Chapter 94
A week. Si-yul threw off his blanket and got up. Though he couldn’t shake it off completely, and his body still felt heavy, his throat was parched, so he had to move.
First, he needed to find a way to make a living. He wrote resumes and submitted them to all the places hiring part-timers nearby. Unlike before when he only got rejections, this time he received calls from several places, perhaps thanks to the one line of experience he now had. Getting hired anywhere was the top priority, so he scheduled interviews wherever he could.
The options were diverse: convenience stores, meat restaurants, cafes, PC rooms, and more. Among them, the meat restaurant offered the highest hourly wage. Looking at the hours, it seemed he could work there alongside a cafe job. Though he didn’t have any debt to repay, working day and night seemed better in his current situation. If he wasn’t doing anything, he’d endlessly think of just one person.
Making coffee for the first time was awkward, and he burned his arm carrying braziers full of charcoal, but it was all fine. Not only during work, but also when he returned home, he could fall asleep right away without any distracting thoughts. At work, time flew by as he rushed from task to task until it was time to go home.
He believed that if he could pass his days like this, someday he’d look back and think, “Ah, that happened once,” with indifference. He believed that time heals all wounds. It was a hope that didn’t feel very hopeful.
Because he got off early from the cafe, he arrived at the meat restaurant earlier than usual. During the break time, some employees were resting at tables or taking quick naps on the narrow mattress in the back. He greeted them quietly so as not to disturb, and an employee sitting on a chair turned to look.
“Si-yul, you’re early today?”
“The bus driver seemed to step on it today. Didn’t even hit any red lights. The cafe let me go early too.”
“The cafe, you mean where you work in the morning? Sheesh, aren’t you working too hard? Your face is already half gone, it’ll disappear completely at this rate.”
The ajumma in charge of the kitchen sighed, looking at Si-yul with concern. Not minding the worry, Si-yul smiled amiably.
“I should work hard while I’m young.”
“Take it easy. Health is the most important thing after all. Come here. Let’s eat some tangerines. I bought them on the way, they’re sweet and delicious.”
“Okay. I’ll change clothes and be right out.”
He went into the changing room, took off his shirt that smelled of coffee, and changed into his uniform. It was already loose before, but it seemed he’d lost even more weight recently, as the short sleeves were baggy and the neckline gaped.
While eating the tangerines the ajumma had shared and watching TV, he heard someone asking for help and went out the back door. There were several boxes of groceries stacked up. As he was dividing them up with another employee, he heard a surprised “Oh” and instinctively turned around.
“Oh.”
The same sound came from Si-yul’s mouth. The person standing awkwardly outside the alley looked familiar. He turned his head away, bit his lower lip once, then met eyes again. He smiled weakly, just as he had with the ajumma. The world really was small.
“Hello.”
“…Hyung.”
Tae-joo was staring blankly in this direction. He too seemed surprised by the unexpected encounter, his eyes wide open. Si-yul thought about just going back inside and pretending not to have seen him, but then figured he might as well greet him properly since they probably wouldn’t see each other again after Tae-joo left for his studies abroad. Si-yul told Tae-joo to wait a moment and took the boxes inside.
Tae-joo entered the alley, seemingly trying to hide his bewilderment by rubbing his mouth and chin. Si-yul also put on his coat and came out of the restaurant. There wasn’t much to talk about, but they were close enough to at least ask how the other was doing. Though Si-yul didn’t want to be entangled with anything that reminded him of Hyun-se, it would be more awkward to obviously avoid it.
“Have you been well?” Si-yul asked first. Tae-joo nodded somewhat glumly. His expression was so ambiguous that it was hard to tell what he was thinking.
“Hyung, you’ve been working here?”
“Yes. I just got this job recently. Here and a cafe.”
“Two jobs? Isn’t that tough?”
“It’s okay. Once you get used to it, it’s manageable.”
“No, what about Hyun-se… Hyung, Hyun-se is rich. He’s got enough money to live on even if his family went bankrupt for three generations. I didn’t think he was that kind of person, is he not helping you at all?”
Tae-joo frowned in disbelief. The moment that name hit his eardrum, Si-yul’s eyes clouded over. Two weeks wasn’t enough to completely shake it off.
Would a year be enough? Or would it take much longer? As usual when he saw Hyun-se in his dreams and woke up, just hearing the name made his insides ache.
Si-yul habitually started to stroke his chest but instead raised his hand to scratch his cheek. Awkwardly, as if it was nothing.
“I left that place.”
“…What?”
Tae-joo asked back in a dumb tone. Si-yul pushed up the corners of his mouth. But the smile he forcefully put on had a strong bitter taste.
“I left that house. I’m not in contact with the CEO anymore.”
Tae-joo kept silent for a moment. Si-yul just tapped the ground with the toe of his sneaker.
“…I had no idea. I cut off contact with that side too after I almost died back then.”
The voice that came out after a long while was hoarse. The lowered voice was similar to Hyun-se’s. Si-yul deliberately avoided looking at Tae-joo’s face. He would inevitably find similarities there too.
Even this short time talking with Tae-joo was hard to bear. Si-yul peeled his back off the wall he had been leaning on.
“I should go back in now. I need to start working soon.”
“Ah, hyung. That…”
Tae-joo reached out as if to grab Si-yul’s clothes. When Si-yul turned back, Tae-joo hesitated, then let out a long sigh and shook his head.
“I just wanted to say, make sure to come to my birthday party later. …I’m just going to smoke a cigarette before I go.”
Si-yul paused as he was about to go in. He noticed the cigarette pack sticking out of Tae-joo’s pocket. Normally he wouldn’t have paid any attention to it, but strangely, he felt the urge to try smoking.
“Can I have one too?”
Tae-joo’s eyes widened again. Then he quickly frowned. A displeased look came over his face, like when a student in school uniform suddenly asked for a cigarette.
“Ah, I was too shameless, wasn’t I? Cigarettes are expensive these days…”
Si-yul rubbed the back of his head as if embarrassed, pointing out an irrelevant reason. Tae-joo hastily waved his hands.
“No, no, it’s not about the cost. It’s just that it’s best not to start smoking in the first place.”
Tae-joo took out a cigarette and put it in his own mouth instead of giving it to Si-yul. Thinking it was a polite refusal, Si-yul’s shoulders drooped, but then Tae-joo lit the end, took one deep drag, and handed it to Si-yul. Si-yul hesitated for a moment before taking the cigarette between his lips.
Though Hyun-se didn’t smoke when he was with Si-yul, there were times when a faint smell of cigarettes clung to him. While the typical throat-irritating smell of cigarettes from others was torture to endure, the scent on Hyun-se was rather pleasant. It was like his unique body scent. It was an adult-like scent. Mature and rich.
Having seen others do it, Si-yul took a deep drag, but choked and broke into a fit of rough coughing. The wrongly inhaled acrid smoke even brought tears to his eyes. Tae-joo, not knowing what to do, snatched the cigarette from Si-yul’s hand.
“Don’t force yourself to smoke.”
“It’s just because it’s my first time, *cough*, I’ll get used to it if I keep smoking.”
“There’s no need to get used to it on purpose. It’s bad for your health.”
“But you smoke.”
“Well, I’m already a lost cause.”
‘I’m already ruined anyway.’
A familiar voice overlapped with Tae-joo’s. Si-yul quickly averted his gaze, pressing hard on his stinging eyes.
Tae-joo grinned and put the filter Si-yul had wetted into his own mouth. He didn’t seem to mind even though it should have been dirty. Si-yul coughed out the remaining coughs. It was embarrassing to ask for it back after so obviously showing his inexperience.
“If not today, call me next time you want to smoke. I’ll teach you properly then. Don’t smoke alone.”
The long cigarette had burned down. Tae-joo kept the now much shorter cigarette in his mouth for a long time. When Si-yul stared at him, he reluctantly threw the butt into an empty can used as an ashtray.
“Didn’t you just say it’s better not to smoke?”
“I was using that as an excuse to contact you.”
He added with a wink and a sly tone. Si-yul laughed softly at the playful manner.
Someone called for Si-yul from inside, signaling that the break time was ending. Si-yul nodded goodbye to Tae-joo. As he was about to open the door and go in, he heard Tae-joo call out “Hyung” and turned back. Tae-joo hesitated for a moment before speaking. The playfulness was gone from his eyes, replaced by a light of relief.
“I’m glad you look good.”
“…”
“See you next time, hyung. Definitely at my birthday. I’d be even happier if you contacted me before then.”
Tae-joo left the alley, emphasizing his words. Si-yul stared blankly at his retreating figure. The broad shoulders, short hair, and even the unwavering gait resembled someone. Though he couldn’t face Tae-joo directly, he stole glances at his back like this. Just because he resembled Hyun-se.
“He says I look good… Me.”
He muttered, standing there absent-mindedly. The ajumma he worked with said his face was half gone, and Tae-joo whom he met today said he looked good. He couldn’t tell which was right.
He raised both hands to cover his face. He stayed in that position for a while, then lowered his hands, wiping his face. He decided to take it as meaning he was fine.
That for someone who had left, he was living quite well and normally. Intact, without festering anywhere.
