“Take care of your health.”
“Yes.”
“At least your responses are good.”
The assistant, who still seemed uncomfortable, clicked his tongue.
“You, after happily receiving scholarships for 5 whole years, if you don’t come back, just know that’s called ‘eating and running.'”
Geun-yeong lowered his head with a guilty feeling and sighed once. He raised his head and said with the brightest smile possible:
“Yes.”
Having to give an answer he couldn’t guarantee, Geun-yeong bowed deeply in apology and turned around.
“Aish. If Ji Geun-yeong takes a leave of absence, Im Ji-yeon, who’s always been in second place, will be the only one happy. Looks like Im Ji-yeon will get the top scholarship this year.”
Leaving the assistant’s sighing mutterings behind, he exited the office.
He pushed through the glass door at the entrance. He inhaled the cold air once and exhaled, then took out his phone. Naturally, since he had been on edge about his phone since the night before, Geun-yeong hadn’t missed any calls. He looked at last night’s call history. The phone number displayed wasn’t that man’s, but the man who called that man “hyungnim.”
‘I’ll call you unexpectedly, so answer.’
What did “unexpectedly” mean in terms of timing? Was saying he would call just a polite formality?
After thinking for quite some time about the call he was waiting for but hadn’t received, he sighed again.
For several days now, he hadn’t been having the red dreams. He roughly knew when they had stopped.
During the period when he frequently had these dreams, Geun-yeong had never connected the ideas of “leaving the man’s house” and “continuing to live.” He didn’t have enough attachment to life to consider continuing to live after giving up the professional treatment and material abundance he received in exchange for submitting to the man.
But now, Geun-yeong wanted to try living.
That was also why he had planned to run away as soon as he detected the danger in what the man had said last night. It was because he now wanted to continue living. Since he had been having these dreams too often in recent years, with increasing frequency, reminding him of the tremors that continue just before a major earthquake, he didn’t want to passively allow what happened in his dreams to actually happen in reality.
While thinking about this, he recalled what the man had said while glaring at him with fierce eyes, his features appearing deeper under the intense yellow psychedelic lighting against the reddish walls.
‘People who habitually say they want to die all beg for their lives when you actually try to kill them.’
He might have felt a little hurt when he first heard those words, but now, recalling them, he didn’t feel hurt at all. Far from being hurt, he was grateful. The man’s words sounded like “if you want to live, try begging.” Thanks to those words, he found the will and courage to bow down and beg, even crawl on the ground if necessary, to try living.
He vaguely felt that the time he started wanting to try living coincided with when he met the man.
When he thought that the man might be that boy from back then, he had felt his whole body warming up. He felt his blood circulating and his heart beating. It was a feeling of being alive, and he wanted to feel it again. And even when recalling the words spoken by the man who might not be that boy, he continued to have similar feelings.
There was no need to weigh this on both hands or conflict over trivial attachments. It was a clear issue with no room for the wrong answer.
Having reaffirmed his already firm decision, Geun-yeong immediately called Donghwa.
[Hey! Geun-yeong! What’s up? Want to hang out with me? Want to go eat something? I’m craving something greasy for a change!]
For a change? Geun-yeong had to snort with laughter.
“We just ate pork belly yesterday.”
[I’m craving a different kind of oil. For example, olive oil?]
So he was saying let’s go eat Italian food.
Thanks to this guy who only said what he wanted to say without even asking why Geun-yeong had called, he could laugh again with a chuckle. Thanks to Donghwa, Geun-yeong momentarily relieved his tension and, without erasing his smile, stated the purpose of his call.
“Actually, I ordered a laptop assembly, but I confused the advance payment account and gave them yours. My father deposited the money into your account.”
[Awesome.]
Geun-yeong laughed out loud, “Haha.”
[Tell the professor that my account has no withdrawal function.]
Thanks to the guy making jokes with a straight face, Geun-yeong laughed again. The more he laughed, the more his resolve wavered. This was exactly the kind of trivial attachment Geun-yeong couldn’t let go of. He missed his everyday life beyond the man’s gaze. Perhaps, he thought, it might be better to just continue living like this. And simultaneously, he loathed himself for having such thoughts.
“I’ll come to your neighborhood.”
[Where are you now? Home?]
“Now… the hospital.”
[Hospital? Why are you at the hospital?]
While hesitating on how to answer, Woo Donghwa set the time and place without waiting for a response. Let’s meet at Pomodellier in the Trade Center basement, he said. He’d get ready and leave in ten minutes, so if Geun-yeong left right away from where he was, the timing would roughly match. Let’s talk slowly while greasing our tongues a bit, he said.
After ending the call with Donghwa, he inevitably looked at his blood glucose level. As always, it was calm like a sailboat floating on a quiet lake. It was the stability he had gained in exchange for submitting under the man.
But from now on, he would have to take responsibility for this number himself.
There was a sense of liberation, and an even greater fear. After looking at the numbers that would soon fluctuate like a boat in a stormy sea, he lowered his phone. He resolved not to regret today’s choice. He took his first step standing alone.
* * *
It was a fusion restaurant located in an underground shopping mall connected to the subway station. Being near the hospital, it was a place he had visited a few times with friends including Donghwa.
After selecting one steak and one salad, he deliberated and ordered an oil pasta that at least had less carbohydrate content in the sauce. Being a flour-based food, it couldn’t be considered a good meal, but he had to make the best bad choice. And Donghwa, who had no concern for carbohydrates or calories, ordered carbonara.
The biggest advantage of franchise restaurants was that the food came out quickly. Not long after ordering, the table was filled with food.
Woo Donghwa rubbed his palms together while looking at the noodles buried in thick sauce, then picked up his fork and exclaimed:
“Looks delicious! Let’s eat!”
Meaning, Geun-yeong, you’re paying for this.
That was the plan anyway. Geun-yeong smiled slightly, but instead of picking up his fork like Donghwa, he grabbed the edge of his top and lifted it slightly. He turned on the display of his insulin pump and pressed the injection button.
With a mechanical “zing,” the sound of the motor running echoed. Although he had been injecting insulin right before meals for over a decade, he still felt self-conscious doing it at restaurants. Usually, he would use the bathroom, but since he was in front of Woo Donghwa who knew his situation, he injected it at the table.
Though it wasn’t the first time seeing it, it wasn’t a completely normal thing either, so Donghwa watched curiously as Geun-yeong administered his dose while twirling spaghetti on his fork.
After finishing the insulin injection, Geun-yeong adjusted his clothes and picked up his fork. He pierced a piece of lettuce on the salad plate placed in the center. Looking at the guy who was stuffing his mouth with noodles wound up like a snowball, Geun-yeong pointed at the spaghetti in front of Donghwa with his fork holding the lettuce.
“That’s a carbohydrate bomb.”
“I know, whatever.”
Woo Donghwa tilted his head askew and smiled, stretching his lips coated with white sauce. It was an annoying expression that seemed to say, “I can eat this.” Looking at him, Geun-yeong chuckled again and said after putting the lettuce in his mouth and chewing it somewhat:
“You’ll get a belly like that.”
This time, unable to make an expression saying “I’m fine with getting one,” Woo Donghwa narrowed his eyes and glared. With his cheeks bulging from another mouthful of spaghetti he had already stuffed in, he said:
“I know that too, whatever.”
In truth, the ones who didn’t need to worry about gaining a little belly were guys like Ji Geun-yeong—handsome, tall, smart, and to top it all off, from a wealthy family. When such a guy ordered something that had its sauce completely stripped away and looked tasteless at a glance, just crunching on lettuce, Donghwa simply couldn’t maintain a pleasant expression.
Of course, since he knew Geun-yeong wasn’t doing this out of concern for gaining weight, he couldn’t really say much. So the annoyed Woo Donghwa gulped down his rich spaghetti that felt like it was turning into visceral fat with each bite, then took a long sip of his apple ade—already sweet soda made even sweeter with plenty of apple syrup.
After drinking the carbonated beverage that was both sweet and refreshing, his bad mood couldn’t persist. Quickly composing his sulky face, Donghwa asked with eyes full of curiosity:
“By the way, why did you go to the hospital? Did you see a doctor?”
Since it was a day with no classes, he wondered why Geun-yeong had gone to the hospital.
Geun-yeong couldn’t immediately answer Donghwa’s question. Avoiding the curious gaze, he lowered his eyes and poked at the yellow noodles in front of him with his fork, then rolled them up into a bundle like Donghwa and said:
“I’ll tell you after we finish eating.”
“What’s that about? You’re making me anxious.”
Geun-yeong just smiled once. He couldn’t say there was nothing to worry about. He didn’t want to tell a lie that would soon be exposed to the person who had made him laugh so much over the past five years.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
