62.
After eating their fill, they left the shop and strolled around the neighborhood. Haseo didn’t get the answer he wanted from Mujin today. Despite seeing his evasiveness, Haseo couldn’t find the courage to ask again. That made his current behavior even more confusing.
‘This feels like a date.’
That thought occurred to Haseo, who had never been on a date in his life. As they walked, Mujin suddenly entered a shop that had just opened its doors. Haseo looked at the sign and at Mujin in confusion before following him inside. It was a liquor store. Though they couldn’t drink inside, the store displayed various alcohols by region.
“Is there anything you’d like to drink?”
At Mujin’s question, Haseo stared at him blankly.
“But you told me not to drink.”
“I told you not to drink elsewhere. It’s fine when you’re with me.”
How shameless. Haseo couldn’t fully rejoice at Mujin’s words.
“Then I’ll take this.”
Haseo chose a blue liquor with visible gold dust in it. When shaken, it resembled a beautiful night sky. He chose it without knowing how it tasted.
“Choose more.”
Besides that, he picked sweet-tasting liquors. After buying several bottles, the bags became quite heavy, but Mujin was the one carrying them. He returned to the department store, thoroughly bought snacks to go with the alcohol, and then got in the car with Haseo.
Alcohol, suddenly. Haseo couldn’t understand what Mujin was thinking. After arriving home, showering, and changing clothes, Haseo sat at the table where the alcohol and snacks were laid out. And he began drinking with Mujin.
The first drink was the one he had chosen first, and it tasted as good as it looked. Not knowing much about alcohol, he was satisfied with any sweet-tasting liquor. As they drank, Mujin spoke first.
“I know your parents left when you were young.”
Though he had never spoken about his family, Haseo wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t the first time he’d been investigated. Haseo held his glass and blinked. What did Mujin want to know?
“How was it?”
“My parents?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you suddenly curious about that?”
“There are things you can’t know just from reading words on paper. Human emotions can’t be fully expressed in writing.”
Haseo slowly lowered his eyes.
“It’s not difficult to tell you, but am I the only one sharing?”
“Do you want to hear my story too?”
“Yes.”
At the firm answer, Mujin laughed lightly.
“My parents were ordinary human garbage.”
At Mujin’s answer, Haseo’s drink went down the wrong way, and he broke into a fit of coughing.
“Cough, cough!”
Who would openly call their parents human garbage? As Haseo was taken aback, Mujin pulled out a tissue and handed it to him. The coughing finally subsided after a while.
“…Human garbage?”
“My mother was addicted to gambling, and my father was obsessed with women and was always out. I was their only child, but they paid no attention to me. If the elderly landlady hadn’t provided minimal help, I probably would have died.”
The landlady wasn’t particularly kind-hearted, but she wasn’t the type to watch a child die from neglect. She didn’t care much as he grew older, but she helped quite a bit when he was a baby.
“I see.”
How can there be so many bad people in the world? At the very least, if you have a child, shouldn’t you take responsibility for that life? The more he thought about it, the more he sighed.
“Mine wasn’t much different. The only difference was that my father was addicted to gambling.”
His father thought that just one success at the gambling table would lift him out of his miserable life. But how could that be easy?
‘Those crazy bastards! They must have rigged it against me!’
He would say things like that and cause a disturbance at home. If his father’s words were true, the ones at fault were others, but he took his anger out on his weak mother and Haseo. At such times, his mother would hold Haseo close, curl up, and wait for his father’s anger to pass. Still, the beginning was better.
As the debts piled up, his father became more violent.
“As he kept losing at gambling, the debts accumulated, and even when he won, it wasn’t enough. As we fell deeper into debt, everyone around us drifted away.”
The only people left were those filled with malice, trying to collect debts. They frequently visited the house to demand payment. That must have driven his mother crazy.
“Around when I was five, my mother left home.”
That day, the meal was more delicious than usual. With money from who knows where, there was even meat on the table. His mother, unlike her usual self, smiled and treated him kindly, then disappeared in the evening.
“Don’t you resent your mother?”
“I’m not sure. I did resent her when I was young, but as I grew up and thought about it, I came to understand.”
After his mother left, it was only a few weeks before his father stopped coming home too. The rent was overdue, and the house was only visited by debt collectors.
“As time passed, even the debt collectors stopped coming.”
He remembered what the last person to leave had said:
‘Poor thing. I should stop coming now. There’s no way to get money from this house. Besides, you look like you’ll die soon.’
Clicking his tongue, he handed Haseo a cream-filled bread that looked like it was bought from a convenience store.
‘If it’s really hard to live, go find an orphanage or something.’
The landlady was the same. She offered to take him to an orphanage if it was difficult for him to go alone, but Haseo refused. At that time, he might have still thought his mother and father would return. When told not to be stubborn and to leave immediately, he held onto the doorknob, crying and resisting.
That’s when his grandmother appeared.
“Oh my, child!”
She rushed over and held Haseo’s hand tightly. She was a kind person who didn’t seem like she could have given birth to such a worthless father.
“Come with Grandma.”
His grandmother paid the overdue rent with money she had saved, packed a few of Haseo’s clothes, and left that place. The house where his grandmother lived was older and smaller than the one Haseo had been staying in. Yet, strangely, his heart felt at ease.
The meal consisted only of rice, kimchi, and fried eggs, but it was delicious. After eating his fill and nodding off from the oncoming drowsiness, she laid out bedding in the corner for him. Unlike his previous home with its strange smell, this place was different. His grandmother’s scent was cozy and warm. Haseo defined that as happiness.
“I see.”
Mujin, who had been listening to Haseo’s story, nodded.
“Then what about your father? Do you feel the same emotions toward him as your mother?”
“I’m not sure.”
His father and mother were different.
“I hated my father.”
Haseo looked at Mujin, who spoke of his hatred so calmly, then drank the rest of his alcohol in one go.
“I dislike him. I hate him. I never wanted to see him again, and there were times when I wished he was dead. But you know.”
“But what?”
“Even such a person was my grandmother’s son.”
Though his grandmother would curse his father, she sometimes missed him. Haseo had witnessed such moments. He loved his grandmother dearly, but that might not have been enough for her.
“They say you naturally love a child you’ve borne with pain. So my grandmother must feel the same. Though I despise and hate my father, if he’s alive, I wish he would come to see my grandmother.”
Even though his grandmother wouldn’t wake up no matter how hard Haseo called her, it might be different if his father appeared.
“Of course, if he really showed up, things would get complicated. But still.”
He didn’t think his father would have become diligent by now. There was a high possibility that he was still addicted to gambling and in debt. But if his grandmother could wake up from meeting him…
“That’s one perspective.”
Saying this, Mujin poured more alcohol into Haseo’s glass. Haseo downed that in one go too. Though the alcohol content was low, the effects were starting to set in.
“Everyone thinks differently.”
Saying that, Haseo reached out and lightly tapped the back of Mujin’s hand.
“But you’ve done well. You’ve done great.”
At this encouraging voice, Mujin looked at Haseo with an expression of disbelief. But Haseo didn’t stop what he was doing.
“Just surviving this far is an achievement for us.”
With such parents, they had still managed to grow up. Although neither had become a proper person, they had survived. So they had done well. Under the influence of alcohol, Haseo continued to praise Mujin.
“You really did well.”
“Your drinking habits are something else.”
Despite saying this, Mujin didn’t reject Haseo’s touch. Liking that, Haseo smiled broadly. When Mujin first suggested drinking together, he had been suspicious. But thinking about it now, it wasn’t a bad idea.
He had poured out feelings that he had kept deeply hidden all this time, and he had also heard Mujin’s story. He wondered if he could be happy about getting closer, but he liked it.
“Then, shall we toast for the next glass?”
Haseo filled Mujin’s glass to the brim and filled his own as well. As he raised his glass high, Mujin reluctantly clinked his glass against Haseo’s.
He pretends not to care, but he gives me everything I want. What a strange person. Even though he doesn’t like me. Haseo thought this as he sipped the new alcohol.
“Eat some snacks too.”
“Yeeees!”
Haseo smiled brightly as he speared a neatly cut sausage with his fork.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
