Chapter 173
After finishing the cleanup of the examination room and taking a short break, Luwen arrived.
“Young Master. Is it true you’re letting Alteo into the duke’s mansion?”
Instead of the usual greeting, he immediately asked a question, just as Alteo had planned.
“Yes. He asked for permission, saying his current residence isn’t a good environment for studying, so I allowed it.”
I answered as I got up from my seat to return to the mansion. Luwen, looking dissatisfied, let out a shallow sigh.
“You haven’t forgotten what that person did to you, have you?”
“I haven’t forgotten. But I’ve also received his apology, and he can’t touch me recklessly now. It’s not a problem.”
It was somewhat awkward having to defend Alteo to Luwen. At least Alteo said it wouldn’t take long, so I had no choice but to trust him.
‘I don’t know which way this will conclude.’
Alteo seemed to view the success rate quite highly, but I was a bit skeptical. If Luwen had feelings for me, there would be no reason for him to consider the Vice Minister’s adoption proposal.
“Young Master, your problem is that you trust people too much. Most nobles would have beheaded him.”
Luwen’s voice was full of discontent, but I just smiled. It was partly due to a slight pang of conscience. It wasn’t because I was a good person—I was just making a deal because he had value to me.
“If I did that, my teacher would scold me severely.”
I could act as shameless as I wanted in front of Alteo, but I couldn’t do the same in front of Luwen, so I escaped by selling out my teacher. It wasn’t an untrue statement anyway.
“Please don’t accommodate everyone. During the hunting banquet, you also indulged Taran.”
“That was just a hug because he worked hard.”
“Normally, he shouldn’t even be allowed to step on your shadow.”
I walked down the street, which had grown dim as the sun set early. Then, around the time when the footsteps that initially sounded out of sync began to match as if they were from one person, I spoke.
“Luwen, I think relationships with people are more important than status. Who you have relationships with and what emotions you exchange with them. Shouldn’t that take precedence over status?”
I tried to convey in a roundabout way that he shouldn’t be bound by status. But Luwen’s attitude was firm.
“Realistically, one cannot disregard status.”
“Then what if…”
When I stopped walking, Luwen stopped with me. Just then, a strong gust of wind blew.
As I was fixing my hair that had been scattered by the wind, the ribbon caught on my fingers came undone. Luwen caught the ribbon as it flew away in the wind.
I spoke as I took the ribbon from him.
“What if I became a commoner?”
The proof that my sister and I are family. I still didn’t want to give that up. But… I was just curious. How would Luwen answer? And if, by that answer, I could hold onto him. Perhaps…
“Young Master, you cannot live as a commoner.”
“How do you know if you haven’t tried?”
Luwen took the ribbon I was clutching tightly and stepped behind me. Rustle, rustle. My hair swayed. My body curled up each time his cold fingers touched my skin.
“Every day is a fierce struggle for survival. It would be too much for you to endure in many ways. The reason I was abandoned by my parents was also…”
“…”
He was about to start talking about his past, which wasn’t even mentioned in the original story. I thought Luwen wouldn’t remember because he was too young when my sister found him. But apparently that wasn’t the case.
“It was because of hunger. More precisely, I was sold because of it.”
“Where were you sold to?”
“It was a slaughterhouse. But there wasn’t much a child could do. I just cleaned up smelly, dirty lumps of blood that could hardly be called pieces of meat.”
He continued speaking while neatly arranging my hair and tying the ribbon meticulously.
“They didn’t even feed me properly. All I had were moldy potatoes. Eating them would often make me sick. So I ran away.”
I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t offer any comfort. I felt that my own past would seem like nothing but spoiled complaints to Luwen, worthy of a scoff.
“But even after escaping, there was no particular way to survive. Life was still the same—scavenging through garbage for food. Then one day, I saw a boy who looked about my age pleading with his parents. He wanted bread.”
When I looked back, Luwen’s gaze was directed toward the market where lights could be seen scattered about. As if he was seeing his past self.
“The boy finally got his bread. The way his face looked so happy as he took a big bite—I envied that. So I stole bread. I wondered if eating clean food would make me happy.”
So this is why Luwen followed my sister so devotedly. It made sense why in the original story, Luwen grew up by Irene’s side and came to love her as he became her escort.
“But I wasn’t happy. The stolen bread didn’t taste good. In the end, I was caught by the owner and beaten severely, but looking back now, I don’t think the whole process was bad.”
“Why? Wasn’t it hard?”
“It was difficult. But the Young Lady discovered me, and you gave me love. If I hadn’t stolen that bread then, we wouldn’t have met.”
Luwen’s smile looked quite bitter.
“This is what status is. Our origins and the environments we grew up in are different. If it hadn’t been for that incident that day, I probably would never have met you both in my lifetime.”
“…Even if my sister hadn’t met you, I would have found you.”
Because I know the original story. Even if I had missed crossing paths with my sister, I definitely would have found Luwen.
It must sound like empty words, like a fanciful statement. Still, a gentle smile spread across Luwen’s face.
“Young Master, you’re so strange. You always say what I want to hear. You’ve been like that since we were young.”
“…Then why…”
I was going to ask why he was trying to leave, but my words got stuck. The words wouldn’t come out, as if they were caught in my throat.
“Of course, I don’t think you would live in poverty. As a doctor, you could live comfortably, and the Duke wouldn’t just leave you be.”
He seemed to notice what question I was trying to ask, but Luwen returned to the original conversation. Perhaps he didn’t want to answer.
“But without the Vinter name, you wouldn’t be able to stay safe.”
“…Does that mean you won’t be by my side if I become a commoner?”
He hesitated, and after a moment, meticulously fastened the collar of my cloak.
“I can’t imagine you as a commoner. Besides, it’s cold. Let’s get to the carriage quickly.”
Would he be by my side or not?
‘In this case, I guess it’s the latter.’
If not, he would have said he would be by my side. Instead of obviously changing the subject like now.
‘…I’m becoming less and less confident.’
It felt like walking on a frozen lake covered with thin ice. Like one small slip would break the ice, causing me to fall into the deep, cold lake.
***
In the carriage, Luwen quietly gazed at Fei, who had fixed his gaze out the window. Even just sitting there, Fei exuded dignity and nobility.
‘Young Master as a commoner…’
He had never made such an assumption. No matter how you looked at it, Fei was a nobleman. Every graceful and disciplined movement had been ingrained in him since childhood.
Luwen recalled when he first came to the Duke’s mansion, when he first saw Fei Vinter in that grand and magnificent place.
When the Young Lady pointed out her brother from a distance, saying he was her brother, Luwen turned his head without much thought. A boy with pale skin who looked sensitive was in the middle of a garden full of blooming flowers. The sight of him biting his lip with a face that seemed about to cry at any moment caught his eye.
He seemed to have been entranced. The boy was far prettier than the prettiest girl he had met while wandering the streets. He wondered if this person would also disappear without a trace, like that girl had one day.
‘That’s why I was shocked when his gaze suddenly turned fierce as soon as our eyes met.’
Although his first impression was completely overturned, the ability to enchant someone at first sight remained the same, whether then or now. No, it had actually become worse.
So now that he could guess why that girl had disappeared, he didn’t even want to imagine what might happen if Fei became a commoner and couldn’t protect himself with status as a weapon.
‘The biggest problem is that I’ve become greedy.’
For a moment, the future possibility of staying by Fei’s side forever as he lived as a doctor in a small, modest house flashed through his mind.
That’s why he had told his past story. It was more a message to himself than for Fei to hear: remember your place, don’t forget your status.
Wasn’t his consideration of the Marquis’s adoption proposal also because of status? Because they weren’t equals, he couldn’t stop Fei’s decisions. Being merely an escort, he would have to be sent away from Fei. That’s why he had wavered momentarily. But…
‘And after becoming a nobleman?’
He couldn’t find an answer to that question.
Being closest to Fei but unable to fully possess him now, versus having distance but potentially equal status in the future—he couldn’t judge which was better. Even if he became a nobleman, there was no guarantee that this dazzling person before him would come to him.
‘If I didn’t have this greed, there wouldn’t even be anything to worry about.’
He had decided to remain as an escort, but actually experiencing being pushed aside because of it made his anger rise. He didn’t like the fact that Fei was concerned about Theobalt.
But even though he wanted to prevent Fei from meeting Theobalt or taking an interest in him, he had no right to do so. Because he was an escort. Because he was Fei’s servant.
Perhaps because he had achieved his most desired dream, an even bigger and more dazzling dream had formed—one that he dared not even hope would come true. It grew larger with each passing day, becoming increasingly burdensome to suppress.
‘Yet you keep fanning the flames without knowing my feelings.’
Luwen swallowed a sigh and lowered his gaze. In the silence, only the rattling sound of the carriage was loud.
And that night, Alteo really came to the mansion.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
