“If you eat such a meal while being so cautious, you’ll get indigestion.”
“…Yes.”
The man was right. This kind of meal would cause indigestion even if eaten without being cautious. Geun-yeong only then realized he had been kneeling and sat comfortably again as he had at first. Then he put the rice gathered on his spoon into his mouth, chewed thoroughly, and swallowed. To avoid indigestion.
Once again, the meal continued in silence for a while. Geun-yeong put the last spoonful in his mouth and was about to pick up the remaining piece of fried egg when he looked up. The man, who had already finished eating and was sitting with his arms crossed, answered with a look that said not to be cautious, just eat.
When Geun-yeong put the last egg in his mouth, chewed, swallowed, and put down his spoon, Kyung Jiho stacked the plates that had held cucumber and eggs, and then firmly stacked his own rice bowl and the rice bowl of the guy sitting across from him on top. With his other hand, he picked up two sets of spoons and chopsticks and stood up.
“Ah, I’ll do the dishes!”
Kyung Jiho raised his empty hand to the guy who was getting up, following the plates, and said:
“Put the kimchi in the refrigerator.”
“Yes!”
Geun-yeong lowered his hand that had been following the plates and quickly picked up the kimchi container and stood up.
After putting the kimchi back in its original place in the refrigerator, he saw that the man standing in front of the sink had already started washing the dishes.
“I could do it…”
Geun-yeong mumbled in a voice that clearly wouldn’t be heard and stood in front of the refrigerator. Standing there, he watched the gangster doing the dishes. Feeling the gaze, the man glanced back and said:
“Come here.”
“Yes!”
Since he was answering so diligently with exclamation mark-filled responses, the man shook his head with an incredulous smile and turned the faucet down halfway. Reducing the sound of water, he asked the guy who came to stand beside him with his hands politely folded:
“How is it?”
“What… is?”
“How does it feel to have left home?”
How does it feel to eat such a ridiculous meal and have to sit being cautious all the time?
Having grasped the point of the question, Geun-yeong hesitated to answer. Not just now but also in the future, he would have to worry about meals constantly, and until he found a proper residence, he would have to continue being an uninvited guest to someone. It would be a lie to say this situation was comfortable and good. But—
“Shall I take you back home?”
“No!”
He had no intention of going back home, back to that man. Wanting to show his firm determination, Geun-yeong shouted loudly, and the man, who glanced sideways to check Geun-yeong’s expression, didn’t say anything more. He shifted his gaze back to the dishes in his hands.
It didn’t take long to wash two plates, two rice bowls, and two sets of utensils. The man rinsing the dishes was silent, and Geun-yeong, who had lowered his head to look at the man’s hands, was also silent.
After shaking the last spoon twice and placing it on the drying rack, the man shook his wet hands. Then he turned around and leaned against the sink. After staring at the guy who was still standing with his head lowered, he asked:
“Where, and how much were you hit?”
“…”
“With hands?”
“…”
“Or, with tools?”
“…”
The more he asked, the less answers came, and the head only lowered further. Watching the fidgeting fingers that were clasped together, he said:
“For now, you can stay here until you want to go back. If you happen to miss your old life and want to return, just let me know anytime. I’ll take you back. But,”
Seeing the fidgeting hands stop, Kyung Jiho continued:
“Using violence isn’t a bad habit, it’s a disease. A chronic illness with no medicine. It can’t be cured until both hands are broken or until one’s dying breath. So choose and decide carefully. If you’re going to go back, you’ll need to become stronger yourself so that you can’t be treated carelessly.”
Geun-yeong raised his head and looked at the man’s face. He looked at the eyes of the man who was lowering his eyelids and looking near his own hands. The moment the man raised his gaze, Geun-yeong quickly lowered his head and said:
“I’m not that weak…”
“I’m talking about your mind, man. Not your body.”
The man’s extended index finger waved near Geun-yeong’s temple and then disappeared. Geun-yeong’s lips, which had been tightly closed from tension since the man’s hand had risen, suddenly parted.
Ah, the mind.
That was true. He was afraid of change. There were things he didn’t want to let go of. The things he had to deal with alone were overwhelming. So he had been giving up. In the end, he had no will to escape. That’s why he could only be abused. It wasn’t a matter of strength, but a problem with his weak mental state.
“…Yes.”
While letting out an answer that clearly wouldn’t have been audible to the man, Geun-yeong thought: Living close to ‘violence,’ the man’s words about ‘violence’ were really convincing.
And, as the man said, he thought he should become stronger. Because he had decided not to die but to live. Because he wanted to live again. So, when did that start… since he met this man at the hospital.
Geun-yeong was feeling it. Since meeting this man who might just have the same name, the memory he had held onto for over a decade was fading, and he wasn’t as afraid of that as before.
A large, warm hand pressed on his shoulder. Geun-yeong watched the back of the man as he passed by, leaving an intense feeling on his shoulder. He kept watching. For quite a long time.
“Don’t stand there stupidly, come here.”
“Yes!”
Once again answering with a response full of exclamation marks, Geun-yeong quickly moved and sat next to the man who was now sitting in front of the TV, picking up the remote control.
He knelt down, but at one glancing look at his thighs, he quickly unfolded his legs. He stretched them out, but feeling that wasn’t right either, he stood up again and sat down, crossing his legs in what felt today more difficult than sitting cross-legged.
And then he glanced up at the man’s face, but seeing the man’s head move, he hurriedly turned his head away and lowered it. Among the voices coming from the TV, the man asked:
“What about school?”
“It’s vacation.”
“After vacation ends?”
“…”
He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell. Probably, he wouldn’t be able to attend. Geun-yeong couldn’t answer.
“If you easily give up on a university you worked hard to get into, people who don’t know your situation get quite annoyed. Me too. If possible, try to attend somehow.”
“…Yes.”
Lowering his head and listening close to his heart, Geun-yeong heard his heart beating. He was confused about whether his heart was beating because he was afraid of the man who said he gets annoyed when people give up on university, or because he regretted the university he would likely not be able to attend, or if there was some other reason entirely.
What was certain was that he wanted to do something for the man who, despite his scary face, frown, and angry tone, kept saying good things to him. Suddenly, he remembered the instant coffee mix he had seen while looking for the frying pan and rice.
“Um… would you like me to make you some coffee?”
“Coffee? What are you going to do without sleep?”
“…”
“What? Do you want to do something with me at night?”
“…”
Though his mouth was open, he was so flustered that he couldn’t say anything specific, and the man, after looking at Geun-yeong’s face, burst into laughter and turned his head toward the TV, saying:
“Forget it, man.”
And Geun-yeong just now figured out at least one of the reasons and objects for his racing heart. Though he didn’t know the reason, the object was clear. His heart was now beating for the man whose expression changed 180 degrees when he smiled.
* * *
After the meal, they watched the nine o’clock news together.
Today’s headline was the Blue House’s announcement on establishing a consultative body to address fine dust issues. And the newly appointed floor leader of the ruling party announced that he would urge a reinvestigation into the background of the case involving the solicitation of the murder of a lawmaker couple before the statute of limitations expired, causing friction with the opposition party. And this afternoon, there was a big fire at a chemical factory in Cheongju.
The news ended. The man, who had been watching the TV with an indifferent face throughout as if there were no incidents of great interest, stood up and took two or three large steps to stand in front of the bathroom, and then suddenly took off his pants.
Geun-yeong, whose eyes widened in great surprise, had to quickly lower his head.
After making Geun-yeong lower his head, the man entered the bathroom and came out just as Geun-yeong’s hastily lowered head was almost back in its original position.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
