Chapter 211
And he hated himself for it. He was sick of this heart that had only beaten for Tae-geon his entire life. Just like when he was engaged in a one-sided love, staring at Tae-geon’s back, he was disgusted with his own foolishness for not being able to let go of this feeling, even though loving him was still painful and agonizing.
Moreover, this feeling he harbored for him felt incredibly guilty towards his parents and Jamie.
His chest felt like it would burst, congested with a chaotic mix of resentment, hatred, and affection.
“Why can’t I control my own heart? You do whatever you want! Why can’t I even hate you as I please…?”
His fist pounded his chest furiously, as if trying to relieve the frustration. Red marks appeared on Hyeon-woo’s bare chest, likely to turn into bruises.
“Stop it, you’re hurting yourself.”
Tae-geon tried to restrain him by grabbing his wrist, but Hyeon-woo shook him off forcefully.
“Let go! This doesn’t hurt at all! The wounds you left on my heart hurt much more. I was never not in pain the entire time I was with you!”
“Then hit me instead.”
Tae-geon pulled Hyeon-woo’s hand and placed it on his own chest. Unable to contain his pent-up emotions, Hyeon-woo swung his fist hard towards Tae-geon’s chest. However, just before making contact, Hyeon-woo’s fist lost its strength and merely brushed against his chest before falling limply.
That was the end of it. Hyeon-woo couldn’t bring himself to actually hit Tae-geon, his fist just trembling in a tight ball. Tae-geon’s eyes, looking at Hyeon-woo with tenderness, began to mist over.
“…Tell me what I should do.”
Tae-geon pleaded, gripping both of Hyeon-woo’s wrists.
“I think I’m going crazy, Hyeon-woo.”
Tae-geon’s gaze at Hyeon-woo was intensely passionate.
“You’re so precious to me… I want to embrace you, cherish you, but when I think about you leaving me, my mind goes blank. I can’t control myself. My head is filled with nothing but the thought of having to possess you, I can’t think of anything else.”
“…”
“What am I supposed to do in this situation…? No one ever taught me about this.”
His eyes were filled with desperation as he looked at Hyeon-woo.
“You’ve always been the one to teach me everything, you’re the one who showed me the world. You’re the one who drove me crazy. So, tell me. What should I do, how should I do it?”
“…”
“…Please. Hyeon-woo.”
Tae-geon was afraid. Afraid that Hyeon-woo would leave him, that he would be abandoned.
His heart ached at the sincerity that reached him so poignantly.
In truth, he knew. That it was he who had pushed Tae-geon to his limit. That he had become so twisted because of him.
It was a terrible twist of fate. They were so incompatible. His heart throbbed with the pain of this feeling, this emotion, this relationship that only hurt each other. He felt sorry for Tae-geon, and at the same time, his heart was torn by Tae-geon’s dullness in not being able to let go of him despite such pain.
It’s all because of you. You keep doing this, and it hurts me too. You’re making it impossible for me to even hate you as I want to…!
“Don’t do anything. Don’t do anything at all.”
“…”
“Just leave me alone. Please…!”
Hyeon-woo said, trying to shake off his grabbed hands. But Tae-geon wouldn’t let go of the wrists he was holding.
“Let go!! Let this go! Why do you keep tormenting me!! Why do you keep hurting me! Why?!”
Tae-geon strongly pulled Hyeon-woo’s wrist, which was pouring out misdirected frustration, towards himself.
“…Why, you ask? Are you really asking because you don’t know…?”
A suppressed voice settled near Hyeon-woo’s ear as his body tilted towards Tae-geon.
“You know why I’m doing this. You already know everything!”
Tae-geon’s eyes, which had been full of moisture, were now flickering with intense flames. Discovering something about to burst out like lava from those eyes, Hyeon-woo shouted as if having a fit.
“Don’t!”
“…”
“Don’t say it!!”
However.
“I love you, Han Hyeon-woo.”
That one sentence from Tae-geon finally pierced his heart.
It felt like the ground he was standing on lurched greatly. His vision, the whole world, seemed to shake, threatening to collapse the self that was barely standing, trying not to fall.
He tried to bring him down with just that one sentence. All the anguish, pain, trials, and hurt that had tormented him so terribly were about to crumble as if they were nothing in the face of that one sentence.
He couldn’t accept it. This was cheating! This kind of thing, this kind of confession!
Hyeon-woo sharply retorted.
“Even if I deceive you?”
He knew well how much Tae-geon detested his lies. Of course.
He had rolled around with other alphas to hide the fact that he had presented as an omega, and even when he was pregnant with Tae-geon’s child, even when he was serving the blind Tae-geon in the mansion, he had deceived him with nothing but lies.
He was someone who had deceived Tae-geon several times because he couldn’t trust him. If he were Tae-geon, he would never forgive himself. He would surely be turned off.
“Even if I lie to you and deceive you again? Even then?!”
Hyeon-woo’s shouting voice was desperate. His vision blurred with tears, and he could no longer see Tae-geon’s face. His overheated mind went blank.
Like a desperate struggle to resist being submerged in a swamp from which one could never escape once fallen in, unrefined words poured out of Hyeon-woo’s mouth haphazardly.
“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t believe anything that comes out of my mouth anymore?! Right, you thought well! You’re right! I betrayed you again! I deceived you again!! When you find out what it is, you’ll surely be turned off! You hate me too! You’re sick of someone like me too…!”
However, the venomous confession couldn’t continue any further.
As if it didn’t matter at all about betrayal, deception, lies, and such things, a soft kiss landed on Hyeon-woo’s lips.
A kiss like spring sunshine continued on Hyeon-woo’s lips, which had turned pale as if hit by a severe cold wave in midwinter.
Gently holding the trembling lips, soothing and embracing, that affection began to melt something frozen inside Hyeon-woo.
As the lips parted, this time an unwavering, straight gaze reached Hyeon-woo. A voice without a trace of hesitation pierced his eardrum.
“I love you.”
Hyeon-woo’s eyes shook greatly. His heart felt like it would burst. Tae-geon’s confession flew hotly and lodged in Hyeon-woo’s heart, which was blurred with moisture, over and over again.
“I love you, Hyeon-woo.”
“…Hic…!”
“I love you.”
I love you.
Those three words completely conquered Hyeon-woo.
Unable to hold back the bursting tears, Hyeon-woo broke down in sobs. Tae-geon hugged him tightly.
In the gentle warmth that embraced him, in the familiar scent, in the broad embrace, Hyeon-woo felt a deep rest and peace that he hadn’t felt since being left alone with Jerome.
He thought it was a terrible twist of fate. A dreadful fate. But it was strange. If this was a terrible fate, he shouldn’t feel this way. His heart shouldn’t be racing like this at the confession of liking him, he shouldn’t feel this sense of relief in his arms. He shouldn’t be so happy about the fact that Tae-geon’s heart, which he was embracing, was beating just as passionately as his own.
Hyeon-woo ended up embracing Tae-geon, who had so easily brought him down. He strongly hugged back Tae-geon, who had hurt him and wounded him, yet whom he couldn’t help but love. Then, burying his face in Tae-geon’s shoulder, he endlessly poured out tears that wouldn’t stop.
After a long while, Hyeon-woo’s crying finally subsided.
With reddened eyes, Hyeon-woo, having barely caught his breath, emerged from Tae-geon’s embrace and met his gaze as if he had something to say.
Hyeon-woo’s lips moved several times as if he was struggling to speak, and Tae-geon waited calmly.
How much time had passed? Finally, Hyeon-woo’s mouth opened.
“…Jerome is not my biological child.”
Tae-geon’s eyes widened. Feeling like suppressed tears might burst out, Hyeon-woo strained his aching throat.
“But he is my child! Even though we don’t share a drop of blood, from the moment I put him on my family register, he became my child, no different from if I had given birth to him myself.”
“…”
Tae-geon’s surprised expression had now settled into a calm one. Even after the confession of the lie, his gaze towards Hyeon-woo remained unchanged, affectionate and gentle. Looking into Tae-geon’s eyes, Hyeon-woo thought about what might have happened if he had told the truth without lies from the beginning.
But he couldn’t be sure. Even if he could turn back time, without confirming even a bit of Tae-geon’s feelings for Jerome, could he have confessed that Jerome wasn’t his biological child?
Probably not.
It would have been impossible to reveal the truth about Jerome when he couldn’t be sure how Tae-geon would react to the fact that Jerome, who was more precious than his own life, who was his everything, was no longer his sole priority.
But now was different from then.
Because he had clearly seen with his own eyes Tae-geon throwing himself into the fire to protect his precious Jerome, because he had clearly felt Tae-geon’s sincerity in promising to protect what was precious to him from now on. And above all, because it was Tae-geon who had revealed his heart without hiding anything, saying he loved him, Hyeon-woo was now able to confess the truth about Jerome.
He could confess to Tae-geon, without lies, all the sins he had committed, the guilt he bore, the atonement he had to make.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
