#173
As soon as I said that, my head felt dizzy and I crashed my head and back against the sofa’s backrest. My head had been throbbing from crying so much earlier, and now with the sudden excitement, I felt lightheaded.
“Let’s rest a bit first before thinking,” Hyun Dowoon said decisively after coming over to check my condition. He then looked around and disappeared somewhere. Soon he reappeared with a cup full of cool water, seemingly brought from the kitchen, and handed it to me.
“Drink some water and calm down a bit.”
I took the cup and gulped down the water. Then Shin Haejun took the empty cup, placed it on the table, and pulled my arm to help me up.
“It would be better to rest a bit in the bedroom.”
I nodded at Shin Haejun’s words. It was clear that these two had nowhere else to go here. Besides, I needed to talk to this world’s Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon too… They would probably both come here. After all, they had tried so hard to prevent me from meeting these two.
‘Even if I go home, it would only buy a little more time.’
At most, it would only give us the time it takes for our paths to cross and for them to come back up to Seoul to my house. I understood this and nodded.
After deciding to rest, instead of going up to the bedroom, I had a meal to regain my strength and lounged a bit in the living room. To think I’m sharing these ingredients I thought I’d be eating alone with these two. After experiencing death once, I realized how precious these small everyday moments are.
‘Quite some time has passed, they should be coming soon…’
The reason I stayed sitting in the living room instead of going up to the bedroom to sleep was to wait for this world’s two to arrive. Knowing what I was waiting for while resting, Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon were also quietly sitting beside me, fiddling with my hands as they rested.
“They’re here,” Shin Haejun suddenly muttered. Hyun Dowoon’s eyes also opened wide. It seemed they heard something I couldn’t. As they said, after waiting a bit, the headlights of a car could be seen through the window.
With the sound of hurried footsteps, the front door rattled and then opened in one go. Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon with serious faces rushed into the villa.
“Are you okay?”
Shin Haejun, who had strode in, stopped abruptly upon seeing the two sitting next to me. Soon, the gazes of Shin Haejun and Shin Haejun, Hyun Dowoon and Hyun Dowoon met.
Seeing this, I-
***
I moved towards the bright light as if swimming underwater. It felt like being a salmon swimming against the current. As I followed the great stream containing my memories and my life, moments of what had happened to me came to mind one after another.
From the moment I vowed never to leave Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon’s side again, to the moment I left in frustration. The day I received my grade assessment. And going back much further, the day I learned of Kim Sehyun’s death. Even before that, the moment I realized I liked the two of them. The encounter with this world, which couldn’t have been more shocking in my life.
And the memories rewound further.
The moment I fell into the cold river. And just before that, the moment I watched the most beautiful fireworks in the world with Hyun Dowoon. The time when I was expecting to hear the words I wanted to hear. And even before that, the point where I became aware of my feelings for Hyun Dowoon. The guilt towards Shin Haejun who had been approaching me with straightforward feelings.
The first meeting that remained in my memory. The feel of the business card Hyun Dowoon handed me. The excitement of my first time living alone, the joy of getting into university, the times of studying hard, every moment of receiving my mother’s love, my childhood at the mansion with Shin Haejun.
And a bit more forward, forward, forward, the memories finally returned to the moment I was hit by a car while saving a student, and even before that, to the desperately lonely moments and the accident where I lost my family.
‘Both Lee Yeonsoo and Lee Jaeha were me.’
With this intense realization, I opened my eyes feeling dizzy, and saw the faces of four people looking down at me with worried expressions.
Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon, identical except for slightly different coloring. I had thought that this world’s Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon were ‘Lee Jaeha’s’ people. Even while dismissing all my memories as mere delusions, I couldn’t freely express my love to Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon for this reason.
However, at the same time, that Jaeha was also me. After recovering all my memories from the moment I was born and became aware of the world, I realized that both the two from this peaceful world and the two Espers with eyes shining like jewels were all my people.
I looked at Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon, who were worrying about me with tired faces, feeling a bit sad. Why had I lost the memories of growing up here? It was the time with the softest and best things among my three lives.
Just as Lee Yeonsoo’s life was full of loneliness and darkness, Lee Jaeha was sufficiently loved. Losing those memories and living the last Jaeha’s life as the depressed Yeonsoo was a very regrettable thing.
But at the same time, unfortunately for those two people… because of that, I became able to distinguish my emotions.
The days of love I felt for this world’s Hyun Dowoon were already a past memory. It had inevitably become the past.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But I already knew that I couldn’t give my whole heart to these two people. Because to me, it was already a past memory.
In the end, I had no choice but to choose the current love, the two people who came to take me back.
“What…”
Uncertainty clouded Hyun Dowoon’s brown eyes. He seemed confused by my sudden apology.
“I’m going to return with these two. I’m not sure how to explain it in detail. But what’s clear is that this place is just my past.”
Unlike Hyun Dowoon who was envisioning a future with me, I couldn’t abandon my Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon. I didn’t even feel like doing so. Because of this, I intended to say goodbye to the two from this world and explain as best as I could.
With this thought, as I spoke doing my best, I felt my hands being squeezed tightly from both sides. Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon had grasped my hands, noticing that I was trying to say goodbye.
And it wasn’t just the two who noticed; Hyun Dowoon’s brown eyes, which had been looking at me anxiously from across, wavered. At the same time, like the moment when memories suddenly came flooding back, my vision suddenly changed.
In an instant, the world sank into darkness as if ink was spreading. In this stained world, only Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun remained vivid. Everything of this world had faded, and only the two who weren’t from here retained their colorful hues.
“How did this…”
As I opened my mouth in surprise, Hyun Dowoon’s blue eyes sparkled with intelligence. Shin Haejun’s red eyes also softened.
“I don’t know what it is, but it seems the situation has improved a bit.”
“Nine said that Jaeha’s choice was the most important. They said that once Jaeha chooses, everything after that will flow naturally.”
As Shin Haejun whispered, Hyun Dowoon explained a bit more in detail. Though I didn’t understand what they were saying, it seemed they were suggesting that something had changed because I had firmly decided to cut ties with the world of ‘Close to me’ and return to the world of ‘S-class Love’.
“Because I chose…”
As I muttered softly, I suddenly felt as if something was pulling at the top of my head. I raised my head with a start, and there I saw something like a ghost that looked exactly like me, floating and looking at me. A familiar pale white and blue light emanated softly from the ghost’s body.
‘…A ghost?’
As I tilted my head and tried to look more closely, suddenly the ghost rushed at my face with a happy expression.
Yeonsoo-nim-!
Though I couldn’t hear the sound, somehow the meaning directly entered and stuck in my head. I was startled by the all-too-familiar call and opened my eyes wide. There was no sensation of touch on my face, but the ghost’s expression looked very satisfied.
“You, could it be…”
I knew you’d recognize me right away! That’s right, it’s me! It’s Nine!
“You’re really… Nine?”
Yes! I’m so happy to meet you again like this!
Nine dropped tears. To be precise, it was more like light dropping rather than tears, but anyway, it was overflowing from the eyes, so I guess they were tears. It seemed so happy to meet me that it was crying.
I really, really missed you. Because you suddenly went back like that…!
Nine continued to cry loudly with a face both sorrowful and joyful. Then, mumbling, it chattered on like a rapid-fire rap about how great its sense of loss was when I suddenly died, how guilty it felt, and so on.
“Yeah, I’m glad to see you again too.”
At the very least, I was relieved that Nine was safe. Even though I had been angry at Nine, I had never wished for anything bad to happen to it, so I felt genuinely relieved.
I’m also happy that you can finally see my true form!
“Oh… come to think of it, how did this happen? There’s no phone, and you’re not in emoticon form…”
I muttered, suddenly bewildered. However, more than curiosity, seeing Nine spinning round and round with joy was so familiar that I newly thought, ‘This really is Nine.’
Even when it was an emoticon, Nine would spin its flat emoticon face 360 degrees to the right when it was very angry or too happy. Seeing that familiar sight made me feel reassured once again.
Now, I’d like to tell you a bit about my situation, if that’s okay?
“Your situation?”
I need to tell you this for you to understand what’s been happening. And I’ve decided not to deceive you anymore, Yeonsoo-nim!
Nine gently sat on my hand, clasped its hands as if in prayer, and looked up at me.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
