That small body—relatively speaking, of course; if his lover had heard such a remark directly, he would have been furious—was burning with fever, and watching it made Kyle feel like his insides were being torn apart.
Thinking back, it made sense. Shu had spent most of his life in a much safer place than here, so everything that had happened must have been overwhelming. It was only because Shu always acted as if nothing fazed him, facing everything with unwavering determination, that Kyle had momentarily forgotten.
Kyle gazed down at his sleeping lover. When Shu roamed the castle as if it were his own home, Kyle hadn’t noticed, but seeing him like this now, he looked so frail and thin.
Bringing down the fever had been a struggle. Even after taking the fever-reducing candy, Shu had suffered for another full hour before collapsing into sleep as if he had fainted. Even then, he must have been dreaming—he kept groaning in distress.
‘It must have been hard for him.’
Kyle now felt foolish for so easily dismissing all those times Shu had said he was fine, as if it were nothing.
He was not fine.
There was no way he could be.
Surviving in the territory, hiding his secrets while trying to adapt, running around dealing with political conflicts and expeditions, struggling to protect the North alongside Kyle—every bit of it must have been an ordeal for Shu.
Carefully, Kyle pressed down on the crease between Shu’s brows, trying to smooth it out. Earlier, when Shu had collapsed into his arms, Kyle had felt a rage so overwhelming that he wanted to destroy everything except for Shu. But now, all he felt was an intense need to be careful, to make sure even a single strand of Shu’s hair wouldn’t be harmed.
“I don’t want you to be in pain. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
His fingers brushed over Shu’s eyes before pulling away. His skin was still flushed—perhaps from the lingering fever.
“Everything I love leaves me too soon.”
The words spilled out in a hesitant murmur, barely above a whisper.
“Don’t be like that, Shu. I… I want you to stay by my side.”
“……”
“Yeah, I know. It’s selfish. I want you to be here. There’s nothing more ugly or irrational than this kind of desire, but… so what if you’re a little irrational, too?”
Kyle had never been one to resent reality. There was no point—no amount of resentment would change anything. It was always better to focus on what could be done, to take action and carve out a different path.
That was why, even when his mother had met a miserable end, even when he had endured endless scorn just to survive another day, even when he had been driven to the North and forced to fight for his life against the beasts of the wastelands, he had never wasted time on feelings of injustice.
But now, this was different.
For the first time in a long while, he felt powerless. He loathed the unchangeable gap between them, a divide no effort of his could close.
“If only you had been born in this world.”
Why did Shu have to come from some strange, unfathomable place Kyle couldn’t even comprehend?
Why did he have to leave?
And why, oh why, did Kyle have to fall in love with someone like that?
“Shu.”
At his call, the body half-cradled in his arms trembled slightly.
Kyle’s expression tensed as he carefully studied his lover’s face. Shu, still caught in the haze of fever, barely managed to open his eyes and look up at him with unsteady, dazed pupils.
“…Your Highness.”
His voice was hoarse, still raw from exhaustion. Hearing it made Kyle’s own throat ache.
As Kyle silently searched for words, Shu reached out and gently stroked his cheek.
“Your handsome face is all rough. You didn’t sleep, did you?”
“How could I, when you were sick?”
“But it’s dark outside now. You’ve been like this for hours.”
The moment he regained his senses, he started worrying about Kyle—as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Not because he had to or because he had promised to, but because, at some point, it had simply become second nature.
Every time Kyle saw that, he felt a kind of tenderness he had never known before—an ache deep in his chest, one that had never existed in his life until he met Shu.
Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Kyle leaned into the cool touch of Shu’s hand and murmured softly.
“I never know what to do when you’re like this.”
Shu looked up at him with a sullen expression.
“…Is this the part where I’m supposed to apologize?”
“Haha, no.”
Kyle lifted Shu’s hand from his cheek and pressed a series of small kisses to his fingertips.
“It’s because you’re adorable.”
“…….”
In an instant, Shu’s face turned a deep shade of red.
Was his fever rising again? Alarmed, Kyle placed a hand on Shu’s forehead, and the warmth seeped into his palm.
“Shu, I think your fever is coming back.”
“And whose fault do you think that is?! No, I mean, suddenly saying things like that—well, I already knew from the way you act, but still…”
Kyle chuckled awkwardly.
“…Is this the part where I should apologize?”
“Are you going to?”
“No.”
Kyle lowered his head slightly.
Shu, perhaps because he rarely spent time in direct sunlight, had a complexion that was naturally pale. Yet, his features didn’t give the impression of fragility. The slightly upturned corners of his eyes held a resilience and wisdom unlike Kyle’s own. His brown hair, always warm and soft, looked as if it had been woven from strands of sunlight.
The heat radiating from Shu’s forehead began to subside. It didn’t take long for Kyle to realize this warmth wasn’t from an actual fever.
He let out a quiet laugh. Every time he expressed his feelings, Shu’s reactions were always so fresh and endearing—it made Kyle love him even more, to the point of unbearable tenderness.
“Words and actions are different, Shu.”
Kyle had always liked him, so he made sure to show it as much as he could. Shu was sharp enough to notice right away. Sometimes he responded in kind, other times he simply smiled.
But still—words and actions were not the same.
People often said that a single action was worth more than a hundred words, but that didn’t mean words weren’t important. There were things that could only be understood if they were spoken aloud.
“I love you.”
So he said it.
Tomorrow, and the day after, he would still love Shu. But it wouldn’t be the exact same love as today. The feelings he had in this moment—if he didn’t express them now, they would never be the same again.
“I love you.”
Silence followed. The same words didn’t come back to him, but Kyle didn’t feel uneasy. Because soon enough, Shu reached out, pulled him into a tight embrace, and buried his face against Kyle’s chest.
“…Me too.”
It was strange.
Those two short words felt like the reward for every hardship he had ever endured in his life.
Kyle wrapped his arms around Shu. In this moment, at least, there was no room for anything but happiness.
***
By the time I finished the last of the thin soup, I was feeling much better—enough to lean against Kyle and talk about everything that had happened that day.
“So, you’re saying the disappearances might be connected to the Northern Mage Corps.”
“Yeah. It doesn’t seem like Nox gave the order directly, but if you consider what he needs to complete the ‘Heart of Winter,’ it’s not unrelated. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow to ask for more details, though.”
“If there’s a more important question to ask, you can use that opportunity instead.”
Kyle answered as he carefully wiped the corners of my mouth with a white cloth. His touch was endlessly gentle and meticulous.
“As long as we confirm they’re involved, that’s enough. We already knew the Emperor and Nox were working together, didn’t we?”
“That’s true. In the end, what matters is the proof. So, we should investigate further and ask questions in the most efficient way.”
“Exactly.”
When I told him that Nox was technically already dead, and that all these bizarre acts were just his way of pursuing immortality and academic curiosity, Kyle nodded. Then, after searching the study attached to this room, he told me he had reached a similar conclusion.
“They settled in this freezing land not only because their actions couldn’t be bound by laws or regulations… but also because they needed the cold.”
There was only one reason the dead would seek out the cold. I frowned slightly and asked,
“To prevent corpses from decaying?”
“Exactly.”
I glanced at the books stacked beside the bed.
Titles like The Art of Corpse Preservation, Ten Studies on Cold to Prevent Decomposition, and The Truth About Ice Magic were written on their spines.
It wasn’t that someone had carelessly forgotten to put them away—no, they had probably decided that revealing this much wasn’t a problem.
Realizing that even this information had been deliberately scattered by Nox only made my hatred for him flare up again.
“That bastard didn’t do anything strange to you, did he?”
Kyle’s fingers brushed against my neck.
The magical contract had left a faint mark, like a noose around my throat. Since he didn’t know that I had felt pain while speaking with Nox, it seemed he simply didn’t like the mark’s presence.
Well, considering I had only just gotten rid of one brand, walking around with yet another mark on my neck was understandable cause for concern.
“He didn’t, but…”
It wasn’t a lie. Still, my conscience pricked at me.
“You remember how I told you there’s someone helping me? Someone making sure I can return alive?”
“I do.”
“It seems he can interfere whenever I try to talk to that person, receive help, or buy supplies. He’s curious about the power I have… he wants to examine it more closely.”
“He can speak to you? You’re not just dreaming?”
…Ah. I hadn’t mentioned that I could actually converse with the system, had I?
My heart dropped for a moment, but I quickly schooled my expression and nodded.
“…Well, maybe dreams can be observed too, in some way. He’s prying into my personal affairs in all sorts of ways. I’ll cooperate just enough to keep him from getting too suspicious, but that’s it.”
“So he’s freely digging through your mind as he pleases.”
Kyle’s voice turned slightly ominous. Clearly, he didn’t like that idea one bit.
Not that I blamed him. If someone were poking around inside his lover’s mind, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it either.
After some thought, he suddenly suggested something unexpected.
“In that case, would it be possible for you to listen in on them instead? Didn’t you say you had a similar kind of power?”
“What?”
“If he left traces when interfering with you, could you use them as a pathway to turn the tables?”
I looked up at Kyle with wide eyes.
…That’s an interesting idea. Wait, can I actually do that?
If it was possible, then even a mere hamster like me could ransack the Mage Tower from top to bottom.
My eyes gleamed.
Yeah, just passively cooperating didn’t sit well with me.
If something is taken, something should be given in return.
It was time for a counterattack.
