“You’re going to drop your spoon. You’re going to drop it.”
“…Pardon?”
When I suddenly came to my senses, three or four concerned gazes were directed at me. I quickly rolled my eyes and immediately put down the spoon I had been holding.
“Teacher Song, are you feeling unwell? Did you get indigestion?”
Teacher Jung, who was sitting across from me, asked cautiously. Only then did I realize that mine was the only food tray that was still full.
“No, I’m fine. I just don’t have much of an appetite today. Maybe it’s because I ate snacks earlier.”
“Gasp! Can snacks suffice? If you’re Korean, you should eat rice!”
“Ugh. Warning for super old-fashioned comments, Teacher!”
“Well, back in my day~”
“Shall we get up before Teacher Yoon starts again?”
The loud sound of chairs scraping the floor mixed with laughter laced with jokes. I diligently followed the teachers who were bustling out of the school cafeteria, keeping about half a step behind.
From the school cafeteria to the teachers’ office, the brief conversation centered on how the vacation was only a break in name and should have been longer, and how it seemed to pass even faster because it was so short.
While participating in the conversation with just occasional responses, I quickly checked the time on my phone screen. I thought I could rest for about 20 minutes if I went straight to the teachers’ lounge.
“Oh, right! How about some post-meal jelly for everyone?”
Teacher Jung, who was walking backwards at the front, pulled out colorful jellies from both pockets, two in each hand.
“I was going to share them after the meal, but I almost forgot.”
“What’s with the jellies?”
“The students gave them to me recently, and I tried them—they’re surprisingly tasty.”
“Wow. I’ll enjoy it, Teacher.”
One by one, jellies were placed on politely outstretched palms. Each was a different color. Teacher Jung got purple, Teacher Yoon got light green, Teacher Kang got orange, and since I was standing a bit behind, I received last—a red jelly.
The jelly in its round plastic container was neatly sealed with plastic wrap featuring a cute fruit character. It was a modest size that fit snugly in one hand, seemingly easy to devour in one bite.
“Why is Teacher Jung being so nice lately? This is suspicious.”
“Come on, then don’t eat it.”
“I’m joking, just joking. Teacher Jung is the best! Jeong Ye-ji is the best!”
Laughing along at the silly joke, I unwrapped the plastic packaging to reveal a translucent red jelly that looked quite appetizing with its smooth appearance.
Out of habit, I squeezed the container slightly. The flimsy plastic container easily collapsed under even light pressure, making the bouncy jelly rise up as if it might escape. After repeating this several times—pushing it up and letting it sink back down—the artificial fruit scent that emerged tickled my nose.
The soft yet firm texture characteristic of fruit jelly brushed against my upper lip. Just as I was about to suck it in, the problem was that a familiar sensation suddenly came to mind.
“Oh no!”
“…Ah, I’m s-sorry.”
“Oh my, Teacher Song didn’t even get to take a bite.”
Startled by the mere brush of memory, I dropped it. From the red jelly on the floor, a moist voice that had whispered in my ear rose up.
‘You’re like fruit on a tree, teacher.’
In the dark dawn, soft eyes framed by deep eyelashes. My already nonexistent appetite completely vanished.
“Would you like to have mine, Teacher Song? I don’t really like jelly that much.”
“No, no, I’m, I’m fine.”
Only after waving my hands several times in refusal did this trivial incident, which the other teachers would hardly even remember as a mishap, come to an end.
I rubbed my face with my dry palms. It was all because of last night.
After waking up at dawn like that, I had gone to work without getting almost any sleep. Today in particular was a day packed with classes, leaving no time to catch my breath. I couldn’t even remember what mistakes I had made.
Ah, I’m tired. Pressing and massaging my tired eyes with my eyelids didn’t seem to have much effect. I need to go home early today and rest immediately. I kept repeating that thought.
* * *
The dusky evening playground was dimly lit by a couple of orange streetlights sparsely scattered about. Perhaps thanks to the setting sun, the heat had subsided considerably. Whenever the wind blew, a cool sound came from the trees with their lush green leaves.
I lightly rolled my foot across the rubber blocks alternating between two colors that had replaced the sandy ground. Each time the swing raised its head, the old metal creaked out of sync.
“Did you come all the way here just to give me this?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Hae-jin, who had been randomly kneading his popsicle while focusing all his attention on it, nodded. The popsicle, which had been frozen solid enough to make a clinking sound, must have softened to the right consistency, as he immediately pushed it up to his mouth.
I had run into Hae-jin in the alley in front of my house. When our eyes met at the last corner, where he was crouching awkwardly, he grumbled about why I was home so early and whether my walking pace had always been this fast. I laughed in bewilderment, wondering what was going on, but Hae-jin told me not to laugh and instead shouted even louder, as if trying to show his bravado.
‘I was going to hide and surprise you when you came! Ah, why are you here so early!’
Despite his grumbling, he remembered his task well, thrusting a paper bag into my arms. Inside the small, light paper bag, which was too small and light to contain side dishes, were neatly folded clothes.
They were the clothes I had left behind when I had briefly stopped by my aunt’s house the day after being suddenly caught by Hae-jin, instead of borrowing new clothes.
“I’ll give them to you at school.”
“You told me not to act like I know you at school!”
Hae-jin’s slightly pouty complaint made me feel unnecessarily guilty.
“…Um, is your ice cream good?”
“Yeah, it’s annoying they don’t sell this in our neighborhood.”
“Should I buy you a few more?”
I was clumsy even at simply changing the subject.
“If you’re sorry, can I stay over tonight?”
But Hae-jin, without even looking at my wavering eyes, uncannily detected my inner feelings and asked with sparkling eyes. When my firm refusal was delayed, he pressed on, clinging to my words.
“Hmm? Can’t I? Huh? Huh?”
But I thought it would be better to rest well at home today. I was too tired.
“Next time, I really, really will let you stay over.”
“Forget it, really. That’s stingy, so stingy.”
“No, I really will next time, for sure.”
I coaxed and persuaded him several times. Of course, Hae-jin ended up going home grumbling today too, but after giving him some pocket money under the pretext of taxi fare, his sulking didn’t last too long.
Even as he was walking away, Hae-jin raised both arms high in the air and waved them wildly.
“I’m not going to use this for a taxi, I’m going to spend it all myself~!”
“Yes, yes. Do as you please.”
“Really? No taking it back? Then, I’m really going now!”
“Okay, go safely. Send my regards to Auntie.”
“Okey-okey. Bye!”
Standing by the utility pole which Hae-jin had marked as the boundary beyond which I shouldn’t accompany him, I waved my hand vigorously. Only after Hae-jin’s head had completely disappeared from view did I turn around and start walking again.
Perhaps I had somehow drawn up energy I didn’t have while with Hae-jin, because now that I was alone, even taking a single step felt heavy and difficult. It wasn’t just the effort to appear okay. I also had to use a lot of energy to fend off the kid who was trying to examine my complexion, saying I didn’t look well today.
Hae-jin was an affectionate son to my aunt, which I usually found admirable and impressive, but there were times when I found his duality frustrating—like now, when something happened to me, he would run straight to my aunt and tattle.
If you walk from the alley where I saw Hae-jin off, you’ll reach a small playground within the apartment complex where I had been sitting with Hae-jin, and if you walk a little further from there, you’ll find an old villa built with red bricks.
I looked up at the dark window on the right of the top floor, the 5th floor. On days like today when I desperately wanted to lie in bed, I often regretted contracting the top floor apartment.
Just before entering the villa entrance, I suddenly stopped in my tracks, struck by an unfamiliar feeling. Tilting my head while stretching my upper body backward, I found the culprit—the tip of a white car hood peeking out from the parking lot.
I briefly scanned the vehicle, which was radiating a brand-new sparkle that anyone could see, but quickly lost interest. I wasn’t particularly interested in cars enough to check the emblem hidden by the railing.
As I climbed the stairs, dark lights turned on one by one. With each step I took, I newly realized that my current state was different from my usual ease in climbing. It seemed I really wasn’t in good condition today.
While climbing the stairs from the 4th floor to the landing, I spotted a cigarette butt lying in the corner. I tilted my head in confusion. Neither I nor my neighbor smoked, and this was the last floor so people didn’t often come up here.
When I raised my head, I saw familiar shoes. And next to them, three or four cigarette butts with filters of the same color. My first thought upon seeing them was that I was glad I had sent Hae-jin away.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
