108.
#Believing What You Want to Believe
“Neither I nor Haram are going to study abroad. You’re going to London alone, hyung.”
Dawoon replied firmly, almost glaring at Hayun. Hayun, who had been quietly meeting Dawoon’s gaze, smiled faintly.
“If you’re thinking of escaping with Grandfather’s help, give up. Grandfather was admitted to the hospital today.”
Dawoon’s eyes widened at the unexpected news. The Chairman had been in good health for his age, even energetic. He couldn’t understand why such a person would suddenly be hospitalized.
“What did you do?”
A chilling thought made Dawoon’s spine tingle. Seeming to understand the intent behind Dawoon’s question, Hayun exhaled.
“Do you really think I’m that much of an unfilial child? I just told him that I knew all about your plans, and that wherever he sends you, I’ll go too. He couldn’t handle his anger and collapsed with high blood pressure.”
“Hyung!”
Although Hayun was speaking as if he hadn’t done anything wrong, as if the Chairman had started it, in the end, it was essentially because of Hayun that he had collapsed.
No. It wasn’t because of Hayun, but because of himself. Jeong Dawoon’s very existence was ruining everyone’s relationships. Not just Grandfather and Hayun, but Haram too.
Dawoon clenched his jaw, his molars grinding.
Get a grip, Jeong Dawoon. You can’t be swept away like this.
A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. He regretted most of all that he shouldn’t have accepted Hayun like that three years ago, that he should have rejected him somehow back then.
“Since you already know everything, there’s no need for a long explanation. I never wanted to study abroad in the first place. If you knew Grandfather’s intentions all along, there’s no need for me to go. So I’m not going.”
Dawoon said, looking straight at Hayun. First, he had to stop Haram’s study abroad. Even if he were to study abroad, it shouldn’t be like this, being pushed because of him. It would be right for Haram to go when he felt the need himself, after some more time had passed.
“Is that so?”
Hayun replied lightly. Then he smirked.
“If you absolutely hate it, I won’t force you. When have I ever forced you to do something you hated?”
That statement was laughable too. When it came to studying abroad or academics, he had never forced anything. Whatever Dawoon wanted to do or didn’t want to do, Hayun had supported him to do as he wished. Except for one thing: their relationship.
“Even if you stay, I’ll still send Haram.”
“Hyung!”
“The procedures are already complete. It’s a famous private school in London and it won’t be bad for Haram.”
“Hyung! Haram is only ten years old.”
“So?”
“Even if you’ll be at the London branch, you can’t properly take care of a child.”
Dawoon was about to say there was no need to take Haram along, that if Hayun was going, he should go alone.
“Who said I would take care of him?”
Dawoon blinked his widened eyes.
“Even if you hire a housekeeper…”
“I’m not going to hire a housekeeper either. You don’t think I’m going to leave you here and go to the London branch, do you?”
Dawoon felt as if he had been hit on the back of the head with a large hammer at Hayun’s words.
“Why are you acting stupid? It’s obvious that if you stay here, I’ll stay too. What’s important to me isn’t where Jeong Haram is, but where Jeong Dawoon is.”
Hayun reached out and cupped Dawoon’s cheek. Dawoon looked up at his face, unable to move at the cool tone of voice.
“Jeong Dawoon. Don’t misunderstand. The reason I care for Haram is because he’s precious to you. There’s no other reason.”
Dawoon’s heart pounded uneasily at the softly whispered words.
“Haram will enter the dormitory. For me, just separating him from you is meaningful enough. So whether you follow Haram to London or not doesn’t matter. If I can just send Jeong Haram away, that’s not bad in itself. At least you won’t have to be tense here, worrying about Haram noticing anything.”
Dawoon felt his body grow cold at the implication that even Jeong Haram wasn’t an object of affection for Jeong Hayun. He was saying that he had kept Haram around only because Dawoon needed him. And now that Haram had grown up to some extent, now that it was time for him to become independent from his mother bird, he was saying so nonchalantly that he would separate them on this occasion.
“You’re not going to London?”
Hayun leaned in and whispered in Dawoon’s ear. His faint exhalation carried a hint of mockery.
Are you really okay with sending Jeong Haram alone?
Though unspoken, it felt like that’s what he was asking.
“Whether it’s Korea or London doesn’t really matter. As long as you can stop worrying about your surroundings even a little, so that you can calmly look into what your feelings are, that’s enough.”
Hayun’s hand moved from Dawoon’s cheek to caress his nape. Dawoon squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard. Now he could clearly read Hayun’s intentions.
So that’s why he had been talking about London and studying abroad. If they went to London, Dawoon could avoid all the real-world problems that had been oppressing him. Like in Jeju, he might be able to face Hayun while forgetting everything else around him. Haram was just an excuse to pull Dawoon out of the country.
On the other hand, if only Haram went to study abroad and Dawoon stayed in Korea, that would free him from worrying about Haram in its own way. He wouldn’t need to be on edge about Haram noticing their relationship. That’s what Hayun wanted.
So he was saying it didn’t matter whether Dawoon followed Haram to study abroad or stayed here. Whatever choice he made, it would inevitably end up as Hayun wanted.
Ha! A bitter laugh escaped him. He had thought he could really escape from Hayun this time, but how had it turned out like this? Was there really no way to escape from Jeong Hayun?
He had thought Grandfather could stop Hayun, but even that was impossible. Besides Grandfather, no one came to mind who could stand up to Hayun.
‘At least I won’t hesitate to lend a hand to you.’
Suddenly, Choi Seon-gyeom’s words came to mind. Even as he felt disgusted with himself for trying to drag him into this, he desperately wished for anyone, just anyone, to pull him out of this quagmire.
“Hyung.”
He grabbed the hand caressing his shoulder and put it down, then looked up at him.
“The paternal lineage test you did after our parents passed away, what did you use for it?”
Hayun tilted his head at the sudden change in conversation.
“Why are you curious about that all of a sudden?”
“Just answer.”
“I asked why you’re curious.”
“Just. It suddenly came to mind.”
He knew Hayun would find it strange, but he didn’t care. Hayun’s eyes narrowed as if trying to gauge Dawoon’s thoughts. Dawoon met his gaze with an expressionless face.
“Was that test really done with you and me?”
“…”
Hayun’s eyes narrowed further.
“Of course.”
Although he affirmed it, there was quite a long pause before the answer came. Dawoon couldn’t tell from Hayun’s expression whether it was a lie or not. Unlike Dawoon, he was skilled at lying.
“It wasn’t done with Haram instead of me?”
While his own birth was ambiguous, Haram was certainly the child of their father and mother. There was no way their mother, who had barely left this mansion, could have had an affair, so Haram was definitely their father’s child.
“…Why did such a suspicion suddenly arise?”
Hayun asked back with a faint smile.
“Just answer.”
“If I say yes, will you believe it?”
“…”
“And if I say no, can you accept that?”
Dawoon frowned at what seemed like word play.
“What the truth is isn’t that important. In the end, people believe what they want to believe. You’ve experienced it over the past few years, haven’t you? How Grandfather and the relatives treated you even after I presented the paternal lineage test results.”
Dawoon couldn’t deny his words. Whatever the truth was, it didn’t matter to them at all.
“In the end, I’m the only one on your side. Just remember that.”
Hayun’s lips lightly touched Dawoon’s cheek and pulled away. Dawoon didn’t push him away. Partly because he had grown accustomed to such light skinship, but also because his mind was too complicated to move his body.
In the end, Hayun didn’t answer what the truth was. That left Dawoon feeling very uneasy.
***
Dawoon prepared to go out only after Hayun had left for work and Haram had gone to school. At 10 AM, he was supposed to meet Choi Seon-gyeom in front of the genetic testing center they had designated. When he arrived at the meeting place, Choi Seon-gyeom was already there, even though he wasn’t late.
In the end, as Choi had suggested, they decided to go and have the genetic test done again themselves. Since the genetic test results Choi had presented and the results of the test Hayun and his father had done while alive were different, Dawoon had no choice but to confirm with his own eyes.
“Would you like to proceed with oral epithelial cells or hair samples?”
Since they had made a reservation in advance, they were guided in without any waiting time. Dawoon and Choi Seon-gyeom each proceeded with oral epithelial cell collection.
“Could you do one more test separately?”
Dawoon handed a small ziplock bag containing hair to the guide.
“Do you want to proceed with a test other than the one you’re doing with Mr. Choi Seon-gyeom?”
“Yes. A paternal lineage test, please.”
The ziplock bag had Jeong Hayun’s name written on it. It was hair Dawoon had found in the comb in Hayun’s room after he left for work this morning.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
