Chapter 54
“What kind of joke is that?”
Still, just in case, I laughed awkwardly. I hoped that even now, it wasn’t too late for Kwon Yuwon to laugh back and ask why I wasn’t falling for it. But Kwon Yuwon’s eyes trembled slightly, just like his lips. Soon, they filled with tears.
“I wish it were a joke.”
Then all those scents that had come crashing like waves and disappeared without a trace until now…
At Kwon Yuwon’s confirmation, Si-yul opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. Ridiculously, Woo Hyun-se was the first to cross his mind. Kwon Yuwon had said that living as an omega was the shittiest thing in the world, but Si-yul’s heart pounded at the thought that he could now directly smell Woo Hyun-se’s scent.
But his feelings were complicated. He didn’t know whether to say it was good or shitty; he couldn’t choose either. With a feeling of not being able to laugh or cry, Si-yul closed his mouth tightly and looked up at the IV drip. He couldn’t understand the other complex terms, but the word written in large letters inside the parentheses was clear and vivid.
Suppressant.
The reality Si-yul faced was written right there.
After receiving the full IV drip, they left the hospital. The fever that had been raging subsided completely with just one injection. If it weren’t for the occasional whiff of other scents, Si-yul might have wondered if he had really manifested, given how much his condition had improved. The dizziness, nausea, queasiness, and inability to regulate body temperature had all disappeared completely. He could be considered perfectly fine.
If anything, he was in better shape than before, but Kwon Yuwon next to him kept his head bowed like a criminal who had committed a serious crime. They sat on a nearby flowerbed to rest for a moment, and when Si-yul muttered that he was thirsty, Kwon Yuwon flew like a bee to the vending machine and quickly returned with a drink.
Kwon Yuwon remained silent. He just kept staring at the ground intensely. Si-yul tried to speak to him a few times, but when he didn’t respond, Si-yul fidgeted with his fingers and skimmed through the information booklet given by the hospital. It contained basic knowledge he already knew, along with methods for controlling pheromones, things to be careful about during heat and rut, and how to find the right suppressant for one’s body.
“…Should I die?”
After a long silence, Kwon Yuwon finally spoke. While Si-yul, who had actually manifested, was fine, Kwon Yuwon was suffering as if he was attending someone’s funeral. Si-yul looked up from the booklet. He stared at Kwon Yuwon, wondering what nonsense he was talking about. The way he glared at the ground with wide eyes didn’t seem to be in his right mind.
“Yeah. That’s right. I should die. I’ll just die.”
“Why are you suddenly talking crazy?”
“Because of me, damn it, because of me…!”
Kwon Yuwon raised his fist and started hitting his own head violently. Although they had known each other for over a decade, this kind of harsh self-harm was a first. Startled, Si-yul jumped up to stop Kwon Yuwon. Even when he grabbed his wrist, Kwon Yuwon’s strength was so great that he pulled Si-yul’s hand to hit the back of his own head. Unable to handle that superhuman strength, Si-yul hugged Kwon Yuwon tightly.
“Get away!”
Kwon Yuwon pushed with all his might. When Si-yul tumbled to the ground, Kwon Yuwon seemed more surprised and reached out his arm. But he couldn’t grab him. He was on the verge of tears. Then he collapsed on the ground.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kwon Si-yul. I’m sorry. Sorry…”
He was apologizing excessively just for pushing. Si-yul brushed off his pants and stood up. He tried to approach, saying he was fine, but Kwon Yuwon prostrated himself on the ground and started banging his forehead.
Fearing that Kwon Yuwon might end up in the emergency room bed this time, Si-yul quickly lifted his upper body and held his shoulders. In that short time, he had hit himself so hard that his forehead was bright red, and blood was beading where it had scraped against the ground.
“What are you keep apologizing for? Tell me why you’re acting like this. Did you take out a loan shark? Or did you gamble? It’s okay even if you did. We can pay it back together.”
“Fuck, fuck…!”
“Kwon Yuwon. —Kwon Yuwon!”
When Si-yul shouted, Kwon Yuwon finally came to his senses. He looked at Si-yul with tears streaming down his face. His hand clutching Si-yul’s clothes was trembling like an aspen leaf.
“It’s all my fault!”
“What… what’s the problem?”
Wrinkles formed on Kwon Yuwon’s chin. He bit his lip hard and then spat out with a hiccuping cry.
“Si-yul, you manifesting, it’s because I’m a dominant, *hic*, they say you manifested because of me…!”
Kwon Yuwon wailed like a child, bawling his eyes out. He cried inconsolably, repeating only that he was sorry, as if those words were stuck on his tongue.
Si-yul swept his hand across his mouth with a “Huh…” Something immediately came to mind. Kwon Yuwon had mentioned it before. That being near a dominant alpha could unluckily cause someone to manifest. If so, the culprit wasn’t Kwon Yuwon.
“No, Kwon Yuwon. Stop crying.”
He tried to say it wasn’t Kwon Yuwon’s fault. That because the person he was currently seeing was a dominant alpha, that influence would have been significant. But Kwon Yuwon, still hugging Si-yul, wouldn’t let go and continued rambling.
“The doctor, *hic*, the doctor!”
Though his words were interrupted by hiccups as if he was about to pass out, Si-yul understood the content. Apparently, a beta manifesting isn’t something that happens from just a day or two of exposure to pheromones.
It takes 10 or even 20 years of being together for it to build up, which is why sometimes betas in families with dominant traits manifest later in life. The longer the exposure time, the higher the possibility of manifesting.
“I, damn it, I…! My fucking trait…!”
Of course, the person Si-yul had been with the longest in his life was Kwon Yuwon. So even if he hadn’t met Woo Hyun-se, he was destined to manifest someday.
He had never wished for it, but the milk was spilled. How to clean it up? It didn’t matter who was the cause. Knowing he couldn’t go back to before manifesting, he wasn’t even angry.
It just felt like tripping while walking down the street. It hurts, but it’s something that can happen in life, and it ends when you dust off your knees. There might be times when it’s annoying, troublesome, and sad in the future, as Kwon Yuwon had experienced, but that’s something to deal with when the time comes.
“I’m okay.”
“How can you be okay? You’re not even an alpha, but an omega!”
“I really am okay. And even if I had known I would manifest, I would have still lived with you.”
“No. I’m not okay. I should die even now…”
“Kwon Yuwon!”
When Si-yul slapped both of Kwon Yuwon’s cheeks with his palms, making a sharp sound, Kwon Yuwon’s eyes widened. As he pressed on the dry cheeks, Kwon Yuwon’s lips protruded.
“Don’t blame yourself. It’s absolutely not your fault. I’m not suffering either. I know it’s a shitty life because you told me, but what the hell, who cares. Now that I’ve manifested, I’ll just think of it as smelling good without having to shower.”
At Si-yul’s calm attitude and the joke he added at the end, Kwon Yuwon’s tears subsided. However, his sniffling hadn’t completely stopped. Si-yul sat Kwon Yuwon, who was still taking shaky breaths, on the flowerbed and handed him the can. Even after drinking the beverage, Kwon Yuwon continued to drop tears.
“I’m really okay, I’m telling you. If it was truly horrible, I’d be crying in your arms too. Look, I’m not crying.”
Si-yul pointed to his clear eyes, doing his best to console Kwon Yuwon. The guilt Kwon Yuwon felt seemed much greater than the shock Si-yul had received. Kwon Yuwon kept his head bowed as if trying to dig a hole in the ground, and for nearly thirty minutes, he filled the time with apologies.
By the time the apologies became tiresome, Kwon Yuwon’s breathing had calmed down. Still, he didn’t raise his head. Looking at his behavior, one would think he had committed an unforgivable crime.
“Have you finished crying now?”
“…I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry.”
“If you say sorry one more time, that’ll make it a hundred times.”
“Sor…”
“Stop.”
Si-yul raised his hand and firmly refused, and Kwon Yuwon closed his mouth. Those endless apologies were enough to make one’s ears bleed.
Although he had sat next to Kwon Yuwon to comfort him, it was a cold winter day where the tips of ears and noses were freezing. Even in broad daylight, the cold air attacked through the gaps in clothes, making the skin sting. If they stayed out longer, Si-yul feared they might get frostbite. To change the mood, he made a fuss, rubbing his arms and stomping his feet, saying, “Ow, it’s cold.”
“Hey, we’re going to turn into frozen pollack. Shall we go make some soup?”
As Si-yul joked while sniffling, Kwon Yuwon, who had been dejected all this time, suddenly stood up. Saying they should go quickly, worried they might catch a cold, he grabbed Si-yul’s hand and pulled.
Now that’s more like the Kwon Yuwon he knew. Si-yul grinned and took the hand Kwon Yuwon offered. As if Kwon Yuwon had taken the shock Si-yul should have felt, his heart was surprisingly calm.
“As much as possible, don’t reveal that you’ve manifested.”
“Why?”
“There’s nothing good about it. Just pretend to be a beta. It’ll be easier that way. You barely show any signs… Tsk, I should have asked the doctor, but it seems you’re recessive…”
Although Si-yul thought they would stay up all night catching up, Kwon Yuwon, channeling a strict teacher, started drilling Si-yul. He forcibly woke up Si-yul, who was nodding off from drowsiness, and made him learn how to control his pheromones.
If even a tiny bit of pheromone leaked out, Kwon Yuwon would harshly scold him, saying that with such a weak mind, he wouldn’t be able to survive in this cruel world. Fully utilizing his experience as a military instructor, he put Si-yul through the paces. Si-yul, confused whether this was an inn or if he had re-enlisted in a training camp, received education in a daze.
Thanks to the Spartan-style training, by the time the dawn light started to brighten dimly, Si-yul could control his pheromones like someone who had manifested at least a week ago. Kwon Yuwon also brainwashed him to take suppressants daily like vitamins. He even bought a whole box instead of individual pills from the convenience store and dumped them into Si-yul’s bag.
