Lim Haeyul woke up feeling stifled. However, his vision was dark. He realized he was tightly held in Cha Jae-woo’s arms, thinking it was still night.
‘No wonder I felt stifled…….’
He slightly shifted his body. Cha Jae-woo was holding him unusually tight, making it hard for him to breathe.
Carefully extricating himself, he finally felt some relief.
Cha Jae-woo was still asleep. It was a rare sight, and Lim Haeyul’s mouth opened in a silent “heh,” but quickly closed. Cha Jae-woo’s brow furrowed, seemingly feeling empty now that Lim Haeyul had moved away.
‘Does he need to hold something to sleep comfortably?’
Lim Haeyul considered putting a blanket in Cha Jae-woo’s arms but decided against it. He didn’t want to widen the gap any further and hoped Cha Jae-woo could bear this small emptiness.
Instead, he gently massaged Cha Jae-woo’s furrowed brow. Surprisingly, it worked, and Cha Jae-woo’s expression softened.
‘He must be tired.’
It made sense. Yesterday, they had engaged in guiding after a long time. Cha Jae-woo seemed reluctant, but Lim Haeyul needed it. It made him feel worthy.
Fortunately, Cha Jae-woo didn’t refuse him for long. As his erratic waves began to calm, he even looked comfortable.
Being able to stabilize Cha Jae-woo with his ability made Lim Haeyul proud. It felt like Cha Jae-woo needed him, affirming his value.
Seeing Cha Jae-woo sleep so peacefully made him feel happy. Guiding gave him confidence that this relationship would last, that he wouldn’t be abandoned.
Who enjoys being abandoned? How many people know the feeling of waiting for the inevitable day they’ll be discarded?
Being abandoned is usually sudden. But for Lim Haeyul, it wasn’t. He had known for a long time that when he turned twenty, the facade of family would crumble. His aunt would abandon him.
His parents had died in a car accident when he was in middle school. A truck driver had fallen asleep at the wheel, and they died instantly.
He lost his parents overnight and couldn’t process it. He didn’t know how to accept the situation. He just wanted to believe it was all a lie.
Many people reached out to him. They pitied him and worried about him. Even those he barely knew acted as if they were close, offering comfort.
His aunt, in particular, was kind to him. He relied on her heavily and moved into her house. He thought she genuinely cared for him, but she was after his parents’ life insurance money.
He realized too late that he had made a mistake, but he couldn’t change it. There might have been others who cared for him genuinely, but he was too young to tell the difference.
Even now, he wondered if he could tell who truly cared. He had made the best choice he could at the time.
He soon realized that on the day he became an adult, the insurance money would go to his aunt, and she would abandon him. He had no power to claim what was rightfully his. The easiest path was to quietly wait for that day.
His aunt kept him under tight control, never letting him be free. Every day was suffocating.
He didn’t want to become an adult. He was afraid of being alone. He knew the feeling of being utterly alone in the world, so he wanted someone, anyone, to stay by his side.
But things don’t always go as planned. He decided to think of it as moving out, as gaining freedom.
It wasn’t so bad, but the deep loneliness that had settled in him long ago wouldn’t go away. He lived as a burden, just waiting to be abandoned.
Not long after he turned twenty, his aunt threw him out. He had expected it, so the shock wasn’t great. But it still hurt.
All the emotions he had suppressed exploded. He had tried so hard to fit into his aunt’s family, and it was all for nothing. He felt wronged, and all his pent-up feelings poured out.
Lim Haeyul’s aunt was surprised by his outburst. He had always been obedient, thinking that would prevent him from being abandoned. But it didn’t matter. His aunt had no intention of paying for his college tuition or helping him find a place to live. She believed that since he was an adult, he should be independent, even though she was planning to send her own child abroad to study.
Nevertheless, Lim Haeyul wasn’t thrown out empty-handed. Over time, he came to feel relieved and found ways to cope with his loneliness. However, his relationship with Cha Jae-woo brought back those old feelings of anxiety about being abandoned. Unlike with his aunt, he couldn’t control his feelings for Cha Jae-woo. He had already given his heart to him and wanted to do his best for him.
But Lim Haeyul knew that Cha Jae-woo liked him, but not as much as he liked Cha Jae-woo. He feared that this imbalance would eventually end their relationship. He wished he could be sure that it was all just his imagination, but as time passed and his feelings for Cha Jae-woo grew, he couldn’t ignore the signs.
He knew he shouldn’t jump to conclusions since Cha Jae-woo hadn’t said anything directly. But Lim Haeyul didn’t want to ask Cha Jae-woo about his feelings, afraid of hearing that they weren’t as deep as his own. Even if Cha Jae-woo said they were, he wouldn’t believe him. So, there was no point in asking.
“……Why are you awake already?” Cha Jae-woo’s voice was hoarse with sleep. Lim Haeyul smiled automatically, even though he had been worrying about Cha Jae-woo’s feelings.
“I just woke up,” Lim Haeyul replied. Cha Jae-woo finally opened his eyes, looking dazed. Lim Haeyul struggled to keep from laughing.
“When?” Cha Jae-woo asked.
“Not long ago,” Lim Haeyul said.
“What were you doing?”
“Watching your face. It’s quite entertaining,” Lim Haeyul admitted, smiling. He reached for Cha Jae-woo’s phone, wanting to take a picture, but Cha Jae-woo suddenly pulled him into an embrace.
“Are you going back to sleep?” Lim Haeyul asked.
“Just a little more,” Cha Jae-woo murmured.
“Won’t you show me your face?” Lim Haeyul asked, but Cha Jae-woo didn’t respond. He seemed to have a habit of holding something while he slept.
“……Me too, just a little more,” Lim Haeyul whispered, trying to lift his head from Cha Jae-woo’s chest.
“My face hurts,” Lim Haeyul said.
“Liar,” Cha Jae-woo replied.
“Ha…….” Lim Haeyul sighed dramatically, and Cha Jae-woo loosened his grip. Lim Haeyul pulled back to look at Cha Jae-woo’s face. Their eyes met, and Lim Haeyul smiled again.
“What’s so funny?” Cha Jae-woo asked.
“Because it’s good,” Lim Haeyul said. He liked this relationship, where he didn’t have to worry about Cha Jae-woo’s feelings. As long as he was needed, he wouldn’t be abandoned.
Lim Haeyul quickly kissed Cha Jae-woo on the lips, then the forehead, and burrowed back into his embrace. He felt his face flush with embarrassment but tried to act casual.
“Morning kiss,” Lim Haeyul said. Cha Jae-woo laughed in disbelief, but Lim Haeyul didn’t care. He wanted to do everything he could while he still had the chance. He held Cha Jae-woo tighter, feeling a bit lonely despite his embrace.
