# Chapter 13
Haeseung woke up in a university hospital in Seoul exactly one day after the accident. He had been transferred to a nearby hospital in Gangwon Province right after the accident, and then moved again after emergency surgery.
The smell of disinfectant seeped into his nose, and a heavy pain in his left leg spread throughout his entire body. For a while, Haeseung couldn’t understand why he was in this state, but as he slowly blinked his eyes, the memory of the moment of the accident gradually returned. Just recalling that nightmarish moment brought extreme terror washing over him, and cold sweat broke out.
“Haeseung!”
It was his noona’s voice. Haeseung turned his head slightly to look at his noona, who was gazing down at him with eyes full of concern. Moisture began to fill her large eyes. Haeseung had never seen his noona’s face like this before.
“…Noona.”
“Yes, Haeseung.”
“What about Mugyeong?”
The moment he pronounced Mugyeong’s name, Haeseung’s heart raced. The feeling was an ominous one that Mugyeong might not be safe. His eyes burned as if scalded, and his forehead throbbed. The tears streaming down his noona’s cheeks amplified the sense of foreboding. Haeseung tried hard to push away negative thoughts and waited for his noona’s answer. His noona hesitated to respond. As he waited, Haeseung became increasingly uncertain whether he wanted to hear the answer or not.
“He’s in surgery.”
“…How badly is he injured?”
“…”
“Is he injured worse than me?”
“Yes, a little bit.”
Haeseung quickly checked his own condition. His left leg was in a cast, and his upper body seemed to have no major issues. When he raised his hand to touch his face, he felt gauze on his forehead. Relief washed over him that his injuries weren’t too severe. Haeseung wanted to believe that Mugyeong’s injuries weren’t much different from his own.
Haeseung raised his upper body. Various muscles ached, but it was bearable. Even if the pain were unbearable, he wasn’t in a position to worry about such things. Haeseung had something he needed to do right away.
“Noona. Please take me to the operating room where Mugyeong is.”
“You shouldn’t leave your bed for a while.”
“I’m fine, better than I thought. Don’t worry.”
His noona must have pressed the nurse call button, because a nurse came into the room just then. After confirming that Haeseung had regained consciousness, the nurse called the attending physician. The doctor examined Haeseung’s condition and rapidly issued several precautions in a stern voice, emphasizing finally that Haeseung absolutely must not leave the room until permission was granted, before disappearing with the nurse. His noona patted Haeseung’s deflated shoulders.
“Mugyeong will be fine.”
For the next three days, Haeseung’s parents and noona took turns caring for him in three shifts. Two days earlier, Haeseung had received the devastating news that Mugyeong had been in a coma since the accident. Haeseung had turned pale and caused a commotion, insisting he had to see Mugyeong immediately, but the only response was that it wasn’t possible yet. Haeseung instinctively sharpened his suspicion. It seemed like the reason he couldn’t go to Mugyeong wasn’t simply concern for his physical condition. It felt like there was a hidden intention to prevent him from meeting Mugyeong.
Haeseung refused even to eat, expressing his strong desire to see Mugyeong, but was told that such behavior would only delay the day he could see Mugyeong. So he had no choice but to be a well-behaved, obedient patient. Time passed excruciatingly slowly.
And finally, starting today, visits were permitted. Haeseung had tossed and turned all night and woken up from a light sleep before dawn, then stared at the clock until 11 a.m., the ICU visiting hours.
“It’s time. Give me my crutches.”
His noona made a face as if she was fed up with Haeseung’s severity and took the crutches out of the cabinet. Haeseung almost snatched them from her. Thanks to pacing around his room for exercise, Haeseung had become quite familiar with the crutches. However, he had to surrender them mercilessly when it wasn’t the designated time, so he couldn’t dream of escaping in the meantime.
“I’ll go with you.”
“No. Noona, stay here. I’m going alone.”
“It’s on the sixth floor.”
Haeseung nodded. He didn’t want his noona to accompany him for fear he might burst into tears the moment he saw Mugyeong. His noona, seeing right through his thoughts, probably agreed to stay behind for that reason. She kindly opened the door and patted Haeseung’s back reassuringly, as if soothing a child.
Since Haeseung’s general ward was on the fourth floor, he needed to take the elevator to reach the ICU on the sixth floor. When he got off on the sixth floor, Haeseung took a small gulp. A chilling sensation crept up his spine, coexisting with an inexplicable heat. The atmosphere on the sixth floor was quite different from the fourth. Haeseung felt that the difference came from the “desperate longing” of guardians waiting for critically ill patients to wake up as soon as possible. With a stiff expression from tension, Haeseung moved forward on his crutches.
Haeseung’s eyes met those of Mugyeong’s mother, who was sitting on a waiting chair. He bowed his head deeply and approached her. He almost reflexively greeted her with a casual “hello,” but quickly realizing it was inappropriate, he carefully began to speak.
“Um, Mother…”
“You’ve come.”
“Yes. I came to see Mugyeong.”
“Yes. Go in first.”
“Thank you.”
Haeseung put on hygienic clothes and a mask and entered the ICU. The smell of disinfectant was so strong that he couldn’t detect Mugyeong’s unique scent. The moment he saw the complex machinery, the electrocardiogram monitor, and the oxygen respirator covering Mugyeong’s face, the tears he had been holding back burst forth.
‘You think accidents won’t happen just because you’re careful? Someone could drive the wrong way toward us.’
It was definitely a collision with a car driving in the wrong direction. The guilt that his thoughtlessly uttered words had been executed like a prophecy, resulting in such a tragic outcome, had been tormenting Haeseung for the past few days. As he shed endless tears, an uncontrollable sense of self-blame completely engulfed him. Perhaps the reason Haeseung had been holding back his tears all this time was to see Mugyeong’s condition with his own eyes and fully feel that guilt. For that reason, Haeseung couldn’t dare to imagine Mugyeong’s condition on his own, using his anxiety as material. He just needed to see Mugyeong in person like this.
“Kang Mugyeong…”
Mugyeong lay motionless like a plant. Strangely enough, Haeseung couldn’t remember at all the way Mugyeong used to shine with overflowing vitality. He couldn’t even recall Mugyeong’s voice. Haeseung just shed tears blankly, not knowing what to do, and didn’t even notice the presence of Mugyeong’s mother who had come in later. When the visiting time ended, she took Haeseung outside the ICU.
“Mugyeong will be fine.”
Mugyeong’s mother said. Haeseung had heard similar words from someone before. Everyone was telling Haeseung that Mugyeong would be fine. It seemed like the whole world, except for himself, was saying Mugyeong would be fine. Haeseung silently dropped tears.
“Are you feeling alright?”
“…Yes.”
“Don’t worry too much. I believe Mugyeong’s father will protect him.”
With her gaunt face, she let out a small sigh and added as if talking to herself:
“Surely heaven can’t be that indifferent.”
When Haeseung returned to his room on the fourth floor with swollen eyes, his noona was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like she had deliberately left to give him space. It was a two-person room, but the adjacent bed was still empty. Haeseung was alone in the room. Nevertheless, he pulled the blanket over his head and cried quietly, afraid someone might hear. An indescribable fear, as if half of his body had been cleanly sliced away, gripped the nape of his neck.
***
Haeseung woke up to a deafening boom. He got up and looked around. A familiar scene that had almost disappeared into the depths of his memory unfolded before his eyes. This was a small room inside a Hapkido academy. The place where the master lived, ate, and slept. And the place where Mugyeong and Haeseung spent time whenever they had the chance. Haeseung was now dreaming of when he was nine years old. No. Having just woken up from sleep, it might not be a dream. When had he fallen asleep? He couldn’t see the master and Mugyeong who had been in this room with him until just now.
He heard a sharp, breaking sound. The sound was similar to an explosion. Haeseung smelled a toxic odor that made him feel like he was suffocating. His consciousness rapidly became foggy, but Haeseung barely held onto his senses.
It was early July, an extremely hot summer day. But this feeling wasn’t the simple heat that Haeseung had experienced in his nine years of life. It was a terrible, overwhelming heat that felt like his flesh was sizzling. Spicy smoke invaded his nose and mouth. Haeseung crawled on the floor toward the door, violently coughing as if about to vomit out his internal organs. He touched the doorknob but screamed and retreated at a pain that felt like his flesh was being torn off. With a blank face, Haeseung looked down at his burnt hand and then sobbed desperately with trembling lips.
‘Mugyeong… where are you…? Master… please save me…’
What on earth was happening? The words “please save me” that he had uttered were fully conveyed to Haeseung’s own ears. He wanted to live. He had to live. Haeseung took off the shirt he was wearing, wrapped it around the doorknob, and opened the door. Hell, where crimson flames danced madly, unfolded before his eyes. The moment he stepped into that hell, a fireball fell from the ceiling onto Haeseung’s back. Haeseung reflexively jumped back into the room, screaming and rolling on the floor. As he rolled, Haeseung realized that the outside was much more dangerous than this place, which he had thought was dangerous.
‘Please save me.’
The sound of sirens held onto Haeseung’s consciousness as he was about to faint. Haeseung screamed for help until his throat felt like it was tearing. How much time passed? The door was smashed open, and two people in orange uniforms entered the room.
‘Save the child first! Be careful, he has burns on his back! Haeseung! Haeseung! You can’t lose consciousness!’
Someone shouted Haeseung’s name, and another person lifted up Haeseung, who was having severe seizures. The man who shouted Haeseung’s name until his throat might burst, telling him not to lose consciousness, was Mugyeong’s father, but Haeseung was in no state to recognize him, so he only learned that fact later. Mugyeong’s father sprayed white powder in the air to create an escape route, and the other firefighter who had lifted Haeseung closely followed behind Mugyeong’s father. The Hapkido academy was on the second floor. And on the same floor, there was a woodworking studio. In front of the stairs, Mugyeong’s father shouted:
‘Take the kid outside! I’ll check if there are any survivors in there and then come!’
Toward the studio, fiercer flames than those in the Hapkido academy were raging, incomparable in intensity. It was a pit of fire itself. When the firefighter carrying Haeseung stepped toward the stairs, Haeseung craned his neck backward and saw the back of Mugyeong’s father entering the studio. And Haeseung witnessed the horrific sight of burning wooden materials piled against the corridor wall collapsing all at once, engulfing Mugyeong’s father’s body.
‘Mister… the mister…!’
Haeseung squeezed out a hoarse voice that barely came out, but in the pandemonium, that thin voice didn’t reach the ears of the firefighter carrying him.
When they got outside, the moment Haeseung saw Mugyeong running toward them with a face covered in tears, he helplessly lost consciousness. Although he absolutely had to tell them that the mister inside the building was in danger, Haeseung never got to say those words.
***
Haeseung woke up from his sleep, this time truly, with tears in his eyes. The beige hospital curtain came into view. Perhaps due to the cold sweat soaking his back, he felt a chilling coldness. Haeseung slowly got up. His dazed mind was still unable to escape from the dream. New tears welled up violently, like fresh blood.
Eleven years ago, if he hadn’t lost consciousness, or even if he had managed to warn about the mister being in danger before losing consciousness, the mister might have survived. The tragedy of Mugyeong losing his father might not have happened.
Haeseung buried his face in his hands. The guilt of having taken away Mugyeong’s father and now driving Mugyeong himself to the brink of death pierced his heart like an awl.
What would be best for Mugyeong? Haeseung curled up tightly, embracing a problem with no answer.
Should he give Mugyeong his heart if Mugyeong asked for it, his body if Mugyeong asked for it? Should he follow whatever Mugyeong wanted? Haeseung, endlessly wavering, haphazardly made the decision to accept Mugyeong, then demolished that decision, repeating this cycle numerous times.
Haeseung shook his head vigorously. No. Accepting Mugyeong would merely be sympathy wielded to lighten his own burden, a petty and foolish hypocrisy. It wasn’t enough that he had taken Mugyeong’s father away; he mustn’t also take away Mugyeong’s chance at a smooth life where he could form a happy family.
Haeseung stretched out his curled-up body and firmly resolved. When Mugyeong woke up, he would make sure Mugyeong could decisively give up on him.
‘I’ll make it make sense, from now on. I’ll work hard for it.’
Mugyeong’s words, like a declaration of war, echoed in his mind. The outline of what he needed to do became clearer. Haeseung concluded that all he had to do was make an effort in the exact opposite direction of whatever effort Mugyeong intended to make.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
