sleep. My eyes were so swollen like a carp’s that for months, I could barely open them properly. Later, when I realized that it was awkward for hyung, a freshman, to have long phone calls, I would hug my blanket and cry myself to sleep with longing.
Recalling my childhood when I used to count the days until hyung came up every weekend made me feel a bit embarrassed. I probably wasn’t even aware that I had a crush on Saheon hyung back then, but I felt that I had been quite excessive since I was young.
“Hyung… dressed like that, you really look like a college student. Ah, like a senior. Senior.”
The corners of hyung’s mouth twitched strangely. He seemed to be smiling, but also like someone trying to hold back something he wanted to say. Saheon hyung bit his tongue for a moment, then let out a sigh and muttered to himself.
“…It’s okay, Kwon Saheon. You held back well. Don’t startle the baby.”
“What?”
“We should brush our teeth. They’ll rot.”
Saheon hyung changed the subject in the blink of an eye. I blinked slowly, then nodded slowly. Since he said he couldn’t stay until dinner and had to leave, it seemed we needed to start preparing now.
I took the bowl with leftover curry to the sink. I threw away the leftovers in the food waste bin, filled the empty bowl with water, and then headed to the bathroom.
The toothbrush I used was still there. Next to the three toothbrushes neatly arranged as if it was natural, there was Saheon hyung’s toothbrush that looked new. Feeling like I might become sentimental unnecessarily, I quickly squeezed toothpaste onto the toothbrush and started brushing.
My hair, which had been sticking up, had settled down a bit after some time had passed. Still, it was inevitably a bit puffy. While brushing my teeth with my right hand, I repeatedly turned on the water with my left hand to wet and flatten my hair. I had to quickly spit out the toothpaste when I heard Saheon hyung’s question from outside.
“Cheongmyeong, can I look at this?”
“…What is ‘this’?”
My mouth was full of mint flavor. I had to try not to swallow the toothpaste residue.
“This, the album.”
“Okay.”
It seemed that hyung had discovered the album on the living room bookshelf. Thinking it was just an album and wondering why he needed permission, I continued brushing my teeth. Then I belatedly remembered that there was a love letter I had written in kindergarten stuck in the album.
I couldn’t remember the exact contents, but I recalled that my young self had written a love letter to Saheon hyung, and my mother, upon discovering it, had laughed and permanently preserved it in the album. I hurriedly finished brushing my teeth. The mint flavor was strong in my mouth, but I gulped it down.
I rushed out to the living room. Saheon hyung was already sitting on the sofa, looking through the album. Hyung, who was opening the album somewhere in the middle, looked up.
“Are you done washing up?”
“Hyung… that…”
“Come here. You’re really cute.”
Saheon hyung patted the sofa beside him. With an uncertain expression, I sat down next to Saheon hyung as he instructed. As soon as I sat on the sofa, hyung put his hand on my side and pulled me a bit closer to him. Without removing the arm he had wrapped around me, he turned the pages of the album.
“This is from your kindergarten talent show, isn’t it? So cute.”
The page hyung was looking at showed me wearing a crown with cheap jewel decorations and wrapped in a red cape. In the photo, I looked even younger than six or seven years old, as I had been smaller than my peers until high school.
“I remember you dressing up like this for the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ performance. Prince Cheongmyeong. Really cute.”
“…Was that so?”
“You used to kiss me when I lay down pretending to be your practice partner.”
“…Oh, really?”
I tried to answer nonchalantly. Of course, it was a lie. I was glad it remained a cute memory in hyung’s mind. Hyung turned another page of the album.
There were photos of me riding a tricycle, learning to rollerblade for the first time, my aunt who couldn’t give up her desire for a daughter sticking pretty pins all over my hair, me falling asleep while eating ice cream, and for some unknown reason, Chaehun hyung and Saheon hyung trying to comfort me as I cried my eyes out…
The album was full of memories typical of childhood, with photos of Saheon hyung interspersed throughout. I suddenly realized how long hyung and I had known each other.
Even though these were memories hyung shared with me since I was born, Saheon hyung looked at the photos with more interest than I did. I watched nervously, not knowing when the love letter might appear. After turning the last page, hyung spoke in a small voice, not knowing what to do.
“Ah, this is really cute. Can I take this one?”
The photo hyung pointed to was of me wearing a bow tie. It was smaller than the other photos, taken with a Polaroid camera.
It seemed to be a photo taken around the time of grandmother’s 60th birthday celebration. Hyung’s finger was already twitching as if about to tear off the wrapping, looking at the image of me wearing a light blue shirt, suspender pants that looked like a child’s suit, and even a bow tie.
“Sure.”
“Thanks. I’ll put it in my wallet.”
As soon as I gave permission, Saheon hyung quickly removed the album cover and peeled off the photo. A faint sound was heard due to the weak adhesive. Hyung muttered with a bright smile.
“Really cute. I want to put it in my mouth and chew it up.”
Saheon hyung expressed his affection somewhat violently. I quietly closed the album. Fortunately, it seemed the love letter hadn’t been discovered.
As I picked up the album and put it far away, hyung, who had lightly kissed the photo, grinned and put the photo in his pocket. There was a light rustling sound of paper from inside the pocket.
My sensitive ears caught the faint sound. With my good instincts, I quickly realized that there was something in Saheon hyung’s pocket. Suddenly, anxiety washed over me. Unable to directly mention the word ‘love letter’, I asked indirectly.
“Hyung, did you… take anything from here?”
“What kind of thing?”
Saheon hyung smiled, his eyes half-closed. He looked as if he knew nothing. Did I hear wrong? I glanced at hyung, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling. Hyung pulled me by the waist and kissed my temple with a smack, then put his hand under my armpit and lightly moved me.
Led by hyung, I ended up sitting on his thigh, immediately facing him in an embarrassing position. Out of shyness, I lowered my gaze, but when I felt hands grasping my buttocks, I let out a short moan and raised my head.
When our eyes met, Saheon hyung smiled with satisfaction. Then he leaned in slightly, brushed his lips against mine, and whispered sweetly.
“I’ve taken so much from here that I’m not sure.”
Captivated by his gently curving eyes, I had to struggle to maintain my composure, which kept wanting to crumble. Saheon hyung was clearly staying still, but I was falling for him excessively.
“Let’s see. I took a toothbrush. I took a photo. I took Cheongmyeong.”
Counting on his fingers one by one, hyung lazily raised the corners of his mouth, seemingly noticing my unfocused gaze.
“Want to kiss?”
As if hypnotized, I nodded and pressed my lips to hyung’s. Only when our hot lips met did I realize what I had done. Hyung’s rough breath touched my cheek. But the tongue that carefully delved into my mouth was soft.
The kiss that weakly explored my mouth as if it would melt made me feel impatient. Involuntarily, I let out groaning sounds. My toes curled at the kiss that teasingly touched only the good parts. I wrapped my arms around hyung’s neck and clumsily tried to follow his slow pace.
Perhaps because the kiss was more affectionate and careful than usual, my mind went completely blank. I watched with a dazed expression as hyung pulled away from my lips. Hyung chuckled and cupped my cheeks with both hands. When he applied a little pressure, my lips protruded slightly. Hyung lightly kissed them and continued playfully.
“Do you like it when hyung gives you affectionate kisses?”
As I was about to nod quietly, I realized that hyung’s words strangely referred to the past. An expression of shock and disbelief seeped into my face.
“Ah, ah, no…”
“What do you mean, no. You’re mine now.”
From hyung’s playful grin, I realized my guess was correct. As I struggled in confusion, I noticed the sound of paper rustling in hyung’s pocket. I frantically reached for hyung’s pocket.
“No. It’s mine now.”
“Give it back. No. Ah!”
My face burst into flames. Saheon hyung, grinning widely, began to recite what must have been the contents of the love letter I had written.
“Since I’ve hugged you as Cheongmyeong wanted and given you affectionate kisses, now we just need to get married.”
“Ah! Don’t! That’s not it!”
“What do you mean it’s not? You said you wanted to marry hyung. Let’s do it.”
“Give it back! Return it!”
With my face burning bright red, I shook my head and touched hyung’s pocket. I could feel the texture of the rustling letter paper inside the pocket. Perhaps because it was clothes from his college days, the area around the pocket was tight.
As I was about to put my hand into the pocket to find what I wanted, I touched something large and sweet potato-like in the inner pocket, which I couldn’t identify, and was immediately stopped.
I realized that when my face gets too hot, tears well up. I exhaled with a hiss and shook both hands that hyung had caught.
“Give it!”
“Why? Let’s do it. I want to.”
“No!”
“You don’t want to play newlyweds? Then shall we play senior taking care of junior?”
“No!”
