# Chapter 16
“You’re lucky. You’ll be discharged in just a few days.”
“Yes, I’m very lucky.”
Haeseung replied as if wondering why Mugyeong was stating the obvious.
“Visit often after you’re discharged.”
“…”
“Why aren’t you answering?”
“I’m afraid my answer might hurt you.”
“Thank you. How considerate of my feelings.”
Mugyeong started watching TV instead of reading his book. Of course, Mugyeong had also fallen asleep many times while watching TV, not just while reading books. In the hospital, no matter what you did, you would eventually fall asleep. Haeseung was right. That’s just how hospitals were.
Mugyeong glanced at Haeseung’s profile while pretending to change channels. After the accident, Haeseung had become extremely calm. His expressions were calm, his actions were calm. He was calm even when turning pages, and even when nagging Mugyeong. Upon reflection, Haeseung wasn’t originally a very frivolous personality. Mugyeong thought Haeseung had changed, but perhaps it was he himself who had changed.
Occasionally, Haeseung would look at Mugyeong with reproachful eyes. If that look were to be put into words, it would be close to, “If you hadn’t confessed, we wouldn’t be in this uncomfortable situation.” Haeseung seemed to wish to return to the time before the confession. But they both knew well that it was impossible.
Just as Haeseung couldn’t return to before hearing Mugyeong’s confession, Mugyeong couldn’t return to before confessing to Haeseung. In fact, Mugyeong didn’t want to go back. Haeseung knew his feelings, and yet remained by his side. Of course, Haeseung was there semi-forcibly because of his broken leg, and there were many other complicated circumstances, but anyway, Mugyeong was thankful that Haeseung still smiled at him.
Mugyeong eventually turned off the TV, tired of flipping through channels.
“What’s wrong? Nothing good on?”
“They don’t show any adult movies.”
Haeseung smiled at Mugyeong’s bland joke.
“We’re not middle schoolers anymore.”
Pleased that Haeseung was rarely initiating conversation, Mugyeong quickly pulled up an old memory.
“Hey, remember when we were in 7th grade and watched porn together with the other guys?”
“I remember. It was at Seongmin’s house, right?”
Mugyeong nodded. He originally didn’t want to go, but ended up following along because Haeseung was going.
“It’s so strange. How did we all think of watching porn together? That’s something you should watch alone, quietly.”
“Maybe they wanted to create accomplices. That was the first time I ever watched porn.”
Six children, including Mugyeong and Haeseung, watched it together. When the intimacy between the man and woman on screen was getting particularly sticky, someone unzipped their pants and started masturbating. As if that action was a signal, the other boys also started to masturbate.
Mugyeong didn’t join in the group masturbation. He hadn’t even been looking at the screen in the first place, so he wasn’t even erect. Mugyeong was only watching Haeseung, extremely concerned about how Haeseung would handle such a bizarre situation. Haeseung eventually went to the bathroom alone, quietly. What Haeseung would do in there was obvious, and just imagining it made Mugyeong become erect. When Haeseung came out of the bathroom much later, he saw Mugyeong’s swollen crotch, smiled slyly, and pointed to the bathroom with a nod of his chin.
Haeseung would never know, even if he died and came back to life, but that day Mugyeong masturbated thinking of Haeseung for the first time. It suddenly occurred to him that if Haeseung had known the reason for Mugyeong’s erection, he would never have kindly directed him to the bathroom.
There are moments like that in life. If Mugyeong had known in advance that he would awaken to the pain of love, he would never have broken that taboo in the pungent heat that Haeseung had left behind.
“Was that your first time masturbating too, by any chance?”
Mugyeong asked in a deliberately light tone. But inside, he felt extremely heavy, afraid that Haeseung might cast him a look of contempt.
“Well, I suppose so.”
Haeseung replied ambiguously and laughed awkwardly. His expression seemed to say, “We’re not in a position to have this kind of conversation, are we?”
If Mugyeong’s memory was correct, Haeseung never participated in group porn viewings after that day. Naturally, Mugyeong didn’t need to either. The two had always been like that. If Haeseung was about to do something Mugyeong didn’t like, he couldn’t stop him, but he could stay by his side like a shadow. This was possible because Haeseung’s world was predictable, narrow, and shared with Mugyeong.
“I want dumplings.”
The topic that Mugyeong had managed to change reverted back to dumplings. Perhaps his expression looked quite desperate, because Haeseung’s eyes wavered. Evidence that his heart was wavering.
Mugyeong got off the bed, supported himself on his uninjured foot, and moved to sit in the wheelchair.
“Where are you going?”
“To buy soup dumplings.”
“Hey! Are you crazy?”
Haeseung hurriedly got off the bed and blocked Mugyeong’s way with his crutches. He looked ready to swing those crutches if Mugyeong crossed the line. Mugyeong had no intention of getting beaten up just for dumplings. He smiled brightly and said:
“Get dressed. Let’s at least go for a walk. I’m dying of boredom.”
Haeseung hesitated but soon nodded with determination and strode ahead with his crutches. Mugyeong remained still. When Haeseung couldn’t hear Mugyeong following, he stopped at the doorway and looked back.
“What are you doing? You said let’s go out.”
“It’s cold outside. Put on some clothes.”
“It doesn’t matter. We can’t go outside the hospital anyway.”
Saying that, Haeseung left first. Mugyeong, who followed after, was caught by a nurse before he could go even 5 meters and was interrogated. While Mugyeong was being interrogated, Haeseung leisurely disappeared into the elevator. The nurse personally pushed the wheelchair and restored Mugyeong to his room.
About 20 minutes later, Haeseung returned to the room with a transparent plastic bag hanging from his wrist. Mugyeong immediately recognized what it was and brightened up.
“Did you buy dumplings?”
“Don’t get excited. I bought them for myself. You can just watch.”
Haeseung sat on a stool instead of the bed. Mugyeong rolled his wheelchair over and came close to Haeseung, swallowing his saliva. Haeseung, who had placed the container on his knees, looked at Mugyeong intently before opening the lid.
“Kang Mugyeong.”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to eat it?”
“Yes. I want to eat it.”
“You don’t need to be so polite. It’s not like such a thing would change my mind.”
Mugyeong became embarrassed. Haeseung’s tone sounded stiff, which made it even more so.
“Then what would change your mind?”
“Guess whether there are kimchi dumplings or meat dumplings in here.”
“If I guess right, will you give me some?”
“Yes.”
Mugyeong mobilized his sense of smell. It seemed like there might be a kimchi smell mixed in, but maybe not. He heard Haeseung clear his throat warily as Mugyeong’s face drew closer to the container. Mugyeong raised his head with a face that showed he had no idea.
“Could it be half and half?”
“Did you just give your answer?”
“Wait! No. That wasn’t my answer.”
“Hurry up and tell me. The dumplings are getting cold.”
“Meat dumplings. No, I’ll change it. Kimchi dumplings.”
“Too bad. You’re wrong.”
While Mugyeong was bitterly regretting that he should have stuck with his first answer of meat dumplings, the lid opened. Mugyeong looked at the contents inside the container, then at Haeseung’s face, then back at the contents.
“What is this?”
“What else? Boiled eggs.”
Haeseung started tapping the egg against the metal frame of the bed to crack it, then began peeling. Mugyeong silently watched his serious hand movements. Haeseung offered the egg to Mugyeong, with tiny bits of shell stuck to it here and there like sesame seeds. It seemed like he wanted Mugyeong to eat it.
“Hey, there’s still shell all over—”
Haeseung stuffed the egg into Mugyeong’s mouth. Mugyeong chewed it diligently, occasionally hearing the crunching sound of the hard shells. Compared to this, the quail egg shells they had eaten at the seafood restaurant not long ago were mere dust. But somehow, it still tasted delicious.
“Is it good?”
“It’s delicious.”
“Should I peel another one for you?”
“Don’t you have any salt?”
“Stop complaining and just eat what you’re given.”
Tap, tap. The sound of eggs cracking was cheerful. Mugyeong, focusing on Haeseung’s long eyelashes that trembled slightly, said in a choked voice that he’d like some soda at least. Haeseung took out a drink from the refrigerator and gave it to him.
“You should eat too. No, let me peel one for you.”
Mugyeong started peeling a boiled egg for Haeseung with practiced form. As an athlete, boiled eggs were a very familiar staple in Mugyeong’s diet. Mugyeong handed Haeseung a flawless, gleaming egg. Haeseung bit it in half. Some yolk crumbs stuck to Haeseung’s lips, but he seemed completely unaware. Mugyeong reached out and wiped the crumbs off Haeseung’s lips with his thumb.
“What are you doing?”
Perhaps because Mugyeong suddenly touched his lips, Haeseung blushed to his ears and was flustered. To clear up Haeseung’s misunderstanding and help him understand, Mugyeong showed him the yolk crumbs on his thumb.
“This was on your lips.”
“Is it gone now?”
“Not yet. Hold still. Let me get the rest.”
Though there was actually nothing there, Mugyeong calmly lied and stroked Haeseung’s lips again with his thumb. They were soft. Familiar desire started to rear its head.
“That’s enough. I’ll do it myself.”
Detecting the subtly changed atmosphere, Haeseung grabbed Mugyeong’s wrist with a stiff face, trying to shake off his hand. Mugyeong ignored this and continued to caress Haeseung’s lips, resisting with his strength. Mugyeong looked deep into Haeseung’s wavering eyes and said softly:
“Let my lips do what my hand is doing.”
Haeseung stared intently at Mugyeong with an unreadable blank gaze, then burst into a slight laugh.
“Looks like you’ve been reading some Shakespeare.”
“I have.”
“Move your hand. You’re not Romeo. And I’m not Juliet.”
“Right, they die young, don’t they? I should have used a different line.”
“You’re becoming funnier and funnier.”
Though he said it was funny, Haeseung wasn’t laughing at all. Mugyeong had no choice but to lower his hand. A soft sensation remained on his fingertips. It had long been Mugyeong’s habit to maintain and preserve the feeling of touching Haeseung, the sensation of contact with Haeseung’s body.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
