#100
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But to think that he really meant he would “cook” for him.
Nam Seonwoo rubbed his face, overwhelmed by embarrassment.
‘I’m the only garbage here, again…’
From the kitchen came the sound of chopping. Following the rhythmic knife sounds, Nam Seonwoo turned his gaze to see Kang Jihan standing at the counter.
It was truly a rare sight. Throughout their long years of living together, he had never seen such a scene. Simple cooking was one thing, but Kang Jihan preparing a meal with such precision—it felt strange.
‘…This is unexpected.’
The kitchen and Kang Jihan—a surprisingly well-matched combination that kept Nam Seonwoo’s eyes fixed on his back. His broad back covered almost half of the counter, making it hard to see what he was doing, but the muscles in his exposed arms below the short sleeves visibly tensed with each knife movement.
Nam Seonwoo had thought he might have looked up a recipe online when he said he’d cook, but far from following a recipe, he seemed quite skilled as he prepared the ingredients without referring to anything. Though it felt somewhat incongruous given his strong memory of the salt rice ball.
Come to think of it, both times they’d woken up together in the officetel, Kang Jihan had been standing in the kitchen. It was the same when he woke up in Kang Jihan’s room. Recalling how he had been attached to the kitchen like a house spirit made the corners of Nam Seonwoo’s mouth curl upward.
“Have you developed an interest in cooking?”
As Nam Seonwoo approached the inner part of the kitchen, Kang Jihan, who had been concentrating with his head bowed, turned around. He smiled lightly.
“I made a promise.”
“A promise?”
“I promised to pack lunches for my lover. For a lifetime.”
At those words, Nam Seonwoo couldn’t help but smile too. It seemed Kang Jihan also remembered the salt rice ball incident. Nam Seonwoo’s smile deepened as he recalled telling him not to do it unless he was willing to commit for a lifetime, and Kang Jihan’s contrary response that he would indeed do it for a lifetime.
“Really? What sin did your lover commit? Having to eat tasteless lunches because their lover has no sense of taste. And for a lifetime at that.”
“…I’m good at cooking.”
When Nam Seonwoo gave him a look of suppressed laughter, Kang Jihan frowned. Watching him resume chopping as if to prove himself made Nam Seonwoo want to tease him more. He lingered around Kang Jihan and asked:
“But where’s your apron? A person who claims to cook doesn’t even wear an apron?”
“Just sit down. I’ll be done soon.”
“You don’t have the basics down. And you say you’re good at it. Those seasonings were actually prepared by your mother, right?”
The Kang Jihan who would have snapped back in the past now just silently focused on cooking. Nam Seonwoo looked at his back with narrowed eyes. It felt like a younger sibling who used to follow him well now acted all grown up and didn’t even respond.
‘Really now.’
Despite making him confused and mentally preparing himself the entire way home, Kang Jihan’s back looked so nonchalant. Swallowing a sigh, Nam Seonwoo opened the refrigerator. Since he was told to sit down no matter what he offered to do, the only thing he could do in the kitchen was look inside the fridge.
The refrigerator was certainly abundant, perhaps because his mother was around. But among all the food ingredients, what caught Nam Seonwoo’s eye were peaches wrapped in plastic. The freshly bought peaches seemed to number more than ten.
“…”
After glancing at Kang Jihan, Nam Seonwoo opened the freezer. Similarly packed with frozen foods, there was one box that stood out. On packaging that looked like junk food was drawn a familiar ice cream. Nam Seonwoo happily took out one.
“Your mother must really like these?”
An acorn-colored ice cream with candy inside. It was the ice cream he always ate when visiting Kang Jihan’s house.
“She bought an entire box. Your mother has good taste.”
“You’re so oblivious.”
At the sudden criticism, Nam Seonwoo turned around sharply. Kang Jihan was still moving his hands over the cutting board. He added:
“No one in our house eats that.”
“…Huh? What are you saying? Don’t you remember the first time I came to your house? Your mother gave me this.”
“She probably just bought it. She likes selecting multiple items.”
For a moment, Nam Seonwoo imagined Baek Heeyeon in front of a “5 for 1,000 won” corner, selecting ice cream. It was an unbalanced yet easily imaginable scene.
But after that, Kang Jihan had always taken out this ice cream for him. Every time he came over to study, always. Before he could voice this question, Kang Jihan resolved it:
“I bought it because you liked it.”
“…”
“To seduce you.”
Of course, what I bought last year has all been thrown away. As he muttered this, there was a smile on Kang Jihan’s profile.
“…Wow. Your intention behind inviting me home was so dark from the beginning.”
“What did I do?”
“It’s dark. You dark bastard. And there I was, innocently helping you study.”
“I only studied too.”
“What do you mean only studied? Back then, you stole my ice cream…”
Nam Seonwoo suddenly closed his mouth as a scene came to mind. Thinking about how overly conscious he had been of Kang Jihan stealing his ice cream, perhaps it wasn’t just Kang Jihan whose intentions were dark. Despite facing the freezer’s cold air directly, somehow it felt warmer. Especially his face. As he unwrapped the ice cream, unable to cool down even in the freezer’s air, a nagging voice flew in:
“Are you going to eat that before dinner?”
“Yeah, I am. Is that not allowed?”
Kang Jihan laughed like a sigh. His face said he couldn’t stop him. Such an impertinent face for someone only twenty-one years old.
“Of course it’s allowed.”
Nam Seonwoo chewed the inside of his lip. Although it felt like he was being treated like a child, rather than feeling bad, it felt… strange. Perhaps because the emotion underlying it was so transparent. Kang Jihan’s childish treatment felt less like being dismissed and more like…
“It’s all yours anyway.”
It felt closer to being cherished. By Kang Jihan.
Clenching his restless fingers at this unfamiliar sensation, Nam Seonwoo bit into the ice cream rebelliously. The expected sweetness wasn’t there at all. Even after melting and swallowing the tasteless ice chunk in his mouth, his mouth remained dry.
Maybe it wasn’t thirst but a craving for something sweet. Looking down at the ice cream indifferently, Nam Seonwoo called to Kang Jihan.
“Do you have a spare knife?”
“A knife?”
“It’s tasteless. I just want to eat the candy inside.”
There was that look again. Watching his ticklish expression that made him embarrassed, Nam Seonwoo momentarily regretted it, feeling like a small child throwing a tantrum. But instead of nagging, Kang Jihan held out his hand. Understanding he wanted him to hand it over, Nam Seonwoo gave him the partially eaten ice cream, and Kang Jihan took a big bite.
Is he stealing it again…? Nam Seonwoo stared at him with a dumbfounded face. But instead of swallowing the chunk in his mouth, Kang Jihan spat it into the sink. After doing this two more times, the acorn-colored ice cream was gone, leaving only colorful candies.
The candy entered Nam Seonwoo’s mouth, which had been staring blankly. As he bit into it reflexively, Kang Jihan smiled, wrinkling his nose.
“Happy now?”
“…”
“You’re not actually a child.”
The candy was sweet. Artificially sweet and cold. But that sweetness and cooling sensation, like the freezer’s air, evaporated like steam. No matter how much he sucked on the candy, he still felt hot and thirsty.
So Nam Seonwoo realized. It wasn’t sweets he was craving, but Kang Jihan.
The period of hospitalization and rehabilitation was both long and short. They had never gone all the way because of the injury, but when he came to his senses, he always found himself kissing Kang Jihan. There was no context. Just while walking normally, or while eating, or even while sharing earphones, suddenly the atmosphere would shift.
Of course, Kang Jihan had lost his composure in these moments more than once. But each time, Nam Seonwoo vigorously, very vigorously, pushed away the hands invading his pants and the face burrowing under his shirt. During hospitalization, the reason was “wait until discharge,” and after discharge, he restrained Kang Jihan saying “not until rehabilitation is over.”
It was always Nam Seonwoo who pushed him away, and it was always Kang Jihan who was dissatisfied with it. But that was just how it appeared on the surface; Nam Seonwoo had his own buildup. How could he not? If the person you like keeps pressing their lips to yours saying they like you, and your body doesn’t heat up, you’re not a saint but impotent.
Now that the forced abstinence was over, ironically, it was Kang Jihan who was acting impotent.
‘Who’s the oblivious one here?’
Looking at Kang Jihan indifferently tending to the meat, Nam Seonwoo pouted. The candy still tasted bland. Rolling it to one side of his cheek, Nam Seonwoo quietly approached behind Kang Jihan.
Despite his seemingly ample frame, the contours of his shoulder blades below his shoulders stood out through his T-shirt. As Nam Seonwoo silently took in the muscles that became more defined with each arm movement, he gently wrapped his arms around Kang Jihan’s waist.
“Kang Jihan.”
Raising his heels slightly, he could just manage to rest his chin on Kang Jihan’s shoulder. Only then could he see the scene on the counter that had been hidden by his back. The neatly organized counter and the long fingers moving across it were as delicate as could be, unlike his clearly defined body.
Looking down at the hand that had stopped mid-air, Nam Seonwoo rolled the candy in his mouth.
“I’m bored.”
The hand that had barely moved slowly put down the knife. Kang Jihan said reproachfully:
“I’m using a knife, you know.”
“You’re not using it now.”
As he wiggled his fingers where they met on Kang Jihan’s stomach, he felt the back muscles against his chest tense. He pressed his index finger firmly into the hollow of a muscle contour, but the firmly set abdominal muscles didn’t give at all.
“I said I’m bored-.”
“…”
“Won’t you play with me?”
Sensing a sudden déjà vu, Nam Seonwoo raised the corner of his mouth. On a certain day when he was nineteen, when he came to study at Kang Jihan’s house, he seemed to have said something similar.
‘I’m bored. Tell me something interesting.’
‘…’
‘Ah, I should just go home.’
Recalling how Kang Jihan had barely managed to ask ‘What are you doing during break?’ in response made the corners of his mouth twitch repeatedly. So he whispered the same threat to Kang Jihan:
“If you’re not fun, I’m going home, okay?”
Kang Jihan seemed to recall that memory too. Because, just like then, a faint sigh was heard.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
