#115
Kim Tae-pung’s concert was larger in scale than the fourteenth session that Hwi-kyung remembered. Since “Number One in Trot” had just ended, middle-aged admirers who passionately adored Kim Tae-pung gathered in small groups from all over the country.
As before, Hwi-kyung bought various merchandise sold at the concert venue for Ok-ja. Though she had previously waved her hand saying why waste money on such things, once Ok-ja actually held the merchandise, she became excited like a child on a spring picnic.
She was so thrilled that she boasted about her grandchild to everyone she met, making Hwi-kyung a bit embarrassed. In reality, it was Gyo-ha who had secured the concert tickets, so strictly speaking, Hwi-kyung hadn’t succeeded in getting Kim Tae-pung concert tickets on his own in the battlefield of filial competition.
But even when told this fact, Ok-ja didn’t mind. If it weren’t for Hwi-kyung, there would be no Gyo-ha either, so she was just satisfied thinking that all this happened because she had such a good grandson.
“How virtuously must I have lived in my previous life to attend a Kim Tae-pung concert.”
“What’s so special about a Kim Tae-pung concert…”
“This child. It is special, very special. My grandson bringing me here makes it extraordinary.”
Having had surgery not long ago, Ok-ja struggled to walk without support. She moved in a wheelchair on flat ground, and on other terrain, Hwi-kyung had to either carry her on his back or hold her up.
Unlike the fourteenth session, Gyo-ha couldn’t come to the concert venue with them. His father, who was said to be in China, had returned to Korea, preventing him from accompanying Hwi-kyung and Ok-ja.
He said he would come to the concert venue as soon as his work was done, but Hwi-kyung anticipated that Gyo-ha might not make it. Since Lee Baek-gyeong, who had been quiet all along, suddenly called for his youngest son, it was obvious he wouldn’t let him go easily.
As much as this was the love-hate Kim Tae-pung concert, Hwi-kyung wanted to watch it with Gyo-ha, but it was better without him to focus on Ok-ja. In any case, Hwi-kyung had only one body, so having to care for two people was something he’d rather avoid.
“Is Gyo-ha coming today?”
“Grandmother, do you like him more than me?”
“My Kyung is number one, and my son-in-law is second.”
“What son-in-law? We’re not even married yet.”
“When will you get married? You need to do it while grandmother is still alive.”
“I don’t know. I’m planning to do it when grandmother turns 100.”
“Aish. Do it next year, next year. I’ll make sure to stay alive until then.”
“Just live until you’re 100, I said. How long is the average lifespan these days?”
To enter the concert venue, Hwi-kyung had to carry Ok-ja on his back. The aisle between seats was too narrow for a wheelchair to pass through. Hwi-kyung stepped forward, cursing Korean architecture that lacked any consideration for the elderly and weak.
Due to chemotherapy and partial stomach removal, Ok-ja had been losing weight. She was never heavy to begin with, but now she felt almost weightless.
The elderly woman’s bony arms tightly embraced Hwi-kyung’s neck. The musty scent unique to older people and her warm breath tickled Hwi-kyung’s nape.
Having grown accustomed to caregiving, Hwi-kyung didn’t mind these sensations. At least they made him vividly feel that she was alive. Hwi-kyung wanted to live with Ok-ja for as long as possible.
“When did my puppy grow so big to carry me on his back?”
“Even in high school, I could have carried someone like you, grandmother.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“That’s strange. I feel like I was the one who raised you carrying you on my back.”
“…How could you carry me, grandmother? I was already tall in high school.”
“Even if you’re tall, I could carry you. I was incredibly strong. You were so mature that you never once asked to be carried even when you were little… So I regret not being able to carry you, I regret it.”
“…”
“Hwi-kyung.”
“Yes.”
“Has it been very hard for you?”
Ok-ja knew nothing about Hwi-kyung’s regression. Hwi-kyung never mentioned anything about regression or the company to her.
Yet Ok-ja asked that question. Has it been very hard for you? She couldn’t go to the company in Hwi-kyung’s place, and far from earning money, she made him spend all his earnings on hospital bills.
Ok-ja was both Hwi-kyung’s support and the existence that kept him from escaping the pit of poverty. Ok-ja herself knew that too. That if she hadn’t been there, Hwi-kyung might have had a slightly easier life.
So Ok-ja’s question was less about whether the regression had been difficult, and more about whether he had suffered because of her illness.
“It wasn’t that hard.”
“Really?”
“Really. Nothing I do for you is difficult.”
How precious. Ok-ja’s arms around Hwi-kyung’s neck tightened a little more.
“When your mother came to leave you with me.”
“Yes.”
“She said you were already a dead child. That she had revived you. And that she could no longer stay with you.”
“…”
“I thought it was crazy talk. She’s my daughter, but she’s an incompetent parent. The child is perfectly alive, why say he’s dead? I couldn’t understand at all, but Ji-ae told me this. That her wish was for me to protect you.”
Hwi-kyung didn’t know how many times he had died. Gyo-ha didn’t tell Hwi-kyung how many times he had died either. But Hwi-kyung vaguely guessed why he couldn’t die.
Ji-ae wanted to save Hwi-kyung. That wish was fulfilled. Though not in the way she wanted, Hwi-kyung became someone who couldn’t die, even if briefly.
But as a result, Ji-ae was pushed to her limit. Afraid she might kill the son she had saved with her own hands, she left Hwi-kyung with Ok-ja. And fled far away across the water.
It was a very cowardly act. Because Hwi-kyung had to suffer for a very long time because of it. Ji-ae said no one could blame her, but at least Hwi-kyung had enough reason to resent her.
“I wanted to fulfill that wish.”
People make wishes to other people. Humans, not gods, sometimes willingly sacrifice themselves to fulfill wishes made to them by others. Ok-ja granted Ji-ae’s wish.
“Even if it killed me, I wanted my grandson to be okay.”
That’s why Jung Hwi-kyung didn’t go insane.
Because of Ok-ja, Hwi-kyung couldn’t go insane. He endured the endless regression, survived each uncertain day. Even when anxiety gnawed at his mind, Hwi-kyung didn’t give up.
Because when he moved to the next cycle, Ok-ja would die again. Because he would have to hold a new funeral. For that reason alone, Hwi-kyung didn’t go insane.
Even in the pain of not being able to die, he somehow had to maintain his sanity. Because when he returned, Ok-ja was waiting for him.
Ok-ja fulfilled Ji-ae’s wish at the cost of her own health and death. A wish-granting without awareness.
“Grandmother.”
“Yes?”
“Grant me one wish too.”
“What is it?”
“After we enjoy Kim Tae-pung’s concert…”
“Yes.”
“Stay healthy and live a long time. Let’s go to America together…”
As they passed through the long corridor, a flood of clamorous sounds poured in. Even before the concert started, it was chaotic with the deafening noise of conversations, cheers, and music played for sound checks.
But amid that clamor, Hwi-kyung heard Ok-ja’s answer.
“Alright, let’s do that. I should get on a plane at least once before I die.”
There are too many scientifically inexplicable things in the world. Humans still haven’t figured out how ancient Egyptians built the pyramids, nor exactly why the Moai statues were erected.
Some people who seem on the verge of death get up and recover, while the healthiest individuals suddenly die overnight. In a world full of inexplicable phenomena, people aren’t sure where the miracles they experience come from.
Miracles began with desperate wishes and a few promises. Small pledges, ordinary wishes… such things often killed people countless times, and saved them just as much.
Once again, a person makes a wish to another person.
The curtain rose on the eagerly awaited Kim Tae-pung concert. Ok-ja, sitting next to Hwi-kyung, burst into laughter saying “look at that.” Kim Tae-pung’s fan service was exceptional, perhaps because it was his first concert, and due to the encores, the concert ended 20 minutes later than scheduled.
Thanks to this, Gyo-ha was able to watch the end of Kim Tae-pung’s concert, if only barely. Arriving at the concert venue earlier than expected due to unusually clear roads, Gyo-ha immediately came looking for Hwi-kyung.
Everything seemed to finally be in its rightful place.
“Everyone, thank you so much!”
Kim Tae-pung, drenched in sweat from his passionate performance, waved his hand to the cheering audience. He was smiling several times more brightly than when he won “Number One in Trot.”
Everyone present laughed loudly, as if under a spell, following his lead. Someone shouted “I love you” toward Kim Tae-pung, and someone else loudly sang along to one of the songs he had performed.
Hwi-kyung watched Kim Tae-pung leaving the stage with dozens of bows. Then he turned to see what expression Ok-ja was making.
Ok-ja looked happier than ever before. “I love you!” someone shouted again from far away. Though the concert had ended, the sound of music continued for a long time.
Hwi-kyung grabbed the arm of Gyo-ha standing next to him. It was an embarrassing thing to say amid the commotion, but even if impulsive, he couldn’t bear not saying these words at this moment.
“You know.”
“Yes.”
“When we go to America later, should we really get married?”
“…”
“We might not be able to have a normal marriage… but I’ll take responsibility for you. Until we grow old, until we die someday.”
At those words, Gyo-ha laughed out loud.
“You’ll take responsibility for me?”
“Yes.”
“That’s quite a promise.”
“…Don’t you like it?”
“No, I love it. But in return…”
“In return?”
“Let me take responsibility for you too. Even if there’s another life, even if everything becomes better than now…”
“…”
“I’ll stay with you.”
The concert hall, where people were streaming out, wasn’t an appropriate place for a kiss. Especially if the lovers kissing were grown adult men.
But with Ok-ja as the only witness, no one threw stones at the kissing couple.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
