Chapter 101
My heart sank at the words “Lee Sung-rok sunbae” that slipped out unintentionally. At the same time, a chill spread through my body, making my hands and feet feel cold.
Joo Kwon-oh’s puzzled gaze followed me.
“This is really strange. Even if we set aside the sunbae, I’ve never mentioned Sung-rok to you.”
“……”
To make such a foolish mistake. My mind had been completely consumed with thoughts of Sung-rok sunbae these past few days, causing me to blurt it out.
“What exactly are you trying to say, Jeong-ha? And how do you know that Sung-rok sunbae offered to set up a blind date?”
“Well…”
I obviously couldn’t answer properly to this pointed question.
“Do you two contact each other separately?”
“No, no! We’ve never been in contact.”
“Then why is that sunbae’s name coming out of your mouth? I’m really curious.”
“……”
This is bad. How should I explain this?
No matter how hard I racked my brain, all I could think was that I’d messed up.
“And suddenly telling me to go on a blind date. Why is that? Did Sung-rok tell you that? That he’d set me up on a blind date?”
Kwon-oh’s voice deepened further at my clumsy response.
“Explain in detail. I don’t understand this situation at all right now.”
All of his questions were valid. The sudden talk about going on a blind date, and now the sudden mention of Sung-rok sunbae.
I couldn’t understand why I had blurted out such nonsense, so how could Kwon-oh possibly comprehend it?
“Ryu Jeong-ha.”
The three syllables of my name sounded like a death sentence when he called them.
Where should I start explaining this? Is it right to tell the whole truth? Even I haven’t come to a clear conclusion yet…
“If you really don’t want to say, fine. I can just ask sunbae directly.”
“No! Don’t do that. I’ll tell you.”
I panicked and tried to stop Kwon-oh as he took out his phone as if he was about to call right away. Seeing my suspicious reaction, Kwon-oh’s brow gradually furrowed.
“Speak.”
Afraid of his gaze growing colder towards me, I finally stumbled through an explanation of the whole story from the beginning.
There was no other way to take back the words I had foolishly blurted out.
The meaningful words Sung-rok sunbae had suddenly thrown at me in front of the bar. Meeting him again at school and probing. My drawing the line saying we weren’t dating. Even Kwon-oh asking me if it was okay for him to be introduced to a woman.
And as my explanation grew longer, Kwon-oh’s expression hardened more and more.
We suddenly found ourselves standing still in the middle of the walkway, silently letting time pass.
After listening to everything without saying a word, Kwon-oh eventually rubbed his face and swore.
“That Sung-rok is a crazy bastard.”
“Kwon-oh…”
“Don’t tell me. All this time you’ve been saying you weren’t feeling well, was it because of this?”
Kwon-oh stroked his chin as if everything made sense now.
“If you met Sung-rok on the day you went to school, the timing matches perfectly. You’ve been saying you weren’t feeling well since that day.”
Even though I hadn’t confirmed it, Kwon-oh muttered to himself as if he had come to his own conclusion.
“Hah, shit. Well, regardless of how much he knows, him going to you and acting like that is because of me.”
“Because of… you? What do you mean?”
“That bastard likes Seo Yu-jung, so he’s taking out his hurt pride on me.”
“Ah.”
“But he can’t directly lash out at me, so he went to you, who looks more docile, to stir things up. Haa. That son of a bitch…”
I knew that Seo Yu-jung liked Kwon-oh, but I didn’t know that Sung-rok sunbae liked her. Did he really pick a fight with me just for that reason? Since I’m not a business administration student, I can’t help but be in the dark about their situation…
“Why else would a senior in his final year keep hanging around with much younger second-year juniors? It’s because of a woman.”
“Ah.”
“I don’t know how Sung-rok caught on, but why did you bother giving that bastard such a careful explanation? There’s nothing wrong with us dating, you could have just ignored him and moved on.”
“Because he’s your close sunbae. I, I said we weren’t together at first in case it might cause trouble for you…”
“Right. I didn’t know he was the kind of bastard who would say such cowardly things behind my back.”
Kwon-oh sighed deeply and clenched his teeth. Then he looked at me sharply.
“But setting Sung-rok aside.”
“……”
“I hate it more that you’re making excuses to another guy.”
Kwon-oh spoke in a cold tone I had never heard before.
“So. You said we’re not dating?”
And he questioned the relationship I had denied.
I felt like I was being driven to the edge of a cliff.
It was true that I had denied our relationship to Sung-rok sunbae. Although it might have been hasty, I had my own valid reasons for having to do so. Anyone could see that it was better for Kwon-oh.
What good could come from rumors spreading at school about two men dating? It would be fatal even for a quiet student like me, but for someone like Kwon-oh with wide social connections and many people seeking him out, there would be even more to lose.
I just wanted to reduce that loss for him.
But the numerous reasons I had been rehearsing in my mind dissipated into the air before they could even leave my mouth.
For some reason, Kwon-oh was looking at me as if I were a traitor.
“Jeong-ha.”
“……”
When I couldn’t answer and hesitated, he took a step closer. I felt pressured by his large shadow looming over me and lowered my gaze.
“Ryu Jeong-ha.”
“Yes.”
I became a little scared as his larger, sturdier body drew noticeably closer.
“Did you tell Sung-rok that? That we’re not in any kind of relationship?”
“……”
“…Really?”
“……”
“……”
“…Yes.”
It was difficult to utter that single syllable. It felt like I was admitting my own betrayal.
“Is that… easy for you?”
“It’s not… easy.”
What is this? Why is he reacting so coldly?
I floundered in deep confusion, not having anticipated this attitude. I couldn’t even remember what I had originally intended to say.
At least, I had taken those measures hoping to prevent any harm coming to Kwon-oh.
“Okay. Even if it was unavoidable for you to say that to Sung-rok… about blind dates or whatever, you have no right to tell me to deny our relationship too.”
“……”
“That’s my right.”
Kwon-oh’s voice, speaking low and evenly, seemed devoid of any emotion, as if he had not only been disappointed in me but had lost all affection.
Suddenly frightened, I raised my head to look at Kwon-oh’s face. I wanted to confirm if there was still room for him to forgive me in his gaze and expression.
However, because Kwon-oh was completely backlit by the sun, his face appeared dark and blurry. Therefore, I couldn’t gauge what expression he was making.
“But still… even so, you, at school…”
I suddenly felt burdened by the close distance, almost touching Kwon-oh’s body, and carefully took a step back. However, making my retreat pointless, Kwon-oh quickly closed the distance again, coming right up in front of me.
Even though I knew he wasn’t trying to threaten me, given the atmosphere, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated by his attitude.
“I said we weren’t in any kind of relationship because I wanted you to get along well with that sunbae. I didn’t genuinely intend to deny our relationship.”
“……”
“I didn’t intend to f-force… or tell you to deny it like I did, not at all.”
“Even so.”
Kwon-oh cut in as soon as I finished speaking.
“I think telling me to even go on blind dates was too much.”
“I didn’t mean for you to actually go on blind dates… It’s just that it might look strange if you keep refusing such meetings… I, I just…”
The words coming out of my mouth became more tangled as time passed, far from improving.
My heart is beating too fast. My ears are becoming numb, and the surrounding noise is gradually fading away.
I realized too late. That I had said something out of line. Both to Sung-rok sunbae and to Kwon-oh.
Unable to find anything more to say, I turned my head, and a heavy silence filled the space between us.
“……”
“……”
Soon, he broke the silence, muttering self-deprecatingly.
“Afraid it might look strange?”
“……”
Kwon-oh let out a deflated sound and roughly ruffled his messy hair.
Then he threw the takeout cup he was holding into a nearby trash can and turned around to leave.
“Kwon-oh!”
I hurriedly called out to him, but there was no response. I stared at Kwon-oh’s retreating back, frozen in shock.
A beat late, I came to my senses and tried to follow him, but several unresolved questions held me back.
What would I say if I caught up to him? What if Kwon-oh gets angrier because I’m being frustrating? It’s already something that can’t be undone.
“……”
I bit my lower lip, blaming my own incompetent speech. I gazed desperately, hoping Kwon-oh might change his mind and look back at least once, but he didn’t stop walking.
As Kwon-oh completely disappeared from view, a sense of dejection washed over me.
What have I done?
Standing alone in the park, I mulled over my own mistakes. But the more I reflected, the more painful it became as there were too many mistakes to count.
A moment later. I stopped my self-destructive rumination and threw away my takeout cup with all the ice melted, just as Kwon-oh had done.
Then I immediately turned in the direction Kwon-oh had gone. At that moment, something trickled down below my chin.
Surprised, I wiped my face with the back of my hand. It was sweat that had been beading on my face.
“It’s hot…”
Only then did I snap to attention, feeling the intense sunlight covering my entire body. Heat waves rose from the asphalt, and many of the people in sight were using parasols, indicating how sultry it was.
Feeling suffocated by the sudden wave of heat, I moved my heavy steps to leave the park.
Even as I walked, I could feel sweat forming on my temples. The midday sun was this intense, yet I hadn’t noticed until now. It’s not like the weather suddenly got hot.
Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve been exposed to direct sunlight since we finished eating and started our walk.
“Ah.”
I stopped in the middle of the park as I was walking listlessly. I noticed the long shadow stretching from my feet.
I suddenly realized that the reason Kwon-oh had persistently stood in front of me earlier was to block the sun for me. The proof was that Kwon-oh had been sweating the whole time while I thought it was walkable weather.
As I looked down at my shadow standing alone on the walkway without moving, all the realistic problems I had been worrying about suddenly felt infinitesimally small.
I should have just chased after him without thinking. I deeply regretted letting Kwon-oh go right in front of me like a fool.
As soon as that thought occurred to me, I left the park.
No matter how much I looked around the area, Kwon-oh was nowhere to be seen, probably having already left. I hurriedly boarded a bus heading towards our apartment, like someone being chased. Then I called Kwon-oh.
