#26
She seemed worried that he might just be making empty promises and move on. While calming her down as she insisted on ordering right away, he carefully entered the necessary information. Just before pressing the purchase button at the end, he hesitated without realizing it.
What if I actually win? Even though the results hadn’t come out yet, he was already worried. He imagined himself standing face to face with Imun, getting his autograph, and shook his head vigorously.
Even in the unlikely event he won, going to Korea was out of the question. I’ll just give it to Mari. With this neat conclusion, he finished the order and continued pretending to deliberate.
“When the album arrives, you’ll be the one unboxing it, right?”
“…Huh? Just me?”
“I paid for it, after all. If it seems too hard, I can help you with about ten of them.”
“Take it or leave it.” As he stood up as if he wouldn’t buy it after all, she desperately grabbed his arm with pitiful eyes. “Can I do it with a friend?!” Her pouting lips made it obvious how much she disliked the idea.
Still, nothing in this world is free. Hajun nodded mercifully and answered with a bright smile, “Sure.”
*
As winter approached, sunset came noticeably earlier each day. Staring blankly at the already darkened window, he pulled the blanket over his head. He had unconsciously imagined himself going to an internet cafe with Imun.
Perhaps it was because his vague thoughts of meeting Imun had now taken the concrete form of a fan signing event. Since his conversation with Mari, fantasies had been running wild in his mind whenever he let his guard down.
Let’s stop these useless thoughts. While closing his eyes and collecting himself through meditation, his phone vibrated several times in succession.
[Sounds good haha Let’s go together!!]
[By the way, where is this?]
Imun seemed to have just seen the message he’d sent that morning. After recounting the CD shop incident like an epic tale, he suddenly recalled the conversation of the male students he’d seen on the subway.
[What did you have for dinner?]
[Just ordered a boxed meal]
A photo of his half-eaten boxed meal followed. It was quite late—too late to eat, though not yet time to sleep. Always like this. After cursing Imun’s agency CEO thoroughly on behalf of the kind Imun, he hesitantly typed.
[If you’re done eating and it’s okay, want to video call?]
After confirming his message had been marked as read, he accessed a website. Since Imun loved video calls more than anyone, there was no concern about being rejected.
While estimating when Imun would finish eating, he clicked on the main news when a video call suddenly came through. The request was much earlier than expected.
“What’s the occasion, hyung? You suggesting a video call first.”
On screen, Imun was smiling brightly. Perhaps because he had swept his bangs slightly to the side, he looked somewhat more mature than usual.
What’s the rush? There’s no way he could have finished dinner so quickly, it wasn’t soup after all. Hajun hastily turned on his bedroom light and checked his face on screen.
“The boxed meal. Did you finish eating before calling?”
“I stepped out for a moment. I can eat later.”
Hajun stared at Imun incredulously as he smiled as if it were nothing, then rolled his eyes. He didn’t have anything particularly important to discuss that would justify taking away Imun’s meal time.
He suggested calling later, but Imun kept changing the subject. “It’s so nice to see your face, hyung.” Hajun snorted at his shameless flirting and fell into contemplation.
“…What do friends usually do for fun?”
“I don’t really know either, but… well, there’s a lot I’d like to do with you when you visit.”
“For example?”
“Going to internet cafes… day trips to the outskirts of Seoul, driving around, visiting amusement parks, camping, drinking in our accommodation…”
Hajun burst out laughing when Imun mentioned internet cafes first, just like he would have, but Imun continued to list endless activities. It was hard to tell when he’d come up with so many ideas.
After quietly listening to the ongoing list for a while, Hajun pointed out an issue Imun might be overlooking.
“Even if I did visit, you wouldn’t have time.”
“I was planning to take a day off to go to Japan after this promotion ends.”
“Forget it. A day is nothing. Don’t push yourself.”
“Haha… Should I go on strike then?”
“As if. Forget it. If anyone’s going, I should be the one to go. I’ll think about it… I can’t avoid Korea forever.”
No matter how unworldly Imun might be, Hajun knew well that his profession was demanding, leaving little time even for hobbies. Even if he could take vacation days, they would certainly be limited.
The fact that he would spend his few precious holidays just to meet him—Imun’s thoughtful consideration suddenly struck Hajun’s heart. While trying to hold back tears that were unexpectedly welling up as he kept his head down, Hajun suddenly felt concerned about Imun’s silence.
“Don’t worry about what I just said.” He hastily added this remark and looked up.
“If you came, hyung, it would really make me so happy.”
Imun’s eyes crinkled as if he had been waiting. His slow movement, like a spring flower gradually blooming, soon transformed into a radiant smile.
It was several times more dazzling than usual. Suddenly Hajun’s heart pounded. For a few seconds, he sat there like someone in a daze, forgetting what he was about to say, until Imun’s soft “Heh” brought him back to his senses.
“You really did that on purpose again!”
His bright red face was completely exposed on screen. “Haha, no, I was just genuinely happy,” Imun lied nonchalantly. Annoyed, Hajun turned off his camera, causing Imun to say dejectedly, “That’s mean.”
I can’t let my guard down! While cooling his heated cheeks and breathing heavily, he couldn’t help but smile. There was no way he could truly be angry at Imun, who was now pretending to sob loudly and begging for forgiveness.
If nothing else, he deserved praise for making good use of his charm in exactly the right moments.
*
After ending the brief call with Imun, silence filled Hajun’s room. He played mobile games out of habit, then turned off the light and lay in bed.
He thought sleep might improve his mood, but perhaps because it was still early, his mind remained wide awake. After staring aimlessly at the dark ceiling for a while, he opened his phone’s photo album and pulled up a picture.
It was a family photo with his much younger middle school self in the center, flanked by his brightly smiling parents. He traced the beloved faces beyond the cold screen with his fingertips.
“…Hajun, you need to live strongly, steadfastly, can you do that?”
Memories he’d buried deep in his heart crept up unwanted. He felt like he would be consumed by depression at any moment. With his eyes tightly shut, he desperately recalled happy memories.
His mother’s warm embrace. Playing catch with his father in the afternoon. His first meal with his grandmother. Seeing Imun’s face for the first time. Imun’s bright smile.
How can I forget? Can I ever forget? Tonight’s dreams would surely be turbulent again. Suppressing his surging emotions, he buried his face in his pillow.
***
After ending the video call with Hajun, Imun returned to the waiting room. As soon as he sat down, he picked up his chopsticks, pretending not to notice the members’ stares. The food that had tasted good until just moments ago now felt rough in his mouth.
“If anyone’s going, I should be the one to go. I’ll think about it… I can’t avoid Korea forever.”
Hajun, who couldn’t raise his head for a long time, wouldn’t leave Imun’s mind. Something must have happened to him. After eating just a few bites, Imun’s expression turned serious. Rai quietly looked up.
“Did something happen?”
“Ah… No, it’s nothing.”
Rai frowned at Imun’s nonchalant response. One hundred percent something happened. It was quite concerning how strangely melancholic Imun would become when with the members, though he never showed it during broadcasts.
The atmosphere would temporarily improve when he spoke with Hajun, but it was difficult to understand why Imun, who must have gone to call him, had instead returned with an even lower mood.
Probably thinking the same thing, Sura glanced at Imun and nodded at Rai. “Hyung, phone.” After reading Sura’s lips, Rai checked his messenger.
[The atmosphere is completely hell;;]
[Hyung, quickly try to ask something]
[Yeah;; let’s prepare ourselves mentally]
After replying to Sura, Rai frowned even more. By now, Imun was sitting with his head down in silence, emanating an aura that made him difficult to approach.
“Weren’t you on the phone with Gangha-nim?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Then why are you in such a bad mood?”
“Am I?”
Imun widened his eyes and raised the corners of his lips. But this lasted only a moment before the smile disappeared from his face with remarkable speed. He seemed to have just vaguely realized that his mood wasn’t particularly good.
Picking up the chopsticks he had carelessly set down, Imun meaninglessly stirred his remaining food.
“How can I make him want to come to Korea?”
He didn’t seem to expect an answer. It was obvious who the omitted subject in the sentence was. I shouldn’t have asked. As Rai was awkwardly grimacing, Saha abruptly joined their conversation.
“Who, Hajun hyung?”
Sura subtly sighed at Saha’s intrusion.
Is his lack of tact an advantage or a disadvantage? Saha was the one who had followed Imun when he went to make the call, and ultimately caused a major incident by barging into the video call with Hajun.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
