Chapter 91
Si-yul leisurely looked around the floor and headed toward the men’s shoe section. If it were for himself, he would have scoured the market, but this time the item to buy was a gift. For Hyun-se.
He had searched online for a good brand, but the department store didn’t have the brand he had in mind. Ordering would take too long, so Si-yul entered the most expensive-looking store among those visible.
“Welcome. Are you looking for any particular shoes?”
Ah, Si-yul hesitated. He had followed Hyun-se here before, but choosing and buying something alone in a place like this made him feel somehow embarrassed. He glanced at the bodyguard in the distance and then looked back at the employee.
“I don’t know much about shoes. It’s for a gift.”
“Ah, I see. Then, what size…?”
“300.”
“300 is usually custom-made… Just a moment. We’ll show you the models we have in that size. If you like a different model, you can order it. Delivery takes about a week.”
“Just show me the models you have here.”
The employee nodded and checked the inventory before bringing Si-yul a catalog. Among the many pages, there were only a few shoes that fit Hyun-se’s foot size.
What shape were the shoes he had dirtied? He couldn’t remember clearly as he had never observed them in detail. Instead, Si-yul recalled the other shoes in Hyun-se’s shoe rack. There wasn’t a wingtip in sight, and they were all either black or dark brown. All of them were neat and simple.
Most of them looked ordinary, not obviously expensive at first glance. Not just the shoes, but the shirts, ties, and even the cufflinks were utterly plain.
Yet when Hyun-se wore all of these together, he shone as if under a spotlight. It was truly strange.
Among the few options, there was one that seemed somewhat similar. Si-yul pointed to the page with his finger.
“Show me this one, please.”
“Certainly. One moment, please.”
While the employee went to get the shoes, Si-yul sat down and skimmed through the catalog. He had made up his mind, but looking again, this one seemed nice, and that one didn’t look bad either. He considered calling the bodyguard to ask what design Hyun-se liked, but decided against bothering someone so far away and closed the book, letting go of his lingering thoughts.
The employee quickly returned with a large box in hand. Standing in front of Si-yul, he opened the lid to reveal the shoes neatly placed inside. As expected of new shoes, they gleamed under the light.
Si-yul, as if entranced, took out one shoe. He even touched the sole. It was the size of a battleship, easily covering his palm. Nothing about Hyun-se was small. His height, shoulders, chest, hands, and even feet. Even the largest model of phone in its series looked like a children’s toy in Hyun-se’s hand.
“…”
He was lost in thought for a moment. Si-yul snapped out of it and put the shoe back in the box.
“I’ll take these.”
“Would you like gift wrapping?”
“Yes.”
“There’s an additional charge for wrapping. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Please wrap it beautifully. As beautifully as possible.”
“Of course. I’ll do my best.”
The employee skillfully cut the wrapping paper. When finished, it looked quite presentable as a gift.
“Would you like to pay in installments?”
Si-yul opened his wallet and hesitated for a moment. There were two cards inserted. One was given by Hyun-se for him to use, and the other was in his own name, made when he opened his salary account. He fiddled with the two cards before pulling one out.
“No. I’ll pay in full.”
It was Si-yul’s own card. A large sum was charged at once. Half of his account balance was gone, but he didn’t mind. This was what he had been saving for.
He left the department store with the shopping bag. After walking a few steps, he sat on a nearby bench. The load in his hand was heavy. Although he had always been able to carry this much weight easily, he had grown accustomed to the comfort and lightness of being with Hyun-se. Even the slightest discomfort reminded him of the person who had always provided him with convenience.
Si-yul closed his eyes for a moment, then looked around after organizing his thoughts. As expected, the bodyguard was standing nearby. He walked towards him with the shopping bag.
“Please take me home.”
Bus, subway, taxi – all seemed troublesome. Si-yul made the request somewhat shamelessly. The bodyguard replied with a brief “Yes” and led the way. Si-yul shook his head when the bodyguard offered to carry the shopping bag. Although he had asked for a ride because of the weight of mere shoes, it was still a gift for Hyun-se. He didn’t want it to be touched by someone else, even for a moment.
He got into the back seat of the car parked in the lot and leaned against the backrest. Despite having an empty stomach all morning and it being well past lunchtime, he wasn’t hungry. He seemed to have eaten well enough in Jeju, at least.
Even though it was a weekday afternoon, the road was completely jammed. Judging by the growing sound of an ambulance siren, there seemed to be a traffic accident nearby. From inside the stationary car, Si-yul stared blankly out the window. It wasn’t snowing. The day was bright and clear.
For the first time, Si-yul disliked such weather. He wished it were cloudy, gray, with snow falling heavily.
He cast his gaze far. A large electronic billboard on a building was displaying the weather forecast. The caption scrolled by quickly, saying it would be clear during the day but snow would fall in places from late afternoon. Si-yul smiled faintly, pleased that at least later, the weather would become what he wished for.
The congested road showed no signs of clearing. Though the silence wasn’t awkward, Si-yul tugged at his collar, feeling a rising sense of suffocation. He hadn’t felt this way on the island, but from the moment he set foot on the mainland, something seemed to be stuck in his throat and airway. It was slowly choking him. Before his breath was cut off, he opened his mouth as if to exhale.
“Do you like games?”
The bodyguard glanced at Si-yul through the rearview mirror. Si-yul wasn’t looking ahead. With his gaze fixed out the window, he continued speaking as if in a monologue.
“Not really.”
“I really like games. My brother bought me a console, but I get dizzy playing it, so I prefer mobile games. I like old games like Tetris or Bubble Bobble more than monster-hunting games.”
Only Si-yul’s voice gently echoed in the car. He didn’t mind the bodyguard’s silence.
“Among those, I like block games the best. You match three blocks of the same shape and they pop. After playing for a while, I can tell at first glance whether I’ll clear the level or not.”
Playing so often, he could tell from just the block arrangement whether he’d succeed or fail. Since the game had a limited number of lives, if it didn’t look promising, he’d refresh the screen to change the block layout. Until he felt he could clear it. Then he usually succeeded.
“But…”
The car moved. He didn’t know if the bodyguard was listening. It didn’t matter if there was no listener. Even if it was a conversation with a wall, the point was to voice the words pent up inside.
“Why couldn’t I recognize it this time?”
Was it because it wasn’t a puzzle? Because it wasn’t a game he had played before? From the moment he saw the face, heard the voice, from their very first meeting, he should have turned away without looking back. He shouldn’t have asked for help. He should have rejected all the coincidences and inevitabilities that entangled them.
If he had run away knowing how scary the world and people were, he wouldn’t have come this far. He shouldn’t have come. He should have lived in ignorance.
“It was a doomed game from the start.”
His voice faded. Si-yul rested his head on the seat and placed the shopping bag from beside him onto his lap. Just one box felt heavy enough to bruise his thighs blue. It wasn’t so much the physical weight as the pressure of the meaning it carried.
“And I didn’t even know…”
He had recklessly jumped into that game. Not knowing that no matter how many blocks he broke, he couldn’t move on to the next level.
He shifted his gaze to look at his feet. They were hidden inside his sneakers. These were also new shoes Hyun-se had bought him. Over them, he imagined the closed-toe slippers he had briefly worn in Jeju.
Saying he shouldn’t be cold, Hyun-se had held his chilly feet with warm hands and slipped them into the slippers. Not just one foot, but both. Wearing the shoes he had put on him, Si-yul now had to prepare to walk alone. And he had to put shoes on Hyun-se too. So they could walk from ‘us’ to ‘you and I’.
The bodyguard said nothing. Si-yul also fell silent. There was much to do when he got back. He was already feeling a bit tired.
He thought he would have a lot to sort out since he had lived there for a while, but as he went through everything, most items turned out to be gifts from Hyun-se. No, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say all of them were. Clothes, underwear, other daily necessities, and even electronic devices – all had been bought by Hyun-se and given to Si-yul.
Si-yul picked out the items that originally belonged to him. An old hoodie, a phone with a cracked screen, a backpack with worn straps, and a pair of sneakers that he used to cherish but now looked particularly shabby. Compared to what Hyun-se had given him, these looked utterly pitiful.
After throwing away his toothbrush from the bathroom, all the sorting was done. It took less time than an embarrassingly quick meal. Though he felt like he had stayed for quite a long time, he realized he had been living surrounded entirely by things Hyun-se had provided, with nothing of his own.
