144.
#Someday
“You never know. It might help with what I want to do.”
Dawoon didn’t particularly intend to get career help from Choi Seon-gyeom. The words came out rebelliously without thinking because Hayun was being so prickly.
“There are plenty of experts besides him. If you need one, I’ll find someone for you.”
Realizing that Hayun was more than capable of doing so, Dawoon shook his head, deciding not to say more.
“Are you planning to interfere with and control every single person I meet?”
Dawoon asked deliberately coldly. He wanted to be with Hayun, not be trapped in his fence. So this point needed to be made clear.
Sensing the coldness in Dawoon’s tone, Hayun didn’t answer immediately, just quietly looking down with his mouth shut.
“If that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll quit right now.”
As Dawoon turned away abruptly, Hayun hurriedly grabbed his wrist.
“Alright. Do as you wish. But when you go to meet him, I’ll go with you.”
It was a step back from not wanting any contact at all. Understanding that Dawoon meeting Choi Seon-gyeom might make Hayun anxious, Dawoon nodded. It was better for both to compromise at this level.
“What should we do for dinner?”
As the topic returned to everyday matters, Hayun’s gaze turned towards the kitchen. Dawoon opened the refrigerator and swallowed hard. Someone had stocked it full of ingredients. Thanks to that, it seemed they wouldn’t need to go grocery shopping right away.
“We should go buy a cookbook first.”
Even with ingredients, Dawoon was at a loss on how to use them.
“Who needs a cookbook?”
Hayun replied nonchalantly, pulling out a tablet PC. Dawoon smiled weakly at the reminder that in this convenient world, you could find all sorts of recipes just by searching the internet, without needing a cookbook.
***
Exactly three days after contacting him, Choi Seon-gyeom came to see Dawoon. When Dawoon said he was meeting Choi, Hayun insisted on going together as he had said before. Thinking it would be better to let him have his way rather than cause unnecessary misunderstandings later, Dawoon asked for Choi’s understanding and went together.
I feel like I’m suffocating.
Caught between Hayun and Choi Seon-gyeom, Dawoon sincerely vowed never to see the two of them together in one place again. Despite coolly agreeing to meet together, both were exuding coldness. It was like sitting on pins and needles, having to read both of their moods.
In hindsight, it might have been better to tell them not to meet at all. Hayun showed hostility without any regard for Choi Seon-gyeom being much older. Fortunately, he kept his mouth shut and didn’t utter any harsh words.
Unlike Hayun, who was glaring as if he would devour him, Choi Seon-gyeom didn’t even look in Hayun’s direction. Not because he was scared or uncomfortable, but because he was thoroughly ignoring him.
“You started graduate school?”
He asked Dawoon. Dawoon replied that he was able to start classes right away because his brother had already completed all the procedures. Only then did Choi Seon-gyeom’s gaze briefly shift to Hayun before returning to Dawoon.
“Are you sleeping properly?”
Ever since Jeff had reported that Dawoon didn’t seem to be eating or sleeping well, Choi often asked if he was eating and sleeping well.
“I sleep well. Too well, actually.”
At the honest answer, Choi Seon-gyeom stared intently at Dawoon’s face before nodding, saying it seemed so.
“I’m glad you seem to be doing well. I was actually a bit worried…”
He smiled with relief, then looked at Hayun and trailed off. In fact, it was hard for him to understand why Dawoon had returned to Hayun when he had been struggling so much that he wanted to run away.
“Are you really going to stay like this? Will you be okay?”
At the question of whether he’d be okay, Hayun’s eyebrow twitched. Dawoon placed his hand on Hayun’s thigh and pressed firmly. When Hayun turned to look, Dawoon shook his head and shifted his gaze back to Choi Seon-gyeom.
“Rather than being okay…”
As Dawoon started to speak, both men’s eyes, which had been warily watching each other, simultaneously turned to Dawoon.
“It seems inevitable.”
Choi Seon-gyeom’s face immediately contorted at Dawoon’s expression.
“Is he threatening you?”
“Ah, no, that’s not it.”
Dawoon quickly waved both hands. It wasn’t entirely true that there had been no threats, but that wasn’t the only reason.
“I told you I’ve been sleeping well lately, right? That’s been since I returned to Korea.”
He turned his head to look at Hayun sitting next to him. He had thought they shouldn’t be together, that his heart might break if they were together. But…
“To be honest, it’s not like everything is fine. But I felt like this is where I should be.”
At this vague expression, Choi Seon-gyeom groaned.
“Are you happy?”
The very simple question didn’t get an immediate answer. Dawoon’s heart still ached when he thought of Haram. So he couldn’t be confident that his choice was right.
“Can I believe that you’ll be happy?”
When Dawoon didn’t answer right away, Choi Seon-gyeom changed his question.
‘I can’t proudly call myself your father. I don’t think I have that right. But I sincerely hope you become happy. Whatever choices you make in the future.’
Those were his words before Dawoon went to Iceland. That was all he wished for Dawoon.
“I’m trying to be happy.”
Dawoon answered with a faint smile. Choi Seon-gyeom stared quietly for a long time before nodding.
“That’s enough. With that mindset, at least you won’t have regrets.”
It was a response suggesting he seemed to understand Dawoon’s feelings without a long explanation. This aspect of Choi Seon-gyeom was truly appreciated.
“Thank you for everything.”
As Dawoon expressed gratitude for the help over the past two months, Choi Seon-gyeom, as if remembering something he had forgotten, pulled something out and placed it on the table. It was a credit card.
“Jeong Hayun put an enormous amount of money on this.”
Choi Seon-gyeom said with a frown.
“He said it’s for the expenses you incurred. I don’t need it. If anything, I feel like I should be paying for raising you all this time…”
Hearing this far, Hayun snorted beside them. It was as if he was mocking whether Choi Seon-gyeom was even capable of that. Dawoon kicked Hayun’s foot under the table, trying to signal him. Seeming to understand Hayun’s intention, Choi Seon-gyeom also smiled bitterly.
“That’s also ridiculous, so I won’t. It’s like claiming Jeong Dawoon is my son.”
At Choi Seon-gyeom’s words, Dawoon smiled quietly. Even without exchanging money and making such claims, the fact that he was Dawoon’s biological father remained unchanged. That’s probably what Choi Seon-gyeom wanted to say as well.
After that, not much else was said. Choi Seon-gyeom said he had to leave soon and stood up, and Dawoon didn’t try to stop him. He didn’t even make an empty offer for him to stay overnight. Even though they were blood-related, there was no warmth between them. Still, in his heart, Dawoon wished for the other to live peacefully. That was the extent of the distance between Dawoon and Choi Seon-gyeom.
After Choi Seon-gyeom left, Hayun moved to the seat across from Dawoon. They decided to finish the remaining coffee before leaving.
“He was more docile than I expected.”
“I told you, I’m originally a polite person.”
When Dawoon said it was better than expected, Hayun replied with a laugh. True. To others, he really was a proper and decent person. As long as he wasn’t obsessed with something related to Dawoon, he was flawless.
“That’s true, but still, it was unexpected.”
Dawoon thought Hayun would be more aggressive towards Choi Seon-gyeom.
“He’s your father, after all.”
An unexpected answer came back. Dawoon looked at Hayun with wide eyes in surprise.
“Why are you making that face?”
Rather, Hayun asked back as if he couldn’t understand.
“No… I thought you wouldn’t acknowledge it.”
Since Hayun said he would absolutely not settle the family register as brothers, Dawoon thought he would deny Choi Seon-gyeom’s existence itself. That’s why he thought Hayun was displeased when Dawoon said he was meeting Choi Seon-gyeom.
Hayun, maintaining eye contact with Dawoon, smirked as if finding it silly.
“He needs to remain as your father so you can differentiate your relationship with me.”
As Dawoon just blinked, not understanding what he meant, Hayun leaned forward, bringing his face close to Dawoon’s.
“The sibling relationship on paper is necessary for me to be your legal guardian, but I have no intention of being your brother.”
Hayun’s right hand gently grasped Dawoon’s chin. He came closer and lightly pressed their lips together. After a soft sound, he pulled back slightly and moved his lips.
“Don’t get confused. About what I am to you.”
He whispered, then straightened up and looked at Dawoon with a gentle smile. Only then did Dawoon understand his intention.
Lover.
For that relationship Hayun desired, Dawoon needed Choi Seon-gyeom’s existence. Choi Seon-gyeom was painful evidence that Dawoon was not blood-related to Jeong Hayun, but also an opportunity to reestablish their relationship.
“You’re really awful.”
Hayun didn’t hesitate to use even Dawoon’s confusion and pain. Despite the reproachful words, Hayun just smiled as if it didn’t matter. That unnecessarily handsome appearance made Dawoon feel unfairly upset.
He’s really awful, but maybe I’m the real fool.
Such a Jeong Hayun… Dawoon couldn’t leave him.
“The weather’s nice.”
Dawoon turned his head to look out the window and mumbled.
“Shall we go for a walk?”
Though Dawoon obviously changed the subject, Hayun went along naturally. As they left the cafe, Hayun took Dawoon’s hand. Dawoon glanced down to check but didn’t push his hand away.
His heart felt both tight and tingly. It wasn’t anxious or uncomfortable like before. Rather, at times like this, his heart would flutter once in a while. Ridiculously, even his heart responded only to Hayun.
That was enough. That alone was reason enough to stay with Hayun.
…love you.
Will there ever come a day when he could say those words he couldn’t yet utter?
Someday…
“What are you thinking about?”
Hayun turned and asked.
“Nothing.”
Dawoon shook his head and looked ahead. Hayun also just walked in step without saying anything else.
As they moved forward little by little like this…
A gentle smile spread across Dawoon’s face. It was a rare clear blue sky day in London. The pouring sunlight was so dazzling it was almost blinding.
-fin.
*See you again in 3 months with an epilogue.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
