69.
#Come to My Room
Throughout the year of high school senior year, everyone in the mansion repeatedly told Haram not to disturb Dawoon during exam periods. Having heard this so many times that his ears could have grown calluses, Haram didn’t call to urge Dawoon to come home quickly as usual when it was exam time, nor did he come to disturb him while he was at home.
Thanks to this, Dawoon could focus solely on studying for exams. It was good to have an immediate problem to solve, as it meant he didn’t have to think about other things. As soon as the last exam ended, Ui-hyeon and Na-eun insisted that Dawoon should hang out with them on a day like this. Practically dragged along by Na-eun, they watched a movie and even went to the Han River to see the late spring flowers.
“If we’re at the Han River, we should have convenience store ramen.”
At Ui-hyeon’s sudden suggestion, they ate instant ramen cooked on the spot. Despite not being hungry at all since it was an odd time between lunch and dinner, it was surprising how easily it all went down once they started eating.
“Is this your first time eating something like this?”
Ui-hyeon asked in a playful tone. Sometimes he treated Dawoon like a sheltered young master. But Dawoon couldn’t deny it. It was his first time just hanging out at the Han River like this. He had only heard about cooking instant ramen from a convenience store but never thought he’d actually come and do it himself.
“I’ll be right back, just going to the bathroom.”
Na-eun, who had finished her ramen even before Dawoon, got up to go to the bathroom. Only after she had walked away did Ui-hyeon stare intently at Dawoon.
“What?”
“I was thinking you’re not covering your neck anymore.”
It had taken almost two weeks for all the marks Hayun had left to fade. Now, it was to the point where he didn’t need to cover up anymore.
“It’s hot.”
With May approaching, quite a few people were seen wearing short sleeves. The weather had truly become too warm to cover his neck with a turtleneck shirt.
“Are things okay these days? Nothing unusual?”
Ui-hyeon asked, seeming uneasy even though he thought things might be fine since the marks on his neck had disappeared. Dawoon nodded.
He hadn’t been deliberately avoiding Hayun since then. It was impossible to avoid someone while living in the same house. Fortunately, with the exam period starting, no one thought it strange when he came home late after studying at the school library, and Hayun seemed busy with work, often coming home late. After confirming that Hayun would be late, Dawoon just studied in his own room, but since Hayun returned after midnight, they didn’t encounter each other at all. Even in the mornings, Hayun seemed to leave at dawn, so they couldn’t see each other at mealtimes either.
After several days of not seeing each other even once, Dawoon even began to wonder if Hayun was avoiding him. Of course, this was just his suspicion; given Hayun’s personality, it didn’t seem likely that he would avoid anything.
“Well, that’s good if everything’s okay.”
With those words, he didn’t ask any more details. Even if he had asked, Dawoon wouldn’t have had much to say.
If things could continue like this, maybe it would be fine. Dawoon thought so too. But it was only a brief moment of peace.
***
When Dawoon arrived home, Haram was waiting outside the mansion.
“Brother!”
Spotting Dawoon, he came running with his arms wide open. Dawoon habitually bent his knees and sat down to embrace the child running towards him.
“Where are you going?”
He thought Haram might have been waiting for him, but he noticed a small backpack on the child’s back. It was Haram’s favorite bag, which he used to carry things he wanted to bring when going somewhere.
“To Grandfather’s!”
Haram answered with a bright smile, making eye contact with Dawoon. Dawoon flinched at the mention of grandfather but was careful not to show it to the child.
“At this hour?”
It was already past dinner time. It seemed late to be going to the main family house.
“I’m staying over. Grandfather said I could sleep over.”
Haram turned his head to look behind him. One of the mansion’s staff had brought out a suitcase that seemed to be Haram’s and set it down. Soon, a car that would take Haram arrived in front of the mansion. Seeing the suitcase being taken along, it was clear this wasn’t just a short visit.
“How many nights?”
In response to Dawoon’s question, Haram held up two fingers and said, “Two nights!” Since today was Friday, it meant he would stay at the main house until Sunday.
Various thoughts came to mind simultaneously, creating a strange feeling. It was admirable that Haram had grown enough to stay at the main house alone, but it also felt somewhat empty. On the other hand, it made him realize how special Haram was to their grandfather, who had never before invited grandchildren to stay over. Was grandfather feeling lonely now that he was getting older? It felt odd to think such thoughts about someone who still seemed like a tiger in front of him.
“Make sure you behave well and listen to grandfather while you’re there.”
When Dawoon said this out of an abundance of caution, the child nodded vigorously, telling him not to worry. Then, as the driver got out of the car and opened the back door, he turned around and got into the car without hesitation. Sitting in the child seat, he opened the window and waved at Dawoon with a smile.
Although Dawoon waved back, wishing him a good trip, he felt strange. For a moment, he wondered if Ui-hyeon might be right – maybe Haram would be fine without him.
After watching the car carrying Haram leave the mansion grounds, Dawoon went inside.
“Welcome back. I’ll instruct them to prepare dinner soon.”
“It’s okay. I ate something with my friends, so I’m not hungry. If I get hungry later, I’ll take care of it myself. Don’t worry about it.”
After responding to the staff member, Dawoon went up to the second floor. As he was heading to his room, he hesitated upon seeing someone walking towards him from the opposite direction. It was Hayun. It seemed he had come home early from work today.
“Are your exams over?”
After a brief nod of greeting, Hayun asked in a neutral tone. Dawoon nodded almost imperceptibly.
“Did they go well?”
It was a very ordinary question. One anyone might ask.
“Probably. I’ll know when the grades come out.”
Not wanting to think about anything else, he had thrown himself into studying even more, and as a result, he had filled up the exam papers completely. Barring any major surprises, his grades should be fine.
“Haram went to the main house.”
“I know. I met him on my way in.”
“Ah.”
Hayun nodded nonchalantly and stared at Dawoon. He wanted to look away and go into his room, but once he realized where Hayun’s gaze was fixed, his feet wouldn’t move.
“They’re completely gone now.”
At Hayun’s words, all of Dawoon’s nerves seemed to concentrate on his neck. He almost unconsciously raised his hand to touch his neck. Not wanting to show that he was conscious of it, he tried to pass by Hayun with an expression of not understanding what he meant. However, he couldn’t take more than a couple of steps before Hayun grabbed his arm.
“Come to my room after you wash up.”
His heart sank at the low voice. The invitation to come to his room didn’t sound simple.
“I’m tired from being out. I’m going to bed early.”
He didn’t even ask why he should come. Hayun smiled faintly at the indirect refusal.
“Then I’ll come to your room.”
At these words, Dawoon couldn’t hide his emotions anymore and frowned. Guessing Hayun’s intentions, he disliked that idea even more. The thought of being reminded every time he entered his own room was horrifying.
“What will you do?”
It seemed that rejection wasn’t an option for Hayun from the start. With Haram gone to the main house, he couldn’t even use Haram as an excuse.
“Did you send Haram to the main house on purpose?”
When Dawoon asked, thinking it couldn’t be, Hayun smiled and shook his head.
“Grandfather said he wanted to see Haram. He seems to be feeling lonely as he gets older. He might call for him every weekend.”
The thought of Haram not being home every weekend… It felt like his last defense had crumbled.
“Should I go? Or do you want to come?”
Hayun asked again, ignoring Dawoon’s attempt to brush him off. His hand slowly moved up and lightly brushed Dawoon’s nape. The clear intention in his fingertips made Dawoon’s hair stand on end. Dawoon clenched his jaw and grabbed Hayun’s arm to remove it from himself.
“…After I wash up.”
He couldn’t bring himself to say he would go to Hayun’s room. It was a place he used to enter freely until recently… Jeong Hayun’s room. The meaning of those words had completely changed from a month ago.
Having gotten the answer he wanted, Hayun stepped back. Dawoon entered his room, put down his bag, and went straight to the bathroom. As soon as he bent over the toilet, he started retching. His stomach felt like it was turning inside out, and he ended up throwing up all the ramen he had eaten with his friends at the Han River.
After retching until there was nothing left to come out, he raised his head and felt it throbbing. Standing in front of the sink, he saw that his eyes were red from the physiological reaction. He took a deep breath and splashed cold water on his face. After repeating this until the heat subsided a bit, he decided to take a shower and took off all his clothes.
Standing under the shower, he turned on the cold water and shivered. Even though it had gotten much warmer, it was definitely not weather for cold showers yet. Still, he stubbornly endured. He stood there for a long time, until his mind became numb and he could no longer think of anything.
