# Chapter 13
* * *
It was dark outside the window. Hwiseo must have really fainted, as quite some time seemed to have passed. He had been lying in bed for a long while, staring at the dark emptiness. He was neatly tucked in bed with the blanket covering him, just as someone had arranged it.
“Male Omegas can bear children too.”
So that had been about him. At this point, it would be reasonable to feel like he’d been scammed. He recalled the man who had tried to say something more but only managed to move his lips. Despite saying he’d thrown everything away, perhaps he felt a pang of conscience about calling the child he gave birth to “trash” too.
It was that person who abandoned the child, not me. Don’t conflate us. There’s no need to feel self-loathing. He kept telling himself this, but the baby’s face kept coming to mind. It was as if someone had done a ctrl+C and ctrl+V of himself. For a moment, he truly wondered if he’d been dragged to some laboratory and given birth without his knowledge. The thought that he might have actually given birth to a child was so dizzying that he had fainted.
Hwiseo lay there blankly before suddenly sitting up. But from the moment his feet touched the floor, he walked stealthily, suppressing any noise. The staircase leading from the second to the first floor had a high ceiling, with a simple yet massive chandelier hanging from it. Looking up made his eyes sting. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the light or his mental state, but he felt disoriented.
Looking around cautiously, he opened the door in question. There was a creaking sound, but Je Wooseung, who was sitting with his back turned in what appeared to be a bathroom, didn’t budge. The sound of water splashing could be heard. Outside the bathroom door lay a cell phone and Bluetooth earphones, seemingly tossed aside, that appeared to be Wooseung’s. Moving closer, he peered into the bathroom. There was a small baby immersed in a small bathtub. Wooseung was in his dress shirt with just the sleeves rolled up, but his suit pants were already soaked.
“Ehoo.”
“Woojoo, did you just sigh?”
Je Wooseung laughed as if he’d heard the most amusing sound in the world. He gently patted the baby dry and carefully wrapped him in a bath towel that was beside him. Wooseung silently looked down at Hwiseo, who was standing guarding the doorway. Understanding the unspoken command to move aside, Hwiseo quickly stepped back.
Wooseung placed the baby on the changing table and skillfully applied powder, even massaging with baby oil meant to help with sound sleep. When he kneaded the baby’s legs, the baby seemed pleased, making a “kyaruk” laughing sound. After applying plenty of lotion to the small face, the cheeks glistened. The baby’s drowsy eyes were half-closed by the time he was fully dressed and nestled against Je Wooseung’s chest.
“You’re being a disturbance. Would you please leave?”
Je Wooseung, who had been walking around the room as if trying to put the baby to sleep, said to Hwiseo standing at the doorway. The baby had his face buried in Wooseung’s chest, only turning his head sideways to look at Hwiseo, trying to force his sleepy eyes open. As soon as Hwiseo backed out of the room, the door closed. It was like chasing away an uninvited guest. That made him feel a bit upset.
As he returned to his room, Hwiseo felt a strange emotion. Clearly, that baby was neither his family nor a child he was responsible for. He hadn’t even known of the baby’s existence until seeing his face today. Yet Hwiseo felt that he needed to live his life with true dedication.
* * *
Hwiseo did what he could for now. He couldn’t work part-time or go to school. So for a full week, he spent his time watching BLEN’s videos. He even listened to their songs so that if someone said, “Please sing ‘Maze,'” he wouldn’t need to ask, “What’s that?” He learned who the members were, who was the main dancer, and who was the lead vocalist.
BLEN was a so-called mid-tier company idol group consisting of five members. They were a 7-year-old idol group that had failed to establish a clear identity after trying various concepts. Lee Hwiseo was the oldest in the group, having debuted at age 21. This coincidence seemed both fascinating and somewhat fateful. However, separately, Hwiseo found the man with the exact same face as his in the videos incredibly frustrating. Of course, the song lyrics were ridiculous and the choreography was strange too. But it was to an extreme degree.
“At this point, just laugh already!”
Expressionless while saying he stomps his feet whenever he sees his noona because he likes her so much; expressionless while saying he’ll steal her from his friend; expressionless while saying he’ll be a killer shooting his heart at the target that is her. The forced appearance made the watching Hwiseo feel embarrassed.
“Really! If you can’t sing or dance, at least make expressions that match the lyrics!”
Hwiseo needed healing. He desperately needed some sweet and sour vitamin. He closed the laptop and went to the kitchen on the first floor. He made an inner excuse that 100% fresh-squeezed orange juice was only available on the first floor. Recently, when his eyes felt dry or his back hurt from staring at the screen, Hwiseo would go downstairs and sneak a peek at the baby. Holding a glass of juice, he looked around. He tiptoed to the baby’s room.
As he peeked through the slightly open door, his eyes met with Manager Oh, who was sitting next to the baby’s bed. She gestured for Hwiseo to come in. Normally, he would have just run away, but he had been disappointed only seeing from a distance until now. He placed the juice on a decorative shelf in the hallway and carefully entered the room with his hands behind his back.
“I have something to attend to. Could you watch him for a moment?”
Hwiseo quietly answered, “Yes.” She slightly closed the door and left the room. Hwiseo felt somewhat awkward by her consideration.
He sat in the chair where Manager Oh had been sitting. It was his first time properly seeing the room. The temperature inside was comfortably warm. Two air purifiers and one humidifier were running, and judging by the slight movement of the white curtains near the window, it seemed the window was slightly ajar.
A gentle piano melody flowed like white noise. The baby’s light breathing mixed with it, floating in the air. Hwiseo rested his chin on the safety bumper of the bed and looked down at the sleeping baby. It felt like the air in this place flowed differently. This is what healing feels like. The scent of baby powder at the tip of his nose made the tension in his shoulders release.
Je Wooseung, whatever else he might neglect, never missed giving the baby an evening bath himself. Sometimes he would just give the bath and immediately go back to the company, and there was a reason for that. It felt like stress relief. At that moment, the baby’s mouth twitched, and he seemed about to wake up.
Hwiseo quickly reached out and awkwardly patted the baby’s stomach.
“Mmm, sleep. No, don’t wake up. Shhhh.”
Despite Hwiseo’s urgent request, the baby wiggled his fingers and slowly tried to open his eyes. “Close your eyes, sleep,” Hwiseo whispered as he gently placed his hand over the baby’s eyes. He could feel the eyelashes fluttering beneath his palm.
“Are you awake? Do you want to get up?”
The baby flailed his arms as if wanting to be held. But Hwiseo had never held a baby before. He got up from his seat and urgently called for Manager Oh. The baby started to cry. He quickly leaned over the bed. The baby, with reddened eyes, looked up at Hwiseo reproachfully.
“It’s Woojoo-nim’s time for milk.”
Manager Oh had milk in her hand. She skillfully picked up the baby and went to the sofa to feed him. She sat tight to the left, as if making room. Awkwardly, Hwiseo sat beside her and looked at the baby. Despite just crying a little, tears clung to the corners of his eyes. Hwiseo grabbed a baby towel visible on the shelf and wiped away the tears. The baby seemed to be struggling with the effort of sucking the milk, as sweat slightly beaded on his forehead, which Hwiseo also dabbed away.
“Awng!”
The baby firmly grabbed Hwiseo’s hand that was hovering in front of his face. Hwiseo made an “oh” sound and tried to pull his hand away from the baby, but his pinky finger ended up being caught. The baby held Hwiseo’s hand tightly and drank his milk with renewed vigor. When Hwiseo gently wiggled the finger caught by the baby, the baby slightly removed his mouth from the bottle and laughed, “Kyaruk.” The milk in the bottle gurgled, creating bubbles.
“Are you laughing because this is funny? Right now?”
When Hwiseo slightly wiggled his finger again, the baby laughed again with a “kyaa.” Watching the baby alternate between drinking milk and laughing for quite some time, Hwiseo smiled for the first time since coming to this place.
* * *
Hwiseo was drying his wet hair while looking in the mirror. Seeing himself in the mirror made him think of both the baby and his father. His father had practically raised Hwiseo alone. In between work, he carried Hwiseo on his back while cleaning and preparing meals. Since his mother was a sickly person, she found it difficult to watch him even briefly while his father was working.
And from observing the baby in this house, taking care of an infant whose only activities were crying, pooping, and eating was no ordinary task. There were five people looking after the baby, including Manager Oh, and still it was challenging. Of course, they had to simultaneously manage all the affairs of this large house, but that was a different dimension of difficulty compared to a young man in his twenties raising a baby alone.
“How did my dad raise me?”
It wasn’t that he considered the baby his child. Rather, it was a kind of compassion for this weak being who looked exactly like him but could barely hold his head up. Watching him eagerly drink milk, determined to live as a person, was both heartwarming and touching. If he felt this way about someone else’s child, did his father live so diligently thinking, “I need to stay strong to protect this insignificant speck of dust in this harsh world”?
Hwiseo held back tears that threatened to fall, even slapping his cheeks. An idol? My dad ran a laundry shop—how could I not manage that? Hwiseo went to the study and efficiently set up the equipment. He turned on the lights as he had been instructed, gathered his laptop and tablet, and sat in front of the camera.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
