“……Isn’t something wrong with it?”
“The machine doesn’t break. Do you know how thorough our inspections are?”
“I-I mean, still. Could you run it one more time? Just in case, you know?”
Rion pleaded with the measurement room staffer. Because he’d been tearing his hair out over the matching rate, he’d been in and out of the measurement room more often than most.
Maybe it was because Rion’s face had become familiar, but the staffer took pity on him. After a brief hesitation, they spoke.
“……Don’t get your hopes up. Just one more time, okay? And don’t tell anyone else. If word gets out that we made an exception for someone, it’ll be a headache for us too.”
“Thank you.”
Rion showered the staffer with repeated thanks. Unlike Rion, Yu-won wore a calm expression, as if this was exactly what he’d expected.
The measurement itself didn’t take long, but to Rion, the time it took for the machine to run felt unbearably drawn out. And maybe he was a little afraid of the result waiting at the end of that suspense.
Unfortunately, even after forcing the issue and measuring again, the matching rate didn’t change at all.
“See? I told you it’d be the same.”
The staffer said it with a face that looked apologetic for no reason. Still unable to accept the result, Rion turned to Yu-won.
“Isn’t it weird? Why did the matching rate drop even more?”
“So you thought it would’ve gone up?”
“Isn’t that obvious? At this point—yeah. Okay, sure, I can’t say we’re, like, an amazing pair of best friends or anything, but it’s way better than before.”
Matching rate is affected by how much you like the other person. Rion himself understood Yu-won better than he used to, and Yu-won didn’t pick fights with him the way he once did. Hell, inside the Gate, Yu-won had even listened to his story and cried for him.
So why had the matching rate dropped? He couldn’t understand it at all. Rion stared at Yu-won with a frustrated expression, then belatedly noticed the staffer watching the two of them for cues and shut his mouth.
“Let’s go. We’ll talk outside.”
“Ah, take care on your way out, Rion-ssi, Yu-won-ssi.”
“Thanks for your work.”
Rion grabbed Yu-won by the wrist and left the measurement room, heading straight back to Yu-won’s guiding room. He practically rushed in, and the moment the door closed, he spoke.
“Don’t you think it’s weird?”
“…….”
“Guess that’s a yes.”
Yu-won stayed silent, lips sealed, and Rion took that silence as confirmation. He let out a hollow laugh.
Had it all been Rion’s delusion—that their relationship had improved? Was Yu-won so utterly disgusted with him that he couldn’t even bring himself to hope the matching rate might rise?
“Do you hate me? Is that why this is happening?”
“No. I don’t hate you.”
“That makes no sense. The only reason the matching rate would drop is because of that. You said you expected it to drop, like it was obvious. But you don’t hate me? Then tell me—why the hell did you think it was obvious!”
Rion shouted. Guiding rooms had some soundproofing built in, but not enough to block actual yelling. At this volume, anyone outside would know something was happening in here.
“Tell me why it was so obvious. I’d like to know too, you know.”
Rion ground his teeth, trying to force his anger down. After talking inside the Gate, he’d been sure they’d reached some level of understanding.
This time, I really thought I’d managed to understand him, at least a little… but was it just me again?
Because Rion genuinely wanted to get along with Yu-won, he’d tried that much harder. And now, this number—98 percent—felt like it was sneering at him, merciless and cold.
“You don’t have to take it so personally. A 1 percent drop might make you uneasy, but 98 percent is still an extremely high number. There’s no problem guiding at all.”
“I know. I know it’s high. What I’m saying is—I don’t understand this result, but you’re sitting there like you saw it coming. Isn’t it because you hate me? If not, then what—”
“So you’re angry because you think I don’t like you? I’m kind of happy to hear you think I matter to you that much.”
“What are you even—”
“I thought you always believed it wasn’t your problem whatever I thought or worried about. But hearing you say you’re thinking about me, even a little… I’m genuinely happy.”
Yu-won said it with a small, mocking laugh. The reaction was so unexpected that Rion clamped his mouth shut and faltered.
“I’ve never once thought that I hated you. But hyung—why do you assume the cause of the matching rate drop has to be me?”
“I-I like you more than I did at first. So of course—”
“Compared to the beginning…… huh. Like you said, I guess that could be true.”
“What?”
Yu-won smiled with a faintly bitter expression. For some reason, Rion couldn’t bring himself to get angry anymore. He hesitated, then asked.
“What does that mean?”
“Because back then, I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?”
“What kind of person you are. When I only saw you from afar, I just thought you were… cool. Saving people, and choosing a job like being an Esper even though it meant taking risks.”
When he didn’t know much about Rion, Rion was simply admirable. If only he’d heard news of Rion’s injuries every day back then—if he’d sensed even a speck of exhaustion or pain in Rion’s interviews—then he would’ve known.
Even without knowing the full story, he could’ve at least guessed, at least inferred something. And on the day he entered the Center, he could’ve prepared himself in his own way.
Of course, coming to the Center without knowing Rion at all and then dealing with him up close had left him with plenty of hurt feelings, but even so, Rion was still someone he found impressive. And someone who made him feel stifled, too.
At the very least, if Rion had seemed tired of this life—if he’d treated sacrificing himself as even slightly less of a given—then maybe he wouldn’t have felt this disappointed, this hurt, this suffocated.
But after hearing Rion speak as if getting hurt was simply natural—after hearing him sound so unchanged it was almost cruel, like he’d continue to disregard his own safety without a second thought—his emotions didn’t just sink. They crashed straight through the floor.
“So you really don’t hate me.”
“Then our matching rate could’ve gone up, couldn’t it?”
When he’d been frustrated, it was because Rion got angry at words of concern. But seeing Rion not get angry—seeing him light up, insisting the matching rate might’ve risen—wasn’t relieving at all. It was just… bleak.
Had that dawn conversation been nothing? Just something meaningless, a few words that drifted past because they’d gotten swept up in the mood?
“I don’t hate you, hyung. I don’t think I even could. But… there’s something I can’t help.”
“I get that people’s feelings are all different and hard to understand, but what do you want me to do about who I am? It’s way better than running away irresponsibly in a Gate. I’m an Esper.”
“I’m not even asking for that. But hyung, you risk your life even when it’s not a situation that requires you to.”
Yu-won said quietly. Rion wasn’t even angry anymore. He was just tired.
“It’s suffocating.”
“Huh?”
“That’s all it is. You blew up like this because you wanted to know why the matching rate dropped, right? I thought about it, and honestly… even I don’t think there’s any other reason.”
After saying that, Yu-won sat down. Rion blinked at him, dumbfounded, staring.
“I have a guiding appointment next time slot. If you came because you need guiding, please make a reservation and come properly.”
“Uh—uhh? Uh…….”
Still rattled, Rion left Yu-won’s guiding room. He wasn’t angry, and he didn’t even feel offended. He just walked out with a stunned expression, and the moment he shut the door, the colleagues who’d been gathered around him swarmed in.
“Did you two fight?”
“Yu-won-ssi is too much. You literally just got discharged today—he could’ve held back, at least for today.”
“Hey, don’t say ‘held back.’”
“Ah—no, I didn’t mean it like that…….”
“No, it’s fine. We didn’t fight.”
“Really? I heard shouting in there.”
Ji-soo looked at Rion with a face full of worry. Since there had been loud voices, it seemed they’d been concerned something might happen.
Well, it was only a few months ago that Rion had blown up and raged about breaking Yu-won’s legs or whatever—of course they’d worry.
Usually, being nagged like this would’ve made him angry, but right now, he wasn’t angry at all. He didn’t know what had changed compared to usual, but it was definitely true.
“……Any requests for assistance come in?”
With things like this, he’d rather just work. Thinking that, Rion asked. Whether it was good luck or bad, there had been an assistance request sent back to the Center, and for a moment, Rion was able to shake off his stray thoughts.
“…….”
“Um, over here…… it’s not done yet.”
“Ah, I’m sorry. I’ll do it right away.”
No—he’d thought he could do it. He really did. But even after going out to do the work he’d wanted so badly, Rion couldn’t focus at all. He kept hesitating, faltering. He still couldn’t figure out why he felt so strange.
“Isn’t it because you’re still not fully recovered? If you don’t feel good, please just say so. If you collapse while working—”
“I told you I’m fine. It’s just… I was lost in thought for a second.”
“Since when are you someone who thinks about other things while working? Unless it’s thinking about work even on your days off.”
One of the Espers who’d come along spoke like he was scolding, clearly worried about Rion. But Rion truly had nothing wrong physically, which only made it more frustrating for him too.
“……Maybe it’s because I rested for too long. I’m fine, so don’t worry about me too much.”
Rion slapped both cheeks with his palms, trying to snap himself back to attention. It had to be because he’d rested too long—and because the matching rate he’d expected to rise had dropped instead, the shock was bigger than he realized, leaving him unsettled and restless.
Why didn’t he just say something rude like he always does? Why’d he say something unnecessary and mess with my head like this. When I get back… I should talk to him again.
Forcing himself to think that way, Rion cleaned up the materials. The job was so easy that he had enough breathing room for stray thoughts. Even the situation wasn’t helping him.
But Rion still didn’t know. At some point, he’d stopped thinking about the matching rate dropping at all—and instead, he’d been replaying Yu-won’s bitter expression over and over, turning it in his mind.
With no idea how long that suffocating feeling would keep tormenting him, Rion kept tidying up the site.
