#22
“…Are you feeling better?”
“Haha. Feeling better? I’m always fine inside.”
Ah shit, he must have heard. There couldn’t be a worse embarrassment than letting someone hear you vomiting live on stream. Blushing and biting his lip, fragmentary memories of what he’d done while drunk flashed through Hajun’s mind.
Using viewers’ comforting words as drinking snacks while complaining about his life, sobbing like a madman… Reviewing these scenes only made him sigh. Suddenly he wanted to dunk his face in bleach when he remembered singing while blowing into a bottle like a trumpet.
“By the way, it’s been a while since you called. You’ve been busy lately, right?”
“Haha, a little.”
“Yeah…”
“Hyung, it’s a misunderstanding.”
In the middle of trading invisible punches with a past he wanted to erase, a sudden statement with no subject flew at him. It was so out of context that he momentarily lost track of the conversation.
“What is?”
“…What I said on the stream about not having friends. I’ve always answered that way when asked similar questions, but if I suddenly changed my answer, it would cause a commotion, and I didn’t want that to affect you. Actually… I only have you too.”
I only have you too. I only have you too. Imun’s words echoed in his ears repeatedly.
Without context, anyone would misunderstand the nuance. After calming his startled heart, he carefully considered Imun’s words.
So that’s how it was. It wasn’t that Hajun hadn’t anticipated Imun’s intention. Looking at his statement alone, it wasn’t something to get so upset about.
It was just that it happened today of all days. The nightmare that woke him in the early morning, the gloomy weather, and emotions boiling from the disconnection with Imun—his statement had been the final drop that triggered the explosion.
“That’s not why I was upset. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re lying… Fans told me you cursed and cried.”
By the time they finished their playful argument and Hajun returned to his bedroom, he noticed an unwelcome sound. Rain was still pouring loudly outside the window. Ah, still the same as always. He instinctively tensed, then relaxed his nerves and closed the curtains.
He figured there must have been legitimate reasons for the lack of phone calls, as Imun had mentioned during the broadcast. Although hesitant to burden him, Hajun thought it would be better to ask directly rather than assume, like he had today.
“About the phone calls… have you been busy lately? Or is talking with me too frequent?”
“…Pardon?”
“If talking on the phone with me is burdensome… just tell me. Everyone has different preferences for contact frequency.”
“Ha… I was deliberately holding back because I thought you found my calls burdensome, but I guess I was wrong.”
Left speechless, Hajun frowned and indignantly asked, “When did I ever?!” Imun, equally frustrated, quickly listed various circumstances. Every one of them was said with Hajun’s best interests in mind, hoping he could rest more. It was dispiriting to receive an answer he never considered as the correct one.
“That wasn’t my intention. I thought you were calling even though you were tired because of me.”
“Then… can I call you whenever I have time from now on? Actually, all this time… I was really holding back.”
“…Sure. We ended up misunderstanding each other because we were too considerate. Should we… be more comfortable with each other?”
“Wow, really… I held back for nothing,” Imun laughed for a while before suddenly turning serious.
“When you say ‘comfortable,’ how far does that extend?”
“Well…? Maybe we should think less about ‘would the other person dislike it if I say this?'”
“Hmm… Then let me video call with you.”
Since their first video call, Imun had requested it multiple times. Seeing Imun’s perfectly put-together appearance alongside his own shabby look on the same screen was quite torturous, so Hajun usually wanted to avoid it, but—
“I want to see your face, hyung. Won’t you show me? Please?”
Hajun rolled his eyes at how smoothly Imun pushed for what he’d intentionally been refusing.
Especially now, when he was looking his absolute worst. Recalling his haggard face from the bathroom earlier, Hajun swallowed bitterly.
“How about I turn my camera off, and only you show your face?”
“Haha. You’re good at joking, hyung.”
“…You’re not all made up with a perfect outfit again, are you?”
“No, I just finished practice… I’m completely covered in sweat and a mess.”
“I… see.” There was no way to take back his words now. Reluctantly accepting the proposal, a video call came in immediately, as if Imun had been waiting for it.
Imun was wearing a white t-shirt, his bangs damp with sweat. He must have been practicing choreography until just before, as he’d said. While curiously staring at his bare face for the first time, Hajun noticed Imun twitch his lips.
“What did you practice today?”
“A special stage for Music Bank next week.”
“…Stop holding back, just laugh.”
As soon as permission was granted, Imun burst into laughter. Hajun glared at him disapprovingly while pressing his puffy eyelids.
This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to video call. His eyes were visibly swollen even on screen. It was the aftermath of drinking and sobbing heavily.
“Why were you drinking?”
“…Just, for various reasons. I was also upset that you weren’t calling.”
“When you’re upset… do you always drink alone like this?”
“Well, usually.”
“…Won’t you come to Korea sometime?”
A sudden curveball. All his thought processes temporarily halted. While he hesitated, unable to respond, Imun’s playfulness subsided into a gentle smile. The contrast between Imun’s bright face and his own bewildered expression was stark on screen.
“I could be your drinking buddy.”
This guy is trying to lure me in again. Belatedly grasping his senses, Hajun frantically searched for an excuse. Unfortunately, an appropriate response didn’t come easily. Furrowing his brow, he stumbled through his honest thoughts.
“…I don’t… plan to go yet.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t have good memories there, and there’s no particular reason to go.”
“I’m there.”
“Huh?”
“Me.”
Imun, who had been smiling sweetly, now wore a serious expression. The instantly changed gaze and atmosphere commanded immediate attention. Admiring his skill, Hajun met his steadfast gaze head-on.
He never dreamed Imun would want to meet him. They exchanged chats and calls daily, despite the recent lull, and could video call like today whenever they wanted.
Personally, Hajun thought even starting video calls was moving very quickly, but it seemed Imun was already envisioning the next step.
So you do like me too. It felt like they’d moved from a one-sided clinginess to a relationship with balanced emotions between them.
After briefly feeling a warm satisfaction in his chest, Hajun sighed as he acknowledged the unavoidable reality. While he had looked forward to meeting Imun someday, it certainly wasn’t in Korea.
“How about… you come here?”
“I’d like to, but… my schedule is packed, so I can’t move around freely. I’m thinking of suggesting Japan promotions so I can see you.”
“Okay. Let me know if you come to Japan. I’ll go anywhere, Hokkaido or Okinawa.”
Hajun offered a polite refusal with an apologetic expression. He knew it wasn’t the answer Imun wanted, but there was no other option. Imun held his gaze for a long time before slowly lowering his eyes.
“That’s a shame. Make sure to contact me if I do come someday.”
Hajun quickly ignored the clearly intentional behavior. He couldn’t waver this time. “I really want to meet you, hyung.” The sudden melancholy in Imun’s voice threatened to crumble his resolve.
Just as Hajun was barely restraining himself from saying he’d go to Korea, the screen shook violently. Imun disappeared instantly, and a green-haired man appeared with a bright smile.
“Wow! It’s Hajun hyung! Hello!”
Almost immediately after the man finished speaking, the video went dark. It seemed Imun had snatched the phone from him.
“Hey, why? Let me say hi to hyung too.” “I’m going in soon, so go ahead first.” Despite arguing for quite some time, when the man wouldn’t leave willingly, Imun’s tone grew increasingly sharp.
“Are you crazy? What are you doing suddenly?”
“I have something to say to Hajun hyung too. Can’t you let me talk for a moment?”
“…Are you kidding me? And when did you ever meet him to call him ‘Hajun hyung’?”
“Then what should I call him? ‘Gangha-nim’ is too formal. Hajun hyung! Please take good care of our hyung!”
The man, who had been matching Imun word for word, suddenly called out to Hajun. “Yes, of course!” Hajun answered loudly, but it seemed his response wasn’t heard.
While eagerly eavesdropping on their conversation like someone watching a neighbor’s house fire with his ears perked up, Imun must have done something because the sound gradually faded until there was silence.
Waiting for the argument to end, Hajun tried to remember the green-haired man. Seo…? Saha…? It was something desert-like. Just as he was entering a portal site to check, Imun’s face reappeared on screen.
“Hyung, I’ll call you back later.”
The call ended abruptly before Hajun could respond. After standing there stupidly for a moment, not understanding what had happened, Hajun belatedly laughed.
So he knows how to speak quite fiercely too. Hajun had worried that Imun might be too nice to survive in the harsh entertainment industry. But after seeing today’s events, he felt he could relax a bit.
Mulling over Imun’s rough tone that he’d heard for the first time, Hajun briefly wished for the well-being of the unnamed member.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
