Chapter 201
However, the words lingering on the tip of his tongue ultimately failed to come out. Tae-geon couldn’t bring himself to use that card he had kept as a last resort for this moment.
If forgiveness were that easy and simple, it would be an insult to his past self who had no choice but to let go of Hyeon-woo.
Hyeon-woo silently watched Tae-geon, who had lowered his head. This wasn’t the first time he had witnessed Tae-geon like this. No, it had happened countless times.
Hyeon-woo now seemed to understand why that persistent gaze, which had been so focused on him that it was hard to believe Tae-geon couldn’t see, would suddenly wither away with heat and sparkle.
The attitude that seemed to assume there was an end to their relationship, the face that would become heartbreaking as if seeking forgiveness, the lips that would move as if there was something to say but ultimately close shut – they were all the same as now.
You must have sensed that we would face this moment someday, that it was inevitable. This approaching moment must have been frightening not just for me, but for you too.
The dim moonlight settled on Tae-geon’s shoulders. With that pale light on his back, Tae-geon looked terribly burdened and heavy.
Hyeon-woo’s gaze shifted to Tae-geon’s pale hand, anxiously gripping the sheet. Hyeon-woo felt a familiar sense of déjà vu from Tae-geon, who couldn’t even look him in the eye due to overwhelming guilt.
‘Can’t I atone even like this?’
‘…Can’t I stay by your side, even like this?’
That pleading voice towards him reminded Hyeon-woo of his own past, when he had barely found meaning in survival at the boundary between life and death.
Those terrible days when living didn’t feel like living. Hyeon-woo saw his past self overlapping with Tae-geon’s figure – the time when he had sought purpose in life by dedicating his remaining years to Jerome, trying to shake off the guilt over Jamie who had died in his place.
Have you also been in hell all this time?
He should have been indignant. He should have hated Tae-geon, saying that because of him, his parents had died unjustly, that if it weren’t for him, Jamie wouldn’t have been driven to death, and his life wouldn’t have become so miserable.
He should have transferred all responsibility to Tae-geon and felt somewhat relieved from the guilt weighing him down. He should have tried to escape this pain alone, leaving Tae-geon behind. But strangely, he didn’t feel like doing so.
Hyeon-woo was confused. While he felt resentful and bitter towards Tae-geon, he also wanted to hear Tae-geon’s story – how he had suffered like himself, how he had endured that time, what he had been doing to atone. He wanted to know that he wasn’t alone in this terrible hell.
Eventually, Hyeon-woo’s voice settled near Tae-geon’s ear.
“Tell me everything. In a way I can understand.”
At this voice, which was neither the expected rebuke nor resentment, Tae-geon lifted his head towards Hyeon-woo. Hyeon-woo steadily met Tae-geon’s gaze, which was cautiously examining him as if to confirm whether he had heard correctly.
“Explain to me properly how our parents got involved, and who the forces trying to frame you are.”
“……”
It was a moment he had imagined hundreds, thousands of times in his head. Despite facing this moment that had repeatedly broken him down each time he imagined it, unlike what he had expected, Hyeon-woo’s voice asking to hear his story while calmly meeting his eyes, without pushing him away, rejecting him, or showing contempt, made one side of his chest ache.
Even though he hadn’t been forgiven yet, just the fact that Hyeon-woo had decided to listen to his story filled Tae-geon with indescribable emotion.
Their gazes intertwined. It was a gaze as calm and quiet as a river, neither sharp towards each other nor tense with tension.
After a long time of choosing his words, trying to figure out where to start the story he had kept buried in his heart alone for so long, Tae-geon finally spoke.
“…Have you ever thought about why the proportion of Omegas is overwhelmingly high among patients suffering from cancer or autoimmune diseases in their later years?”
At this unexpected question, Hyeon-woo shook his head.
“It’s the side effects of existing suppressants. Thoroughly intended by the forces I mentioned earlier.”
Hyeon-woo’s face was struck with shock at these words. These were diseases that required enormous costs for treatment and had low cure rates, sucking patients and their families dry to the bone, banking on their desperate need for a cure.
That the unusually high incidence rate among Omegas was all intentional…? And because of suppressants? A chill ran down his spine.
“…When did you find out about this?”
“When I was in high school.”
“……”
“So, to say this now….”
Tae-geon’s brow furrowed slightly as he paused. Feeling pathetic for saying such things, he briefly averted his gaze, but after silently resolving something, his eyes returned to Hyeon-woo.
He didn’t know when he would have another chance to show his true feelings if not now. When death had been right in front of him, Tae-geon had deeply regretted not being honest with himself and Hyeon-woo. He didn’t want to repeat the foolish act of missing opportunities and regretting later for not revealing the feelings he had kept hidden, the truth he should have told.
“I was angry that you hid your Omega manifestation from me and spent your heat cycle with another Alpha. But on the other hand, I was relieved that you hadn’t taken suppressants.”
“……”
“For the first time in my life, I felt satisfied with my trait, knowing I could fulfill the pheromones you needed.”
Tae-geon’s gaze softly and warmly traced Hyeon-woo’s face, as if caressing something precious.
“And I made a promise. To free you from the discrimination and contempt you’d have to unfairly endure for being an Omega. To make the world feel a little safer for you.”
“……”
“…After you manifested as an Omega, that became my only goal.”
At those last words, unable to hide his bewilderment, Ju-on’s voice quickly flashed through Hyeon-woo’s mind.
‘Why did Tae-geon, who despised Omegas so much, stake his life on developing suppressants?’
‘The reason why, among all his businesses, he put all his efforts into developing safe and powerful suppressants without side effects.’
‘You know too.’
‘Who it was for.’
Feeling his throat dry up, he swallowed hard. What had he replied to that? Finally recalling the memory, Hyeon-woo tightly closed his eyes.
He had told him not to talk nonsense. He had scolded Ju-on, telling him to stop with his absurd sophistry. Claiming he would only believe what he had seen and experienced himself, he had erased all the stories Ju-on had told him from his mind.
After vowing to face Tae-geon as he was, without any distortion or misunderstanding, in order to move towards the truth, he had doubted him at every moment, distrusted him, and been on guard like a hedgehog bristling with quills, trying not to get hurt.
Was a piece of the devil’s mirror still lodged somewhere in his heart? Had it played tricks on him to make him feel all of Tae-geon’s actions as wicked and negative, to make him dislike and hate him?
Hyeon-woo shook his head slightly. He clenched his fist tightly, as if reproaching himself for trying to avoid his emotions again with empty excuses even at a moment like this. His palm was damp with cold sweat.
He had to admit it now, that he had been afraid.
Afraid that he might come to like him, that he might love him again with all his heart, that he might get hurt again because of him – he had pushed him away, bristling with quills out of fear of all those things.
“…So, you developed the new suppressant? Because of me?”
At Hyeon-woo’s question, Tae-geon awkwardly nodded. His heart started pounding wildly.
“…I…, I didn’t know.”
No, I didn’t want to know. I was scared. Because I knew this would happen. Because I knew my heart would beat like this for you again.
Hyeon-woo’s face looked pained, complexly entangled with various emotions. Tae-geon reached out and gently stroked Hyeon-woo’s head as if to comfort him.
“In the process of collapsing the suppressant cartel, there was friction with the existing power structures.”
A long story was about to begin.
The moonlight settling along the silhouettes of the two facing each other shone dimly.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
