159.
#Side 2. 5 years later (7)
Haram’s question made Dawoon’s heart tighten. His eyes stung, feeling like tears might spill over. He clenched his molars, swallowing his emotions, and smiled faintly while looking at Haram.
“I missed you.”
So much. For a while, I couldn’t even sleep because I kept seeing you crying in my dreams.
“I was curious if you were doing well.”
Even though I was curious, I couldn’t ask. I thought I didn’t have the right to ask.
At Dawoon’s answer, Haram, who had been staring blankly, smiled gently. Unlike before, he was smiling sincerely now. It was still the same clear and beautiful smile as before.
“I have to go now. My friends are waiting.”
Haram pointed with his eyes to his friends waiting over there and stood up. Feeling regretful that he was leaving so soon, Dawoon’s hand unconsciously reached out towards him before stopping.
“I just came out for a short while, so I need to go back now.”
As if knowing Dawoon’s regret, Haram added.
“When I’m on break… can I come visit London?”
Dawoon was slightly surprised that he would offer to come visit first.
“Is that not okay?”
When Dawoon didn’t answer immediately, Haram asked dejectedly. He looked like a large dog with its tail and ears drooping. A large dog… I thought he would always be a small puppy cuddling in my arms and acting spoiled…
“Come anytime. I’ll be waiting.”
When Dawoon answered with a faint smile, Haram’s face instantly brightened.
<Haram! Come on. We’ll be late.>
His friends urged him. Haram answered that he understood and turned to look at Dawoon. It seemed he also found it difficult to leave.
“Go on, hurry.”
It seemed like he would just stand there forever if Dawoon didn’t push him away. Smiling and waving goodbye, Dawoon urged him to go. Haram nodded almost imperceptibly. After taking a couple of steps, Haram turned back and approached Dawoon again. He bent down to match Dawoon’s sitting position, closing the distance suddenly, and whispered softly in his ear. When Dawoon looked at him with wide eyes, he grinned.
“I’ll definitely come during the break. Send my regards to Hayun hyung too.”
Seeing his smile, now much more comfortable and brighter than at first, Dawoon couldn’t say anything. He watched Haram’s back as he left the cafe, just as boisterously as when he had entered with his friends. Outside the cafe, Haram turned and waved big towards Dawoon, visible through the window. He must have explained something to his friends because they were all waving together. When Dawoon awkwardly raised one hand to wave back, Haram smiled brightly and turned away with his friends. Dawoon sat motionless, staring out the window in the same position until Haram completely disappeared from view.
‘Actually, I came to London secretly without grandfather knowing. Because I wanted to see you, hyung. You were smiling brightly. Seeing you smile like that was enough.’
Haram’s last words before leaving echoed in Dawoon’s ears. Smiling like that… what did he mean by ‘like that’? The more he thought about it, the more he felt his neck burning. Could it be that he saw him with Hayun? In London, the two of them acted no different from lovers to anyone who saw them.
Did Haram find out everything? And he still smiled at me like before?
While feeling confused, it felt like the tension that had been tightly wound up was suddenly released. He raised one hand to cover his face.
He really had grown up. It was Dawoon’s complete misjudgment to think that Haram would always be a child.
***
After returning to the New York hotel, Dawoon was in a half-dazed state the whole time.
“Did something happen in Wallingford?”
Hayun approached and asked, finding it strange that Dawoon was blankly staring out the window. He was holding two wine glasses in his hands. He put one down in front of Dawoon. It was unusual for him to offer alcohol, knowing how weak Dawoon was to it.
“You look tired. Drink this and get some good sleep.”
Embarrassed by his consideration, Dawoon rubbed his neck with his right hand.
“I met Haram.”
At these words that sounded like a sigh, Hayun only narrowed his eyes slightly without saying anything. He didn’t ask where or how they met.
“Did you expect this?”
“How could I?”
Hayun really hadn’t expected Dawoon to run into Haram. He had thought that if he brought Dawoon there, he might want to meet Haram first, and then he planned to arrange a direct meeting by talking to the school.
Unlike Dawoon, Hayun thought five years was enough time. Haram was no longer just a child, and he believed Dawoon was ready to find balance between Haram and himself. That’s why he thought it would be okay for them to meet and had half-forcibly brought Dawoon along.
He had been shaking his head at Dawoon’s stubbornness in not expressing his desire to see Haram until the end, but he didn’t expect them to meet in the meantime. He was curious about what words were exchanged between the two, but he refrained from asking hastily. Seeing Dawoon’s state, it seemed he had a lot to think about alone, so it would be better to wait until he sorted things out.
“Haram… seemed to know.”
“…”
“He said he had come to London before. It seems he saw us from afar then. I think he saw me with you.”
Dawoon continued slowly.
“He said I was smiling.”
After saying that, he bowed his head deeply. His feelings were complicated. He had wanted to keep it hidden from Haram until the end, but he already knew…
“I know. That Haram visited.”
Dawoon’s eyes widened at Hayun’s answer, but then he understood that it could be possible. With Hayun’s personality, there was no way he would have neglected Haram. Although he didn’t know exactly what kind of conflict there was with grandfather, just as Dawoon was Hayun’s weakness, Haram was grandfather’s weakness. So he must have been keeping an eye on Haram’s side as well.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
To the question of why he didn’t inform him when Haram came to London, Hayun met Dawoon’s gaze expressionlessly.
“Because Jeong Haram didn’t come forward first.”
It was an answer that sounded almost cold. Still, how could he pretend not to know when Haram, still a minor, came all the way to London? Of course, even if it was without grandfather’s knowledge, at least one bodyguard must have accompanied him. Maybe grandfather knew everything too, with only Haram believing grandfather didn’t know. So he couldn’t criticize Hayun for pretending not to know about the child.
“And because you were reluctant to meet Haram.”
At these words, Dawoon could only close his mouth. Jeong Hayun’s criterion for choice was always whether Jeong Dawoon wanted it or not. Jeong Dawoon took priority over Jeong Haram. Even Haram knew that. That’s why he must have said that Dawoon was special to Hayun.
Moreover, if he had seen them together in London, what more was there to say?
“He was more calm than I expected. He didn’t criticize or anything.”
Realizing that he had been the only one curled up all this time, a bitter smile escaped Dawoon’s lips.
“Because Jeong Haram loves you more than you think.”
Jeong Haram’s affection for Jeong Dawoon was purely familial love. Knowing this, Hayun still frowned as if displeased. Finding his reaction cute, Dawoon couldn’t help but smile.
“Haram is my real blood brother. Are you jealous even of such a relationship?”
“I still don’t understand.”
Hayun put down his wine glass and got up from his seat to come in front of Dawoon. He reached down to cup one of Dawoon’s cheeks, gently lifting it to make eye contact.
“Whether blood is mixed or not doesn’t matter. Even if you shared half your blood with me, I would feel exactly the same as I do now. That’s why I don’t like Jeong Haram’s obsession with you either.”
“Not everyone in the world is like you.”
“But unfortunately, Jeong Haram is a guy with Jeong family blood flowing in him.”
Jeong Seo-hoo, Hayun and Haram’s father, was also not a man who had a normal obsession with Dawoon’s mother. Dawoon couldn’t help but laugh incredulously at the suggestion that if there was a strong obsession gene in the Jeong family blood, they couldn’t let their guard down even if it was Haram.
“Unfortunately, if I shared blood with you, I would be different from how I am now.”
While repeating Hayun’s words, the content was exactly the opposite.
“I know.”
Hayun smiled faintly. Jeong Hayun was truly consistent. Whether it was right or wrong didn’t matter. He was just overly honest with his emotions.
Hayun bent down to approach. When Dawoon didn’t avoid and closed his eyes, he felt Hayun’s lips touch his forehead. Thinking that was the end, he was about to open his eyes when he felt a breath passing over the bridge of his nose. The breath that flowed further down stopped on his lips. It was a softer and more affectionate kiss than ever before. Perhaps it was because his own heart had become more at ease that Hayun’s warmth felt that way.
After the kiss, as Hayun was about to pull away, Dawoon wrapped his arms around Hayun’s neck to hold him. With Hayun awkwardly bent over, Dawoon’s face was reflected in his eyes. Despite the uncomfortable position, Hayun didn’t try to shake off Dawoon’s arms and straighten up.
“Hayun hyung.”
There was no answer, but his eyes were steadily fixed on Dawoon. When he was young, now, and in the future, these eyes would never change. Even if all the circumstances surrounding him changed, that was one thing Dawoon could believe in.
He slightly tightened his arms, pulling Hayun even closer. As Hayun obediently followed the force, Dawoon put his lips to Hayun’s ear and whispered softly. It was words he had never been able to say until now, words he thought he would never be able to say in the future.
Dawoon felt Hayun flinch, but he didn’t want to show his face right now, so he wrapped both arms around Hayun’s neck and hugged him tightly. Hayun was now kneeling down completely, matching Dawoon’s height. With his forehead resting on Hayun’s shoulder, Dawoon took a long, quiet breath. With that breath, the emotions he had been suppressing flowed out together.
I love you. I love you, Hayun hyung.
It was a confession he didn’t know when he would be able to make again. Perhaps it was Jeong Dawoon’s first and last sincere confession.
-fin.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
