#056
Just as he was about to speak with lips devoid of any emotion, Yoo Seong-woo felt something swirling inside him and took a deep breath. His expression remained blank. The violent motion contrasted with his impassive face.
“Cough…!”
After coughing and exhaling heavily, he panted like someone who had held their breath for a long time.
“Seong-woo? Are you okay?”
The sound was so loud it must have been heard outside. Yoo Seong-woo felt things that had flowed out of him returning.
With each breath, what had escaped came back. Yoo Seong-woo knew what it was. Emotions.
The sensory system that had completely stopped when time ran out was regaining function in response to the injected Centimenade.
The shock of everything flowing back in was greater than when it had leaked out. And it was extremely painful.
Why did he contain such things? Only after losing it did he realize it was too vast for a mere android to contain.
“Ugh, hk…!”
He covered his mouth to stifle a groan. Would they have heard that too? The knocking on the door became more urgent.
“Seong-woo.”
“J-just a moment, I’ll be right out. Right out…”
His body was still strangely convulsing from the lingering shock. He couldn’t let Yeon Tae-soo see him like this.
His shoulders rose and fell roughly in movements closer to gasping than deep breaths.
“Open the door, Seong-woo. Are you really okay?”
Not understanding what was happening, Yeon Tae-soo would find his trembling voice strange. Given his personality, it wouldn’t be surprising if he broke down the door soon.
Yoo Seong-woo steadied his breathing and shoved the empty medicine bottle and syringe under the bed mattress.
It’s okay, it’s fine. After quickly wiping away cold sweat with the blanket, he opened the door. The face of Yeon Tae-soo that he immediately met looked more distraught than his own.
He expected anger. Expected to be scolded about what he was doing that he couldn’t open the door, asked if he hadn’t heard him calling. Or maybe he’d ask what he was plotting.
How should he answer? His emotionless self from seconds ago could have easily responded, but now there was too much… too much.
There was too much inside him, stars chaotically tangled and twinkling, and he didn’t know what excuse to give you.
Just as he opened his mouth to speak before the silence grew too long, Yeon Tae-soo embraced him.
“You’re killing me, Seong-woo.”
Yeon Tae-soo’s voice, exhaled with a sigh, settled heavily by his ear.
“I’m anxious when I leave you alone, and when I hold you, I feel like you’ll run away.”
Expecting to be scolded, Yoo Seong-woo stiffened at the sudden embrace and his words.
“If you were just indifferent, I could deal with it, but you… you keep looking at me with those eyes. I don’t know what to do.”
Yoo Seong-woo hesitated in the embrace. When the hug loosened, Yeon Tae-soo’s blue artificial eyes came into view first. Eyes like blue stars that seemed able to strip away even his secrets.
Yeon Tae-soo smiled with those eyes. As if sad. As if about to cry.
“See, you’re looking at me like that again. How can I reject you?”
Yoo Seong-woo felt tears he hadn’t managed to wipe away rolling down. Yeon Tae-soo’s fingers, from his non-prosthetic hand, wiped away the tears.
“What kind of…”
What kind of eyes was he making? And not just once? Surely he hadn’t been found out. Yes, if he had been discovered, he wouldn’t be facing him like this. His throat would be squeezed immediately…
Yeon Tae-soo’s hand that wiped away his tears traced down his cheek. The fingers passed his jaw, wet with either tears or sweat, and finally reached his Adam’s apple.
Surely not. Surely not.
He was looking down at his Adam’s apple. Yoo Seong-woo unconsciously held his breath. His nerves were all on edge, making Yeon Tae-soo’s fingers on his neck feel hot.
“Eyes begging to be saved.”
He looked up again. Yeon Tae-soo’s expression was blank.
But Yoo Seong-woo knew from seeing it before. This gaze was Yeon Tae-soo’s real look, not fabricated. It was the face he had when he stopped acting all along.
At least he hadn’t been discovered yet. As the tension suddenly released, he hung his head low. Yeon Tae-soo lifted his chin.
“Eyes crying out, please save me.”
At these words, Yoo Seong-woo’s head dropped. I… I made such eyes before you. Though the tension released belatedly, he couldn’t meet his gaze.
He had begun to grow suspicious. Because normal people don’t make such eyes.
What excuse should I give you to buy time until I can escape?
As Yoo Seong-woo thought this, Yeon Tae-soo embraced him again.
Yeon Tae-soo smelled like the wind. Even in this situation, it was a scent that made him feel relieved. What scent did he smell from him?
He would surely ask many things. He would definitely ask something after this embrace, so he needed to think about how to answer.
He needed to prepare to avoid discovery, needed to keep his mind clear, but strangely, Yeon Tae-soo’s embrace was too sweet.
And he realized. Yeon Tae-soo wouldn’t ask him anything more.
Why do you trust me so much?
Is it really because of my functions? Would a mere android’s programmed functions make you give your heart so deeply?
Or if not…
Outside, the sunset was falling. The crimson light barely flowing through the small window was just enough to touch both their shoulders.
***
It was the day he gave Popo electronic wheels. Watching Popo rolling around excitedly at his feet, Yeon Tae-soo smiled.
“Well, just like a puppy.”
“Since we imported some companion dog robot AI, that’s not wrong.”
“Ah,” Yeon Tae-soo opened his mouth in a circle and nodded in understanding.
“Robots must be convenient. How nice to be so simple.”
Yoo Seong-woo couldn’t respond.
After that day, Yeon Tae-soo didn’t ask him anything more. Rather, Yoo Seong-woo was the one uncomfortable dealing with him acting sly as usual.
He tried to ignore the discomfort and wanted to think it was for the best. If Yeon Tae-soo had suspicions but didn’t ask, he could use that instead.
But how could he use this man? Something felt tied to his chest. Heavy, as if weights were attached.
Yeon Tae-soo’s gaze, which had been looking down at Popo, was now facing him.
“How comfortable it must be to just roll around without any will.”
…Did he say that knowing something? No, he seemed too casual for that.
“Seong-woo, what about you?”
Popo had already gone outside. Probably playing with the neighborhood stray cats.
“Why do you want to live so badly?”
Yeon Tae-soo’s low voice settled in Yoo Seong-woo’s chest, along with the guilt of already deceiving him.
How do humans live carrying such things? It feels like he’ll choke even eating, even breathing feels cautious. Ah, this is why they pushed all these negative emotions onto androids.
There was only one way to lessen the guilt even slightly. Tell the truth, but not all of it.
“…Father wanted me to perform, but I couldn’t meet his expectations.”
This much should be okay to tell. It’s a common story even among human families. A father hoping for talent in his son and a son who falls short. And it’s the truth, not a lie.
“And Father… died due to certain circumstances… and I alone ran away.”
This too was true. Yeon Tae-soo, listening to the story, nodded and slightly furrowed his brow.
“Only you, Mr. Yoo?”
“Ah… there were siblings.”
He swallowed dryly. Even now, did he appear to want to live in his eyes?
“If only you ran away, does that mean all your siblings died?”
When he nodded, Yeon Tae-soo let out a small sigh. His eyes looking at him were filled with sympathy.
“Maybe that’s why I wanted to live so badly. Having seen so much death.”
Learned fear, learned response. A sufficiently valid reason. Even without the innate ‘fear of death’ that humans have.
Yeon Tae-soo leaned forward. His lips briefly touched his forehead before pulling away. Long enough to feel the warmth.
He didn’t ask or say anything more. He didn’t declare he would protect him. He just stared down at Yoo Seong-woo before going outside, saying he would smoke.
Not long after, a dismemberment patient came in after a long while. Thanks to the large men and Yeon Tae-soo standing guard, this patient too quietly paid and received suture surgery.
Watching Yoo Seong-woo treat the patient skillfully from outside, Yeon Tae-soo instructed the large man beside him.
“Look into companies and individuals who sponsor musicians. Especially those with shady backgrounds and police connections.”
Speaking quietly with a cigarette in his mouth so his lips couldn’t be seen, the large man bowed and disappeared.
His gaze lingered long on Yoo Seong-woo’s masked face as he treated the patient. Suddenly he thought he should clean the window. So that pretty face would be visible from outside too.
