Chapter 103
“There are omegas begging to be taken everywhere. If you thought I’d be hung up on someone like you forever, wake up now.”
Hyeon-woo’s fist trembled as he gripped the bed sheet.
…Was that the face he had worn? Even on that night when he was delirious with heat. Had he looked at me with such a cruel smirk and eyes colder and drier than the night desert while throwing me into Ju-on’s arms?
“……”
Hyeon-woo bit his lip hard.
His heart pounded violently, and hot blood rushed to his face. Shame washed over him for his foolishness all this time. All his attempts at revenge were based solely on his obsession with Tae-geon.
His attempts to upset Tae-geon through skinship with Ju-on, and his plans to hurt Tae-geon by leading himself to ruin, were all meaningless from the moment Tae-geon let go of his possessiveness over him.
…Used gum.
His lower body, ravaged by Tae-geon, cried out in terrible pain.
Right. If you had even a little affection for me, if you had respected me as a person even a little, you wouldn’t have treated me so carelessly like a toilet.
Hyeon-woo dropped his head to the floor and bitterly mocked himself. He could no longer hurt Tae-geon by making him watch his own miserable downfall.
He didn’t know any other alternative to hurt him except by mutilating the attachment doll that had been like salvation to Tae-geon. So it was meaningless to stick around under the pretext of revenge when Tae-geon said he no longer needed the attachment doll.
As this thought occurred to him, a sudden, deep sense of futility washed over him.
Even during the deepest despair when he was struggling desperately, the sun rose and seasons changed. While he was floundering in a hellish inferno that burned his bones, the world outside continued to turn exactly the same as before, unchanged in any way, if he just took one step back and looked around.
When the biting north wind that cut into his skin ceased, warm spring sunshine settled in as if nothing had happened, thawing the frozen ground. Even in those moments when he was struggling in despair, the world around him was shining with fullness. The resentment and helplessness that had rushed in at that time attacked Hyeon-woo once again at this moment.
As his existence, helplessly tossed about in the raging storm, suddenly seemed like a speck of dust floating in the vast universe, everything suddenly felt meaningless.
The desire for revenge, the obsession with resentment – everything felt empty and futile.
Hyeon-woo, who had been staring blankly at the floor with a dazed look, slowly raised his head to look at Tae-geon.
“…Fine.”
“……”
“This is more like you. I can accept it.”
Tae-geon felt an inexplicable anxiety at the sight of Hyeon-woo, who looked visibly tired as if he had given up.
“Give me that.”
Hyeon-woo reached out for the vial Tae-geon was holding.
Hyeon-woo remained silent for a long time, looking down at the brown vial he had received. Unlike Hyeon-woo, who was slowly sinking into calm after the violent storm had subsided, Tae-geon’s palm, which was clenching his fist as if anxious, was already soaked with cold sweat as he felt his heartbeat starting to race rapidly.
“Let me ask one thing.”
Hyeon-woo, with his head lowered, spoke in a low, subdued voice. Tae-geon’s shoulders tensed with nervousness.
“Speak.”
“Your words about stopping. Is my understanding correct?”
“……”
“Is it right that this ends everything between you and me completely?”
“…That’s right.”
“Don’t take it back.”
“I won’t. I can disappear right now if you want.”
“No, that won’t do.”
Hyeon-woo looked up with cold eyes and spoke sharply.
“I need to verify if what you’re saying is true, so you wait until the next heat cycle too. Once I confirm that the suppressants work properly, I’ll leave on my own.”
With those words, Hyeon-woo opened the vial and drank the colorless, odorless liquid in one gulp. He had thought he was a special case where suppressants didn’t work due to the mutation-like manifestation caused by pheromones.
But now that he had heard from Tae-geon himself that it was all his scheme, all he needed to do was verify whether this medicine that was supposed to cure it actually worked during the next heat cycle using suppressants.
It felt strange to think that there was an end point to this drawn-out relationship that had seemed endless.
After losing the child in his womb and falling willingly into hell, blinded by hatred, Hyeon-woo felt his head clear up as if doused with cold water at Tae-geon’s words comparing him to used gum.
What was all this revenge and hatred for?
Countless named emotions without a destination fell to the floor in disarray like marionettes with cut strings.
‘Let’s stop.’
‘Let’s stop now, Hyeon-woo.’
Tae-geon’s voice echoed repeatedly in his mind. Along with the sense of futility, an inexplicable feeling of liberation washed over his entire body. Liberation? Hyeon-woo laughed dejectedly. Perhaps he had been waiting for this moment, for an excuse to let go of all this.
‘Is this decision based on what your heart is saying, not your head?’
Suddenly, Ju-on’s voice asking that question came to mind.
What my heart wants.
The truth is.
I want to let go of everything.
I want to give up.
The hatred, the revenge.
I want to put it all down and let myself drift like floating dust, just going with the flow.
It wasn’t because he wanted to be happy. He was just tired. Holding on while gritting his teeth had reached its limit.
Realizing this fact, the fuel named revenge turned to ash in an instant and scattered. A deep sense of exhaustion overwhelmed his entire body. Hyeon-woo just stared blankly, like a bystander, at his own stale emotions being washed away without a trace, like a sandcastle crumbling under the incoming waves.
His depleted self felt like a pile of ashes that could no longer burn anything.
I want to scatter like this.
As if I never existed.
Without leaving a trace.
Completely.
The thought of wanting to disappear like that, like foam breaking and scattering in the waves, hit him intensely.
Yes. Let’s stop.
I’ll do as you say.
Let’s stop, Tae-geon.
*
Tae-geon, who had stayed at home for two more days including that day, throwing intense gazes at him as if trying to confirm something, stopped showing up starting from the third day.
For some reason, the afternoon naps that used to come easily wouldn’t visit him after taking the medicine Tae-geon had given him, forcing him to spend those times wide awake in the same space as Tae-geon, which felt like an eternal ordeal.
It was the time when new green buds were beginning to peek out one by one on the branches that had completely shed their pink petals. The chilly night wind had already changed into a warm breeze.
Sitting on a bench, Hyeon-woo absent-mindedly looked up at the dark night sky as he received and drank the water Ju-on handed him. The cloudy sky was filled with a faint halo around the moon.
The training with Ju-on had already passed well over a fortnight. Hyeon-woo smiled gently at Ju-on, who was praising himself, saying it was a natural result given how excellent a teacher he was and boasting about his skills, more pleased than anyone else at how adept Hyeon-woo had become at controlling his pheromones. He didn’t dislike Ju-on being so happy and proud over the fact that he had just become as proficient in control as others.
“Thank you for everything, Ju-on.”
On the way home, Hyeon-woo suddenly expressed his gratitude.
“…What’s this, all of a sudden?”
Ju-on raised one eyebrow and looked at Hyeon-woo with an expression as if he had discovered something suspicious.
“I’m thinking of going back home soon.”
“……!”
Ju-on’s eyes widened at the unexpected statement.
“I was able to get through these difficult times because of you.”
Hyeon-woo smiled bitterly as he watched Ju-on’s expression subtly change, and spoke again.
“Ju-on, I know it’s shameless, but can I ask one more favor?”
“You know it’s shameless, huh. What is it? Let me hear it first.”
“My parents probably think I’m sick.”
Just before leaving Tae-geon’s side, he had submitted a leave of absence citing health reasons. He had even sent emails about it to the professors, so they must firmly believe that there was an unspeakable problem with his well-being. It wasn’t wrong either. These were things he wouldn’t have experienced if he hadn’t manifested as an omega.
He planned to make them understand that it was a situation caused by his manifestation. That he couldn’t bear the sense of inadequacy and guilt for disappointing his parents by manifesting as an omega.
Moreover, since they knew better than anyone how he had come to hate omegas due to Tae-geon’s influence, he thought he could gain enough sympathy about the shock and despair of becoming the object of his own hatred.
However, it seemed a bit flimsy to say that he had returned after spending a considerable amount of time without proper accommodation or anyone’s help.
“Can you say that I was with you?”
“……”
“That I ran away from home and came to you with nowhere else to go, and you persuaded me and sent me back to my parents.”
“……”
“Can you do that for me?”
Ju-on, who had been listening to Hyeon-woo’s story silently, let out a low sigh and held his forehead. He hadn’t expected to confirm the truthfulness of his statement about not seeing Hyeon-woo as anything more than a younger brother in this way, and his mind was completely bewildered.
It seemed to be true that he had never considered him as an object of sexual desire, not even a little bit. Otherwise…
