95.
#Because We’ve Grown Accustomed
As Hayun grabbed Dawoon’s wrist and pulled, Dawoon’s body leaned forward. Hayun held Dawoon’s shoulder with his other hand and pushed him down onto the bed. Suddenly, Dawoon found himself lying on the bed, looking up at Hayun leaning over him.
“Are you going to do it?” Dawoon asked.
Hayun smiled gently with his eyes. “Well…”
It was an ambiguous answer. Dawoon frowned but relaxed his body. If it was going to happen anyway, he wanted to get it over with quickly and sleep. He closed his eyes, as if to say ‘do whatever you want’.
However, even after a long time, Hayun didn’t do anything. Wondering why, Dawoon opened his eyes to see Hayun’s face looking down at him from up close. There was a gentle smile on Hayun’s lips. When their eyes met, the curve of his lips became more pronounced.
Seeing Hayun’s face coming closer, Dawoon lowered his gaze. He thought Hayun was going to kiss him, but Hayun’s lips went to Dawoon’s forehead instead. After pressing his lips firmly on Dawoon’s forehead, Hayun hugged him and lay down beside him.
Dawoon turned to face Hayun. The distance was too close to see his face clearly. With Hayun’s arm as a pillow, all Dawoon could see was Hayun’s neck and shoulder. He moved back a little and raised his head to meet Hayun’s eyes. When their gazes met, Hayun smiled faintly and patted Dawoon’s back.
“What are you doing?” Dawoon asked. It looked as if Hayun was about to sing a lullaby.
“Putting you to sleep,” Hayun replied in a gentle tone.
Dawoon let out a laugh. “Are we supposed to sleep like this?”
“Yes.”
Wondering if Hayun really meant to sleep just like this, Dawoon stared at him. It seemed odd coming from someone who had been pouncing on him at every opportunity lately. Hayun reached out and stroked Dawoon’s eyelids, telling him to sleep.
Dawoon frowned and deliberately moved his leg to touch Hayun’s center. If they were going to do it anyway, he thought it would be better to get it over with quickly rather than being anxious about when it might happen.
“Don’t tell me you’ve been feeling deprived?” Hayun asked playfully.
“Who’s deprived…!” Dawoon’s words trailed off as he looked at Hayun’s relaxed, smiling face. Somehow, it felt like he was the one being more eager while Hayun had no such thoughts.
“I’m not going to do anything today. So don’t worry,” Hayun said.
If Hayun had teased him more, Dawoon would have gotten up and left. But Hayun seemed to know exactly what Dawoon was thinking. This left Dawoon with nothing to say.
“I just… want to sleep like this tonight,” Hayun said in a calm voice as he stroked the back of Dawoon’s head. Then he kissed the top of Dawoon’s head.
Even though Hayun wasn’t doing anything explicitly sexual, Dawoon felt a tightness around his heart. Not understanding his own state, he raised one hand and pressed it firmly against his heart. Hayun’s large hand continued to stroke the back of Dawoon’s head before moving down to gently pat his back.
What’s this? Why is he doing this?
Dawoon felt uneasy about this behavior that was different from usual, wondering if Hayun had some ulterior motive. But at the same time, it reminded him of how Hayun used to put him to sleep when he was younger, stirring up his emotions. Ironically, the touch of Hayun’s hand patting his back was just as affectionate and warm now as it was then.
Getting used to something was scary. Even though he now knew that these touches carried a different meaning, he couldn’t refuse them. Like being addicted to a drug, his body would relax at Hayun’s touch.
When their parents were alive, and even more so after they passed away, Hayun had been the only person Dawoon could rely on, always taking his side.
And now he was planning to leave this person. Whether by his own will or forced by others, he had agreed to it because he thought it was right. But why did it feel like there was a huge hole in his chest?
Don’t hate me too much. You’re partly responsible too, hyung. So… when time passes and you find someone else, when we can go back to being normal brothers, only resent me enough that we can still face each other with a smile.
Thinking this far made him feel bitter. The idea that someone other than himself might be by Jeong Hayun’s side… Ironically, he couldn’t imagine it. He had grown accustomed to Jeong Hayun always showing desire only for him.
Dawoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tried to push away his troubled feelings with the rhythmic patting of Hayun’s hand. As he did so, his thoughts naturally disconnected and reconnected repeatedly. Although he thought it was too early to sleep, he found himself nodding off.
With each deep breath, he could smell Hayun’s scent. He didn’t realize how much this scent reassured him. That too had become too familiar.
How much time had passed? Hayun looked down at Dawoon, who had completely fallen asleep in his arms. Despite acting like a wary cat with its fur standing on end, Dawoon would show such a defenseless side in front of him.
Jeong Dawoon had quite high walls when it came to relationships. Dawoon himself was well aware of this. However, he hadn’t put up any walls against Hayun. Because they were family who had grown up together. Dawoon probably rationalized his inability to refuse Hayun for this reason.
But that wasn’t it. Though Dawoon hadn’t noticed, there was a subtle difference in how he treated Haram and how he treated Hayun.
“When will you realize,” Hayun murmured, “that you’re the only one for me too, Jeong Dawoon?”
Until now, Hayun had thought it didn’t matter if Dawoon didn’t realize. As a student, Dawoon couldn’t escape from his domain anyway, so Hayun had planned to slowly engrave himself into Dawoon’s body and mind like a habit, to tame him that way.
Now the situation had changed a bit. The Chairman had noticed and started to move, and after graduation, Dawoon would have his own economic power when he got a job. Of course, even after that, Hayun could keep Dawoon within his boundaries if he wanted to. He could ignore the Chairman’s interference. But if he did so forcefully, Dawoon would rebel and his resistance would only grow stronger. That wasn’t what Hayun wanted. Hayun wanted Dawoon to be completely his. So now, Dawoon needed to realize it himself and choose Hayun. By his own will, not by force.
“I think I’ve waited long enough…”
Hayun murmured softly, tilting his head to kiss Dawoon’s cheek. No matter what situation arose, letting go of Dawoon was not an option. He had spent that long time meticulously preparing to fully possess Jeong Dawoon. Not even the Chairman could stop him.
***
Dawoon, tossing and turning, raised a hand to cover his eyes from the sunlight streaming through the window. After taking a deep breath and letting time pass for a while, he was finally able to shake off the last traces of sleep.
Sitting up, he found the space next to him empty. He seemed to have fallen asleep first, but Hayun wasn’t there when he woke up. He wondered when Hayun actually slept.
Dawoon got out of bed and went to the living room, but it was quiet. He couldn’t sense Hayun’s presence anywhere.
“Hyung?”
He walked around the living room, opening doors to each room and calling out, but there was no answer. Where could Hayun have gone, leaving him alone in this spacious villa? Checking the clock, it was just past 7:30. Even though he had slept without an alarm, his body was accustomed to waking up at his usual time, so he hadn’t overslept.
He even opened the front door and went outside, but he had no idea where to look for Hayun. After standing there looking around aimlessly, he gave up on finding Hayun and walked around to the back of the building towards the beach. Perhaps because it was private property belonging to the villa, or because it was early, there was not a single person on the beach.
Dawoon slowly walked until the seawater covered his ankles. Swoosh. With each wave that came and went, wetting his ankles, his feet sank a little deeper into the sand. Looking up, he could see the horizon where the deep blue sky met the sea in the distance.
Wow.
Although it wasn’t his first time seeing the horizon, he was amazed by the grandeur of nature every time he saw it. Where would one have to go to reach that point where the horizon meets? With scattered low clouds adding to the scene, it looked like a painting.
He regretted not bringing his phone. He wished he could have captured this beautiful scene in a photo. He considered going back to get his phone, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the endless sea stretching before him.
It felt as if time had stopped, and the world was quiet. Only the repeating sound of waves reminded him that time was still moving. Perhaps because he was doing nothing and just standing there in a daze, his mind wasn’t as noisy as it had been the night before. Calmly and quietly, it felt like the complicated thoughts that had filled his head were settling down.
When he was first brought to Jeju Island, he had wondered what Hayun was up to, but now that he was here like this, he felt it was good that they came and even felt grateful to Hayun.
It would be nice to live in a place like this. Then…
Dawoon stopped abruptly as his thoughts continued unconsciously. In a place like this, where there was no one else, with only the sound of wind and waves… he thought it wouldn’t be bad to live here alone with Hayun. He laughed hollowly at himself for thinking such thoughts so naturally.
He had always said Hayun was crazy, but it was clear that he too was going crazy, influenced by Hayun. How dare he have such desires?
‘Hyung.’
Remembering Haram’s bright smiling face made his heart sting.
What’s not possible is not possible. For Haram’s sake too, it’s right to end this.
As he was trying to steady his wavering heart, he heard a voice calling out “Jeong Dawoon” loudly from afar.
