Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes, and it’s not without reason. Foolishly, Lim Haeyul had momentarily forgotten the wisdom of his ancestors.
“Why did I have to find out about this!”
He had pulled out so much of his hair that his scalp was sore. But if he didn’t do this, he felt like his head would explode right then and there.
Of course, there was a chance he might be wrong. But context mattered.
He didn’t know when the efforts to erase the relationship between Espers and Gates had begun. However, it was likely already happening when Cha Jae-woo first manifested his powers.
This conclusion was drawn from comparing records of Espers who had manifested before Cha Jae-woo.
Whether in the past or present, there were few sudden news articles about Gates. However, around the time Espers manifested their powers, there were always incidents, big and small. It was almost surprising that no one had noticed the correlation before.
“…….”
Anyway, based on the evidence he had found, Lim Haeyul concluded that the person who lost their life when Cha Jae-woo manifested his powers was likely his parents.
It made sense logically. Cha Jae-woo had manifested his powers at the age of 10. And there were only a few places a 10-year-old boy would likely be.
Home, a friend’s house, a playground, school, or an academy. There was also a possibility he had gone out to play somewhere far, but that would likely be a crowded place. If a Gate had opened in such a place, numerous casualties would have been inevitable. In any scenario, it was likely that his parents would have been with him.
“Ha…….”
Found dead at home.
The headline of the news article about Cha Jae-woo’s parents kept floating in his mind. No matter how he tried to think otherwise, the only person likely to have been caught in the incident when Cha Jae-woo manifested his powers was his parents.
Did Cha Jae-woo remember what happened back then? Even if he had lost his rationality, the fact that it was an Esper’s doing wouldn’t change. Lim Haeyul believed that one should remember what they had done.
But when he thought about Cha Jae-woo, his perspective changed. If his deduction was correct, he hoped Cha Jae-woo didn’t remember. He thought he would go insane if he did. What could be more horrifying than realizing he had killed his own family with his own hands?
“……No, it can’t be.”
Lim Haeyul shook his head vigorously to dispel the deepening thoughts. He even slapped his cheeks hard.
It was just a pointless thought. Cha Jae-woo hadn’t said anything himself, so it was strange to feel pity or sadness for him based on his own findings.
Lim Haeyul limped out of his room to shake off the persistent thoughts. He kept muttering to himself, “Forget it, forget it,” trying to convince himself that his thoughts were wrong.
There had been no news of a Gate, but Cha Jae-woo had left the house for some reason, making this possible. Before Cha Jae-woo returned, he needed to clear his mind of these useless thoughts. Only then could he face Cha Jae-woo calmly.
* * *
“What’s wrong now?”
“……Huh?”
“Why do you look so sad?”
Cha Jae-woo had many problems. And among those numerous issues, the biggest one was his uncanny perceptiveness.
Lim Haeyul glanced at his reflection in the window and quickly composed himself. He thought he looked normal, but even he could see the sadness in his expression.
“……Ahem. It’s nothing.”
He shook his head, trying to look innocent. But Cha Jae-woo still looked suspicious.
Cha Jae-woo approached the bed. Since Lim Haeyul was still in a cast, Cha Jae-woo had been coming to his room for guiding sessions lately. They even did it on the bed, holding each other.
No matter how many times they did it, he couldn’t get used to this position. But it was clear that the more intense the physical contact, the better the guiding effect. Holding each other was the most they could do, so Lim Haeyul always had to pretend to be calm.
“This is going to be tough.”
Cha Jae-woo muttered indifferently as he climbed onto the bed.
As Cha Jae-woo, who was larger and taller than average, climbed onto the bed, the mattress shook. Despite its apparent quality, the bed trembled noticeably whenever he got on.
Or maybe it was just his imagination. How could he not notice Cha Jae-woo climbing onto the bed where he was lying?
Normally, Lim Haeyul would try to ignore feelings of excitement or embarrassment, but today, he tried to focus on them. It was better than showing his genuine emotions—the pity and sadness he felt after making unnecessary assumptions.
“Who said I was crying?”
Unfortunately, Lim Haeyul was terrible at hiding his emotions. His voice was already choked with tears as he spoke.
Deciding it was better to say nothing, he quickly buried his face in Cha Jae-woo’s chest. It was something he would never do under normal circumstances.
“You’re crying.”
The problem was that Cha Jae-woo was being unusually persistent today. He kept asking about Lim Haeyul’s feelings, which was unusual for someone who normally didn’t care.
And why was it that when someone asked if you were crying, the tears came even more? Cha Jae-woo’s constant mention of his crying made the tears well up even more.
Although he had hidden his face in Cha Jae-woo’s chest, he couldn’t stop his shoulders from shaking. He had been caught.
“Sometimes I get, you know, sad…”
Since his crying had been discovered, he couldn’t deny it anymore. So, he made up an excuse. It was obvious that it was a lie, but it was the best he could do.
“It’s just, people get emotional sometimes, you know?”
But he couldn’t think of a good reason for his tears.
In the end, he gave up trying to hold back his tears or make excuses. He was crying over his own assumptions, not something Cha Jae-woo had told him directly. Just imagining it made his heart ache unbearably.
Even though his feelings might be misplaced, he couldn’t help but feel even more heartbroken because he cared for Cha Jae-woo. If it were true, if Cha Jae-woo’s manifestation had harmed his parents, and if Cha Jae-woo knew about it, it would be unbearably sad.
Cha Jae-woo didn’t try to stop him from crying and abandoning the guiding session. He probably wished Lim Haeyul would stop crying and get on with the guiding, as this was a waste of time for him.
But even knowing this, Lim Haeyul couldn’t control his emotions. He ended up crying in Cha Jae-woo’s arms for a long time, feeling like a complete mess.
“…….”
“…….”
When he finally stopped crying and regained his composure, he had to figure out what to say to Cha Jae-woo.
He didn’t want to bring up his flimsy excuse again, but he couldn’t just stay silent either.
Part of him wanted to stay like this. Cha Jae-woo’s embrace was warmer than he had expected. Usually, he was too focused on guiding to notice, but now he felt it vividly.
“Looks like you’ve calmed down.”
His wandering thoughts were interrupted by Cha Jae-woo’s voice. He wet his dry lips, quickly wiped his tears on Cha Jae-woo’s shirt, and finally spoke.
“By the way… where do you go all the time?”
With no excuse ready and not wanting to jump straight into guiding, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. It was a random question, but he couldn’t take it back. It was embarrassing, but he had to go with it.
“Is that why you were crying?”
“No, that’s not why I was crying.”
He snapped back instinctively, lifting his head without thinking. He hadn’t expected Cha Jae-woo to be looking at him.
But the first thing he saw was Cha Jae-woo’s dark eyes. He quickly looked down again, hiding his face in Cha Jae-woo’s chest. It was better this way.
“……You don’t need to know.”
Cha Jae-woo didn’t comment on his tear-streaked face. He must have looked awful, but he was grateful Cha Jae-woo didn’t mention it. Still, wasn’t this too close? But then again, they were embracing, so it made sense.
His mind was racing, and he could barely think straight. He managed to focus and respond to Cha Jae-woo’s words.
“There’s so much I don’t need to know…”
It was a surprisingly coherent response, given his state. He really didn’t know much about Cha Jae-woo, and sometimes that bothered him.
“When you care about someone, you want to know everything about them…”
He muttered softly, almost to himself, but Cha Jae-woo must have heard.
A brief silence followed. Instead of saying anything more, he decided to start the guiding session. He had already wasted too much of Cha Jae-woo’s time with his emotions.
“So.”
Cha Jae-woo spoke up just as he was about to begin.
“Did you find out?”
“……What?”
“Did you find out who I killed when I manifested?”
