I looked up at the ceiling and saw cold air coming out of the air conditioner. I was sitting in a spot where I had to feel the cold air directly. With a gloomy mood, I looked around. The classroom was full of TOEIC students, and the only empty seat was next to me. Since it was just as cold there as it was here, I couldn’t move and just shrank back.
The professor took the microphone and began calling the attendance of the 150 students. Ugh, it was too cold. If only I had worn one more layer. Just as I was rubbing my arms to get rid of the goosebumps from the cold, a smooth windbreaker was placed on my head.
I grabbed the windbreaker that was slipping down. It was black. When I looked up, I saw a familiar face. Lee Heon, who had smiled down at me, asked for permission, got up from the back row, moved to the row where I was sitting, and plopped down next to me.
“Heon?”
“Long time no see, hyung. You looked cold, so put it on.”
“……What about you?”
“I’m fine.”
You look colder than me. I stared blankly at the thin white T-shirt he was wearing, then turned my head away, pretending not to notice. For now, it was more important that I was cold, so I spread the windbreaker over my top. The goosebumps subsided. I felt a bit better.
I turned to look at Heon, who was staring at me with a smiling face, and awkwardly smiled back. Heon kept glancing at me as if he had something to say until all the names on the attendance list were called. Finally, unable to stand watching him fidget with his fingers on the chair, I turned my head and asked him,
“Something to say?”
“Why haven’t you been coming to the club lately?”
“It was exam period.”
“You don’t look like you study that hard.”
“Oh, correct. But this time, I had to study hard. It was a group project.”
“Hmm.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t bring my book. Can I look at yours?”
“Ah.”
So that was why he had been staring. Uncomfortable. As I took out the book, I pondered what this uncomfortable feeling was. It was only later that I realized Heon was also gay. Right. Heon was gay. Moreover, he was the lover of Hae-joon sunbae, whom Jin-wook had warned me about. Then Heon would know why Jin-wook hated Hae-joon. I couldn’t manage my expression well as I found an unexpected connection.
With a dubious expression, I opened the book, and the class began. The professor didn’t seem to have any intention of ending early just because it was the first day, and I couldn’t concentrate on the class because I kept checking my phone for the time or watching Heon. Well, I wasn’t interested in studying in the first place. My concentration was worse than an elementary school student’s.
On the other hand, Heon, sitting next to me and looking at the same book, had amazing concentration. I tried to concentrate like him. Uh, honestly, maybe because he was so focused, by the time the class was ending, I was half-asleep and suddenly opened my eyes. There was drool on my lips. As I wiped it away and looked up, half of the class had already left the lecture hall.
“……What, when did it end?”
“About 10 minutes ago.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You looked tired. Hyung, can I lend you my notes?”
“……Then, thanks.”
Heon’s uniquely gentle and friendly atmosphere made people feel at ease. He opened his notebook and showed it to me, and I copied it into my book. Since I had fallen asleep, I was worried, but it seemed that on the first day, they had mostly studied easy grammar that I already knew theoretically.
I pressed the back of the mechanical pencil hard, then asked casually about something that had been on my mind for a while.
“How’s your love life?”
“……Huh?”
“Ah, no, um. Sorry.”
“…….”
I hadn’t intended to ask so directly. Maybe because I had been worried about the stalker issue for weeks, I had been too hasty, thinking Heon might provide an answer. But I didn’t intend to explain my stalker situation to him before talking, but I had expected that Heon, who was dating Hae-joon sunbae, whom Jin-wook had called crazy, might know something.
It must have felt bad. When I looked up after putting down the pencil I had been writing with, I saw Heon’s stiff expression, similar to the one he had when we first met and he openly disliked me. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it. To change the subject, I put the finished notes away in my bag and mumbled,
“Just…… ah, just asking.”
“Hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask why you’re asking that?”
“No……. Can’t I ask how my dongsaeng’s love life is going……?”
“I don’t have a lover.”
“……What?”
“I don’t have a lover.”
“Then…… ah. Then what about Hae-joon sunbae? You two ki…….”
Kissed, didn’t you? I stopped talking because Heon’s atmosphere was colder than I thought. “Cha Hae-joon and I are nothing.”
***
The memory was completely gone. This situation could only be understood that way. “It’s heavy…….”
I placed my hand on the man’s forearm to remove the heavy thing on my stomach. The man buried his face in the nape of my neck. As soon as I opened my eyes, I had to face the man’s neat crown, and I blinked my heavy eyelids, smelling the cozy baby powder scent.
I slowly retraced my memories before falling asleep. The last thing I remembered was the man untying my wrists. Then he brought me cocoa with a gentle look, and I realized that his actions were underpinned by disgusting affection.
And……. And……. And…….
And what happened?
I couldn’t remember. It was as if that part had been cut out and removed, and nothing came to mind. This wasn’t the first time. Once before, a part of my memory had disappeared as if deleted from my brain. It was right before I was imprisoned here. I couldn’t remember anything about the situation before being imprisoned here, except that I was a third-year university student and that I had been stalked.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
